I think conservatives are having an identity crisis. I first wondered if this were the case when the Spawn of Lucianne penned that crapnum opus, Liberal Fascism: I Know You Are But What Am I, which spent an inordinate amount of time thrashing about in fruitless search of a description of conservatism.
Now there’s a new book, due out in September, titled The Conservative’s Handbook: Defining the Right Position on Issues from A to Z, which seems to be setting itself up as a kind of dogmatic Bible for the denizens of Greater Wingnutopia. It too seems to be trying help conservatives just figure out who the fuck they are.
Lotsa luck with that, fellas.
As usual, the author — radio talker Phil Valentine — does so not by defining who they are so much as who they aren’t: to wit, liberals. Of course, the liberals Valentine concocts as the antithesis of conservatism (gun-grabbing, business-hating, Jesus-hating, baby-killing socialist leeches) don’t really exist, but that hasn’t stopped a right-winger from forming his identity around them yet.
The press release heralding the book includes a rundown of its "A to Z" including such searing, insightful tenets as "G: Guns are good," "J: Junk science is behind the global warming scare," "I: Illegal immigration is dangerous to this country" and "Q: Quotas are wrong" (except, presumably, when they’re applied to the influx of brown-skinned immigrants).
You can perhaps get a flavor of it all in Valentine’s recent New York Post column touting the book. Here’s my favorite:
7. Political correctness is the liberal version of fascism. Liberals have attempted to control the debate in America by attempting to control the language, and they’ve succeeded to some degree. There’s been no bigger muzzle on free speech than political correctness.
Jonah’s thesis is becoming a running theme these days in Wingnutopia. Kinda funny, isn’t it? Ten years ago they were content to just call us communists. My, how fashions change.
Anyway, it’s followed promptly by the next item:
8. Guns are good. Liberals are quick to defend our freedom of speech, press and our right to protest but they ignore our right to bear arms, which figures prominently into our Bill of Rights….
Um, so which is it? Are liberals destroying free speech or defending it? I’m so confused. Or maybe just the "thinkers" of Wingnutopia are.
Which is probably why it’s written in an elementary, simple, A to Z primer format that a lizard could read because it doesn’t have to make any sense at all. Perfect for the audience.
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Buenos dias, David!
Hey Dave!
I got an email that listed the “A to Z.” There seemed to be a few disconnects in there that I noticed. Such as:
M Military strength deters aggression
N National security is the first responsibility of the Federal government
O Oppression should not be fueled by American capitalism
And I think this is my favorite of all:
S Schools are best run by local people on the local level
I guess I’m just stuck in the Liberal/Reality based world, looking at what IS rather than at some contrived fantasy land filled with wanna be gibberish.
Ah yes, those conservative values; rule of law, accountability, sound fiscal policy, religious freedom, respect for the military.
All those things for which we DFHs stand.
but David,
from the Amazon page -
oh and thanks David, now I can’t get this outta my head
Jane had a phantom post up (for which I got the zed, also). What happened to it? Posted too soon?
you forgot smaller govt and NO nationbuilding *g*
Yeah, I was looking for an online version of the e-mail so I could share it. It really is hilarious.
I wish there was some way we could push a book disguised as another wingnut epistle that defines what liberals truly are.
The people who need to have the wool pulled away from their eyes won’t even touch a book if unless it’s a non-reality-based diatribe against liberals.
Because across middle America there are millions of people who think they’re Republicans who are actually more in line with “liberal” values if they knew what liberal really meant.
We’re not going to convince them that abortion is okay, and only a few of them can be won over to supporting equal rights for gay people. But on all the other issues, particularly the economy, but increasingly even with foreign policy most of America are true liberals.
We need to find a way to drive that point home.
I started working on a book, but don’t have time to really complete it about being a meat-eating, gun-owning, church-going liberal.
I put up the first chapter/introduction on a blog if anyone thinks they might like to pick up the ball and run with it.
Yes, I loved that line. Especially the bit about how liberal and conservative arguments usually just devolve into name-calling. No name calling here — we just think liberals are the root of all fascist evil!
Yep, a minor morning miscommunication.
Seriously, Schools run by locals? What about NCLB? Or is that just too much alphabet soup?
You are doing better than I> Haven’t got past the title of my book
Republicans – Hypocrites r Us
I wonder if Paris Hilton’s rebuttal ad to McCain will get as much airplay as McCain’s on the MSM loops?
At least one news organization gave it some attention.
I do like how she keeps referring to McCain as the Old Wrinkley White Haired Dude.
How come we’re not hearing about a forthcoming volume of wingnutopia wisdom from Satann Coulter?
That’s one of the reasons I said it was the difference between Liberals living in Reality versus the Conservative Fantasy Land.
I think those with rudimentary survival instincts have gone to ground . . . awaiting the cashcow to be ushered in by Dem Majority and President Obama
The Repubs went off to Never-Never Land a long time ago and haven’t been back since.
The oppresive liberal fascsists will stop at nothing, including violence to promote their vile agenda to destroy America with their weak, soft, effieminate, French, cowardly ways.
-G
Anything in there about the quota for gays in the military (zero)?
What about us liberals who think the 2nd Amendment is a good idea?
Republicanism, as an political ideal, invites too much corruption to work. It’s like Communism. It had a chance, it didn’t work, get over it.
I’ve wondered, a little bit, where she’s gone.
I haven’t missed her, tho, a lot.
They followed St. Ronnie the Demented off into the twilight zone. Prior to that they were at least semi-rational (excepting the now dominant Goldwater-Bircher wing). Totally wrong, but capable of reason.
these days I love taunting them . . . with their own fairytales
Moses Reagan was gone, they worshipped the Golden Calf(Bush/Cheney) and are now relegated to the wilderness for 40 years – Gnash those teeth Brother !
She is waiting for the scars from her second lobodomy to heal
Healing is good.
I was hoping for something more epiphany-oriented.
She had an epiphany moment thats why the second lobodomy
Okay, Jane’s up now.
From the sounds of it, it will have really large print and illustrations on each page. What next, a CD series for infants called Baby Norquist?
I think they are just talking to themselves and the ‘gated community’. Demonization of ‘liberals’ works only where people don’t know any. That’s why it worked in Germany, where the Jews were only 2 percent (if that) of the prewar population. I think the recent discussion over at TPM on the geographical dividing of America’s social space was on the mark. When people don’t interact with each other — and the whole point of living in a Gated Community is so you don’t have to interact with people whose views differ from lyours — they don’t get a chance to see them as people, and become vulnerable to the kind of propaganda that the Rove Rethugs have mastered.
Looking back 50 years. I went to Antioch College, then the most liberal college in the United States. The person who recommended it to me was the county chairman of the Republican Party, who lived down the street from us. Our Democratic rep lived down the street in the other direction. It was a small working class community, and even the McCarthyites — and there were some vicious ones — tended to get along with everyone else at a social level. Maybe someday we’ll get back to that civility. I think Obama sees this.
Morning Buzz from Jane upstairs
Conservatism? – You’re soaking in it! NPR “covered” the Ivins Anthrax caper this morning. As I listened, I tried to imagine myself as a conservative – lapping up every word – trying to believe the fairy tale that Ivins was the lone culprit. How fortunate it was that he committed suicide!
Still pretending that I was a conservative Fox News afficionado, I harkened back to the deluge of “news” reports that screamed that Saddam was responsible for the anthrax attacks. Then, my head exploded.