Chris Matthews really seems to be jonesing for some serious Man-Love these days.

There’s just no other way to explain things like this from last night’s Hardball (via Glenn Greenwald):

Does [Fred Thompson] have sex appeal? I’m looking at this guy and I’m trying to find out the new order of things, and what works for women and what doesn’t. Does this guy have some sort of thing going for him that I should notice? . . .

Gene, do you think there’s a sex appeal for this guy, this sort of mature, older man, you know? He looks sort of seasoned and in charge of himself. What is this appeal? Because I keep star quality. You were throwing the word out, shining star, Ana Marie, before I checked you on it. . . .

Can you smell the English leather on this guy, the Aqua Velva, the sort of mature man’s shaving cream, or whatever, you know, after he shaved? Do you smell that sort of — a little bit of cigar smoke? You know, whatever.

Crooks and Liars has the video, in which Matthews lets fly with such blazingly astute political insights as, “Is Thompson the new Robert Redford or Matt Damon?”

Now, bear in mind that the man we’re talking about looks like this:

fugly thomspon

You know, I think I do see a certain Matt Damon-ish quality about Thompson. (If Damon had been disinterred from a family crypt after lying in state for a hundred years.)

But of course, that’s beside the point for a girlfriend like Matthews, who clearly finds political power to be the mightiest aphrodisiac, trumping looks, character, and all that silly shit. Let’s go back in time to Matthews, Ann Coulter, and G. Gordon Liddy all drooling in unison over the pair of gym-socks Preznint Potemkin stuffed down the front of his flight suit:

MATTHEWS: Let me ask you, Bob Dornan, you were a congressman all those years. Here’s a president who’s really nonverbal. He’s like Eisenhower. He looks great in a military uniform. He looks great in that cowboy costume he wears when he goes West. I remember him standing at that fence with Colin Powell. Was [that] the best picture in the 2000 campaign?

(snip)

MATTHEWS: We’re proud of our president. Americans love having a guy as president, a guy who has a little swagger, who’s physical, who’s not a complicated guy like [former President Bill] Clinton or even like [former Democratic presidential candidates Michael] Dukakis or [Walter] Mondale, all those guys, [George] McGovern. They want a guy who’s president. Women like a guy who’s president. Check it out. The women like this war. I think we like having a hero as our president. It’s simple. We’re not like the Brits. We don’t want an indoor prime minister type, or the Danes or the Dutch or the Italians, or a [Russian Federation President Vladimir] Putin. Can you imagine Putin getting elected here? We want a guy as president.

By this rubric, can we count on Matthews’s unconditional support should the Village People make a run for the presidency? They’ve got the costumes, and I’m sure they’ve ridden in an airplane or two in their lives. Or Cher? She looks pretty sweet on the deck of an aircraft carrier, too, as I recall.

But of course, Matthews does not limit his fawning over powerful men to praising the ones who turn him on. Remember his weird, penis-obsessed characterization of Patrick Fitzgerald?

MATTHEWS: That makes sense. What did you think of the prosecutor, Fitzgerald?

REDINGTON: Very earnest, nice person.

MATTHEWS: Almost virginal, right? Didn‘t he seem like a real straight arrow to you? Like he had never been married, never had a date, never had a hangover, never had anything?

REDINGTON: No, that didn‘t strike—no.

MATTHEWS: That is the way he strikes me.

Yeah, I’d like to strike Matthews in an entirely different way, but that’s another blog post.

This, apparently, is the state of political analysis in this country. Watching “Hardball” these days is kind of like eavesdropping on a meeting of the junior high yearbook staff. “Oooh, this candidate’s cute!”, “No way! He has cooties and he squirts milk through his nose at lunch.”, “Ewwwww, that’s gross!”, “Well, I think he’s cute, so we’re putting his picture on the first page of ‘Student Life’.”, “NOOOOO! I told Ana Marie we’d be putting her on the first page!”, “Ugh! Ana Marie? WhatEVER!“, etc, etc.

Far be it from me, though, to disparage another man’s voyage of erotic discovery. If Matthews wants to climb into Fred Thompson’s lap and rub his baby-smooth cheek against Thompson’s manly stubbled jaw and talk baby-talk, that’s, well, his business. I just wish he didn’t think his issues are something we need to hear discussed infinitely on TV, and during the dinner hours, no less.

Good luck, Chris. I hope you find yourself a nice Daddy, although I would recommend the DC Eagle over the GOP presidential field. “Warrior Fridays”, man! $2 draft beer all night!

Are you man enough?

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