1. Needs less text — most people who see it won’t read it because it’s just way, way too long. Instead, mention the issue, why it’s important, and then direct readers to a site to find out more.

I know this is a complex issue and there is a lot of info out there that needs sharing, but it’s just too text heavy.

2. No call to action — The ad mentions the problems with the legislation and debunks myths, both of which are wonderful. But that’s it. No request to call a Senator, no request to write a letter or send an email, no call for donation or action, just … nothing.

By the end, those who are just learning about the issue are going to say to themselves, “Okay … that’s great and all, but what the hell is their point? What do they want from me?” Next time, it needs to do more than just present itself like a blog entry in ad format.

PLEASE don’t get me wrong — I’m so damn glad someone is getting the facts out there.

But in terms of an ad, it could use some help.*

(*Note: I’ve been a writer for 10 years and have done hundreds of ads — online, newspaper, etc. If you all want some help, send me an email next time and I’ll be more than happy to offer some free advice. Although some may say you get what you pay for, I disagree … ;-) ).

Applies in politics and business.

Shorter Rockefeller: Trust me, I’m smart.

me: no thank you. i’m not that stupid.