George Bush, who never misses an opportunity to party on taxpayers' dollars and publicly make an ass of himself (and, through guilt by association, the United States) is donning the flourescent Lycra to make a mockery of the real Olympic athletes this weekend in China.

After his attempted irony-free humiliation of the Games' host country, Bush touched down in Beijing's Capital International Airport tonight to lay claim to the only legitimate "first" of his tenure: the first President to attend an Olympics on foreign soil. As expected, Bush dropped the baton almost immediately:

"The reason I'm going to the Olympics is twofold: one, to show my respect for the people of China; and two, to cheer on the U.S. team," Bush said this week. Then he thought about that for a second and reversed the order, saying pride in U.S. teams is his top motivation.

Bush plans to spend the majority of his time biking on the Olympic trails (I'm putting money on a mid-race collision with participating athletes), snarling the already unmanageable Beijing traffic with his fleet of carbon monoxide-spewing, tricked-out monster Chevy Suburbans, and calling the President of China "Kato, you little yellow swine" at least twice during his weekend stay.