I just want to say that I really really really really REALLY tried to avoid Miley Ray Cyrus’ Scapulagate. I mean, I pretty much viewed it as a tempest in a Disney Princess Tea Pot coordinated by the Disney people, Vanity Fair, her publicist, and her be-mulleted dad.
Even the disapproving fish-lip pursings of outrage junkie Michelle Malkin (who is probably kicking herself for not holding her fire for Selena Gomez, star of Disney’s Carmelita Reconquista) couldn’t get me off the couch.
And then along came The Virgin Ben.
V-Ben and I go quite a-ways back. Maybe not back to the last time someone handled his pee-pee (that would be his bris) but far enough to bestow upon him the humiliating nickname that will follow him to his grave….providing the internets live forever and ever and never leave us like they promised before they went off to war.
Anyway, it appears that Hannah Mileytana has broken Ben’s Achey Fahklumpty Heart:
What is the leading breeding ground for tomorrow’s role models of degradation and promiscuity?
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition?
American Apparel ads?
Lynne Cheney’s All-American Brazilian & Piercing Emporiums?
The Stacy’s Mom video?
The Disney Channel.
Fuck! That was gonna be my next guess. And to think of all that money I spent to get Friday night Cinemax when I could have been watching Disney on basic cable.
On Monday, news broke that Vanity Fair was planning on running "discreet" and "artistic" photos from a topless shoot with pre-teen and tween hero Miley Cyrus. The photos include a shot of Cyrus, barebacked, clutching a sheet to her bosom — a shot no less pedophilic than the infamous Brooke Shields jeans ads of 1980.
Okay. In 1980- I was (carry the three) twenty-five years old and Ben was not even an aspiring zygote, and even I don’t remember those ads. I’m beginning to think that someone has been hitting something pretty hard at Harvard and it hasn’t been the books.
Cyrus’ fan base is largely young girls, who sell out her concerts, buy her clothing line, and sit rapt before their televisions. Now, they’re being taught by a teen superstar, her father, and a willing media, that inappropriate behavior is no barrier to happiness or satisfaction.