Being a parent these days is not the easiest thing in the world, given the constant stream of scare the bejeebers out of you child abduction alert stories and the rampant advertising blitz between cartoons that lead your kids to beg you to buy, buy, buy.
One of the hardest things for us, as older parents who — through the magic of fertility hell — didn’t have our miracle until much further down the career path is that we can afford to buy and do things neither of us could have done when we were kids. (Mr. ReddHedd and I both come from the decidedly blue collar side of the tracks for the most part.)
Although we try and be careful about not buying too much, sometimes it’s a fine line between getting something fun and indulging our Peanut to the point of excess. (You should see our DVD collection of fun movies, although honestly some of those are for us, too.)
When I read this in the NYTimes though, I was horrified:
The $10,000-camp universe appears to be rife with what mental health professionals are now calling “affluenza,” a social pathology that, they say, is rampant at a time when getting and spending — a lot — have become our nation’s most cherished activities, and when purchasing power has become, to an unprecedented extent, almost the sole source of many people’s status and identity.
In our society, you don’t have to be wealthy to suffer from affluenza. Its symptoms — “debt, overwork, waste, and harm to the environment, leading to psychological disorders, alienation, and distress,” in adults; “lack of motivation … apathy, laziness, or failure to commit to and achieve goals … overindulgence and attitudes of entitlement” in children, according to the New York University Child Study Center (pdf), are pervasive — and no one is immune.
For affluenza is not just a constellation of symptoms. It is an ethic, a play-the-system, lie-and-cheat-your-way-to-what-you-want, don’t-let-the-peons-stand-in-your-way ethic of amorality. You rock, kid, parents teach. And you — alone — rule.
This ethic drives behavior — like the behavior of the wealthy parents profiled in The Times who, flouting camp bans on cellphone use, sent their kids off with two phones, so that, if one was confiscated, there’d still be a spare for secret calls home. And it also permeates social attitudes and policy.
Yet if affluenza, in greater or lesser form, has infected wide swaths of the population at large, one group — the children of the rich — appears to be particularly susceptible to its ravages.
Many studies have shown positive trends among American teenagers in recent decades regarding problems like teen suicide, pregnancy, substance use and violence. Yet upper middle class kids appear to be floundering, outpacing their peers in rates of cigarette smoking, depression, alcohol and drug abuse, anxiety, rule-breaking, and psychosomatic disorders like headaches and stomach problems, writes Madeline Levine, a clinical psychologist in California’s wealthy Marin County, in her 2006 book, “The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids.”
Then, I went back to the original article on which this discussion was based, and I was even more appalled. Holy crap — who are these people?!?
When I picked The Peanut up from preschool yesterday afternoon, I had been mulling these articles over in the car, wondering if we had irretrievably ruined her 5 years of life by over-indulging her whims and fancies and setting her up for a serious case of "affluenza" because she’s our only child and we do spoil her a bit.
But when I got to school, one of her teachers pulled me aside to let me know that a new child had joined the class and The Peanut had walked right up to the kid, introduced herself, reached out her hand and held the other child’s and said, "Being new is hard. I’ll be your friend."
Guess we’ve been doing something right after all. Maybe I should trust in the fact that we talk about being kind, and show her with our own actions how to think about the needs of others. Reaching out can be a good thing — and I’m so thrilled she’s learned how to do that already. Then again, we haven’t hit the teen years yet, have we?
What’s been going on in your world? Do tell. Pull up a chair…
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” Reaching out can be a good thing — and I’m so thrilled she’s learned how to do that already. ” Christy, That says it all.
Good morning Christy, JPL9 et al.
Yes, it is a rampant problem. Living in the somewhat well heeled burbs I see a lot of it. Thankfully the folks in my congregation “get it” and our environment is one of paying attention to what’s really important.
The “greed is good” era has done a world of bad to our culture and having a spoiled brat as a president hasn’t helped that any.
I had a friend once who went through the fertility problems you had and she and her hubby spoiled her kid rotten—would be my guess. I got an invite several years ago to his bar mitzvah. It was an all weekend insane display of overindulgence. I didn’t go. Haven’t seen her in probably 8 or 9 years and have lost touch.
I just don’t get it all. I constantly look around me and am so grateful for what I have and in the back of my mind I know it could all disappear with one catastrophic illness even though I have good health insurance.
It would be comforting to think that a “market correction” could bring us all back to earth and focus on what’s important, but there’s no way it will play out that way.
Oh, and knowing you, the peanut will be just fine. You DO know what’s important.
After reading those articles, I am sooooooo glad I was a camp counselor in an earlier era — pre-cell phones, pre-email, and pre-whining parents. Good grief! We had one phone for the whole camp, and it was inside the camp director’s office. It did have an answering machine, but that was the extent of the communications technology. Even the staff was prohibited from using it except for emergencies.
I’ve got a couple of friends in the college admissions business. They speak of “helicopter parents” who just hover and hover and hover . . . It has given me great incentive *not* to be one of those parents.
I remember those old camp days. We actually wrote letters to our parents and were eager when mail call happened every day. And it was a big deal when the canteen was open an hour every day and we could buy a candy bar.
Nostalgia.
Good morning Christy et al,
Am not worried about the Peanut! She’s getting her values from the parents. Your problem with her teen years will probably be simply what you see from other kids/parents.
However, about the NYT piece. Glad you read the work of Judith Warner. (I catch it every week as I know her mom (terrific woman)from my days in NYC where Judith grew up.) Called my sis (a smalltown high school principal) after reading the article for her take on it.
Unfortunately she said the bit about parents thinking the rules are not for them and their kids is “spot on”….as is the affluenza. Last year she had parents who wanted to present their new grad with a $50,000 car (and this in a poor area!) as all the grads streamed of their commencement ceremony. They could not understand/accept why my sis said “no way”.
Have been pondering regional values/culture/poltics of late given the life change of my move from NYC to my mom’s. It seems as if, given what I’ve seen, that the antics of the current administration (or e.g. Senator Toobz) might not seem so bad to many.
Much for our culture seems to be devolving into a “whatever you can get away with, whatever works” approach to life.
Marketing food to children up on on CSPAN.
OT but wanted to extend an invitation. I’m planning a BBQ on Aug 30 for firedogs in the mid-atlantic area. I’m in the Philly burbs. McThuselah’s birthday is the 29th I think so we plan to celebrate it “a day late and a dollar short.” Elliot, Milinaryman and some others are coming. The more the merrier. Let me know at my screen name at mac dot com.
