That’s right: Today’s the day we honor the anniversary of what is almost certainly the most important event in our nation’s history — the birth of Geraldo Rivera!
Yes, millions of pounds of fireworks will be shot off in neo-orgasmic celeration of the nativity of the guy who best embodies American journalism as it is practiced today. The myriad frankfurters cooking on America’s grills will enable budding newsies to practice their Republican interview techniques, and the accompanying beans will, a few hours after consumption, effectively simulate the atmosphere created by elite journalists like Geraldo.
The King of Schlock has had his ups and downs over the years, but he’s always managed to keep raking in a fat paycheck – at least until his latest FOX show got cut for crappy ratings. Still, he was capable of good work on occasion; his Rivera Live on MSNBC helped keep me sane from 1997 through 2001, even though it seemed to this viewer at home that any remotely female guest could send him into a mental tailspin; it’s even been rumored that whenever he had Ann Coulter on and his line of questioning was getting too uncomfy for her, all Ann had to do to distract him was pull a Sharon Stone and flash him a glimpse of whatever resided beneath her leather skirt, thus flattering his elderly libido and hitting the ‘reset’ button on his brain at the same time.
Happy Rivera Day, everyone! Enjoy your franks (and cocktail weenies) and beans, Beltway journos!
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