So here's a puzzler: How do you write a book about a vicious, evil man like Dick Cheney without turning it into an offputting angry rant? Well, I have read the answer, and it is called Young Dick Cheney: Great American.
Instead of giving into their anger and being consumed by the Dark Side, Bruce Kluger and David Slavin, along with illustrator Tim Foley, re-create the style of kid-oriented biographies about the early days of great American heroes, and apply it to one of America's great villains. The result is, not to put too fine a point on it, hilarious.
Liberally illustrated (of course), the book follows Young Dick from his frontier birth as a miniature, fully-formed, growly-voiced plutocrat through his high school years as the powerful vice president of the student council - documenting his life as he discovers his love of war, oil, guns, dark blue suits, power, secrecy, shady political machinations, and Lynn Not-Yet-Cheney.
By way of example, here's a passage describing five-year-old Dick's ecstasy upon receiving an Official Davy Crockett Buckaroo-Boy BB Gun for Christmas:
On Christmas morning, Dick's wish came true. Padding down the stairs in his Wendell Willkie feet-pajamas, Dick looked beneath the tree and let out his biggest and happiest grumble ever.
"Thank you, Santa Claus!" Dick yelled, grabbing the rifle and slinging it over his shoulder, just like a genuine frontiersman. "Look at me!" he shouted. "I'm Davy Crockett! Remember the Alamo!"
Young Dick gave his father a great big hug, then shot his mother in the face.
There's plenty more where that came from. Lots of shooting people in the face, lots of heart attacks, lots of oil, mixed in with sly references to contemporary political characters and events.
The authors honed their skills as political satirists for NPR's All Things Considered, and conducted exhaustive research on children's literature under the clever pretense of being the fathers of young girls - making them uniquely qualified to chair the search committee for an author to write this book. After many months of interviews and Googling, they finally named themselves, and the rest is... well, something that sort of resembles history, only funnier.
Please join me in welcoming Bruce Kluger and David Slavin to Firedoglake. As always, stay on topic and keep your comments polite and respectful (to the authors, at least - you can say whatever you like about Dick). And if you haven't yet, please do pick up a copy of Young Dick Cheney, or I'll shoot you in the face you'll be glad you did.
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Bruce, David Welcome to the Lake.
Hi guys, welcome!
Eli, thank you for Hosting this book salon.
Eli!
Welcome to FDL Bruce and David.
Bruce and David, welcome to Firedoglake!
Hi all
Thanks for having us!
Greetings.
Okay, someone ask a question now.
*prod prod prod*
is Dick Cheney here?
May I say, Bruce, that I love that shirt your wife got you for Father’s Day.
Do you think he’d tell anyone if he was?
Huh-boy
What made you guys decide to do this format of a book?
Okay, I’ll start: How did you pick Tim Foley as your illustrator? Are children’s books his usual genre?
Wait, wait –we’ll start
Bruce, David, the book is wonderful and a laugh a page. What motivated you to write the book?
Dave and I are both fathers of young girls, so we’ve been pretty steeped in kids’ lit for the past decade or so. We also both contributed to Marlo Thomas’ last children’s book (and Grammy-winning CD!), “Thanks and Giving: All Year Long,” so when we began work on YDC, we were in a kid’s book frame of mind.
Much of our work on NPR satirizes cultural conventions, and frequently incorporates elements of politics. We’ve always believed that the most successful satire combines elements that seem to be contradictory, but actually have an undercurrent of similarities that can be absurd and funny. So in the case of Young Dick Cheney, we thought it would be a kick to tackle a very grown-up (and very wicked) character like Dick Cheney, but paint him in the kind of primary colors used in children’s books.
aloha back atcha, CT
We actually placed an ad in the Society for Children’s Book Illustrators website, and Tim sent us to his work. We felt like he got what we were doing immediately, but then went chasing around for other illustrators–none of whom got it in the same way–and eventually came back to Tim with our tails between our legs.