Old girl scout camp days for me. I was 15 miles away from home and received a letter from my dad every day. I live north of Atlanta in an area of indulgence and what still amazes me are the cars in the high school parking lot. My sons had a difficult time trying to compete with that. My younger son is now 29 financially secure, has a home and drives a 93 Civic. Maybe I did my job to well. Geee.
Want to get really scared? Wait till peer-pressure kicks in.
Good morning Christy,
The highest blessing in life is being entrusted with the care and development of a child. You are blessed.
Doesn’t ‘American Exceptionalism” about say it all?
And the idea we should find and consume every drop of oil in the planet, damn Peanut’s Grandkids, says something about us also.
Wow, Have a wonderful BBQ, it sounds like fun. On the late night thread there was a discussion about old pups, kiddo and raven and how they are missed. FDL is really a community.
Good Morning folks.
What a sweet thing for Peanut to do and is a nice tribute to her parents.
I remember those days. The faux log cabins, the small canteen, the bug juice with every meal. It was great bein’ a kid in those days. Plus being surrounded by my favourite toy – dirt.
Christy, the key is how your daughter as she grows treats others. If she’s mean then it’s safe to say she’s been spoiled to the point of rotten and has gone through life thinking she is deserving of the best. But if she’s a pleasant child/young adult, then it will tell you you haven’t overindulged her and have along the way taught her that it’s just material stuff and isn’t a reflection of who she really is. I have a feeling it will be the latter. ;-)
That said, my long time childhood friend Karen has 8 free tickets to see Bruce Springsteen at Gillette Stadium in Foxboro, Mass and I’m going with her along with our other childhood friends! Keep indulging me Karen! I’m feeling spoiled at the moment!!! LOL
OMG, I am so excited. I’ve never stepped foot in a stadium of this size and I am so excited the one time I will…will be to see The Boss! Because I was raised right by my parents, I do not take these things for granted, I do not expect them, and I certainly would be just as excited if it was my friend Karen going with her family or her other friends! I’m serious. ;-)
Ah yes, bug juice. Nothing quite like it.
And at one camp I tasted real bread for the first time. It had a crusty crust—not like the wonderbread kind of thing that was everywhere. I still remember what a revelation it was.
If you told me 10 years ago that we would have an attic full of stuffed animals (we’re talking 5 contractor bags here), I would have thought you nuts.
And the household across the street with two momn (one a formerly fairly militant feminist) – their daughter had an extensive Barbie collection (now outgrown)
Good kids all around so far.
Good Morning Christie,
I have raised two and am now attempting to not be one of those overindulgent grandpas. Today not only is it the things that kids are inundated with but also the “organization”. While I realize that it is a good thing to keep kids out of trouble but I see so many parents who feel that it is necessary to keep their kids entertained 24/7. Additionally there are many who are obsessed with seeing their kids win. Sometimes just hanging out is the best thing to do. It is frequently that hanging out time that will yield the best memories and those memories are what you will cherish most. A poem that has stuck with me for many years written by Sarah Teasdale
Into my hearts treasury I slipped a coin
that time cannot take nor a thief purloin
better than the minting of a gold crowned king
is the safe kept memory of a lovely thing
Go for the lovely things
Have a great time Kay. As someone who has seen The Boss over 30 times (it was a ritual to go see him in the middle to late 70’s here in the Philly area), you will see a GREAT show.
Also, he’s very active in working with Food Banks, which is admirable.
I have a co-worker who actually told me, face to face, that she had no problem lying to get what she wanted, among other things. Habitually goes to the front of lines to cut in because she feels she shouldn’t have to wait in line. She’s the granddaughter of a former southern state governor and has a really bad case of what, when at the VA, we called “entitlement disease.” She has a 6-month old daughter who I have no doubt will be raised with her mother’s ethics, or lack thereof. I see the same behaviour in a lot of teens today. The thought that they might actually have to earn a $40K car after they become adults has never occurred to them.
Wow! Just WOW! on so many levels.
Proud you have a right to be; it sounds like your daughter is gonna have her head screwed on a lot straighter than 99.9% of the kids currently growing up in this country. If you’ve instilled those values in her this early, it isn’t likely she’ll lose them when she hits the teens.
The article you ref. seems directly linked to last night’s post about trolls; it’s really all of a piece…….no concern for anyone/anything other than their personal wants/needs. It does. not. bode well for this country in so many ways. Sorry that doesn’t comport with the PUAC goal of looking at the positives but we have decades of what can only be described as a rethug Golden Rule that is as likely to finished dragging this country to the bottom of the bathtub as anything else they’ve done.
Thanks Millineryman! The one thing I’ve always loved about Bruce is his activism whether it’s through his song writing or taking the time out of his life to help those who need it. He is a very admirable man as you pointed out. He’s like a soul-mate to those of us who think like him. I did a post about the concert on my post and one thing I said was Bruce came to the Old Port in Portland, Maine a few years back. As he walked down the streets there, he was friendly & nice to those who wanted to talk to him. He’s really one of us (small town kind of guy), even though he’s made a fortune. (Christy, tell that to Peanut! LOL) ;-)
We must have to the same camp at some time. I one I went to for a few years made their own bread. Only thing Wonder bread was good for was to make a slice into a ball and throw it at somebody.
Peanut learned well. She will go far in the world.
Wow, I only saw him once and I have to admit that he puts everything he has into performing.
Oh, I DO miss edit! *g*
I know!!! 30 times!!!!! Holy crap. And I thought I was doing good seeing Aerosmith 3 times. LOL
Millineryman, that is quite impressive. ;-)
How about seeing Jefferson Airplane well in excess of 30 times?
Last Sunday I got to talk to #1 Son for just a few minutes when he called home from “camp”. (”camp” being Fort Sill, OK). His letter have told of the intense heat, long marches with 80 lb. packs, etc., that he had sweated off lots of pounds (started at 162#). The strange thing is that in every letter from him, and again on the phone, he’s enjoying every minute of it. Says that after he sweated off his “water weight”, he’s put on a bunch of muscle and now weighs 173#.
This is not good, as he now outweighs and is almost certainly tougher than his dad. I’m thinking of learning how to impersonate a drill sergeant (in self defense, ya know).
Strange as it seems to me, he’s loving life, and would apparently be happy doing his whole stint in Basic Training. But in about 3 1/2 weeks, he’ll be through there, and move on to AIT in northern Alabama. I keep telling him Basic isn’t supposed to be fun – he just laughs.
