Well if you were wondering what Mike Huckabee’s first act as President would be, wonder no more. Minutemen founder Jim Gilchrist has the scoop in the Moonie Times:

The former Arkansas governor thinks the case against U.S. Border Patrol agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Alonso Compean was railroaded, Mr. Gilchrist said. Ramos and Compean are serving lengthy prison sentences for shooting a fleeing drug-smuggling suspect in the buttocks.

"I would make it my first act as president to pardon agents Ramos and Compean," Mr. Gilchrist said Mr. Huckabee told him. "I regret that they have spent yet another Christmas locked up in a windowless cell like animals and unable to be free and with their families."

Mr. Gilchrist, who campaigned with Mr. Huckabee in Iowa last week, said Mr. Huckabee explained his positions in a half-hour conversation on the campaign trail.

"I read back my notes to him twice and I told him I did not want to put words in his mouth," said Mr. Gilchrist, who also issued a press release from the Minuteman Project detailing Mr. Huckabee’s positions. "The guy looked me right in the eye."

I’m reminded of the skit on Saturday Night Live when Steve Martin played the farmer who says he snorted coke with Hamilton Jordan and had sex with Margaret Trudeau ("It was a full moon, I got a good look at ‘er"), but since Huckabee’s spokeswoman isn’t denying it, I guess we can assume it’s true.

Huckabee also wants to wants to amend the Constitution to prevent children born in the U.S. to undocumented immigrants from automatically becoming American citizens.

And if that’s not enough for you, we also get a presage of the Springer Show antics that would attend a Huckabee cabinet:

Others calling for stricter immigration policy have accused Mr. Gilchrist of opportunism and backing a bad candidate.

Brook Young, who runs ImmigrationWatchdog.com, produced a Web video criticizing Mr. Gilchrist’s endorsement. Mr. Gilchrist fired back last week with an e-mail that appeared to threaten to publicly accuse the man of being a pedophile.

"I have been hearing on the blogs, over the telephone and through e-mails that you are a pedophile, Brook. Will that accusation also reach the news media soon?" Mr. Gilchrist wrote. "If the blogs and e-mails say so, then aren’t you guilty beyond a shadow of a doubt?"

Mr. Young posted the e-mail on his Web site and said he had to go public because Mr. Gilchrist has exceeded the bounds of the immigration debate, "to promote and actually lie about Mike Huckabee and his immigration plan and his past record. Now we feel like we have to say something."

Well grab me a beer from the icebox on the front porch, Mable, this is getting good:

Mr. Gilchrist said he was not accusing Mr. Young of pedophilia, but making a point about making up charges.

He also said he was not speaking on behalf of Mr. Huckabee when he sent the e-mail, and that the criticism pushed him to the limit.

"That was a private e-mail and what I was doing was setting up an example: ‘This is what you’ve done to me, I’m not going to do this to you, but how would you like it if I did this to you?’ " Mr. Gilchrist said.

The sound you hear is Peggy Noonan hurling herself from some papal balcony.