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Well, it appears that Clinton Derangement Syndrome has driven Dame Althouse right 'round the twist. I've maintained for months that the Lesser Perfesser was a few balloon animals shy of a birthday party, but today, oh, today she has hopped on the short bus to Woof-Woof Land and left a note (in crayon) behind saying that she hates us all and she's never, ever coming back (via Roy at Alicublog).
You see, Senator Clinton, in her effort to appear more hip and savvy to the new Wired World of Politics, has (at least tentatively) embraced the realm of irony and sly humor. She has a ways to go before she's going to be anybody's choice to replace Rosie on "The View", but I thought that in her new campaign spot with Bill she did a decent job. The spot is modeled after the final scene of the series finale of "The Sopranos" with Hillary as Tony and Bill as her Carm, meeting in a diner while Chelsea struggles to parallel park (a la Meadow) outside.
The spot is actually pretty charming if you ask me. It sure beats Mike Gravel's creepy "I Am Standing on Your Lawn Staring at Your House Because I'm Stalking Your Vote" ad.
But to a person as gravely afflicted with CDS as Althouse, the "Bill and Hillary Soprano" short is riddled with deeply sinister Freudian undertones, shot through with double entendres, and Not Suitable for Viewing by Children. She honestly wrote the following (Brace yourself. No, really, I mean it. Teh Crayzee is about to fly thick and fast in here.):
4. Bill says "No onion rings?" and Hillary responds "I'm looking out for ya." Now, the script says onion rings, because that's what the Sopranos were eating in that final scene, but I doubt if any blogger will disagree with my assertion that, coming from Bill Clinton, the "O" of an onion ring is a vagina symbol.
Uhhhhhh, hold up, wait a minute. This blogger strongly disagrees and I'm sure if you gave me a couple minutes, I could run out in the yard and round up a couple dozen more, at least.
But, you were saying, Ann:
Hillary says no to that, driving the symbolism home. She's "looking out" all right, vigilant over her husband, denying him the sustenance he craves. What does she have for him? Carrot sticks! The one closest to the camera has a rather disgusting greasy sheen to it. Here, Bill, in retaliation for all of your excessive "O" consumption, you may have a large bowl of phallic symbols! When we hear him say "No onion rings?," the camera is on her, and Bill is off-screen, but at the bottom of the screen we see the carrot/phallus he's holding toward her. Oh, yes, I know that Hillary supplying carrots is supposed to remind that Hillary will provide us with health care, that she's "looking out for" us, but come on, they're carrots! Everyone knows carrots are phallic symbols. But they're cut up into little carrot sticks, you say? Just listen to yourself! I'm not going to point out everything.
Apparently in the Mind of Ann Althouse absolutely anything (even something as innocuous as a humble onion ring) gets larded down with layers of psycho-sexual significance when it's submerged in the warm, sticky tide of sexual charisma that surrounds our former president like a fog.
Boy, I bet Jessica Valenti is relieved by this development. Looks like we now have conclusive proof that the whole Unpleasantness from last fall was just a spasm of Althouse's mania to compulsively eroticize anything and anyone (apparently up to and including innocent foodstuffs) that is unlucky enough to be photographed with Big Dog. I wonder if Ms. Valenti realizes now that she could have been wearing a blouse made of prepared vegetables and the reaction would have been exactly the same.
I think it's time we collected Miz Althouse and turned her over to some kind of behavioral science unit for study. A case this advanced could perhaps provide us with clues and insights into other victims of severe CDS like Chris Matthews, who was shouted down by an audience today for not asking Senator Clinton anything even remotely serious or substantive in a public question and answer session.
Over at Althouse's blog, even her readers are starting to uneasily eye the exits:
- dave™© said...
- Lady, you are bug fuck crazy.Bug. Fuck. Crazy.
- Invisible Man said...
- Wow...I mean just Wow. I don't even know where to start with that one.
- trifecta said...
- This one does go into the crazy lady who watches too much Sanjaya drinking cheap wine file.Sorry. You are entering Chris Matthews/Dick Morris land. It's a scary little world.
