help-wanted.jpg
[image courtesy turbo squid

for the week ending 4/14/07:

SEEKING WAR CZAR: The White House, in conjunction with the Department of Defense, is seeking an administrator to oversee the daily maintenance of Operation Iraqi Freedom and its ancillary programs. M.B.A. preferred. No military experience necessary.

Our Mission: To generate strategic value for our investors while establishing a permanent American presence in the Middle East. To maintain a perpetual, ongoing threat to U.S. security interests at home and abroad. To create a permanent underclass to serve in our armed forces.

The White House approaches the execution of war by simultaneously maximizing profit and minimizing American goodwill around the world. This innovative approach to global warfare emphasizes a refocusing away from primary causal connections and on to predetermined targets through a multi-pronged organization comprised of media outlets and celebrities, compromised political affiliates and a distracted American public.

The Office of War Czar is being established to advance our executive and market goals via the recycling of well-worn but successful talking points. By engaging and motivating supporters of President Bush, as well as influential voices among the Right's public opinion leaders, political funders, and national, state, and local leaders to join our efforts, we multiply opportunities for financial success.

This position is responsible for overseeing the execution of the Surge Phase of Operation Iraqi Freedom:

1.    Weigh the political expediency of the decisions of the military "on the ground" to further the President's personal goals.
2.    Supplant the role of the President as Commander-in-Chief.
3.    Serve as the official spokesman for the Bush Administration with regard to its ongoing occupation of Iraq.
4.    Prepare and review written communications, e.g. talking points, for White House communications director and the national news organizations.
5.    Accept responsibility for and deflect any negative feedback away from the President resulting from any procedural, programmatic, or policy failures during the next phase of Iraqi Freedom.

Please send resume with cover letter to:

Stephen Hadley
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue 
Washington, D.C. 20006

— 

Courtesy of Wonkette, Andrew Sullivan finally gets the difference between Don Imus and South Park. Although the way Imus is looking these days, he's almost two-dimensional.

According to James Wolcott, Tom Oliphant's favorite movie must be "Spartacus."

Because you just can't make this shit up.  Via Cliff Schecter.

It's always the ones who fancy themselves as religious recluses that have no souls.  Roy at alicublog has more. 

I'm really sorry I went to law school when I did.  Had I waited, found Our Saviour Jesus Christ behind my sofa, and given the money to Pat Robertson instead, I'd be pulling down six figures down in D.C.  Jesus' General found the 1L syllabus from Regent University Law School.

A Wingnut In Baghdad.  Science fiction, you say?  Gavin M. at Sadly, No! tries to explain how maintaining a certain flexibility when faced with reality can only benefit you in the long run. 

Ah, yes, the foolish consistencies of small minds.  As TBogg notes, Michelle Malkin's mind is quite wee, indeed. 

Courtesy of Kieran Healy at Crooked Timber, we have what surely is the oddest photograph of the week at Blue Monster.   

Why do I adore Norbizness so?  Because he blends up a foamy concoction of snark AND Emily Dickinson, and then dumps the gooey mess on John McCain's haid!

Hairy Fish Nuts' Salvage critiques the latest "novel" by Pope Benedict XVI.

Funniest video all week – From Apostropher, via Lawyers, Guns, and Money. Of course, this one from Ampersand, via Shake's Sister, is pretty amusing in its own way.

Not snark per se, but a really spot-on explanation of why Don Imus isn't a real comedian from Lance Mannion. As someone who dabbled in stand-up comedy, I always thought dick jokes were a cop-out.  

August J. Pollak is living proof that our children is learning.   

Creature at State of the Day tells us a tale of a sad little government report. 

Poor Peggy Noonan.  Not content with the spectacles she made of herself by dry-humping Ronald Reagan's casket and waxing poetical about the magic dolphins, she moves on to dismiss the latest crop of political candidates as "unserious." Steve M. at No More Mister Nice Blog can't quite contain his amusement.

Tom Burka at Opinions You Should Have gets the inside skinny on hapless Karl Rove and his recordkeeping habits.