The spectacle of Paulson begging banks to accept an equity infusion on favourable terms to the companies is becoming pathetic. Here's what he should say:

"Boys, I'm so glad to hear you don't need any help and that you're solvent! That's wonderful news! So my good friend Ben Bernanke will be ending your company's access to special liquidity services, since clearly you don't need them, since you're in such good shape. And, of course, since you are financially sound that means you can handle writing down your bad assets without taxpayer help! I'm so happy to hear that, I will instruct the TARP program to not buy any assets you own, or any assets you sell to anyone else from this moment on.

Since you are solvent enough to not need help, I also know you must be solvent enough to lend. The FDIC will be watching to see if you do, and if you don't they and the Fed will send in a huge team of auditors to help you determine why it is you're so healthy you don't need help, but not healthy enough to lend. If they find you've made such a fundamental mistake, well, we may be forced to help you like we helped Bear Stearns. But I'm sure that won't be necessary, I just mention it as a formality. You've told me you don't need help, and I believe you."

"I'll go announce the good news to the American people. They, like me, will be so happy to know that you've taken yourself off the government dole. Truly, this is a glorious day!"

Stand up. Walk towards towards the door. Hear the screaming begin.