This one is my favorite:
- steve simels said...
- I've been saying for weeks that the voices in Ann's head were getting louder and louder.She's reaching meltdown, folks.Seriously, the preening narcissist and one-woman non-sequitur generator is, I think, only one glass of chardonnay away from buying and Uzi and taking out 30 college kids while vlogging an American Idol rerun.Don't say you haven't been warned.
Damn.
Now I really want some onion rings.
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digby
Zed!!
Tres!!
NOUGHT!
Like that’ll work.
;>)
Close to one?
crap!
The Zed may be gone, but we will carry it in our hearts forever.
Evenin’, T. How you be?
What kind of fuckery is this?!?!
Maybe I’ll read and find out.
Wow. Such bizarre projection. Just. Dee. Ranged.
I saw we turn her over to our very own Dr. Kirk Murphy. Let him take rehabilitate her and her fuckery.
TRex is on his way home and will be joining us shortly.
triciawrites, congratulations on the non-zed.
Goddamn, what a LOOOOOOOON.
Loonieloonloon.
Wow.
But TRex, I thought you were the type that liked carrots better than onion rings!
Hi y’all!!
Never (seriously, and I AM a girl scout) tried to do numbero uno.
Dang close in my estimation.
Love you all.
TRex…we’ll be here at the same time in the future, DOLL. But, not tonight. Ask Loo Hoo. I been burnin’ the candle…both ends.
Still….
Y’all are the best.
Suzanne…once a blonde…(luv ya).
From downstairs…
Loo Hoo YGM…Paule’s email address.
Gonna go cross eye here, so I’ll say G’nite.
But, before I do,
My list of Good Stuff Today:
Mr. Moore went to hear Larry Johnson tonight.
Gotta interview at a groovy (I SO hope) non-profit org on Monday.
Got a letter from Dianne FI today in the mail.
Tomorrow’s the last day of school for the kiddling.
Oh, there’s more, but I’m too tired….
Think we could get Bill to tip her completely over the edge and send her a cigar?
sleep well, demi. we will be here tomorrow :)
Suzanne, I try.
But, gotta get them engines charged…to bed for me…tomorrow, then, dear. (heart)
Got your email, demi, thanks. I’m scared to read this article, but here goes!
SnarKassandra @ 14
Hi. I wasn’t sure I wanted to say anything about TRex’s taste in side dishes…so thanks for taking it out of my hands.
Unbelieveable.
And I thought some of the wingnut comments about Hillary’s new theme song were over the top. (Outsourcing her campaign to Canada? Please.)
But speaking of that new theme song . . . Personally, I think HRC’s trying to suck up to Pach, going with Celine Dion.
lol, but I liked “I Am Standing on Your Lawn Staring at Your House Because I’m Stalking Your Vote”
in a dadaist sorta way.
but, hey, I’m weird. now i’ll go back and finish reading.
As the first guy quoted, I should point out we’re not exactly her “readers.”
We just watching the slow-motion mental car wreck…
Peterr @ 21
Did you see what Olbermann said about the theme songs? That she should have used the Journey one?
SnarKassandra @ 24
I love KO.
Here in Madison, Wisconsin, not only do we have the Non Sequitur Machine with the Bizarre Freudian Fixations all cathecting, as they say, on Bill Clinton, but we also have the 87-year-old UW emeritus professor and “father of U.S. climatology” turning into a gobal warming denying crank:
Reid Bryson is 87 and helped lay the groundwork for modern theories of global warming. Years ago, I had him as a professor, and he was known as a brilliant scientist and a wonderful teacher. He was a poet of climate, a lyricist of weather, a mesmerizing lecturer about climate’s impact on humans and vice versa. Now he bad-mouths Al Gore and his skeptical statements are widely quoted by the know-nothing right. What happened? The University of Wisconsin emeritus prof outlived his expertise and found himself stranded on the far side of a paradigm shift.
Ann Althouse, however, isn’t 87 years old.