Between Dick shooting everyone in the face and talking out of the side of his mouth and Lynne, with her “best girlfriends, Chris, Pat, and Geoff” there were a lot of laughs.
Are you going to send him off to Yale and then back home to Lynne after he conquers the effette Liberals?
Oh Eli. THANK YOU! A MUST-buy for sure!
THANK YOU Bruce and David! Bravo!
I shall set a copy right beside my copy of the Teachers’ Edition of America by John Stewart and pile of Doonesbury books of a certain type. ;->
Unfortunately, Dick’s written the end to his story already. And it hasn’t been a happily ever after, has it?
So he really *is* a children’s book illustrator?
Also, are “Chris, Pat & Geoff” references to anyone in particular? I felt like I should have made the connection, but I drew a total blank.
Though I really would’ve liked to have covered his DUIs.
Tiom as done a little of everything — kids’ magaizne. Grown-up’s pubs. And he recently designed an entire (gorgeous) fantasy board game that will be out this christmas…
but to answer your question about Lynne….
Yeah, most of the references were fairly obvious but that one escaped me as well…
You have no idea how therapeutic laughing is for those with a tear in the eye most of the time. Or, maybe you do. Anyway, this is a very important book, imho.
Chris, Pat and Geoff are just foils — they’re not based anyone real. Rather, they were a device that we used to underscore the outrageous sexual hypocrisy of the real Lynne Cheney
Thanks, Adie. We thrive off comments like yours.
Do Lynne and Scooter get together to write some breathtaking prose that Chris, Pat, and Geoff can all enjoy?
I actually just thought the name “Geoff” sounded funny.
Dick who?
That’s a relief. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out who Geoff would be.
[Hey, dave — I’m lovin’ Adie.]
It *is* nice to read a liberal book that doesn’t make you think, “OMG! It’s even worse than I imagined!”
“Wagons ‘Ho 2!”
One other thing abiout the book’s format: We also tried to make the book adhere very much to the kids books of the real Dick Cheney’s era (like all those books kids were force-fed in elementary school — “Young Abe Lincoln,” “Young George Washington,” etc.). In other words, we hoped to create a book that, if you mussed up the cover a bit and bent back some pages, you could sell it on eBay as an authentic 50’s era children’s biography.
Surely you can make use of his oil sniffing abilities for the good of us all. Maybe he can be towed behind Condi’s oil tanker in the ocean so he can sniff out the next big field for us all. Or at least for Exxon/Mobil right?
I may actually try that.
Oh, you bad boys!! Good work!
Book 2: Young Dick Cheney Goes To ANWR.
[old biddy and happily married]
[car bumper too short, but hips wide enuf to display,]
“A Mindless Fool is a Terrible Thing to Loose on a Vulnerable World”
Yes. it needs work. Fix it and it’s yours, aloha.
thanks, kathryn
You took the joke right out of my mouth. Stop that, Eli.
Is there a pop-up edition? I want one.
I have a feeling I’ll like this book a whole lot more than those 50’s era books I had to read.
oh please no. then i would cry.
[That’s okay, dave. we’ll just steal the joke and use it ourselves in our next piece for npr]
shhhh. we can hear you in the back left corner.
Pre-emptive jokes are a perfectly sound humor strategy.
A pop up book! Man, what a great idea. Oil derricks. Shortguns. Teenage lust — ok, well maybe not that last one….
I wouldn’t touch that comment with a ten-foot…oh, forget it.
Oh yeah, the shotgun could have one of those slidey things so you could make the shot go in & out.
Actually, I guess you could use the same mechanism for all three…
how about a liquor cabinet version?
What’s a liquor cabinet version? Is that the version that comes with twizzle stix?
My thirst is piqued, too.
Eww.
Never mind. I can picture zooming zits and sproinging…never mind.
Maybe it’s a smaller, raunchier version of the Coffee Table Book.
pop-up piles of cash - the slidey thing could make it grow.
BTW, it’s swizzle sticks, you moron. Oh, did you all hear that?
