no hustling or swearingYou know, half-dead Righty scolds like Dennis Prager get a lot of mileage out of accusing “The Left” of having dirty mouths.

As I wrote in my June 5, 2007, column, “‘Buck Fush’ and the Left,” “Higher civilization has always regarded the use of expletives in public (outside of, let us say, theatrical performances) as a form of assault on civilization . . . .”

That is why the amount of public cursing on the left and the way curse words are accepted as part of public and formal discourse may be as significant to understanding the left as anything the left says. It is the left’s way of showing rejection of the values of the middle class and of America’s Judeo-Christian civilization.

So let me get this straight, Mr. Prager. When I read your soulless drivel at Townhall, roll my eyes and say, “Goddamn, this asshole is a shitty writer!”, I am undermining society as you know it and hastening the downfall of “Judeo-Christian civilization”? Well, hot damn! Cos, you know, the bulk of the people in the world are neither Christian nor Jewish and on the whole, our efforts to “Judeo-Christian”-ize the rest of the planet have been violent, shit-stupid clusterfucks like, oh, I dunno, the Crusades. And the War in Iraq.

Clearly, we all need to curse more.

Especially when Karl “Uncle Fucker” Rove is saying things like this:

“I’m a fan of many blogs. I visit them frequently and I learn a lot from them,” Mr. Rove said. “But there also blogs written by angry kooks.”

He also claimed that liberals use more “bad words,” comparing sites like DailyKos and Democratic Underground to Townhall and FreeRepublic. The “netroots often argue from anger rather than reason, and too often, their object is personal release, not political persuasion,” said Rove.

Because everybody knows that Conservatives never swear.

Except, of course, when they do.

Carpetbagger:

At a campaign event in South Carolina, a McCain backer stood up to ask the senator, “How do we beat the bitch?”

In response, McCain said, “We have our differences with our Democratic rivals, but I believe in treating people with respect. It’s why I don’t refer to women as ‘bitches,’ even when I disagree with them. I’m sure all of us believe we can debate the serious issues of the day without name-calling and degrading language.”

No, no, I’m just kidding. He actually responded, “That’s an excellent question.”

But even beyond the question of swearing, I feel the need to call bullshit on the Republicans with this logic. Liberals may say the occasional swear words (I would posit that we are not alone in this, either), but conservatives are the ones who actually do disgusting, filthy, obscene things.

For example, there was the involvement of Tom DeLay and Jack Abramoff in slave labor, human trafficking, and sex slavery in the Northern Mariana Islands. Perhaps “Hot Tub” Tom DeLay is the kind of guy who wouldn’t say “shit” if he had a mouthful (although I doubt it), but to profit from the exploitation of human beings as a commodity, that’s obscene.

Michelle Malkin might say, “Oh, beans!” when she drunkenly spills merlot on her taupe silk shirt while she’s moping around at home in her freshly-fired-from-Teh-Factor doldrums, but it’s her propensity for stalking and harassing sick and injured children and their families (not to mention her tireless advocacy of internment camps) that obviates any specious linguistic high ground that she may attempt to claim.

And of course, there is the greatest obscenity of our time, the invasion of Iraq on completely false premises and the total lack of a plan for what would happen once the US military got there. Sure, I may say “fuck” a lot, but I have never advocated for the kind of disastrous policy decisions that result in the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocent people. Not to mention the obscenity of how our country is treating our veterans of this failed occupation and their families.

I could go on and on, what with Republicans’ seeming inability to keep their hands to themselves and their pants zipped up, but we’ve already just about beat that horse to death around here. Instead, I leave you with Left-Over’s Top Ten Reasons Why Liberal Bloggers Are More Vitriolic Than Conservatives:

10. Most profanity learned after the fourth grade reading level!

9. Conservative angry kooks all too busy with their radio and TV shows!

8. No opportunities to let it out on the floor of the U.S. Senate!

7. More passion comes from actual beliefs than from Richard Mellon Scaife’s checkbook!

6. Some scientists say it’s just a natural cyclical rise in vitriol, not caused by human liberal bloggers!

5. Official Republican talking points pre-screened for swear words!

4. Conservatives just resting between Clinton presidencies!

3. Need to seem dangerous enough to keep Bill O’Reilly from “coming to your house!”

2. Bungled response to 9/11 changed everything!

And the top reason why liberal bloggers are more vitriolic than conservatives:

1. Conservatives prefer to get their “personal release” in public restrooms!

Thank you very much, everybody! You’ve been a great audience. We’ve got a fantastic show for you tonight, so stick around! (Godammit!!)

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