Right Wing bloggers are the kinds of guys who get a couple sheets to the wind and decide they want to do some blow, so they call up this one guy they’re pretty sure does drugs who works at their law-firm and shout down their cell phone at him from a crowded bar, “Dude! Pete, man! It’s Chad! Chad Anderson! Chad! Anderson! Right, from down the hall, listen man, do you know how we could GET SOME DRUGS? Like some COKE OR SOMETHING? We’d like totally share with you, man! Hello? Hello?!”

And then they’d call him back, “Dude, I think we got cut off! Hello? Pete?”

Not only do they happily report to the White House via conference call to get their weekly ration of talking points about How to Spin Questions of Executive Privilege, but then they go around and thump their chests around their even smaller-dicked buddies to brag about it. Think about that.

“Hey, Chester, a bunch of Liberty University grads who work for a guy with a 29% approval rating just told me exactly what to say and think for the next week until they call me back! Oh, shit! I forgot to ask them how I’m supposed to wipe my ass!”

Perhaps Right Wing bloggers are the last people in America addle-headed enough to take advice from the Bush Administration. Well, Righty bloggers and people who speak in tongues and bring snakes to church, but they don’t have computers and they can’t read anyway, so they don’t count.

I don’t think the Bush administration is in a position to be giving anybody advice right now. But regardless of that, Right Wingers, you’ve got this all wrong. Blogging is not meant to be a top-down thing. They call the grassroots the grassroots because they grow from the bottom upward.

Really, though, a lot of the hysterical jealous tantrums we’re seeing on the Right side of the blogosphere have to do with the fact that, well, they’re ugly and they’re stupid and nobody likes them.

Says John Linder, member of the House GOP Steering Committee:

“I really don’t pay much attention to blogs,” he said. “You can say anything on those blogs without any attribution and get away with it.”

Liberal blogs have been influential, the Georgia lawmaker acknowledged. But he dismissed their conservative counterparts, saying, “I don’t pay any attention to them.”

Ace and Captain Ed and Blackfive and Michelle Malkin are ready to eat tacks and shit bullets that the Dem Candidates are coming to our big party in Chicago. Do you think for a minute that if Righty Blogistan had a convention that they’d get anybody there besides Tom Tancredo and Duncan Hunter? Come on, can’t you see Rudy Giuliani falling all over his Brutinis to rub shoulders with Dafydd ab Hugh?

Yeah, me either.