Not like A Series of Tubes.

Senator Stevens, it appears you have a problem.

ANCHORAGE, Alaska – During a secret meeting to discuss what prosecutors say was a dirty deal to keep Alaska oil taxes low, two oil contractors said they had a powerful ally coming to town who could help build support for the plan: Sen. Ted Stevens.

Aw, shit.

The FBI played a videotape of the 2006 meeting Tuesday in a corruption trial against former Alaska House Speaker Pete Kott, who is accused of taking gifts and favors in exchange for supporting oil interests.

In the grainy video, VECO Corp. executives Bill Allen and Rick Smith can be heard talking about how to ensure passage of an oil tax bill. If approved, the bill would increase chances that a natural gas pipeline would be built, a deal that could mean huge profits for VECO.

Allen and Smith said they wanted to ensure Stevens was asked “good questions” that would steer him toward discussing the bill and the pipeline. The senator, Allen said, would make clear that “we need oil.”

Stevens, the longest serving Republican in the Senate, has not been charged in the case. He has come under federal scrutiny, however, for his close ties to Allen, who oversaw a 2000 renovation project at Stevens’ home. FBI agents recently searched the senator’s Alaska home as part of the same corruption investigation the surveillance video was taken as part of.

But-! But-! Republicans using their positions to make themselves and their cronies (even more) stinking rich while neglecting the best interests of their constituents and the nation? Say it ain’t so!

I may never sleep tonight. My faith in all things is just…shattered.

How can this have happened?

Well, I’m sure if Senator Stevens is ever placed in the docks that somebody from the Alaska GOP will be able to get out of prison for the day to testify as a character witness. That is, if they find the senile old coot competent to stand trial. Those stories I keep hearing about him getting ripped on sherry and staggering around the Capitol in his green and purple “Incredible Hulk” pajamas, bellowing about how he still hasn’t “gotten the Internet” that his staff sent him last Friday are a little alarming.

Stevens and Lieberman and Craig are all pretty sterling arguments for senatorial term limits if you ask me. Letting those old farts moulder in place for thirty-plus years hasn’t done them or the nation any goddamn good at all, frankly. And if we can’t get term limits, can we at least get a minimum competency test? Ugly and old is fine for a Senate position, but I think we can all agree that “senile, belligerent, and delusional” should disqualify them from higher office.

Can I get a witness?

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