He’s a ‘little different’ one – that’s how I know he’s related to me.
KayInMaine,
What a wonderful treat to both anticipate, then enjoy. Please post about your experience……have been to many stadium concerts but have never seen the Boss live.
“Helicopter Parents” What a great metaphor!!
“Affluenza” Ain’t it so?! Wouldn’t it be better if there were a preventive serum rather than something to try to clean it up after the fact?
(Sucks on her Caribou coffee while typing in her air-conditioned office, windows of which overlook gardens and small pond in a ‘burb. {sigh})
Thinking back, I was quite pampered as a child/young adult. Wanted for nothing. And, I turned out alright. I think it’s the whole package. I may have been spoiled with material goods but there was also real discipline in my house and a strong emphasis on morality. Actually, morality wasn’t mentioned, but through osmosis I knew exactly what I had better never do.
Indeed he does. The last time I saw him about 3 years ago, he was upside down swinging back and forth to the music during Mary’s Place.
Before he broke through, it was common for him to play Philly a lot. He would do up to five shows at a time because he would always sell out here. He and the band really appreciated the support because they weren’t spoiled, pampered MTV/tabloid no talents. They struggled by playing bars and had to work hard to get their success.
For those not using Mozilla or Safari, internet explorer is having problems accessing certain sites. It’s a problem with sitemeter. Is there a patch I can put on my computer to fix this or do I just wait it out? I have Mozilla but haven’t signed on all the sites affected?
Jayt: Good luck to you and your son. He must have a great attitude. Im in TX; the world has been unbelievably hot. Im glad you keep us updated. B
eCAHN (if you’re still around) -
Thanks for the reply downstairs……agree on the keeping it where it should be but if it’s been somewhere else, better to be the one breaking the news. *g*
I think the “preventive serum” is to toss the TV.
You may have been watching to many Pharma commercials
That is impressive.
My folks operated with the premise “Sure you can have a car. When you can buy it AND support it yourself.” Which might be why I’m driving a 92 Ford Escort. It runs reasonably well and still gets better than 30MPG.
If my memory is working properly, I went away to camp the first time at age 11 (Conservation Camp in Kentucky sponsored by the state Dept of Wildlife – it offered classroom and outdoors training in all outdoors activities). That was a week then for the next couple of years it was two weeks of Boy Scout camp.
My folks were definitely not super well-to-do but they still managed to indulge me with a few toys “as advertised on TV.” Like the “Dick Tracy Snub-nosed 38 with Shoulder Holster that fires real bullets.” OK, so it wasn’t politically correct by today’s standards but this was the pre-Vietnam era when “playing war” was not an unusual “game” for kids.
OMG! Now that is impressive too. Just wow. I saw the Kinks and the Moody Blues. Anyone impressed with that? LOL
Thanks Diablesseblu! What is so wonderful is Karen’s husband. Karen has 3 kids from her 1st marriage and 2 with her current husband. She has 5 kids and an asshole-ex, so her current husband is always surprising her with tickets like this for her to have a night with her old friends! How sweet is that? He’s a wonderful giving man. He’s been online for the past 24 or so hours trying to get us a swanky hotel room on Priceline.com like he did when he sent Karen and I to Boston back in February of this year! We ended up staying at the Intercontinental Hotel in Boston in a room that costs $570/night for $125.00!!! *heart beating fast* If you knew my life as a single Mom, you would know that that kind of experience is a treat and a half all by itself! Wow. Just wow.
We’re coming Bruce!!!!!!! LOL
you’re better off using Firefox anyway. Better protection and if I remember correctly, IE didn’t have tabbed browsing.
I think you’ve just got to wait it out. The problem seems to be on the sitemeter end.
It was a Y camp in Wisconsin.
Time to go for my walk. Have a great day pups!
As the mother of daughters attending 12 years of private achool, thanks to tuition assistance, and now a very expensive college, thanks to Dad’s employment benefits, I could write a book on the primacy of money among the children of the affluent. Don’t suppose it’s so different than it ever was but let’s just say the money equals morality ethos is not restricted to Republicans. On the other hand, the most shocking thing to me was when in the 90’s my parents’ generation began to equate success with financial status, ignoring the total lack of the kind of values they had taught their own children in the financially successful people they admired and held up as examples for us.
I was stationed in San Diego and went to SF on the weekends. Had a friend who knew the band, before Grace. I don’t remember the venue, small club, but JA was headlining. The warm up band was Great Society with Grace singing. Went almost every weekend. Saw JA at the Avalon Ballroom, Wintergarden, Fillmore, among others. After getting back from Nam went to see them wherever they were in CA. Strangely enough, after I left the Navy in 75 the Airplane happened to appear near me right around my birthday every year until the early 80’s, but they were Starship by then. If they were playing tonight in St Pete or Tampa I’d be there. With rings on my fingers, bells on my toes, and a bone through my nose, ho ho.
I saw the Kinks and the Moody Blues.
Have seen the Kinks with Blondie, with Rockpile, and once with an opening act by some young punk calling himself “Johnny Cougar”.
And Springsteen, probably 6-7 times. First time was in a room at the Indianapolis Convention Center, shortly after the week he was on the covers of both Time and Newsweek. The room was small enough already, but they hung a curtain cutting it in half, and still the room was only about half full. Great show – Clarence had evidently spent the afternoon at a local strip joint, met some girls, and he brought ‘em out to dance during the encore. Bruce looked around, saw the girls and just shook his head, finishing “Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out sitting on the edge of the stage.
I was having that problem last night. The “diagnostic” gave me a link to report the problem. Whether that helped, I do not know. But problem gone this am.
Mine was in Virginia.
Thanks for the Teasdale this rainy morning. She is one of my favorites and not so well known. Also the sharing of such a lovely thought.
I read this article and thought back to my days working as a lifeguard at the community pool, and babysitting, and all the other things I did as a kid…and decided that I would not have been very understanding at that age of parents like the ones in that article. And had a moment of gratitude for not having to deal with them. *g*
Please pardon the o/t but there are supposedly 60+ prescription drugs made at a NJ facility that don’t meet FDA manufacturing standards. (there’s a URL within that lists some, if not all, the drugs):
http://ap.google.com/article/A…..wD929QV2G0
Spit! We can’t even make ‘em safe in-country. :-(
Wow! What an experience you had! Kinks with Blondie? O.M.G!!!! I can’t remember who the opening act was for the Kinks (they probably didn’t have one) when I saw them in early 80’s in Portland. To be honest, the Kinks were not happy to be playing at such a small venue (the Civic Center seats less than 7,000), so their attitude wasn’t all that great. They yelled at us. LOL I remember the audience booing them at one point. Great experience though! All concerts usually are. ;-)
Okay, gotta get going! I’ll be posting our experience on my blog if anyone is interested! Sorry to take up so much time on this thread about The Boss but I am so excited about it…….literally hyperventilating!
