It’s tough out there on the campaign trail. So many reporters, so many diner stops, so many obnoxiously cute babies to kiss and Middle American clammy hands to shake, and all on so little sleep. It’s easy to see how a candidate could jack his or her own shit up just by uttering one of the seven phrases that are the verbal equivalent of a seppuku blade in the solar plexus of the campaign. To wit:
1. "My voting record shows…" When your voting attendance record makes Ferris Bueller look like Tracy Flick (Google it, people), it’s probably not the attribute you want to highlight in your stump speeches. Under 50% = F. Just sayin’.
2. "Public campaign financing." To clarify: Public financing is like virginity – either you are or you’re not. Best to take a step back, try to remember what you did that night you got so wasted that you woke up naked in a dumpster behind the Applebee’s in downtown Phoenix, and proceed accordingly.
3. "It Doesn’t Matter." When your entire political career rests on the fact that you were shot down over Hanoi during the war, you really have to learn how to play to the special interests in the audience. So if someone asks you whether you’ve got a timetable for a U.S. withdrawal from Iraq, don’t go for the flip response with an irritable flick of your wrist. Sure, it’s easy to play up the whole "mavericky" edge bestowed upon you by the media, but you’re more likely to get smacked down so hard by veteran’s rights groups that you’ll wind up looking like a fly that’s just impacted a windshield at approximately 100 mph.
4. "Shi’a . . . no, wait! Sunni!" As effective as a spoonful of Colon Blow™ to your reputation as a foreign policy "expert." Yes, there are 6,912 languages spoken throughout the world, but as a presumptive nominee for the leader of the free world, you don’t have to learn them all. You should, however, be familiar with the names of the major religious sects of Islam and which "terrorist" states adhere to which, especially if you’re campaigning to stay in Iraq for another 100 years. Remember: just because those people all wear keffiyehs doesn’t mean that they are all believers in the same religion. I mean, look at Rachel Ray, fer crissakes. Does she look all Arabish to you?
5. "I’ll cut taxes." No, no you won’t. In this economic environment, unless you’re talking about cutting the taxes of the middle class, you’d be more likely to get frottaged by a giant blue hamster on crack than get another tax cut for the wealthiest past the American public.
6. "I hate gooks." Really not such a good idea to alienate the minorities, especially those slanty-eyed, inscrutable ones, dude! Y’know, the ones that gave us ninjas and pajamas as daywear and shit! Yes, okay, the North Vietnamese held you captive and tortured you, but isn’t forty years a long time to hold a grudge? Let it go, man. Let it go.
7. "You c*nt." Yeah, sure, it’s a slang expression in Scotland that covers everything from your best friend’s asshole of a father to a plate of warmed over haggis, but in the United States, it could mean the death of your campaign, especially if it’s directed at your slush fund of a wife. Then again, if you’ve got the media in your pocket, you can probably call each and every reporter a "c*nt" repeatedly, so long as you keep slapping the barbecued baby back ribs and potato salad on their plates.
Just bear it in mind.
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WT!
”My friends…heh heh”
That makes 8.
He is a serial violator.
watertiger!
Je suis ici!
EPU’d…
Compare and contrast.
Watertiger I just love that portrait of Mc Pain… is he trying to use a computer???? /s
Rodney Dangerfield McCain.
I am Waiting Neuro….
No need.
No, he’s hiding nuts in his cheeky pouch.
i think its him realizing that he just violated #7 and the sugar mama express holds the slush fund.
Some real nice writing here…….thanks, watertiger……got me thinkin’.
This thread is now open for Digging…the “0″ button above should read “!” or more…
dugg and thanks for that nicely choreographed digg
Dugg.
Thanks!
Ah, some of us watch more movies than others…
Ui-kacha! You are on fire. I can only hope McSorryAss is feeling the heat.
I make 5.
Now what is Cindy going to play with?
He seems to be having a ittle trouble with teh Windsor, not.
we aim to please…don’t we, nahant?
now, about those burgers…
SUZ!!! Brain bleach!
perhaps she can do a captain quegg imitation
Actually, I think he is once again swallowing his pride and integrity. It goes down hard and leaves a lingering bitter after taste.
watertiger, this post is snarkilicious!
brain bleach in the usual containers at the usual entrances and exists and other locations (check the power strips)
His are not steel :)
Well off to cook the Burgers … don’t forget to DDiggigg
uh…
SUZ!! Brain bleach!