So much could be explained by Dick peeking…
sorry. now everyone knows that you were the one who proofed our manuscript.
i dunno. that’s yer job. i was riffing offa Kramer’s coffee-table book that folded out to make a lil’ table.
Y’know. The oil derrick could be a dispenser or sumpin’.
going too far a-field, huh?
well, so did/does shooter/driller.
his greed knoweth no bounds.
I’m liking these ideas. A popup book sure as hell would’ve been easier to write.
Or you could do a comic book - the dark blue suit could be like the evil Venom suit in Spiderman 3.
nah nah nah. We want substance and content in our library.
anyone wanna hear something outrageous?
You’ve never been here before, have you.
How would you set up Lynne’s flaming baton?
As we continue to get reviews for Young Dick Cheney, we’re also experiencing some, er, resistance from certain pockets in the media. One (HUGE) newspaper said it wouldn’t run a review of the book “unless it could be paired with a review that makes fun of a Democrat.”
707!
gasholeen works for me.
Oh, fer-
Okay, here’s your solution:
“Young Joe Lieberman”.
If they don’t buy that, there’s always “Young Harold Ford”.
That’s easy. Joe Lieberman or Harry Reid or Zell Miller or…
Think they’d settle for Lieberman?
Don’t get us started on Joe Lieberman.
Hey Cool!
Liarman!
Young Rahm Emmanuel? Young Chuck Schumer?
Oh, but that’s exactly what I’m trying to do…
Heh, obviously a newbie…! ;-)
Yes. We DESPISE Joe Lieberman.
I’m sorry, all u great minds, but Liarman is in a class by hisownself.
Puleeze ?
I once sent a blistering email to Joe Lieberman’s website, and two days later got a message back from them asking me how much I’d like to contribute to keep the “MoJoe” going.
Well I hope you filled in the little blank. ;->
(I got a similar email when I logged onto NaughtyNurses.com to renew my subscription.)
send him a Puerto Rican stamp.
I’m just thankful Joe’s around to remind John McCain who the “President of Germany” is.
_ $10 _ $25 _ $50 X Dead Fish
The Naughty Nurses asked you to contribute to Joe? I’m shocked, SHOCKED I tell you… (*G*)
You love a woman in a uniform, eh…? ;-)
And the difference between Sunnis and Shi’ites.
You know McCain’s dangerous when Joementum is the in-touch-with-reality one.
Um, the X was supposed to be underlined. Stoopit comment icons.
and how ’bout john-boy’s latest — one of the worst decisions in the history of the country? sheesh.
It’s the Nurses shoes, mainly.
There’s a dandy pic of dick’s package online - worthy of consideration if you go for a popup sequel…..
Joe Lieberman: Voice of Reason. You can’t make this stuff up.
Apparently judges are supposed to make decisions based on national security instead of the Constitution now. It’s a new thing.
Ohgod, think of the lawsuits…
Nooo… Not shoe p0rn…! (that is a hot topic here…) ;-)
dick’s package? ok, I think i need to throw up.
Oh, ewww… I remember that. Brain bleach, please…
You guys are cracking me up. Fastest thread of one liners since liveblogging took up band width. *g*
I do hate to leave this group of stellar minds, but dinner prep can’t be done by daddy today, now can it?!
Hey pups. Ya think we could push this thing up in the charts at AmZone?
I’ll do my part, but always go to book store in person & pay cash.
Can’t be too careful these days.
I hear tell the scotus ran amok just this past week.
almost gives us hope for humanity, but we gotta hurry.
Thanks you wizards. Looks like a beeeoooootiful read and a sight for sore eyes. Shall enjoy ;->
Pass it this way when you’re done with it.
You had to bring this up, didn’t you?
So you’re the one who crashed his website?
Like there’ll be any left.
Many thanks, Adie. Happy Father’s Day to Dad.
thanks, adie– we ADORE you.
Thanks. You guys are great!