OT:
Army again considers longer combat tours
WASHINGTON - The Army is considering whether it will have to extend the combat tours of troops in Iraq if President Bush opts to maintain the recent buildup of forces through spring 2008.
dave @ 23
It only seems fair to me, since Althouse isn’t exactly a writer.
tw3k @ 22
I am beginning to wonder if Gravel is the first Situationist Presidential candidate.
TexB @ 27
The Pentagon…every day, coming up with new ways to destroy human beings.
Dear Lesser Perfesser,
Sometimes an onion ring is just an onion ring.
I still think HRC should have gone with the Skippy’s poll choice: Meredith Brooks singing Bitch.
Since I am in touch with my inner bitch… it just made sense to me.
Suzanne @ 32
Anything other than Celine. Don’t care for her singing though she’s probably a perfectly nice person.
Onion rings are vagina symbols? Straight people can be SO weird sometimes.
SnarKassandra @ 24
Nope. Was cooking dinner.
Grilled kielbasa, with “Lower East Side Potato Pierogis” (mashed potatos and grilled onions, stuffed inside potsticker wrappers, and boiled for 3 minutes), with a caesar salad alongside. Yum.
No onion rings.
Lovely job as always, TRex. Thanks for the phrase, “a few balloon animals shy of a birthday party.”
Dare I ask what the Rethuglican contenders are doing for campaign themes? My vote for McCain would have to be “Still Crazy After All These Years.”
OT, but:
Mau I be the first to urge that Bush pardon Rudy’s crack-addicted South Carolina cocaine campaign manager?
I mean, there’s no underlying crime here. The guy’s being set up by an overzealous prosecutor. Ok, so he traded some cocaine for a little cash, but that doesn’t make him a *coke dealer*. I mean, who hasn’t? I’m sure Bush can sympathize.
Really, it’s just a shame. And I feel really, really bad for his family — assuming he has any, which I don’t know. But even so, like Rich Cohen said, jail is scary for white-collar people.
Besides, it’ll make us look open minded and less shrill if we can, when advocating for a Libby jail sentence, tell conservative critics that we’d be happy to support a pardon for Giuliani’s coke addict campaign.
Doncha’ think?
.
Peterr @ 35
Gee, Peterr, when did you become Catholic?
Rushdie diplomatic row escalates
Iran and Pakistan summon UK envoys to protest against the knighthood awarded to novelist Salman Rushdie.
EvilDrPuma @ 37
Very nice!
EvilDrPuma @ 39
707!!
Zombie lie my partner fed to the blog: I never have been a Celine fan and own no recorded music of hers.
Oy.
TexB @ 41
I’m proud of that one.
i refuse to read wingnut blogs - with bushco its all in front of me - no need to read them….especially as you say she’s one loony dare i say - bitch
Pachacutec @ 43
Loud Applause !
Here’s your birthday present, TRex — sorry it’s so late!
SC GOP State Treasurer Busted For Bolivian Marching Powder:
Did anyone else not realize that they were carrot sticks? They looked like some weird nouveau health food to me. I remember thinking, “What the hell ARE those?”
It’s that sex obsession of the repubs at work yet again. Never ceases to amaze does it? How many of the comments agreed with her (I’d go look b ut I think I might be sick)?
Great post, as usual TRex. I guess one would have to eat a lot of carrots to gain enough eyesight to see that point of view.
Probably only room for one head up that ass at a time tho.
JGabriel @ 38
Heh! I shoulda known JG would beat me to it.
Yet another case of “If This Were A Democrat It Would Have Led The Evening News”.
My first reaction was: That can’t be right. For one thing I can’t stand eating onion rings.
I decided that this was a totally inappropriate remark so just let me paraphrase Freud and say that sometimes an onion ring is just an onion ring.
Of course, how wingnuts perceive the universe is something of a mystery. They can look at Bush and not see the worst President in our history. They can look at Scooter Libby and not see a felon. They can look at the Iraq war and not see it for the disaster it is. I’m surprised they don’t see the unholy onion ring as a sign of the Last Days but maybe that’s just if Hillary gets elected. *g*
Frank Probst @ 34
Ahhhh! It buuuurns, the precious, it buuuuuurns!