Agree about the TV. My cardinal rule as a parent was there would be no TV/video games in my daughter’s room. Also, we were “early adopters” of the computer/net but our machine was in my bedroom.
And people ask me why my daughter has always loved to read! *g*
Waccamaw has started a Spit Parade! Excellent. Nice way to start the day if you ask me. LOL ;-)
What is important is if the companies are making money.
My mom was an elementary school teacher — she taught for more than 30 years before her retirement, most of it at the third grade level. She saw an enormous change in the attitudes not just of the kids, but also of the parents through the years. It used to be when she called parents in for a conference with her about behavioral issues for their kids, they’d be horrified and be incredibly worried about what all they could do to work with their child to avoid the problem in the future.
In the latter years of her teaching, it was always a battle to get them to come in without having to deal with calls to the principal or the board of education about how she was persecuting their child for trying to stick a pencil in another kid’s eye. Absolutely no sense of responsibility or acknowledgement that their child’s behavior was in any way indicative of a problem that needed solving from way too many parents.
She once had a little third-grade kid (around 8 years old) say to her, “You can’t send me to see the principal. My daddy is a lawyer and he’ll sue you if you do.” To which my mom, on the verge of retirement at that point, responded: “Well, my daughter and son-in-law are both attorneys, so tell him to go ahead if he enjoys getting beaten in court.” And then sent the little smart mouth up to the principal anyway. (To the father’s credit, he was horrified that the kid had said that…)
I’ve never had the chance to see Bruce live. Part of the deal is not living near the cities where he plays and not being able to have the combo of money and proximity.
Same thing happened with the Dead but I finally got to see them on comps from a radio station in Boston after they’d screwed up. I’d won a contest to see Buffett (whom I’ve seen a half dozen times or more over the years). They screwed it up so they said “Your choice, any show coming to the Worcestor Centrum on us.” In fact, Bruce was the next show but when I asked for him, they said, “no, he doesn’t operate like that” so the next one after Bruce was the Dead.
Nowadays, I try to account for the “aggravation factor” on whomever I want to see. For some reason, Jimmy Buffett, Emmylou Harris, the Allman Brothers, and Little Feat usually are worth the aggravation to me.
Ooooh — Springsteen! Have always wanted to see him in concert. Got to see Clapton live once when I was in grad school when a friend won tickets from a radio contest — he was awesome. Hope you enjoy Springsteen — I bet he’s amazing live!
LOL. Actually, we literally do not watch teevee in this household. Wait. Not true. David watches the 10:00 news. I watched a day or so of 9/11. And we occasionally catch a few minutes of the Vikings games, which is generally a catastrophe of its own kind. (Can you say Fah-vra vs. Farve?)
Good Morning Christy and Firedogs,
so pleased for you Christy and Mr Reddhedd although in no way surprising, however that College Republicans President gig looks a little more unlikely *g*
So glad he’s enjoying it. I had a dear friend who attended West Point who loved their version of “basic” when they started the year out their plebe year. I always thought he was a little mental for it *g*…but then, that’s why I didn’t go to West Point.
Gotta go to the art supply store for more posterboard. Have to make a new sign for the BayWalk protest tonight. Gotta think up a 4 words or less message first, however. And no, “F*** McCain” ain’t cuttin’ it, much as I like the message.
Be good to yourselves, and all other living things.
Namaste
We are currently vacationing with a couple of ‘affluenzites’ in an excessively posh resort on Barbados, which never in our wildest dreams we thought we could ever afford. I’ve been working throuugh — and it is real work — Adam Smith’s Theory of Moral Sentiments — a book which takes on exactly the symptoms you describe and that our friends at times exhibit. It starts with an analysis of what we would today call empathy, but that he terms ’sympathy’. The whole book is in its way anti-utilitarian. He shows (at least to my satisfaction) how our social universe is a reflection of what we would today call non-verbal communication. In the United States we have come to communicate by external signs of wealth. Our friends cannot conceive of a life that is not competitive on the wealth scale. It’s terribly destructive. I feel a bit sorry for their son.
Your daughter sounds like a wonderful person in the making.
I was an only child, so I pretty much had what I wanted as a kid for the most part. The key was knowing that we had financial limits, especially when I was younger and times were very tight for my folks. I didn’t ask for something unrealistic because I didn’t want to make my parents feel badly that they couldn’t get it for me. (Yes, I was a rather unusual kid.) But my parents also made certain I learned my manners and that we weren’t any better than anyone else because both of them had grown up under tough circumstances at varying points in their lives and they impressed on me early and often that whatever fortunes we might enjoy came with a price of helping someone less fortunate if the need arose to do so.
I’m trying to let The Peanut know about that little nugget of wisdom as I can as well. Empathy comes back to bless you…
And just this week I sent a postcard to my sister’s kid at camp. A paper postcard, with writing on it and everything, and a stamp!
On affluenza, I think the term was coined by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez in their Your Money Or Your Life. If anyone hasn’t yet read it, get a copy. A lot of the recent books that talk about using personal resources wisely stand on the shoulders of those giants.
Christy, I would be remiss if I didn’t comment about you and the Peanut. Clearly you have given that someday-woman a moral foundation. It’s the antidote to “You Have to Be Carefully Taught,” I think (”South Pacific”). That little girl gives me hope. Would you give her a hug from a stranger? Breakfast time for my man. Have a great day, everyone!
Poster slogan:
McCain = Bush, Only Older.
Went to a Pink Floyd concert in the 70s in Saratoga. Sat on the lawn and enjoyed the show. Or, so I’ve been told. Memory’s vague.
sounds like our oldest who thrived in Marine basic.
sadly, was medically discharged through a fluke occurence. was devastated and went through all 5 appeal levels (not so sadly for his parents who were glad to see him exhaust them all before recruiting standards were lowered)
now back in school trying to figure out a career path that will provide an equally structured environment
so glad for you.