‘Enkew. We all have to play to our strengths…
Better get #1 down right now.
Barkey runs on a totally fabricated voting record. Of course, to be fair he never talks about it but his devoted followers will go on for hours with totally delusional bullshit about how he voted.
I’m not going to get into the specifics as that would hijack your thread but I would assert that even in the ’sphere most folks are totally and I mean TOTALLY ignorant of how their candidates vote.
And spare me the bs about Hillary or asides about McSame the point is most have no idea who they are voting for. As an example there was a thread here a couple of weeks ago where the argument raged for dozens and dozens of assert and reply that Jim Webb would be a horrible choice for Barkey’s Veep as Webb’s ‘conservative’ voting in the Senate would ‘ruin’ Barkey’s ‘progressive’ ticket.
Folks Jim Webb always has and I’d be willing to bet always will be rated by Progressive Punch, on his votes, as more progressive than lil’ Barkey…
Look it up if it’s not too much trouble.
More like mushy peas.
um, DrDick, did you really mean to suggest that McBush ever HAD integrity?
I mean, since he entered the political arena, anyway?
La comédie, celle est moi.
(You, I mean. Not me.)
You know in that picture if he had a pipe he would be a deadringer for Popeye. I can see it now. His campaign slogan could be “I’s am what I’s am” to play off that whole mavericky shtik.
I want to know what happened to the strawberries.
T’es drôle.
My computer will not leave me alone until I feed the the mouse new batteries.
No. He sold that along with his soul when he married the sugar mama express and entered politics. Unfortunately, like really bad kimchi, it keeps coming back up.
you mean like this?
colon blow?
I really must get out more.
(I would, but I’m afraid of the giant blue hamsters on crack.)
i’m sure not like this
OT – Judge wants to know why Congress doesn’t just go ahead and arrest those serial subpoena ignorer’s:
http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpoi…..arrest.php
Gee, why didn’t anyone around here think of that? /s
McCain=War=The Draft My humble submission to the DNC Bumper Sticker Committee
I’m not even sure if I said it right. You get what you pay for with Babelfish, lol.
“My friends, your great great grandchildren…”
I get no respect…no respect at all! Even my wife hates me..the c*nt!
She introduces me at a fundraiser… you know what the trollop says?
“Please welcome my husband, John McCain…it’s good to see him back in men’s clothes!”
I tell ya- no respect at all!
LOL!
Heh.
*spew*
the modsquad thanks you for the judicious use of the *
Pure prescience picturing poppy’s poppycock.
Heh, …and there is no appellate procedure for Inherent Contempt! Fancy that…!
gesundheit!
I know all about inherent contempt. I’ve had it for this Administration for 7 years.
So when the fuck are they going to use it? I mean even the judge seems to be saying WTF!
the wapoo version is in the newsqueue
Just got the shit below as an e-mail- it’s probably on it’s fourth trip around the world- worst thing is I got it from a DEM:
—–Original Message—–
From:
Subject: Who is Obama …
Very interesting and something that should be considered in your choice.
Who is Barack Obama?
Probable U.S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr, a black MUSLIM from Nyangoma-Kogel, Kenya and Ann Duham a white ATHIEST from Wichita, Kansas.
Obama’s parents met at the University of Hawaii.
When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced.
His Father returned to Kenya.
His Mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL MUSLIM from Indonesia.
When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to Indonesia.
Obama attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta. He also spent two years in a Catholic school.
Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a MUSLIM. He is quick to point out, he was once a MUSLIM, but that he also attended a Catholic school.
Obama’s political handlers are attempting to make it appear that:
Obama’s introduction to Islam came via his Father, and that his influence was temporary at best, in reality, the senior Obama returned to Kenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any direct influence over his son’s education.
Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama’s Mother,
Ann Dunham, introduced his stepson to Islam.
Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school in Jakarta.
Wahabism is the RADICAL teaching that is followed by the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the Western world.
Since it is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when seeking a major public office in the United States, Barack Huessein Obama has joined the United Church of Christ in an attempt to
dowm play his Muslim back ground.