That’s obviously his battery pack for his industrial grade Pace-maker…! ;-)
This one time, when I was catching a softball game, the ball managed to bounce up *into* my shorts.
I don’t know what just made me think of that.
my my. um, let’s see. whut wuz it i wuz gonna dew nest?
My 111 was for ya, Marion! *g*
So .. I’m lovin’ Adie’s suggestion of cranking up our #s on AmZone. Who here is going to be the first person to order 80 copies of the book?
oh yeah… check out that link…. eh. not so much.
Another mental image I could do without.
80! Do I hear 90? Yes, you in the back with the green shirt. Do I hear 100?
If the book is half as funny as you guys, well……
I know lots of people who could use a few laughs as we recover from the primaries and head into the general (while worrying what the D*ckster is up to).
Thanks for coming to FDL!
y’know, some people choose the darndest places to lose their cell phones…
Waaay more than half. Go get some.
-uh- i think that green’s bleed-thru from the background behind the poor fella.
OK, folks, we’re coming up on the hour mark, and so far we’ve got nurses shoes, Dick’s package, and Eli’s softball “wardrobe malfunction.”
thanks, diablesseblu. (so interesting — you call us funny. our wives call us idiotic.)
My adult child collects children’s books. This will make a great addition to her collection. *g*
However, this will be one she shares with her law school classmates!
See Dick Gun, er, Run.
On a good day.
Well, you could always elaborate on Lynne and her girlfriends.
Or Dick and his boy friends.
i say she should buy one for everyone in the class. hell — for everyone in the whole damn law school!
liarman’s idiotic.
you guys are funny.
You guys swear ya don’t write the material for Lil Bush…? ;-)
I always thought of that not as his package but as an extra bile collector (since he’s so full of it).
Was there any temptation to go further with either Dubya or Valerie Plame?
On the other hand, if you think of the stones needed to lie so continuously and confidently…
If you order 80 copies of the book from Amazon, it only counts as ONE for the ranking. Or so I hear. Heh.
But you get free shipping.
Honestly, many people thought we were TOO hard on Lynne. But i ask you: has anyone ever seen that woman speak? she’s the picture of arrogance. As for her sexuality, she is a walking-talking contradiction … here she’s signed on to her husband’s (very gay-unfriendly) administration, and yet she has a gay daughter, gay grandkids, and (please tell me you know this), she wrote girl-girl scenes in her first novel, “Sisters.”
So dave and I were choiced: We HAD to make her a closet lesbian.
Not so much, Eli. We felt like Dick should stand on his own. After all, we’re not talking about any tiny, insignificant Dick here. We’re talking about a giant Dick. A man that will be looked back at as possibly one of the biggest Dicks in American history.
Wait…I thought you thought we were funny…
Like mother, like daughter…? ;-)
I was aware of her “writing” as well as the “writing” of Scooter. That’s why I think having Lynne and Scooter do a collaboration would work as well…
it’s o.k. honey. we don’t blame you. ;->
‘nother idea: buy this one plus ?. to trigger amzone’s “people who bought this also bought yahda…”
Oh, the other hand,. I’d love to “go further” with Valerie Plame.
drop it, mr. & walk away…
So…? “Mission Accomplished” your work is done…! 8-)
Try the veal!
Two words: Lesbian bears.
It’s box office dynamite!
yep, addie. i’ve spent the last week buying YDC along with other books just to trigger that mechanism. I’m going poor trying to be clever.
Careful, Joe is known to lurk here…! *g*
He’s such a narcissistic jerk, I would never refer to him as a big Dick (he’d believe it … in its best possible connotation). Now prick on the other hand (or in his case “in”)…
Now that you’ve tackled Cheney, what is next, W’s greatest hits?
Heh. W’s Greatest Successes — The World’s Shortest Book.
Well, as thrilled as we are about the democratic insurgency (coming to your country this November!), we’ll be losing some pretty wonderful satire fodder. We might have to swear off politics for a while. Bummer.
We actually pitched the idea for a Bush Administration yearbook (class pics, “clubs,” etc.) but ran out of time.
