Well, it appears Congress isn’t completely useless. Today they shot the moronic “John Doe Amendment” in both kneecaps and left it for dead. Thank god. For those of you unfamiliar with this little piece of legislative dreck, let me lay it out for you. This is Amendment 2340, an amendment to Amendment 2377 of HR 2669, the College Cost Reduction Act of 2007, an amendment that has absolutely nothing to do with college funding, but rather seeks to strip people falsely accused of terrorism or terrorist-related activities of the ability to seek recourse through the justice system.

In other words, say that Michelle Malkin falsely accuses me of supporting terrorist activities and as a result of today’s Executive Decree by King George, I lose everything I own and all my assets are confiscated by the government. Even if I am cleared of all suspicion, the “John Doe Amendment” would provide legal cover for my accusers, no matter how baseless and unsubstantiated the charges were.

Michelle Malkin is fuming and heartbroken, the “John Doe Manifesto” being her proudest moment of the last year. Because, of course, what could be more American than a racist, xenophobic witch hunt? If we’re going to take out a fatwah on someone because they look and talk funny, then we should be able to do it from behind a bulletproof legislative wall, right?

This should at least give the Hot Air Harridan something to new to get all foam-flecked and hysterical about for a few days. And that’s good, because a couple of weeks ago, her anti-environmentalism campaign was so moronic and silly that jumped sharks everywhere were starting to come out of the ocean to strike for better working conditions.

I mean, really, though. Could the woman be any more childish and unhinged? She hates liberals sooooooo much that she’d rather see her kids and grandkids live in a radioactive wasteland with no birds, trees, or drinkable water than to admit that maybe she ought to recycle her empty Diet Coke cans, “Phooey! I hate the environment!”

That’s nice, Michelle. And terribly mature. Why don’t you go down to your basement studio and make another scintillating, high-quality video about it? I’ll wait here, cos, you know, I’m just like Fox News that way. You distort, I deride.

Sorry about your amendment, sweetie. The pain of humiliation and defeat will fade in a couple dozen years or so, I promise.