Oh, mercy! What’d I do? Is that a Lake tradition I’ve somehow missed? Always had to be careful when teaching (being blessed/cursed with too great a fondness for words of the four-letter variety) so began using that one in lieu of another that’s very similar. *g*
I was awfully proud of her little reach out a hand action, I have to say. I always figure that, even if she can be bratty with momma and dad on occasion (which kids aren’t, really?), so long as she acts well with others outside of our view, then we are doing something right. I guess we’ve done something right there…
McCain = Bush got a librarian thrown in jail in Denver
LOL Now that one is sure to get a chuckle or two…
That’s classic! I’ve known too many teachers who have stood up to kids only to have their supervisors cave to the parents. This started happening more in the ’90s.
Yes, you’re doing something right. Nothing more rewarding for a parent than to see their child show kindness.
G’morning everyone !
Christy, I’ve heard stories like this in Toronto as well. While I was growing up, some kids had no respect for teachers but did not express that to their faces.
Now, even some kids in Grade 2 will argue and shout at teachers and when the parents are told about it, they get on the teacher’s case for persecuting their children.
Christy, Love the story about your mom … and why am I not surprised about her being a teacher?
My sister’s experience with the change in parental attitudes mirrors hers. However, parents now have taken their abdication of responsibility one step further. Betty now finds that parents will submit false contact information so they cannot be summoned. They then tell their kids not to give out their contact info.
Good thing she’s lived in that area for many years and that her school’s in a small town. It takes detective work but she and her colleagues find the parents. (Of course, then they’re angry when they do come in.)
There are so many times lately I wonder why a lot of people have children … unless they’re just the expected accoutrement to a “successful” life.
don’t know if you are still here -
probably about a dozen years back, read a lengthy piece about marketing to children.
the bar was set at 7 years old for decades but had ’slipped’ all the way down to 3. fascinating but a little scary
a little mental
that’s my boy!!
thanks for your comment. I think the question of “hey – who’s the alpha male around here?” may now have been decided against me – that’ll take a little getting used to. *g*
But he’s in such a better place, emotionally, than he’s been in the last few years, so I’ll take it.
Think the roots go back to the Ronnie Ray gun era when the every man for himself became the rule
hmmm. the bike is bitching at me again.
gonna have to take it out for some exercise. See y’all later…
Good Morning Christy and Pups.
She has been fortunate enough to have received a great plenty of help along the way, hint hint!
This is a beautiful post. It hits the nail on the head re: a social phenomenon I’ve seen developing for the last many years. The detached, lonely, seemingly uncaring and unfeeling generation with no aspirations or hopes for the future. The ones who enjoy “comfortable” circumstances, yet
Must be repubs – where it is womans duty to make babies
My Dad is cool. He has cancer, but at 85 is still going to his business every day where he promotes his anti-nuclear credo. This is apropos of the discussion here, from an e-mail I just received from him:
“Last Tuesday I went to Santa Fe and was overwhelmed on seeing the works of a Hungarian/customer/friend. He picked me up and brought me back to the store. Monies. . .[from the store] have never been so rewarding.
I’m sure you have seen this with your legal practice as well, but when I was doing a lot of work with juvenile kids, there were always some that were — at root — really good kids who just needed a much more structured environment to thrive. A lot of those kids just weren’t getting it at home, for one reason or another, but some just needed to hit a point that was a wake-up call.
It was always such a joy, even when I was prosecuting, to find parents who cared enough about their child to work with us and with them until they and the child reached that breaking point where s/he would make that crossroads decision to move things forward instead of staying in place. Sometimes, it was a stint in the military, sometimes it was just getting a job and realizing that they could move forward and that they had value. It was different for every kid, but those are the cases where you really felt you were making a difference — and stopping that cycle of turmoil for that individual kid. Alas, they were often too few and far between.
Sounds like you and his momma were the wonderful sort of parents who weren’t willing to give up and who kept loving him through whatever turmoil he was dealing with to get him to the other side of it. And I’m so, so glad for all of you that he’s thriving…really wonderful news. Makes me smile.
Christy,
Thanks for sharing your Mom’s teaching experiences. For me, the changes have growing at an overwhelming pace in the last ten years.
There use to be a time when being a “class act” was admired, and it did not require money, just manners, strong character, respectful behavior, good hygiene and a clean presentation of oneself. My Mom once told me there was this student at her high school who worked hard in classes, participated in sports, came to school in clean clothes, a scrubbed face and was polite and kind to everyone. Everyone thought his parents must come from money. His strong character, values and kindness towards others gave him a charisma and a sense that he was a class act. Turned out the young man was from a very poor working class immigrant family. His siblings were of equal character quality as well.
She concluded the story with, and I married that young man with such high character.
Funny how manners, character and a concept of fair play use to be admired qualities across the social classes.
Now there’s a concept for a grassroots movement.
As you may know, I’ve been dabbling in yoga/meditation for many years and learning about how children have been raised/taught through the Ages was my favorite part because it so accurately revealed where the Society’s priorities were.
My favorite book was Glenn Doman’s “What To Do About Your Brain Injured Child” because it laid out child development in great detail but was still easy to read. He said (possibly in another book) that parents who follow their instincts are right 95% of the time and I think it is so important to teach the child that they do not have to perfect, but to shoot for being right most of the time and most importantly, learning from their mistakes to avoid repeating them.
Best Video “Evar” was Wayne Dyer’s “What Do You Really Want For Your Children”
am at my parents–
good morning, skimmed comments
weird, last night out on the deck with my dog listening to the tree frogs and crickets after seeing this video-
http://justsomethinginoticed.blogspot.com/
i was thinking how in our family, giving to others was always a requirement, in some manner. it’s what you do, like closing the refrigerator door, like picking up after yourself and a little extra for someone else to help it along, like carrying someone else’s laundry upstairs,just something you do…..
wasn’t an option as i recall, and then you do it later because you realize the impact it has on others….makes your world better when their world is better–improves everything from the inside out.
skimmed comments-
christy, what you ‘feed’ the peanut is coming out in spades…
jayt–glad your son is doing well, bet you’re sleepin’ better.
kay–’seen’ bruce 3 times.enjoy.
ok, handing the laptop back over to my dad, we share, see how that works? ha ha…
Good morning, Christy. What you describe is a difficult problem, particularly with kids subject to advertising designed to make them want all sorts of things and believe they are sub-par if they don’t have it. One of the guidelines which was always helpful to me, in raising my three children, was that I didn’t want them to think or act like Republicans. I’m happy to say that they have all grown into devout Democrats. It sounds like you’re doing fine with Peanut.