They did not look like carot sticks until Big Dog picked one up. Then I realized what they were.
juslin @ 45
You’ve just condemned yourself to perpetual moderation, equating our Suzanne to Althouse. Been nice knowin’ ya.
FTC: Whole Foods wants to dominate market
Chief exec told board buying Wild Oats would ‘eliminate forever’ competition in the natural and organic grocery business, government lawyers say.
Actually, baby carrots are one my favorite computer side snacks and I’ve never thought “p*n*s” while munching away.
~~~ModNote: Content edited to clear filters.~~~
Frank Probst @ 34
God, if only Hillary had chosen Liz Phair’s ‘Supernova’ (”You fuck like a volcano and you’re everything to me”) or, even better, ‘Flower’ (”I want to be your blowj*b queen”)as her campaign song or background music for the video, now *that* would have really driven Althouse over the edge.
Alas, it would have also provided way too much fodder for further Republican libels on Hillary & Bill’s marriage. But, damn, Althouse’s reaction might have just been worth it.
.
(MOD NOTE: *Edited to allow through spam filters)
Suzanne @ 11
I dunno if I would saddle our friend, Kirk with “The Patient from H*LL” *g*
Hopefully he’ll drop by later to comment.
May I be the first to urge that Bush pardon Rudy’s crack-addicted South Carolina cocaine campaign manager?
I mean, there’s no underlying crime here. The guy’s being set up by an overzealous prosecutor. Ok, so he traded some cocaine for a little cash, but that doesn’t make him a *coke dealer*. I mean, who hasn’t? I’m sure Bush can sympathize.
Really, it’s just a shame. And I feel really, really bad for his family — assuming he has any, which I don’t know. But even so, like Rich Cohen said, jail is scary for white-collar people.
Besides, it’ll make us look open minded and less shrill if we can, when advocating for a Libby jail sentence, tell conservative critics that we’d be happy to support a pardon for Giuliani’s coke addict campaign.
Doncha’ think?
.
burnspbesq @ 55
I’ve been called bitch so often during my years on the street that I respond as if one says Suzanne.
No offense taken, unless, of course it was directed at me which I don’t think this was.
Hmmmm… Every one of those quotes seems to come from an Atrios regular.
Is anyone else actually reading the non sequitur generator besides Atriots?
Petrocelli @ 57
oh well - c’est la vie burnspbesq
(deleted by author, accidental repeat of earlier post)
Evening, Petro.
I’m in Toronto Thursday night. Any entertainment recommendations?
patrick @ 29
good call :)
TexB @ 56
Alas! Will our hero be kept from sowing his Wild Oats?
Your midnight snack.
After my disastrous presentation nails for biting a few days ago, today’s snack comes with an explanation.
The vegetables (including MANY carrots) are INSIDE the onion ring. Don’t ask me about the rest of the veggies. And no speculation at all about this snack for at least three minutes. (Ms S just went off to bed.) Thank you.
Mods: Someone please kill my posts at 59 and 64? Screwed up in the editor, think I must have hit ‘quote’ instead of ‘edit’ comment.
And kill this one too.
Madison Guy @ 26
It’s like watching Alphonse Bertillon in his old age ranting against the new fingerprints fad that was causing police forces around the globe to forsake his carefully-crafted “bertillionage” system. He lived just long enough to see his life’s work flushed down the toilet.
She keeps guzzling the vino and her brain will reach 87 a few decades before the rest of her.
Something fun to do with carrot sticks.
Cut them long and slender and soak them in salt water. When they are very limber, tie a knot in the center of each one. Soak in cold fresh water until they firm back up to their original crispy state. Serve with party dip as how-de-do-dats.
Tell them you grew them that way. Way cool.
And with that goofiness, I’m off to bed.
Attention-seeking Altmouse gets her wish.