ALSO, keep in mind that when he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the HOLY BIBLE, but, instead used the KORAN.
Let us all remain alert concerning Obama’s expected presidential candidacy.
The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside out, what better way to start than at the highest level, through the president of the United States, one of their own!!!!
Please forward to everyone you know.
Would you want this man leading our country?…..NOT ME!!
All hail teh Queen of Snark.
Thanks, I think I have an allergy to McCane Sugar momma express or something.
Heh, …and there is no appellate procedure for Inherent Contempt! Fancy that…!
heh, another case of Blog-aficionados knowing more than (Congress-people want us to know).
Enforcement of Inherent Contempt would take some guts. Therefore, it hasn’t happened. Throwing the question to a judge is more than a little bit of a cop-out, but once some smart people started bringing it up, those poor Congress-cowards just couldn’t get away with doing absolutely nothing any more.
so by posting it in its entirety here, are you working to get it on its 5th trip?
i love that one….
Heh.
I was kinda skeert of the reaction that one would get.
You need better spam filters.
One never sees John McCain kissing babies. I guess they can’t afford the price of admission.
No- I thought that people might be interested in what the goopers are doing to attack Obama- but perhaps I was wrong.
TPM’s overloaded…can’t get on. Specifics?
Nah, his handlers are afraid he will eat them.
Standing O from this quarter.
lol.
Re inherent contempt, the judge who made that remark is John Bates. He’s a conservative. He is also the one who ruled that Valerie Plame’s civil suit could not go forward because while the suit had merit the court did not have jurisdiction.
Giving that filth one column inch is one column inch too much.
My base!
mmmmmmmm, baaaaabieeeees!
In a motion hearing in federal court today, U.S. District Judge John Bates questioned why Congress didn’t simply arrest former White House counsel Harriet Miers and Chief of Staff Josh Bolten after both refused to respond to subpoenas issued by the House Judiciary Committee:
Congress has the authority to hold someone in contempt, U.S. District Judge John Bates said. Did it really need to go to court?
House counsel Irvin Nathan said it did.
Bates promised a quick decision, but noted the likelihood of appeal.
I can haz champagn-yaaa?
mmmmmmmm, deep fried baaaaabieeeees!
Yep. Asked and answered.
for mary mcc
Yeah, I read that earlier today. He really did not sound real thrilled about having it land in his lap. Even seemed to indicate that it did not belong in the courts at all as a “political question”, but should be resolved via the inherent powers of Congress (i.e., inherent contempt).
oh, ja.
Lovely Watertiger – I calculated out McCain’s record on votes the other day (you may have seen it, not sure whether I did it at EW or off toobz). He has be awol for pretty much 80% of the total votes this year. The citizens of Arizona sure are not getting their representation or money’s worth. The only reason he was even that high is that on a couple of occasions, there were 6 or 7 votes on a day he happened to actually show up.
Thanks.
rwcole. I hadn’t seen that idiocy.
And, uh…
snnrrkkk.
there’s a great cut of that song with buddy guy and stevie ray vaughan… its around 25 minutes long iirc.
I asked Cliff Schecter to clarify for the audience tonight at “Shoot the Messenger” what his average was. He said it was about 50% for the year he was doing the research for “The Real McCain”.
Kind of like Bush and his vacation days, no?
Is there a linkie? 25 minutes of SRV is not enuff!
Now why didn’t the Wapoo actually say what it was… And it seems to me the WH counsel doesn’t know what he’s talking about…
Yep. Asked and answered.
I think that blogs *answered*, but Congress wouldn’t ask…
No.
Meaning yes.
It isn’t like we haven’t suggested it to Congress.
If they’d actually listen to us when we start filling up their mailboxes, we’d be a lot better off.
I went to a “mythbuster” site and they listed two other versions of virtually the same message that is circulating by e-mail- all anonymous of course- but people read em and pass em on..
It’s a new form of an old smear trick- but it’s pretty damned effective–and very difficult to counter…Don’t be surprised to discover that a RISING percentage of americans think Obama is a muslim.
So does McCain.
He should ask Cindy. No, wait, those are razzberries.