I have a great book that a friend sent me ages ago on Victorian family traditions that has some really fun ideas of things that we do with The Peanut. Including having a “Rainy Day Cupboard” of craft paper and crayons and markers and glitter glue and stuff that she can get into to do art projects and such. She loves it, and we do lots of creative stuff on bad weather days as a result.
I’ve always thought that the removal of extracurricular things like art and music programs from importance in schools had part of the responsibility for how thoughtless folks can be these days. It’s tough to be an utter ass while listening to Ode to Joy. *g*
What’s frustrating for top Universities and Corporations is they want people with all these virtues but they are seeing less and less of this every year.
The parents who have rude/temperamental children reach too soon for ADD & ADHD Drugs when what is usually needed is teaching the child to be patient and persevere in seeking their true calling.
“Honesty” is no longer “the best policy.” It’s the best “fallback position.”
Especially if you can fake it.
Not to be off-topic or anything but you can read an except from my memoir-in-progess Raised By Hand Puppets at Dennis Cooper’s Blog this weekend. The excerpt is entitled “Old Boyfriends” and concerns my wasted early adulthood.
The most shocking thing here was, how many parents voted to remove Arts from schools so little Johnny could race ahead to the next Tech job … we’re seeing a revival of Arts programs as it becomes more evident that they are crucial to developing a balanced child.
People tell me that, since I know so much about human development, my kids must be getting straight “A’s” and I reply … how will that teach them to enjoy life more ? They usually agree at the end that pushing kids in elementary school to be “Number 1″ is the worse thing a parent can do.
FWIW, giving the Peanut lots of gifts is very good because you balance that with the finger painting and mad tickling sessions … she is a very fortunate child !
Speaking of which, I’ve just been informed that it’s been a month since I’ve made Pancakes … have a great weekend !
oh phoo! I hit the wrong key (been up much of the night with sick kitty. Kitty might feel a bit better, but i’m a wreck, blergh)
I’ll just leave it pretty much at what I said at 83 before blasting my comment into the ethers prematurely.
You and Mr Redd are FANTASTIC parents, Christy. Peanut would have to be made of stone not to develop her early sense of responsibility and caring for others. I salute you. Your work obviously is not done in that parental realm. It never will be. But sounds as if you’ve got it right, and then some. Enjoy the teen years when they come too. They’re not easier or harder, just different. Just u wait till you reach our stage, when the “kids” start worrying about YOU. Mwahahahahahaha. Gotta love em!
Back to the “problem” generation: I have tried to capture some of my feelings on this several times in comment threads. Every single time, I have been pounced on as being way off base.
It’s hard to put into words, dang, but it’s real. Availability of wealth is not the cause, but it might have something to do with it when combined with a distancing tw’ parent and child emotionally. In today’s hurry-up-and-do-something world, people are finding it harder and harder to make time for simple emotional bonding, imo.
The new repugnic ad “drill drill drill” holds another clue, I think. So many people think of the world’s treasures as God’s Gift To Man. *cue trumpets* These nits somehow failed to notice the part of the implied message that hints, if you’re at all tuned in to reality, that SOMETHING, SOME CARE must be exercised if there is to be any hope for future generations.
Despite all the wealth and overabundance of “toys” many parents of today seem to feel compelled to spew at their kids (are they buying them off because they don’t have time for them emotionally???), these spoiled brat kids are, quite likely, very depressed and feeling abandoned. They can see enough of the future to realize, deep down, that the circumstances they have grown used to cannot be maintained into their adulthood.
Gore’s message, even with all the hope he tries to pack into it, numbs the mind with its simple, shocking truth.
Mankind is doomed unless something is done, and fast. Even then…. stay tuned.
Love thy neighbor is a beautiful idea. It needs to sprout more sidebranches in today’s “comfortable” part of the world population.
Our kids’ very survival may depend on that.
FDL is part of the solution. Just keep doing what you’re doing, with whatever refinements you desire to add along the way. This Lake is one fantastic, caring, healing, problem-solving, terrific place.
/pompous overreaching “message” without foundation. Blame Adie.
‘Morning, Christy, Firepups.
Good on you, Christy; sounds like your Peanut is already headed firmly down the right path. Now that my kids are in late grade school, early high school and my stepson grown, I can say from years of observation that those first five years are solid predictors of the rest of the future. Keep up the good work.
Affluenza is the result of the Shock Doctrine applied to a society for too long; we have been encouraged to see our pattern of consumption as a substitute for civic engagement. Our purchases are valued more than our votes, and we’ve bought the president we’ve deserved.
One symptom of our disease was the need for EXTREME sports; we could no longer feel anything, numbed by consumption, had to indulge in great pain in order to enjoy the rush.
In some respects the engagement of young people in Obama’s campaign and in political activism is a sign that we may have turned the corner. They found the new EXTREME is actual civic participation.
Let’s hope it catches on across a wider constituency, so that more of us are fully engaged in constructive behaviors before the real extremis of economic and environmental disaster do their worst.
It seems to be all part and parcel of the same things. Doing away with “extras” such as Art and Music in schools is also part of the decline of the old, traditional, “Liberal Arts” education that required a selection of classes from all disciplines and not just concentrating on the Technical or Science
What some businesses and political leaders either forget or choose not to understand is just how beneficial things like music training can be in technical areas. Some of the best computer programmers I’ve known were Music majors. But when they got into the Tech field, they were able to do well since they understood the use of structure and syntax and such and were able to write strong code.
Wow, where to begin.
In two weeks, I’ll be doing a rare above ground performance at DemocracyFest in Arlington VA, and I’ve been scheduled to sing just prior to the Keynote address by Howard Dean. Quite an honor bestowed on this Subway Serenade by the Deaniacs.
More importantly, I’ll be giving informal demonstrations of The Heart Tuner Cardiofeedback system that I’ve been experimenting with over the past year. I’ll be showing folks how to consciously create ascending heart waves by directing and focusing the heart’s electrical charge. I will show how it is possible for two hearts to match or “Phase Lock” both the harmonic frequencies and amplitudes of their hearts at the same time, and the possibility of connecting hearts over the internet in a quantifiable, highly concentrated global meditation.
DemocracyFest is always a blast, and this year is going to be extra special. So get your tickets today and come have a great time.
Hope to see you there.
I’m repeating myself but we’ve had such good news in my house that it bears saying again. We’re from central NY where good jobs are scarce. Well my son just got himself a decent job. He has to move to CT, but that’s alright. It’s not great paying but it’s with an excellent company with lots of room for advancement. Plus, he’s closer to a couple of his friends.
