"I'll give you $5.00 for it."

From Reuters:

SELMA, Alabama (Reuters) - Republican presidential candidate John McCain began a tour of economically struggling "forgotten places in America" on Monday at a landmark of the U.S. civil rights movement.

To: McCain '08 Campaign Team
From: Rick Davis
Re: "Forgotten Places in America" Tour locations and miscellany

Friends,

Johm and I have finally hammered out the schedule for the next leg of the McCain presidential campaign. The theme is "Forgotten Places in America," so I'm going to need the art department to come up with a really jazzy banner for the bus. See if you can work the words "Hope" and "Change" into the usual mix, please. We can't let the Osama . . . oops, I mean "OBama" . . . campaign own those concepts.

So, without further ado, here's the the first week's schedule:

1. Selma, Alabama. We need to get the "civil rights" card out of the way so that nobody will accuse us of ignoring the African American vote. John will do a quick tour of one or two historic sites so that we can make it to the fundraiser at the Montgomery County Republican Club by 4:00 p.m. that day.

2. Bentonville, Arkansas. We'll be visiting the headquarters of Wal*Mart and doing a meet-and-greet with the corporate employees. We believe that this country has forgotten that Wal*Mart's been suffering lately, what with the weak dollar and the increasing price of Chinese imports. There will be a fundraiser at the Walton home afterward.

3. Galvestson, Texas. We'll be doing morning photo op at the Ocean Star Offshore Drilling Rig & Museum in Galveston. With the price of crude so high, our oil refineries are hurting and can't make the necessary improvements to their facilities. We'll also be stopping briefly at the Dallas Northpark Mall so Cindy and Meghan can return some merchandise. Those of us on the bus will have the night to do with what we will. No fundraisers planned for that evening.

4. Indianapolis, Indiana. Cindy will be attending the Halston Design Exhibit to discuss how fashion has been all but forgotten in political circles and will present a 5 point plan to bring style back to the White House. John will visit the Indianapolis Motor Speedway for a photo op with several NASCAR drivers and executives and to push for subsidies for the financially hard-hit NASCAR operation, now that gasoline prices have gotten so high. There will be a fundraiser at IMS President Joie Chitwood's house afterward.

5. Outer Banks, North Carolina. Photo op and press conference at the Roanoke Island Festival Park. In order to highlight the plight of those forgotten founders of this great country, and to dispel the media-driven notion that he has lost his sense of humor, John will indulge the crowd (and the reporters) by dressing as a 16th century sailor and firing a flintlock at a drugged and released pheasant. There will be a fundraiser at a private beachfront home of one of John's donors. Media will be present.

Note to handlers: Cindy will be leaving the tour at this point to fly down to Fisher Island for a doctor's appointment. She will rejoin us when we head back to the Southwest region.

Also: If anyone on the tour bus has found a set of house keys, can you let me know? John seems to have misplaced the keys to their Phoenix apartment.

That's all for now. I will circulate the next five stops when we've finalized the fundraising details. And remember: The McCain store is now open! Pitch the fleece jacket!

[photo: AP/Mary Altaffer]