I’m sure Guinness could certify it…! ;-)
A Big Little book.;)
Bush Admin yearbook would be great - autographs, fingerprints, voice scans, email servers, and everything!
And pix from where all the Kewl Kidz hang — The Undisclosed Location.
I would love to see how Condi signed Dubya’s…
Exactly what we thought. But, alas, the publishing world moves at an oh-so-glacial pace, we would’ve needed to have written in 2002.
My school had a smoking pit, but it was on campus, not thousands of miles away.
I think more people should just laugh at these buffoons. Why dignify anything they say EVER?
a fine epilogue - Paraguay signs extradition treaty with US
So… When’s the movie coming out? And will it be live-action, animated, or CGI?
Or possibly anime?
Two words to describe these last 8 years: No Bottom.
Couldn’t agree with you more, Sander. In fact, the in-house slogan for “Young Dick Cheney: Great American” is, “It’s safe to laugh again.”
Hmm, perhaps Dick, Rummy, Lynn & Scooter could combine into a giant robot to fight evildoers, and Junior could be their comically dimwitted mascot.
I’ll bet you two could have a ball doing a “Where Are They Now?” book. It could have all our old friends, Vitter, Lot, Delay, Abramoff, Frist, Wide Stance… It would be hard to pick and choose in order to keep it short enough…
i thought i heard that Paraguay was embarrassed to be W’s choice refuge.
LOTT… Preview is my friend. Preview is my friend. Preview is my friend.
IF Shrub’s conversion to Catholicism pans out, the illustrations should draw themselves. Costumes galore.
Funny you should ask. Know anyone who does animation? We thought YDC would make a great cartoon.
I seriously doubt it, but I can picture the conversation:
“Vell, that’s very nice of you, but really, ve’re all full. Ve haff enuff Catholics, ve really don’t need any more.”
Alas, no. I am just about the least connected person you will ever meet.
Great idea, Marion. We’ll start writing it now. Look for it in B&N in 2015.
I’d think Tony Blair would be unhappy at the copycat aspect as well…
I’m going to Amazon to pre-order now!
Don’t know about her commitments/contract at WaPo but love the work of Ann Telnaes.
We’ll check her out. Thanks!
Thanks, Marion. (Please buy one for yourself, and 200 for….for…all of your pals in Savannah…)
should i put my pants back on?
Dayam, up to 200 now, eh…? 8-P
I’ve certainly got at least 2 people in my mind who will be getting it for a Christmas or birthday present… Hmmmmm… Make that 5 or 6…
Eli, I’ve gone radio silent. Are we still connected?
Marion: Would you marry me?
I’m way to old and mean to marry anyone! However, if you wanna fool around…!
Yep, we’re still connected. Comment threads tend to lose momentum after the first hour, hour-and-a-half.
Or at least mine always do…
TOO old and mean… Preview is my friend, preview is my friend, preview is my friend.
What happens at Firedoglake, stays in Firedoglake.
Also, folks on the east end of the country (one hesitates to call it the right coast…) may be starting dinner preparations, etc.
Marion’s so mean she’s allowed to make mistakes if she wants to.
I was wondering what that strange sensation in my stomach was…
Oh, Marion–did you respond to the wrong person. Do yourself a favor and get the restraining order now.
I’m shocked… A proper Southern Belle like ya, Ma’am…! ;-)
Hot, dog — yeah!
[~Sent by my Blackberry, on Continental flight to Georgia]
Well, i get one flash of wit, and then that’s it - no more comments!
So maybe I missed it with my 15-minute attention span, but *do* you guys have any more book projects in the works?
Well, I was born and raised in NYC before I saw the light!
OK guys…quick question. What are the chances that your mighty tome will end up in the children’s section of a far flung B&N (shelved no doubt by one of their “literate” staffers)?
Care to bet?
We’d love to tell you, but then we’d have to e-kill you.
“Killing Eli.” What a great name for a book!