I’m so worried about the economy that I fear for the 20somethings. But, this could be lifetime employment, that’s how good this company is.
2 down, 1 to go.
If We look at one of the most successful treatments for personality disorders (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and at one of the founding theories of this very successful treatment. We have a potential answer to how affluenza is created and how it can be treated.
The theory goes like this. Invalidation. When a parent does too much for a child, prevents any struggles, doesn’t allow for struggle and strife, solves problems for a child, it undermines the sense of self. It sends the message “I don’t think you can do this”. And it prevents a child from learning that they can do it themselves.
An invalidating environment is one of the contributors to the developement of the pervasive personality disorder “Borderline Personality Disorder”. Linehan makes the point that while many who have BPD were terribly traumatized AND invalidated, there is an subgroup who have had no trauma but have been invalidated chronically throughout their lives.
It is invalidating to be super rich, or super beautiful, just as it is invalidating to be a minority in the U.S. Both scenarios present a situation in which the external feedback given to a child is invalid, and prevents opportunity for the person to develop a true or valid sense of strengths and weaknesses. The super beautiful never know whether they have friends because of who they are or because of what they look like. The same dynamic occurs for the “hollywood stars” and the super rich.
Interestly, jails also have a high population of personality disorder and an increasing number of people who engage in self harming behaviors (one of the most often associated symptoms to the personality disorder BPD). Certainly, mixes of personality disorders occur, such as narcissism, but my theory would be that invalidation is at the core of the development of many of these disorders.
The foundation of personality disorder is a disconnect between who we think we are in the world and who we really are. So make sure and allow your children to struggle. Let them work hard and find their own accomplishments. Understand that self esteem is not what we tell them about themselves but what they discover. Our job as parents is to allow them to discover their strenths and weaknesses. To validate what they do well, to help them find their truth. Obviously this gets complicated if a parent has distortions about the child and self.
I have learned that the greatest gift I can give my kids is to support them while they figure things out. To help them regulate their emotional responses to the stresses of life. Not protecting them from it all.
Great news! It’s worth saying again — it’s hard to catch everything in the stream :-) I know too many friends and family with 20-somethings at home. It reminds me so much of how times were when I graduated college in 1982… except we’re not in a recession now, you know.
When working on the rez in SD I managed a ten digit grant from the USDOJ. I was dealing with troubled and at risk kids in the poorest county in the US. Part of the goal was to come up with culturally sensitive solutions. Part of what I encountered was the need to undue over 150 yrs of disasterous government abuse and then dealing with the unintended consequences of well intentioned programs. Gangs, meth, violence, anger, poverty along with hormones were prevalent. Reaching these kids was extremely difficult and required patience. One of the most amazing remedies for some of them was equine therapy along with instilling in them the appreciation of their cultural heritage
Goor morning Christy and FirePups. I think being aware of how we’re
manipulated into thinking we deserve or need all that’s available is there for our buying or taking. We’re constantly bombarded with heavy-duty and sleazy advertising.
As kids we played outdoors a lot. Going to the park was a treat. Now
parents are constantly fed the fear potion and kids are indoors more. It
may be those fears that affected parents’ behavior, and more stuff was bought
to entertain the kids indoors, and also to let parents put up with behavior they never got away with.
Kids of the Really Rich, with servants and all, are raised differently.
As kids we always wondered how one rich kid, a holy terror, always got the
great stuff from Santa. We toed the line, got little, but had more fun!
The path really is more important than the destination, isn’t it.
I used to see this routinely as a public librarian. We’d have parents call in to our department to pick out 3 books for a child’s book report so they could drive by and pick them up. This always made me sad — the whole purpose of a grade school ‘research project’ is actually doing the research! Not that I didn’t feel some sympathy for the parent who probably needed to pick up dinner on the same trip before dropping the kids off at some other activity…
Correction didn’t use my fingers it was an eight figure grant
Morning Pups, stopped at 2 different farmers markets this a.m.. The crops are coming in and the people are buying. More OT the U.S. has morphed from a nation of citizens to a nation of consumers. Aren’t we told that even the “poor” have color tvs, computers, cars, etc., etc.,. A nation that defines itself as a collection of independent shoppers rather than a collective community is nothing more than a marketing wet dream. By the way, anyone having trouble logging in to Raw Story?
Yep. Have not been able to log in to RS for two days. There’s some issue with Sitemeter that may be to blame.
Am having withdrawal symptoms since RS is a “goto” site for me.
What a terrific poster…I love it!
How about McCain = BUsh w/ dementia
I am a big peacenik…since this is one of my priorities in life…when my kids fight with each other and argue, I stop the engagement and ask them to solve the problem. Which often results in more struggles for a few moments while they argue about the solution. I keep them focused on how they will solve it. If one withdraws, or refuses to participate in the solution…the other one gets what they want as a reward for attempting a solution…if the other one doesn’t like the solution, I ask he or she to suggest a different one. It truly amazes me how they solve problems, how generous they can be, how judicious and pragmatic. However, it drives my parents crazy…because they want the arguing to “stop right now”. They percieve me as “making it take too long”. (I just got home from 2 weeks with them on the shores of lake superior).
Since it a priority to me, it’s worth the time, and I know that my kids are building mastery in dealing with conflict and finding solutions. This is how self esteem is built, by kids actually being effective in life.
But it first took the realization that kids are capable of this, for the process to begin. (of course the solutions were more simple when they were 3 and 4 than today at the ages of 8 and 11).
I DUGG it! I have seen the DIGG light for you, Christy. Took me half an hour of fussing with their site, but I guess I have now seen why this process is important to FDL.
Lovely piece, and a great way to start my day. As usual, you have your head and heart in the right places.
Many parents think it is too hard to say, “No,” when it is needed and to set limits while also modeling positive behavior. Limit setting is the ultimate form of showing one’s love. It says to the child, “I am paying attention to you and want you to grow up and be the best person you can be.” Bottom line, it says to the child, “I care.”
There are ways to say, “No,” without a shouting match or escalation into a tantrum. I see too many parents who escalate and throw a tantrum demanding their child act like a grown-up. Somewhat difficult for the child to accomplish when there is no grown-up acting proper.
Had an overnight party at our house. My daughter began to ask why I set a curfew for going to bed. I quietly pulled her aside and explained my reasons even though I understood how fun it is to try and stay up all night. Her friends then asked why I set midnight as “lights-out?” I then explained to the group that I had a surprise for them the next day and that the surprise would be ruined by over tired and grouchy young ladies.
