From the New York Times:

WASHINGTON — President Bush submitted a federal budget of $3.1 trillion on Monday, declaring that the spending plan would keep the United States safe and prosperous and, despite the astronomical numbers, adhere to his principle of letting Americans keep as much of their own money as possible.

What money? You mean these little shards of paper that are devaluing in my wallet as we speak? Oh, that's right. I'm supposed to giggle with gratitude as you rip what's left of my retirement out my hands to pay for your Great Folly in the Sands and the new hot tub/bomb shelter at Dick's Wyoming ranch.

Thanks to Bush's infantile dependency on Alan Greenspan, his metronomic fellating of the banking industry, the nonexistent oversight of the subprime mortgage racket and its accompanying heat mirage of McMansion ownership, the American economy is cratering like a skydiver without a chute, taking the global economy with it. And THIS is the budget he presents to Congress? I. Can't. Stop. Laughing.

The Pentagon’s proposed budget, for instance, is $515.4 billion, an increase of 7.5 percent over this year, meaning that military spending would be the highest in inflation-adjusted terms since World War II.

Dwight D. Eisenhower, he spins in his grave. Hold the gyrations, Ike--this is my favorite part of Commander Codpiece's budget:

Mr. Bush said his budget would slow “the unsustainable growth of entitlement spending” with proposed savings of $208 billion over five years. This includes savings of $178 billion in Medicare, $17 billion in Medicaid and $6 billion in student aid programs. The president proposes to raise $2 billion from new enrollment fees and higher pharmacy co-payments for certain veterans receiving health care from the Department of Veterans Affairs.

I freely admit I am not an economist. I leave the in-depth number-crunching to the Powder Blue Hub, Bonddad, or Calculated Risk. But even a mathephobe like me can see that freezing out social "entitlements" while increasing the budget for bombs isn't especially farsighted . . . or amusing.

Seeing your cost of living increase, thanks to the criminal hike in the price of oil? That's a big ol' belly laugh right there. At the supermarket I frequent, the price of a dozen eggs has increased 60¢ over the last 4 months, and I'm not on a fixed income. Too funny! But hey, so long as Dick Cheney's investment portfolio increases another 3000%, then who cares about covering health expenses for the poor and elderly?

George Bush is the leader of the Republican Party, the party that prides itself on its "fiscal responsibility". Well, if "fiscal responsibility" is shorthand for creating a permanent underclass, then sure, Bush is right on the money, if you will.

Anyway, all of this Second Gilded Age crap reminds me of the old Steve Martin routine--you know the one:

"I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks ... got a fur sink ... let's see ... an electric dog-polisher ... a gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater ... and of course I bought some dumb stuff, too."

"I'm so mad at my mother. She's 102 years old and she called my up last week ... said she wanted to borrow ten dollars for some food. I told her, 'Hey ... I work for a living.' So I lent her the money - had my secretary bring it down - and yesterday she calls me up and says she can't pay me back for a while ... I said, 'What is this bullshit?' ... So I worked it out with her ... I'm gonna have her carry my bar bells up to the attic."

I'm laughing so hard it hurts.