Dear Penthouse, I’m allegedly a contributor at what passes for one of the nation’s leading conservative publications — especially without the New York Sun around any more. I never thought this would happen to me, but…

Sincerely, Rich "O-face" Lowry.

John Derbyshire, of course, would be upset about Lowry stealing his act — except, he’s still depressed about the deflowering of Bristol Palin at such a prime age.