Everyone was asleep by 12:15. A grand time was had by all with the morning event the next day. Three of the young ladies explained their parents never set curfews and that they should because they had more fun with the busy activity we went on without being tired and whiny. See even kids crave limit setting, especially when there is a greater gain that is positive in the end.
Great! How about a 2nd?
How did McSame get so old without learning anything?
Good on ya! ;->
The symptoms of invalidation:
1) emotional dysregulation: mood swings. inability to regulate emotions because emotions are not recognized or validated.
2) interperonal dysregulation: This is what happens when mood swings and emotions are unregulated. People use others to regulate emotions for them, or vacillate between explosions of emotion and tightly controlled emotions. Emotions don’t solve problems for them and so relationships are troubled.
3) impulse dysregulation: In an attempt to regulate miserable feelings and emotional pain, drugs, alcohol, shopping, sex, gambling, and self harm become the primary mode of emotion regulation.
4) cognitive dysregulation: When self experiences and insight are not trusted, outside and external structures are created to help interpret reality. Dichotomous black and white thinking replaces processing. An intolerance of ambiguity develops.
5) dysregulation of self: A pervasive sense of emptiness occurs. The personal lacks the awareness of strengths and weaknesses, and intolerance to self regulation. Dependencies on others for identity develops. Dependency on others to do for the person occur. An intolerance of being alone develops and this type of person becomes overly dependent on external cues about the self. (think of gangs, ways that kids identify themselves as they are developing a sense of self).
I think of the Kennedy family. Uber rich, but giving back, big-time.
You can almost feel sorry for him. At times he truly seems to be wandering around in a world he doesn’t understand at all. That would not be good for our country.
Sorry, I try but come up empty.
He’s so mean-spirited, and always has been, I gather.
Yuck! I have more deserving folk to feel sorry for.
A great book on this topic is “consuming kids”–I think this emphasis on priviliged kids and the odd 40,000 dollar car is misplaced–poverty and reality will take care of all those kids when they can’t manage to match their parents foolish expenditures right out of college. But all american kids are being raised with unreal expectations of affluence and with very unreal grasp of the relationship between buying and enjoying something. I heard a woman explaining patiently to her seven year old that she had, in fact, just *bought him a toy* and that he hadn’t even had a chance to play with it while he was already begging her for a new toy. She had just bought him a toy * a few minutes before the incident I watched.* All american kids are encouraged to experience the world through shopping/purchasing/aquiring, to enjoy that for its own sake, and to feel a sense of emptiness and meaninglessness when they can’t buy something. Very few kids make their own fun, they are offered prepackaged fun/activities.
I don’t know what the cure to this is. I’m raising two kids right now, and we are reasonably affluent but very self conscious about purchases and yet the stuff-the things–just kept winging through the window when they were young. Stuff was so cheap that people who knew us only a little but who wanted to signal their joy and happiness at our new children would give us stuff. In a previous generation only close family gave you things, and then only on significant holidays. Now every event, every non event, days that end in “y”, is a sign that gifts and tokens and things should pour into the house. We cleared out all the teeny tiny giftie stuffed animals and dolls a few years ago but still they come in to the house. It prevents kids from forming significant attachments to things, or from grasping that playign with the thing is its goal not just having it.
We try to put our time and effort into doing stuff that is worth doing artistically and socially, in a non competitive way. They both dance and perform. And they go to a progressive school which preaches and teaches the value of community, committment, work, and sharing. We try to “do” stuff rather than “have” stuff but it puts them waaaay out of sync with other people’s kids. And I don’t mean with the kids of the rich, but with the kids of, say, their brazilian babysitter who they have played with since they were newborns.
aimai
I also think of how they worked hard and how community service became such an important part of the “fabric” of their family life.
However, alcohol and substance abuse surely took their toll on that family. But the Kennedy’s showed no fear of working hard and certainly had to solve many family problems. I don’t think they had an “easy life”. I think the substance abuse was more likely fueled by “trauma” for them than “affluenza”.
Phoenix Woman has a new thread upstairs…
Awww…what a sweetie. Nice job, Mom (and Dad).
As for these kids:
Many studies have shown positive trends among American teenagers in recent
On the one hand, they’re whooping it up, but on the other, they know in their hearts and their guts that the way they live is empty, meaningless, and wrong. It is a sickness, consumerism, that permeates our whole culture, and it has sucked dry the soul of our society.
The teen years are…interesting. It is fascinating to watch the person your child is becoming. Scary, everything out there they are dealing with.
I’m trying to spend as much time as I can every day just hanging out with my son. Doing whatever he likes to do. If he invites me to play a video game, or watch some goofy show, I stifle the “no I’m starting dinner” or whatever springs to my lips, and appreciate how wonderful the invitation is.
I’m also giving him more freedom to make choices and spend time with his friends, biking around on adventures. Used to be he loved doing things with me, now not so much. I’m determined not to take this personally, but it’s bittersweet.
Still, every day, I give thanks for such a wonderful kid, and the great luxury of watching him grow up.
Late to the party again.
Christy: As a parent, you’re given only a few moments when you absolutely know that your child/children have turned out well or are on the right road. We get caught in the day-to-day, and then something happens that shines a light on how all our efforts thus far have paid off. Like Peanut extending a welcome to a new friend. I’m sure the glow from that is still with you.
Okay, this one is for wavpeac. [Preview is my friend…]
That’s really fascinating. I’ll have to read more about this.
I’ve always told people who ask how I raised such thoughtful, conscientous children that it helped being broke. I simply could not do for them what a lot of their friends’ parents could. What they wanted, they had to work for. Before they could get “real” jobs, they had paper routes, mowed lawns, shoveled walks, babysat, etc. And there was no allowance. “Mom doesn’t get paid for doing chores, and neither do you.”
I made their education their main job, made a decision early on that they would only participate in one sport/activity per season (mostly because I couldn’t afford the fees for multiples!) and got rid of the cable when it hit $50/mo. At the same time, I raised them with my Democratic beliefs in equality, fair play, and empathy for others.
I’m incredulous. I can’t imagine any child of my generation displaying that kind of empathy. You are to be congratulated on your wonderful little girl.
Christy, enjoy every minute of this, cause the grandkids make it even better.
Christy.
In re my 83 & 96: I promise. I’ll just drop this train of thought in this venue. Apparently either I lack proper voice and/or words, or I’m just totally off base. I won’t repeat.
Thanks for all your work and applying your considerable talents to the problems faced by this “modern” world. – A.