bullies are cowardsHave you guys seen the SwiftKids for Truth ads? They’re hilarious, but kind of painful as well.

“Hillary Clinton,” opines one kid, “is a thief.”

“She stole stuff from the White House,” adds another, “Like towels and plates and other stuff.”

“Hillary Clinton’s not a woman,” says one particularly adorable little girl, adding emphatically, “She’s a man.”

In the John Edwards ad, we are informed by a precious, mop-topped little boy, “John Edwards paid over four thousand dollars…to get his nails done.”

The painful part is, of course, that these made-up attacks aren’t really all that far off than the sorry-ass election coverage we get from Serious People in the Media, now are they? Basically what is passing for substantive debate about the 2008 election in this country is a jumped up, over-funded form of schoolyard bullying.

Tucker Carlson on Hillary Clinton:

“I have often said that when she comes on television, I involuntarily cross my legs.”

Ann Coulter on John Edwards:

“I was going to talk about John Edwards, but I understand that now you have to go into rehab if you use the word ‘faggot’.”

Right Wing disinformation hub, “Newsbusters” on Barack Obama:

Have a look at the photo from the October 1, 2007 edition of “Time.” It shows Obama, Hillary and Bill Richardson at the Steak Fry of Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Iowa) on September 17 in Indianola, IA during [according to the photo caption] the National Anthem. Richardson and Clinton have their hands on their heart. But not Obama. Does he perhaps believe that, like wearing the flag pin, the hand on the heart isn’t “true patriotism”?

So, basically, what we have here is, “Oh, my god, Hillary is so ugly and dykey! What man would want her?“, “John Edwards is gaaaaay! Faggot, faggot, faggot! Nyah, nyah!”, and “Barack didn’t say the pledge in home room this morning! He must be an atheist! Or a commie!”

Stir in the various smears going on out there about the Clinton marriage, the fascination with John Edwards’ hair, and the ongoing flap about whether Barack Obama is really second cousins with Osama bin Laden and secretly Saddam Hussein’s brother-in-law, and we have what may well be the dumbest pre-election media environment in American history. We have Matt Drudge and Mike Allen of the Politico to thank for that, among others. Chris Matthews has occasional moments of lucidity, but then (when he isn’t trying to convince Laura Ingraham to breast-feed him), at the least provocation, he’ll go diving headlong right back into the Clintons’ underwear drawer.

Christy and Teddy both hit this topic yesterday, highlighting a recent survey from the Center for Politics, Policy, and Media that said this is not what Americans want:

Most citizens, whether they are following the campaign closely or not, have some clear ideas of the kind of coverage they prefer. In a new poll produced for this report by the Pew Research Center for the People and the Press, nearly eight-in-ten Americans (77%) say they want more coverage of “the candidates’ positions on issues” than they are getting. Just 17% say they want less coverage of candidates’ positions.

Because really, what has the media provided us in terms of explaining the differences in how Hillary, Obama, and Edwards would govern? Anything? We’ve heard about what they’re wearing, how they fix their hair, how they look in a bathing suit, okay. We’ve got more Perez Hilton style information on these people than we will ever, ever need.

We’ve got another debate coming up on Thursday. Could someone please ask the candidates something like, “Take us two years into your presidency, if you are elected president, in 2010, what will our trade relationship with China be like?”

Or even, “Do you agree with the Bush administration’s approach to the privacy of American citizens? What will you do differently to assure us that our government isn’t listening in on our private phone calls?”

Seriously, ask them something smart, please. I don’t give two shits what Barack Obama’s favorite verse of the Bible is. How in the hell is that supposed to help us decide who to vote for? “Senator, what is your favorite fragment of a badly translated 2000-year-old book that people have used to persecute and malign each other for millenia?”

Worthless.

Please. We need to know more about how these people would govern so that we can make informed choices. We’re not stupid like Republicans. We can handle some hard facts, here. I promise our eyes won’t glaze over as soon as the conversation gets more complicated than the back of a cereal box. You can save the “See Dick Run” stuff for the dittoheads. They will thank you.

Here, I have a place for you to start. I got a note from the Edwards campaign today alerting us to the fact that they have issued a comprehensive policy manual that you can download and study. It’s only 80 pages. I feel fairly certain that you can make an intern read it between now and Thursday if you’re too lazy to read it yourself.

Please, Big Media. This is probably the most important and historic political race that most of us will see in our lifetimes. Would it kill you to take it to a new level for once?

Thank you. From all of us.