I can’t even feel that much hate for Bush. I wonder how people who write that kind of trash live with themselves.
haven’t found one.. its a live cut from buddy and stevie at buddy’s club.
I don’t seem to have any trouble mustering up hate for bush. But I’m shrill.
My guess is that this stuff is coming from the bowels of the GOP itself. It’s a totally anonymous way of smearing a candidate with no recourse (unless someone knows how to track the thing back to it’s source).
Complete info here.
I’m looking too… someday, someday….
I got to tell you that if you ever get a chance to see Buddy play at his own place, do it. He is especially good during the 2 week stretch in January that he reserves every year (or at least he did). He is really happy being home and with his people and it really shows.
Hey! I will go arrest the forkers.
Why do I feel that if our candidate was named Sidney, we’d be slayed, riduculed and, oh fuck, called gay?
Why am I getting a “New Post Published” notice when there is no new post?
You mean like if our candidate was named Al, John or Barack?
Ahhh, thanks, mate. Useful info for future posts.
This is why we need to restrict the campaign season to, say, 9 months prior to the general election.
Hard refreshes all around, and it will be solved.
Yes. Just like that.
Politics is all about who’s dick is bigger. The republicans for sometime now have been under the illusion that their dicks are bigger. The problem is that the ruling class always has the smallest dicks. They for some reason have in the recent past been able to make the issue about girlie names and not dicks. They are in for a big surprise.
Hard refresh. Still repressed.
Dang, WT, McInsane scored worse than you thought…
39% is abysmal…!
Werd.
If Conyers won’t convene an impeachment inquiry, he should be treated as a Bush enabler and tried at the Hague. If he attempts an impeachment inquiry and Pelosi blocks it, Conyers is a hero and Pelosi should take his place in the docet alongside Bush.
I strongly recommend this by Ray McGovern: http://www.antiwar.com/mcgovern
exactly
Ahhhhh, John McCain is a long term waste, I’m tellin’ ya.
Arabish? Even if she was, she’d still be yum-o to me.
I wrote about it today…! ;-)
Fine premise. But it only counts when you can get folks to stop looking at their dicks and start looking at their kids.
I was refering to republicans not human beings.
Amen to that.
oh shit. where has time gone??? i gotta run. just in leaving, i didn’t see anybody mention it yesterday but did anyone else think Lindsay Graham got shat on on MTP yesterday??
And now, duting off an old favorite …… THe Beerfart Pick o’ the Week…. Not really a pick so much as a prediction….. Bob Barr ain’t gonna mean shit in November. Why is anyone writing about this odd man ?
It is amazing how they can ignore that.
I stand corrected.
That was Biden’s best performance of the campaign season. Yep.
I liked his description of the MSM… He called them the FCM… Fawning Corporate Media…
If I had kids, I would have cared. But I don’t, and I still care.
I agree! Conyers needs to take his committee chairmanship and use it or step down and let someone else who will take the heat get on with it.
The question I have is how much complicity does the Dem leadership have in the subversion of the Constitution, starting the war, buying into the cooked intel and even “outing” Valerie Plame. I’m starting to think they have a lot…
russert would show the one “gotcha” quote and move on. Gregory beat Graham about the head with I think 3 different quotes saying why offshore drilling is bad. ONly way he could explain the change: “Gas is $4 a gallon now.”
BTW, befoe I go, RIP, George Carlin.
Actually Barr and Ron Paul could make a difference here in Montana, as well as Idaho, Wyoming, and elsewhere in the Mountain West. There is a very strong Libertarian element in the GOP out here and they are really not happy with McSparklePoney. None of these states has many electoral votes, but they have been safely Red states for quite a while and it forces the GOP to fight for and spend money on every vote. Not sure that either of them will have an impact, but they could.
Evening all-
All of this to use against McCain-and I still can’t shake the nagging fear that it is going to be a tough campaign, and we’ll be lucky to beat him.
There is no longer much question on that; the Dems may not be responsible, but they are certainly fully complicit.
Fuck Russert. I’ll sleep well.
Either way, you can make bank on both camps polling furiously on that question right now. Electoral College votes are in the balance. Been there before.
And that kids is why “Impeachment is off the table”
Bastards.
