99 Poems about Ted Stevens! 63 on Tuesday, 36 on Wednesday. And although Ted hasn’t been surfacing in the news today like he was earlier in the week, the sun doesn’t set in the North this time of the year, until very late.

I wrote that Thursday, just before TedFest! Day Three was supposed to be posted here. Some people say that Ted decided to enter his own poem in the fest. When he finished his doggerel, he pushed "enter" and firedoglake’s TOOBZ got snarled for three friggin’ hours.

That’s what "some people say." Ted did call me though. It was a robo-call. I was really hoping that he’d call, or that somebody from his staff would call back, accepting my offer inviting somebody in his Alaska office to help judge this contest over the weekend. But, no, just another damn GOP robo-call. Here’s my favorite part of Ted’s call:

Hi! This is Senator Ted Stevens. Sorry to miss you today. I’ve called to invite you to a town hall meeting – BY TELEPHONE! I’m reaching out to you with this new technology….

Now, is that rich poetry material, or what?

Wednesday’s entries, though diminished from Tuesday’s tornado of activity, had a couple of gems, and one masterpiece, the last being from the pen keyboard of Oilfieldguy, a longtime firedoglake regular. Here are the gems:

Barbara shows concern for Ted’s holds or disappearances of important legislation…

To have and to hold,
To watch the thing mould,
Until it’s so old,
It’s forgotten.

The man has a flair
For fouling the air
Methinks something
in Juneau is rotten.

dakine01 writes about Ted’s role over the years, in diverting fisheries resources to well-connected friends and relatives (this is probably the most serious of pending charges against the Stevens father-son combo)….

Ted and his son liked all the lobbyists
Who liked to pretend they were fishing hobbyists
But the true fishers knew that Ted was a scammer
Now they wait for word he’ll join Ben in the slammer.

Oilfieldguy’s entry, a new, slightly modified form of a classical poetic structure, is almost in a class of its own. and, as he noted at the time: "Shit, that was some hard stuff!" He used the villanelle form, but decided later, that in Ted’s case, it is truly a villainelle….

Ode to Ted

Cranky ol’ Ted builds bridges with fear
Good bills tho’ he stops with a hold
Beholden by lobbyists he holds so Dear

Slaughtering our freedoms Ted has no Peer
‘Tis for our own good we’re told,
Cranky ol’ Ted builds bridges with fear

Donors access granted, citizens to the rear
His attention is purchased with Gold
Beholden by lobbyists he holds so Dear

Plagued by scandal and bribes we hear
He must be beat, he’ll never fold
Cranky ol’ Ted builds bridges with fear

Angry ol’ rhetoric is his only gear
drill, bow, the Ted Stevens mold
Beholden by lobbyists he holds so Dear

A loss for Ted, his eye to tear
Empathy for him has been sold
Cranky ol’ Ted builds bridges with fear
Beholden by lobbyists he holds so Dear

As you can see from the YouTube above, provided by Dennis Zaki’s excellent web journal, Alaska Report, we want our Alaska back!

Thursday was the Netroots Nation kickoff. Needless to say, Ted won’t be there. His likely opponent in November, Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich (here’s Mark’s Blue America page) is there, though, and wants us to get our Alaska back from Ted and Ted’s GOP and corporate cronies. Talkingpointsmemo’s Josh Marshall has announced he will be interviewing Mark, who is scheduled to speak, and participated in today’s Energizing America: Setting an Agenda for Progress forum.

Mark Begich and the Alaska Democratic Party have highlighted Ted’s duplicity in his important role in creating our energy crisis, through his passage of Wendy Gramm’s Enron Loophole, back in December, 2000. And Begich and our Alaska Democrats have pointed out that Stevens, in his bold-faced lies to constituents and the Alaska press, that he supports our Veterans, has been even further from the truth.

As emptywheel observed here Wednesday, Ted Stevens is total anti-transparency, wanting transparency to return to the Oval Office on, on, well, on January 21, 2009. How convenient, eh?

Meanwhile, we’re not the only ones with a Ted Stevens contest going. When Anchorage’s progressive talk radio station, KUDO-1080-AM, found out about our contest, they started holding an impromptu one of their own, on CC’s afternoon (4:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Pacific time) program. And the sometimes humorous web page, RetireTed! has a contest of sorts going, in which you can find new questions to ask Ted that he won’t answer. Here are ten big ones he refuses to answer:

1. How is Stevens paying his legal fees?

2. What is Stevens involvement in the ongoing Federal Investigation?

3. Did Stevens deliver earmarks and contracts to help benefit his son’s clients?

4. Did VECO pay for the remodel of Steven’s Girdwood home?

5. Why won’t Stevens talk about the millions in earmarks for his business partner Bob Penney?

6. Why did Stevens allow the Enron loophole rider onto his appropriations bill?

7. What exactly does The Ted Stevens Foundation do and who is funding it?

8. Why did Stevens try to shut out the public from the legislative process?

9. Why won’t Stevens talk about his 527 group made up of former staff and lobbyists?

10. Why won’t Stevens disclose his and his wife’s full personal finances?

Here’s where you can send in your questions.

But, meanwhile – Hey Firedogs! – get out your pens, your brutal, artful doggerel, your accrued haiku breakthroughs, your rhythmic limerick arsenic, and help us, in the words of neurophius, another firedoglake poet, write more poems and…

Ted Stevens is in Fed trouble–
Trouble oh so big
So let’s all join in and “honor” him
By giving his Contest a Digg!

Today is the last scheduled day of TedFest! Give it a shot.


Related posts:

  1. Vote by Midnight for POP Art Contest
  2. We’re Having a Contest: Which Democrat Has the Most Lobbyist Skeletons in Their Closet?
  3. Arianna Huffington, Jesse Dylan, Marshall Ganz and Others to Judge POP Art Contest
  4. Contest Semifinals, Day III: Vote for Member Who Just Won’t “Walk the Talk”
  5. Contest Semifinals: Vote for Member Who Just Won’t “Walk the Talk”