So, John McCain went to sleep last night -- in which of his many luxury houses, you ask? Dunno, and neither does he. Neither does his campaign:

McCain's campaign says the Arizona senator has four residences: condos in Phoenix, Arlington, Va., and Coronado, Calif., and a house in Sedona, Ariz. All are owned by his wife, Cindy, and their children, who also own eight other residential properties. Those include four other houses at the 15-acre Sedona spread and four more condos, according to real estate records and the senator's financial disclosure reports. The dozen properties are worth more than $10 million, current assessments show.

So now it's maybe TWELVE houses? Look, McCain people, this isn't rocket science: how many houses -- TOTAL -- does McCain own at this point in time?

All that jetting back and forth on the Sugar Momma Express while sipping Tom Collins can make things fuzzy, I'm sure. Not anywhere near as difficult as this:

You have $25 left in the bank, you owe last months' rent, you've just been laid off from your job because the plant is moving to India. Timmy is sick and needs $120 medicine. All you have in the house to eat is a small box of cheerios and stale Tic Tacs. Your children's father -- your cheating, mid-life-crisis-in-a-big-way ex -- didn't show up for his visitation...again...which means no child support check...again. And now the kids are crying because daddy forgot them and didn't bother to call. What do you do?

And, no, "Buzz the concierge and have them pick up my usual from The Palm." is not an option.

It's not that I begrudge the McCains their success. (YouTube) Working your ass off to leave your family in a better financial position than your parents? It's the American dream, isn't it? I know I'd love for us to do that for The Peanut.

But pretending you are an average guy when you decidedly are not? Prancing around in Ferragamo loafers at a discount shopper photo-op while you try to paint your political opponent as an "elitist," then climbing in your wife's private jet to tra la to one of your four six seven eight twelve (?!?) houses for the night while your staff snickers over arugula?

That just makes you a manipulative hypocrite.

Frankly, my friend, we have had way too much fake brush hog cowboy in an oily veneer to last us all a lifetime. Bush and Cheney's crony policies and deceptive political operatives were bad enough, Americans don't need more McSame.