awwww

I only got to dip into today's testimony by Abu "Buttercheeks" Gonzales, our soon-to-be former Attorney General, but I saw and heard enough to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that not only is this man a liar, but he's a piss-poor one at that.  Whiny, arrogant, dismissive, Little Gonzito sat there squirming on the hot seat, petulantly bleating away in that pinched, nasal Gayberry, RFD accent of his ("Ah awready told yew Ah misspoke!"), and stamping his little size 4 Hushpuppies as one committee member after another aggressively dismantled his pathetic scrim of CYA lies and demonstrated that it would be a stretch to let this man run his own bath, let alone letting him run the nation's engines of justice and law enforcement.

Yes, Abu is just the latest in a long line of egregious incompetents promoted well beyond their abilities and experience so that the Bush junta can extend its imperial reach to all levels of American society and forward the Republicans' plan to turn our nation into the world's single largest third-world banana republic.  Bush cronies are to the Peter Principle what nuclear detonations are to static cling.

Do you think he swiped that suit off of John Roberts, Jr.?

Fortunately, the rest of the world seems to feel about like we do about Gone-zito.  The reviews were harsh, even from people in his own camp. 

Gonzales reviews are in: ‘Like clubbing a baby seal.’

CNN’s Dana Bash:

Loyal Republican after loyal Republican in this hearing room, and more specifically, in private to CNN today have made it clear that they are frankly flabbergasted by how poorly they think the attorney general has done in this hearing. … During the lunch break, in private, several very loyal Republicans made it clear to CNN that they were really dripping with disappointment.

CNN’s Suzanne Malveaux:

[White House officials] believe Gonzales is in trouble. … Two senior White House aides here describing the situation, Gonzales’ testimony, as “going down in flames.” That he was “not doing himself any favors.” One prominent Republican describing watching his testimony as “clubbing a baby seal.”

Uh, I have two problems with that analogy.

1. Baby seals are cute.  Abu Gone-zales is about as cute as a plantar wart.

2. Baby seals are dead at the end of a proper clubbing.  Abu was not.  In fact, he was continuing to insist that the lies he's told and his attempts to pour bag after bag of sugar into the gas tank of American justice have nothing to do with his ability to perform his job. 

If that was a clubbing, maybe euthanasia is the only answer.  (Politically speaking, of course.) 

At least one member of Abu's fan club is "pleased" with his performance today.  You get three guesses who and the first two don't count.

Statement from Deputy Press Secretary Dana Perino …

President Bush was pleased with the Attorney General’s testimony today. After hours of testimony in which he answered all of the Senators’ questions and provided thousands of pages of documents, he again showed that nothing improper occurred. He admitted the matter could have been handled much better, and he apologized for the disruption to the lives of the U.S. Attorneys involved, as well as for the lack of clarity in his initial responses. The Attorney General has the full confidence of the President, and he appreciates the work he is doing at the Department of Justice to help keep our citizens safe from terrorists, our children safe from predators, our government safe from corruption, and our streets free from gang violence.

Awwwww.  Isn't that just precious?  They actually think he's a normal boy! 

Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D, Ass-Kickistan) was particularly good today, I thought.

Alberto Gonzales, following the lead of Kyle Sampson, has drawn a well defined line at what would be an "improper" reason to fire a U.S. attorney: the motive of affecting a particular criminal case.

As Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI) pointed out, that's a "very low bar." What Gonzales is describing is what would constitute possible criminal obstruction of justice. Gonzales admitted as much, saying that in considering what would be improper, he'd thought, "what is the legal standard?"

Pressing on, Whitehouse tried to get Gonzales to understand that it would also be improper to fire a U.S. attorney for a generally political reason — that attempting to discourage U.S. attorneys who might follow in Carol Lam's path, for instance, would be improper. Gonzales didn't seem to grasp the idea.

Ah, yes, when you've been to the well way, way, way, WAY too many times with "I don't remember", it's always handy to fall back on "I don't understand".  No matter that your seeming inability to wrap your pointy little Texas ambulance-chaser head around such a simple concept screams loudly for all the world that you have about as much business in the US Department of Justice as a pack of javelinas.

This is the core truth about the thick-headed criminals, religious fanatics, partisan hacks, and dead-enders who work for BushCo.  They will say literally ANYTHING to try and weasel out of trouble.  But that, of course, was Alberto's precise problem on the Hill today.  He'd said ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING so many times that there was nowhere to run.

Let's hope that this is the beginning of the last set of public appearances this little weasel will be making.  I can't fucking stand the sound of his voice anymore.  Why is it than when our heap big manly Republican men get backed into a corner, they all turn into these hissing, pissy, prissy little bitch-queens, anyhow?  Especially Preznint Fauntleroy, there.  When he's mad, he makes Bill Frist look like Henry Rollins. 

There's been some difference of views as to the hecklers in the audience today, who were apparently almost as much a part of the testimony as Gone-zito Hisself.  They cat-called and booed.  At the end of the testimony, they erupted into song, singing "Na Na, Hey-Hey, Goodbye" and one heckler was caught on C-SPAN saying, "Seventy-four times, 'I don't recall.'  How did he get through law school?"

How, indeed?

Wake me when the little pissant gets a new job as Prison Bitch.  Otherwise, don't bother me.

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  5. Fredo Talks! Gonzales Advocates for an Independent AG