Well, after weeks of trying to pin every car-backfire, school massacre, and kid with a cherry bomb on phony cabals of Muslim Fanatic Terrorists, Righty Blogistan and the Em Ess Em have finally got themselves a group of real live jihadi. In Jersey. (Where else, really?)
WASHINGTON (CNN) — The federal government charged five alleged Islamic radicals with plotting to kill U.S. soldiers at Fort Dix in New Jersey.
A sixth was charged with aiding and abetting the illegal possession of firearms by three of the others.
"The philosophy that supports and encourages jihad around the world against Americans came to live here in New Jersey and threaten the lives of our citizens through these defendants," New Jersey U.S. Attorney Christopher J. Christie said at a news conference Tuesday.
The men were arrested Monday night and heard the charges against them Tuesday in federal court. They will be held without bond pending a hearing Friday, according to Michael Drewniak, spokesman for the U.S. Attorney's Office for the District of New Jersey.
Well, so much for fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here.
You know that Debbie Schlussel is turning clumsy-ass cartwheels of joy that there's finally some Hot Islamic Jihadi Action for her to write about. And of course, their semi-questionable citizenship status has Michelle Malkin melting through her Victoria's Secret white cotton lady briefs. You can go look at their blogs if you want. I don't have the stomach for it. They'll be dining out on these six losers and their woodland paintball games all the way to the 2008 elections and beyond. The Muslim Fanatics are, like, totally among us right now!! Time to start rounding them all up, eh, Internment Girl?
Never mind that we've done this song and dance before with those seven losers in a warehouse in Miami that got arrested last year. Never mind that this is all suspiciously well-timed for the Bush Assministration, whose poll numbers are tanking and whose pet idiot will be making his second (and undoubtedly awe-inspiringly bad) testimony before Congress the day after tomorrow.
No, this time it's different! This time it's important! This time the threat was REAL!
("Wolf!" cried the boy, "Wolf! Wolf!")
So, expect this to be in heavy rotation in the media cycle over the next couple of weeks. They're going to milk it for every last possible fear-mongering, freedom-squelching, race-baiting drop that they can squeeze out. You're actually going to miss the Anna Nicole frenzy. You think I'm kidding, don't you?
I guess the thing that chaps my ass about the whole thing is that there were two other major domestic terror plots uncovered last week, but what has Wolf Blitzer had to say about that? Nothing. Nil.
But just for the hell of it, let's review.
First off, there's the southern-fried militia I like to call the Alabama Asshat Brigade.
BIRMINGHAM, Alabama — Five members of a self-styled Alabama militia were denied bond Tuesday after a federal agent testified they planned a machine-gun attack on Mexicans. A sixth man accused of having weapons and explosives components in his home was approved for release.
U.S. Magistrate Judge Robert Armstrong said he could not grant bond because of the agent's testimony and the large number of weapons — including about 200 homemade hand grenades and a launcher — that were seized in raids last Friday.
And what were they going to do with those guns and grenades?
Kill as many Mexicans as possible.
Adam Nesmith, an agent with the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, testified that the five men planned an attack on Mexicans in a small town just north of Birmingham, and went there on a reconnaissance mission April 20.
Nesmith said one of the men told an informant that the group, which calls itself the Alabama Free Militia, saw government agents as "the enemy" and had a standing order to open fire if anyone saw government agents approaching.
The sixth man is charged with being a drug user in possession of a firearm. A federal agent testified they found two rooms loaded with guns and possible explosives components, including fireworks, ball bearings, primers, mouse traps, light bulbs and fertilizer.
A lawyer for one of the men has said the case has been overblown by authorities. He said his client began stockpiling items partly because of the scare of the Y2K computer glitch in 2000.
Right. And I bought a whole new spring wardrobe because I like to ride the escalators at the mall.
Then there was this little token of love from the "culture of life":
AUSTIN, Texas – A bomb was left in a duffel bag in the parking lot of a clinic where abortions are performed, but a bomb squad safely detonated it.
An employee found the package Wednesday in the parking lot of the Austin Women's Health Center, authorities said. The immediate area, including nearby Interstate 35, was evacuated briefly.
The device "was configured in such a way to cause serious bodily injury or death," said David Carter, assistant chief of the Austin Police Department.
So, that's two other domestic terrorism plots with actual weapons (which the Jersey Jihadi and the Florida Warehouse Gang never got around to acquiring, by the way) in a week. Of course, because they were going to kill Mexicans and women seeking abortions, well, that's just not sexy like the Nightly News needs for ledes. Those stories barely merit a passing mention, whereas our unarmed Islamic fantasists in Trenton are going to be absolutely ubiquitous.
And don't expect people like Malkin and Pam Atlas and Debbie Schlussel to give any column inches at all to these Conservaterrorists, let alone open up their ever-present cans of fauxtrage. Those people are their readers, so of course they wouldn't want to alienate their fan-base. Nope, it's going to be all Jersey Jihadi all the time for the foreseeable future.
UPDATE: The kids at Wonkette have precisely the correct attitude on this one.
Ok. So, the plot was: six dudes from New Jersey buy some guns and storm Fort Dix. The Fort Dix that is full of lots and lots of Army reservists with way, way more guns. And, like, extensive military training and shit. Yes, thank god these terrorists have been caught and locked up before they could be killed within minutes of deciding to carry out the dumbest fucking terrorist plot we’ve ever heard of.
Say "Amen", somebody!