(I’ll never look at onion rings the same way again, tho.)
sweeeet
Suzanne @ 62
Evenin’ Suz !!!
Kirk will also need vats and vats of brain bleach …
Given TRex’s post last night about the GA house race, here’s an update from the AP: As expected, Whitehead leads, but only with 44% of the vote (99% precincts reporting). Thus it looks like there will be a runoff.
That’s the good news.
The bad news is that TRex’s longshot progressive hope, James Marlow, is 115 votes behind another GOP candidate, Paul Broun.
It ain’t over yet, TRex . . . keep your tiny little forelimbs crossed, or whatever you do for luck.
Oilfieldguy @ 72
I may just try that! Sleep well.
Frank Probst @ 34
I know. Perverts.
I try so hard not to let them squick me out. I mean, I don’t have anything against what they do, per se, I just don’t want them to bring that shit around me. It’s just not right.
Petrocelli @ 57
As soon as I read Suz’s comment, I thought of you, Petro! Maybe you could teach her a thing or two! With the added bonus, she’d be out of the States!!! Aloha, Ya’ll!!! 8-)
Drivin’ by, but glad that Ms. Althouse has projected her sexual neuroses onto the Clintons. I was so worried that the obsession with Clinton sex had gone away, sort of like high school social hierarchies.
Oh, wait, right, apparently everyone in this world is still in high school.
TeddySanFran @ 71
Teddy!
Been trying to catch up to you since reading your fine, fine post on SF Pride . . . Great stuff!
I submit that Ms. Althouse would benefit from a bit of…hmmm…brisk physical companionship.
punaise @ 81
or as the British say, a damn good rogering
punaise @ 79
Or a therapeutic dose of any of several antipsychotics.
punaise @ 79
But for her companion . . . not so much benefit, I think.
burnspbesq @ 65
Thursday … hmmm … Toronto Jazz Festival is on … give me a couple of minutes to browse our events calendar.
punaise @ 79
Just stick a funnel in my ear and start pouring the brain bleach.
Sporkovat at 153 in Eli’s post.
You nailed it bro-bro.
Oh and the Digby vid rocked.
Talk amongst yourselves. Discuss….
punaise @ 81
hmmmm… who will bell the cat, though?
I’m going to bed. Be excellent to each other, and enjoy your hot, tasty onion rings.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar…
Phoenix Woman @ 51
Aw, thanks, Phoenix Woman (blushes while staring downward and scuffing shoetip against floor).
But, but, but, I was being serious…
.
CTuttle @ 77
I would make her a whole new person … then she’d hate her old self all her life … *g*
EvilDrPuma @ 89
Sleep well my friend.
EvilDrPuma @ 89
nite puma.
patrick @ 86
This looks like a job for … DANGERSTEIN!
JGabriel @ 60
I do. In fact, perhaps their sentences should be tied together. They have quite a bit in common. Criminals-check, liars-check, republicans-check, cheats-check.
So good enough. Good for the goose…
Petrocelli @ 90
Do I smell Repentance??? ;-)
OK, a new snack. Create your own damn symbolism!
punaise @ 80
I will nevvuh watch Bugs Bunny chomping on a carrot the same way again !!! *g*
Peterr @ 75
Yeah, the story got me motivated to start prodding challengers to our own “pig in a flag”.
Wow. From Digby to Althouse– what a slide, from the sublime to the pitiful!
Dig–BEE! Dig–BEE! Dig–BEE!
Bob in HI
Althouse simply confirms what’s in her mind, sex. Not that there is anything wrong with sex, but she should simply go out and get some and stop thinking about it.
Peterr @ 84
OMG!!!
ACE from ACE OF SPADES!
They’d be perfect together.
She soon will be singing:
They’re coming to take me away HaHa,HoHo,HeeHee
To the funny farm where life is beatiful all the time…
I used to love the Dr. Demento show.
Onion rings, bacon, play-doh.
It’s all about the O.
Onion ring can cause episodes of financial indigestion.
TexB @ 96