It’s kind of neat that it’s so close in form to Lynne Cheney’s tooth-rotting children’s books (which I’m always tempted to reshelf in the mythology section).
I have a mug that says, “I’m from New York. What’s *your* excuse?”
Also, my favorite movie quote: “Being miserable and treating people like dirt is every New Yorker’s God-given right.” (Ghostbusters 2)
Did we sign an extradition treaty with Paraguay…? That’d put the kibosh on Shrub’s future plans…! ;-)
There is actually someone at Eschaton whose day you would totally make. “Eli must be stopped” is like his personal motto.
Don’t forget that “Elis” is a nickname for Yale types.
Like Little Boots.
Right up there with “The O’Reilly Factor For Kids.” The mind reels.
Isn’t their new president a leftie?
I wouldn’t take that bet, b/c I think you’re right! Actually, I’ve been hoping for that to happen. If this book wound up in some kids’ section, then someone would be sure to complain…then that complaint would make it to a blog (ahem), then that blog would make it to the MSM, then the book would be all over the news, then….then…Rio, here I come!
testify.
And the stomach churns…
and the knickers twist.
But, who in State would seek an extradition treaty with Paraguay, did Dick and Shrub not hear about it…?
Don’t think there’s any extradition, but it does make a lovely fantasy to have the new left-leaning administration in Paraguay pass some interesting laws about natural resources, like, oh, that huge aquifer…
Bruce, David, thank you for spending the afternoon with us at the Lake and
Happy Father’s Day.
Eli, thank you for hosting this book salon.
Everyone - this is a funny book, the link to buy it is above, enjoy.
Thanks all.
the gorge, I think, rises.
I used to work for a childrens’ publishing company, and I was always really annoyed by what had to be done to history and even classic fiction to make it fly in Texas and the thirteen states who follow Texas in their school purchasing decisions.
If you want to see what those people think schoolbooks ought to look like, rifle through something by Lynne Cheney (or, for that matter, Cokie Roberts’ WalMart-sponsored ouevre)
Thank you so much, Eli.
Thank you Firedoglake.
Hope you all enjoy the book — and here’s to 1/20/09!!!
Thanks for visiting with us, guys - this was great!
Oh, lawdy… Is there such a thing? It sounds gag-inducing, and probably just as “balanced” as her recent commentary on Nice Polite Republicans.
119 days to go…
So is Eli finished with his young dick yet? Can I open my eyes again?
Thanks, Bev, Eli, and everybody at FDL–and all of you who participated. We really appreciate your kind words and support.
Obama ‘08!
Aloha, Bruce! Mahalo for spending some time at the Lake…!
Thank y’all for coming. It’s been a hoot.
Thanks Bruce and David. Will sally forth to shill for your book. One of the best book salons evah!
My ears were burning!
Dude, you just missed a book idea that you would have totally loved.
Mahalo, David! Mahalo for ya’ll’s efforts to publish…!
Kenosha actually googles this every day. Possibly every hour.
Bless you, blesseblu.
“Killing Eli” - I would definitely buy a signed first edition of that one.
Another DS is upstairs… David Sirota…
bruce at 70—garrison keillor makes fun of democrats, in a loving self-effacing uncle kinda way……so, have them use one of his old book reviews in the paper.
–then he makes fun of the others in a not so loving uncle kinda way—
do they require a comparison book when they review him???? un huh…….
oh, maybe it’s cuz he makes fun of both……ha.
so, next time have a ’token democrat disclaimer slam’ preface at the beginning and you’re covered. and say why you’re doing it, two birds with one stone.
Thank you … Reading this late in the game… what a fun read! Like a fast and funny game of tennis! Must track this book down!
I always ponder what these
evildoersguys were like as kids…. though looking at them now I see such “arrested development” still (ARRESTED being the operative and hoped for word)!!! And Cheney is the darkest of the lot.That video that went around, Young Hillary Clinton, was also a hoot… and very effective satire.
(Especially loved the New York shots above.)