(spitting) i hope the forkers all end up at the hague having to explain why they should not be deemed to have been complicit
Ding. Or Ka-ching?
Yep. I am just happy to see the Rethugs squandering scarce resources on low vote states that “should be” safe for them. Kos actually has Montana as a battleground state this year.
not responsible/complicit = myopic fools
I feel the same way.
Oh yeah, where are my glasses?
My dream scenario, assuming the PAA is passed and signed, is that the next President opens up enough personal data to give standing to some poor schmuck whose personal information got got, and suddenly the Supremes will have a shot at declaring it unconstitutional.
Wow!! That’s hysterical. I had to go all over the place to figure out what “FCM” stands for. (And to save effort for others, it’s “Fawning Corporate Media.” I spewed about half a glass of very fine Savignon Blanc.)
As my hillbilly grandfather was fond of saying, “Useless as tits on a boar hog.”
arrived at the same conclusion midday Saturday
belated props to you on your front page last week. a fabulous read and was so sorry to have missed your debut in real time.
At least tits on a basketball has a porpoise.
Who can argue with tits?
Keith Olbermann had a nice tribute to George Carlin tonight…replayed a 6 minute interview they had done a while back
Dude, Ray has such a way with words. I love the way he writes.
If Obama does not stand up to Reid about the FISA legislation, I will support him only for his court picks and nothing else. That means a small $$ donation and no volunteer efforts. He should be able to beat McVain hands down, but he’s not much of a man if he can’t lead, just follow and then get out of the way of “flak”.
Holy shit!
He IS Smeagol…
Befuddled vs. Sock Puppet
I think this is quite possible. I don’t doubt for a second that Republicans will be screaming to the rafters about “violations of privacy” the first time the Big Brother apparatus gets turned on one of them. I think a lot of this police-state sheezit could be undone fairly quickly if that were to happen.
hey that singer – haven’t seen ya around – hope all is well with you
Tits were not disrespected.
He gets my vote. Period.
Aloha! Is that your old MOS…? ;-)
Yeah, you know I might go with just that. Save the $$ for gas. LOL.
Excepting feeble Democrat-ick leadership in the House and Senate, the expected solid majorities should achieve similar legislative results with or without Pelosi’s and Reid’s sock puppet.
I argue that achieving ‘universal healthcare’ and reversing seemingly lost issues as ‘retroactive FISA immunity’ can only be realized without Obama.
Socks. Someone say socks. How about Iceland Socks?
here they are
Socks.
Someone had to say it.
yes
All good here, Suzanne, thanks for asking… been around, enjoying your taste in music, as always… lots of times I’ve gotten to the party really late to comment, but this shot of
GollumMcCain was just too bizarre to pass up…Cheers!
those are some very Iceland socks you have there, mary
did nahant ever make it back with those burgers?
Medic… IIRC…! ;-)
no real musical talent but i do fan and audience real well
Mary, a big wet one for you.
Slurp, slurp,
You can’t help yerself, can you?
no – shall i set my glare to stun?
and.. for those interested.. there is a new wedding pic up at my place.. and this time, it includes me
I have a very limited sense of self discipline.
We just finished ours… did you enjoy yours? Now thinking about that strawberry ice cream in the freezer…Häagen-Dazs of course:>)
Nice, Suz!
yes, unless he shows up with something like THIS pretty soon…
Ugh, life will be better manana. Si?
Buenes noches. or suave nachos. or y’all come back now, y’ hear!
and I say that with a very, very thick southern accent.
Sort of like:
“I have always depended on the kindest of strangers.”
maybe he will try for the first comment and first Digg on LLN
There is no MEAT WTF! Suz I hope you don’t eat that crap:
he’s trying to distract us with ice cream.. not gonna work
Wel post it already! How can I get ZED if you don’t post it???
I am going upstairs before the post. Bye.
Night MM.
I note this post has received 24 Diggs. That’s not a bad start. If the rest of you could Digg it before you leave, we might be able to get something started…
I was amazed at how many videos in a row you put up of people I know or have bworked with!
Seen Govt. Mule lately?
yes — 40 years past — “To conserve ….”
slow reply — was poking around main & central link from above
I’m off to bed. Take care and enjoy the snark.
Eureka Springs has tunes upstairs!