John McCain would like you to believe that he is the consummate warrior statesman, the man most qualified to be President since . . . EVAR! But in truth, John McCain is little more than a spoiled momma’s boy with serious anger management issues.

At age 2, McCain’s tantrums were so intense that he’d hold his breath for a few minutes and pass out. His parents would dunk him in cold water to "cure" him, he wrote in his memoir, "Faith of My Fathers."

Sidestepping, for the moment, the questionable parenting skill of "waterboarding" your 2 year-old to break him of bad habits, no one can point to McCain’s residency at the Hanoi Hilton as the sole reason for his inability to control his micro-short fuse. No, McCain has spent his life getting into scraps and then hiding behind somebody’s skirts, coddled by his mother, always trying to live up to his father’s standards, getting through school as a legacy . . . wait, this all sounds vaguely familiar.

The inconvenient truth is that McCain can’t control his temper. At all. According to Senator Tom Harkin (D-Iowa), McCain doesn’t even need a reason to lose his cool:

"Look, around here, people lose their tempers once in a while. But it doesn’t happen very often, and it usually happens in some contextual framework. A lot of times there’s just not much of a contextual framework for his blowing up."

This is what we want in the White House with his finger on the button? An onion-skinned old man who indiscriminately erupts at the slightest provocation? An elderly, stubborn crank whose judgment is colored by his moods?

And then there is the matter of McCain’s callous treatment of women, who seem to serve as either piggy bank or pitbull. As Carol Shepp, Cindy McCain and we all know by now, McCain is an opportunistic codger who exploits women to get ahead and thoughtlessly disposes of them after they’ve served their purpose — you know, an equal opportunity bullying schmuck:

As McCain continued walking, Jane Duke Gaylor, the mother of another missing serviceman, approached the senator. Gaylor, in a wheelchair equipped with portable oxygen, stretched her arms toward McCain.

"McCain stopped, glared at her, raised his left arm ready to strike her, composed himself and pushed the wheelchair away from him," according to Eleanor Apodaca.

Pushing a woman in a wheelchair. That takes chutzpah. Most 2 year-olds are only beginning to develop the concept of empathy, so I suppose we shouldn’t really expect any more from Momma’s Boy McCain. It really would be four more years of the same.

Editor’s note: With book-banning Sarah Palin around, Senator McCain should hire a food taster, STAT. My advice is to sleep with your back to the wall, pal.