mission accomplished

(Image found here.)

Tomorrow marks the fourth anniversary of the rollout of BushCo's "President Pilot" action figure, which they premiered on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln.  They got some out-of-work alcoholic clown to dress up as a life-size version of the toy and give a speech.  I don't remember what it was about.

Fortunately, Media Matters remembers all:

On May 1, 2003, President Bush landed on the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln aboard an S-3B Viking jet, emerged from the aircraft in full flight gear, and proceeded to "press[] flesh," as The Washington Post put it, as he shook hands and hugged crew members in front of the cameras. Later that day, Bush delivered a nationally televised speech from the deck of the Abraham Lincoln in which he declared that "[m]ajor combat operations in Iraq have ended," all the while standing under a banner reading: "Mission Accomplished." Despite lingering questions over the continued violence in Iraq, the failure to locate weapons of mass destruction, and the whereabouts of Saddam Hussein, as well as evidence that Bush may have shirked his responsibilities in the Texas Air National Guard (TANG) during the Vietnam War, the print and televised media fawned over Bush's "grand entrance" and the image of Bush as the "jet pilot" and the "Fighter Dog."

Chief among the cheerleaders was MSNBC's Chris Matthews. On the May 1, 2003, edition of Hardball, Matthews was joined in his effusive praise of Bush by right-wing pundit Ann Coulter and "Democrat" Pat Caddell. Former U.S. Rep. Robert K. Dornan (R-CA) also appeared on the program.

A year ago, loyal reader (and dear friend of FDL) Zennurse pointed me to the Media Matters rundown of Big Media's unanimous decision to fall on their knees and fellate the Presidential Codpiece.  Rather than bore you with the truly sick-making spectacle of Chris Matthews jizzing into his own lap, Coulter greasing the pump, and G. Gordon Liddy musing lasciviously about the size of the Presidential Package, I will give you my shorter version from this time last year:

Shorter Matthews: WOWIE ZOWIE!! THAT WAS SO COOL! NEATO! GEE WHIZ! OH MY GOSH! I LOVE BUSH! I LOOOOVE BUSH!! COOOOOL!!

Shorter Coulter: SCREEEEEEEECH!! OOK OOK!! SQUAAAAACK!!

Shorter Liddy: That’s the kind of thing that makes you want to suck a man’s big thick dick. Not that I ever would. Or ever have. But, you know, it makes me think about it. And it would be fine. Cos it’s the President’s dick, so that’s okay.

(‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.)

Yes, firedogs, it's four years to the day since we won the War in Iraq.  I'm so glad it didn't take more than a couple of weeks or turn into a long, drawn-out clusterfuck of corruption, ineptitude, and mind-boggling failures.  And boy howdy, can you believe how cheap gas has gotten since we tapped Iraq's rich oil reserves?  You know, I will never again presume to question the wisdom of NeoCons like Bill Kristol, Michael Ledeen, and Lil' Chuckie Krauthammer.  Those guys are modern-day prophets!  Every single thing they said about Iraq has come true.

Am I ever sorry that I opposed the war from the beginning!  Here I thought that the US was meddling in a region of the world that it only dimly understands.  I even thought it was a bad idea to send thousands of American troops into battle in a bunch of un-armored SUV's and without the proper equipment, weapons, or a clearly defined plan.  Silly, silly me.  When will I ever learn?

I even doubted the efficacy of the Preznint's War on Terrah!  But new State Department figures out today show that I was way, way, waaaaay off base.  Terrorist attacks are down, way down and the world is a much safer and more peaceful place than it was on 9/11.

Uh, to coin a phrase, Sadly, NO!

WASHINGTON (AP) – Terrorist attacks worldwide shot up more than 25 percent last year, killing 40 percent more people than in 2005, particularly in Iraq where extremists used chemical weapons and suicide bombers to target crowds, the State Department said Monday.

(snip)

In its annual global survey of terrorism, the department said 14,338 attacks took place in 2006, mainly in Iraq and Afghanistan, 3,185 more than in 2005 representing a 28.5 percent increase.

These strikes claimed a total of 20,498 lives, 13,340 of them in Iraq, 5,800 more, or a 40.2 percent increase, than last year, it said.

Well, other than the bodies strewn everywhere in Iraq, things are going great there, right?  We built hospitals and painted schools and stuff!  Right?  RIGHT??!!

U.S. rebuilt Iraq projects are crumbling.

“In a troubling sign for the American-financed rebuilding program in Iraq, inspectors for a federal oversight agency have found that in a sampling of eight projects that the United States had declared successes, seven were no longer operating as designed because of plumbing and electrical failures, lack of proper maintenance, apparent looting and expensive equipment that lay idle.”

But, hey, kids!  We sure did get rid of Saddam, didn't we?  Along with Iraq's power grid, clean water, hospitals, and the horrors of growing old and dying naturally.  I'm sure that just as soon as they realize what great things we have done for them, the Iraqi people will thank us again and again and shower us with the flowers and candy they've been saving since we arrived.

Gosh, isn't it great to live in God's Favorite Country and always be right?  I'm so goddamn proud of us right now that I could just shit myself!  *sniff*

God bless America, y'all!  Merry Motherfucking Mission Accomplished Day! 

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  3. Saddam Interrogation: US Still Trying to Show 9/11 Connection as Late as Mid-2004
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  5. Afghanistan: Mission Creep in Action