lolcagan(LOLcagan from Sadly, No!)

No, that isn’t a particularly shiny escapee from a Robert Palmer video at left. Nor is it the lead singer of Everything But the Girl after three weeks of living at the bottom of the Vaseline jar on Condi Rice’s night-stand. Keep trying…

Give up? That’s Debra Cagan, top aide to Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, the woman who cheerfully proclaimed “I hate all Iranians” to a group of British defense officials in a meeting at the Pentagon. And if Debra hates them, then by god, we have to bomb them.

Sigh.

Where the hell do they get these people? Is there suddenly an empty bed in the Henry Kissinger Home for Aspiring War Criminals?

More from the visit by the Brit MP’s:

“She seemed more keen on saying she didn’t like Iranians than that the US had no plans to attack Iran,” said one MP. “She did say there were no plans for an attack but the tone did not fit the words.”

Another MP said: “I formed the impression that some in America are looking for an excuse to attack Iran. It was very alarming.”

Tory Stuart Graham, who was on the ten-day trip, would not discuss Ms Cagan but said: “It was very sobering to hear from the horse’s mouth how the US sees the situation.”

Ms Cagan, whose job involves keeping the coalition in Iraq together, also criticised Britain for pulling out troops.

“She said if we leave the south of Iraq, the Iranians will take it over,” said one MP.

Yes, Britannia, there is no Santa Claus. The US government is run by a bunch of power-crazed pinheads and Heritage Foundation stillbirths who worship violence above all else and believe that the world is best governed by armed American decree.

“Oh, but they can’t be that crazy,” one tries to console oneself, “Surely no one who’s really, really crazy could end up with that much power, right?”

Wrong.

Sadly, No! brings us an eyewitness report of Cagan (via a reader of John M’s Outside the Silver Lining):

Johnny – you won’t believe it, we met the woman in the leather jacket, Ms Cagan, spent an entire evening with her, at a concert given by a rock band made of central European right wingers (all diplomats), friends of Martin Palous, Czech ambassador to the UN.

Hoooo, boy, I bet that’s some fine rock and roll music. There’s just nothing quite so undeniably awful as Art by The Right. I feel certain that the band in question’s music hurts like a bad hangover.

The band played one night at the Knitting Factory on Leonard street, called Coalition of the Willing,

Nuh-uh. You’re shitting me, right?

led by the Hungarian diplomat Andras Simonyi, who gave her the Iron Cross. We met Tom Stoppard, the playwright, there, as well as this crazy woman in a leatherette tunic, she gave us her business card, and was drinking heavily and dancing like a dervish. She tried to befriend us, but as she is obviously insane, and SCARIER IN PERSON THAN IN PHOTOS,

Eeep!

we kind of slipped away. We thought from her rambling discussion that she was an arms dealer, she had just returned from what sounded like a sex junket to our fighting boys in Iraq. She was telling us how sexy the front line guys were, and the whole live for today ethos that prevails in the Green Zone. A truly, truly mad woman, and now Gates’ right hand man (she really looks like a bondage dude).

I fear for the republic.

Hasta, JB

Just in case you’re wondering, yes, we are all dead and this is hell.

And knowing that, good luck trying to fall asleep tonight.

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