nutsWell, it appears that Clinton Derangement Syndrome has driven Dame Althouse right ’round the twist. I’ve maintained for months that the Lesser Perfesser was a few balloon animals shy of a birthday party, but today, oh, today she has hopped on the short bus to Woof-Woof Land and left a note (in crayon) behind saying that she hates us all and she’s never, ever coming back (via Roy at Alicublog).

You see, Senator Clinton, in her effort to appear more hip and savvy to the new Wired World of Politics, has (at least tentatively) embraced the realm of irony and sly humor. She has a ways to go before she’s going to be anybody’s choice to replace Rosie on “The View”, but I thought that in her new campaign spot with Bill she did a decent job. The spot is modeled after the final scene of the series finale of “The Sopranos” with Hillary as Tony and Bill as her Carm, meeting in a diner while Chelsea struggles to parallel park (a la Meadow) outside.

The spot is actually pretty charming if you ask me. It sure beats Mike Gravel’s creepy “I Am Standing on Your Lawn Staring at Your House Because I’m Stalking Your Vote” ad.

But to a person as gravely afflicted with CDS as Althouse, the “Bill and Hillary Soprano” short is riddled with deeply sinister Freudian undertones, shot through with double entendres, and Not Suitable for Viewing by Children. She honestly wrote the following (Brace yourself. No, really, I mean it. Teh Crayzee is about to fly thick and fast in here.):

4. Bill says “No onion rings?” and Hillary responds “I’m looking out for ya.” Now, the script says onion rings, because that’s what the Sopranos were eating in that final scene, but I doubt if any blogger will disagree with my assertion that, coming from Bill Clinton, the “O” of an onion ring is a vagina symbol.

Uhhhhhh, hold up, wait a minute. This blogger strongly disagrees and I’m sure if you gave me a couple minutes, I could run out in the yard and round up a couple dozen more, at least.

But, you were saying, Ann:

Hillary says no to that, driving the symbolism home. She’s “looking out” all right, vigilant over her husband, denying him the sustenance he craves. What does she have for him? Carrot sticks! The one closest to the camera has a rather disgusting greasy sheen to it. Here, Bill, in retaliation for all of your excessive “O” consumption, you may have a large bowl of phallic symbols! When we hear him say “No onion rings?,” the camera is on her, and Bill is off-screen, but at the bottom of the screen we see the carrot/phallus he’s holding toward her. Oh, yes, I know that Hillary supplying carrots is supposed to remind that Hillary will provide us with health care, that she’s “looking out for” us, but come on, they’re carrots! Everyone knows carrots are phallic symbols. But they’re cut up into little carrot sticks, you say? Just listen to yourself! I’m not going to point out everything.

Apparently in the Mind of Ann Althouse absolutely anything (even something as innocuous as a humble onion ring) gets larded down with layers of psycho-sexual significance when it’s submerged in the warm, sticky tide of sexual charisma that surrounds our former president like a fog.

Boy, I bet Jessica Valenti is relieved by this development. Looks like we now have conclusive proof that the whole Unpleasantness from last fall was just a spasm of Althouse’s mania to compulsively eroticize anything and anyone (apparently up to and including innocent foodstuffs) that is unlucky enough to be photographed with Big Dog. I wonder if Ms. Valenti realizes now that she could have been wearing a blouse made of prepared vegetables and the reaction would have been exactly the same.

I think it’s time we collected Miz Althouse and turned her over to some kind of behavioral science unit for study. A case this advanced could perhaps provide us with clues and insights into other victims of severe CDS like Chris Matthews, who was shouted down by an audience today for not asking Senator Clinton anything even remotely serious or substantive in a public question and answer session.

Over at Althouse’s blog, even her readers are starting to uneasily eye the exits:

dave™© said…
Lady, you are bug fuck crazy.Bug. Fuck. Crazy.
3:43 PM
Invisible Man said…
Wow…I mean just Wow. I don’t even know where to start with that one.
3:45 PM
trifecta said…
This one does go into the crazy lady who watches too much Sanjaya drinking cheap wine file.Sorry. You are entering Chris Matthews/Dick Morris land. It’s a scary little world.
3:47 PM

This one is my favorite:

steve simels said…
I’ve been saying for weeks that the voices in Ann’s head were getting louder and louder.She’s reaching meltdown, folks.Seriously, the preening narcissist and one-woman non-sequitur generator is, I think, only one glass of chardonnay away from buying and Uzi and taking out 30 college kids while vlogging an American Idol rerun.Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
4:03 PM

Damn.

Now I really want some onion rings.