alberto.jpg
AFP/Getty Images/Mark Wilson

"Does this rug make me look incompetent?" 

for the week ending 3/17/07:

Title credit: Ken Burns presents "The Uncivil War".  Cue music.

"To his Excellency George W. Bush,

I am sorry to report that mistakes have been made in our campaign for the Southwestern Front. Secrets that should have never come to light have been revealed to our enemy. Our losses were great indeed. The positions we had hoped to hold have been irrevocably damaged and we require your understanding in your matter.  I serve at your pleasure always.  General Alberto Gonzales."

"My good General Gonzales,

I fear your determination to maintain our assault on the Constitution crisis is starting to falter.  I am disappointed that you could not hold our lines steady in New Mexico, and that the losses we have suffered has led me to some inescapable and painful conclusions. As the leader of this Great Battle, it is not my responsibility to accept the blame for these failures, for such an admission would make me appear weak and cowardly before our troops.  Therefore, my always loyal Alberto, I am going to have to ask you to draw your sword in the most honorable tradition. For this is a good death for a man who has done fine works. Yours in eternal unitary execution, George W. Bush."

"My dearest Mr. diGenova,

I am writing to you from the enemy's camp.  Our campaign to win the Battle of the Plame has not been as successful as we had hoped.  We tried valiantly to drive back the enemy with our longstanding, historical alliance with Barry Goldwater and cunning interpretation of statutory intent, but the generals countered our moves with skill and precision and facts.  My dear, I fear I shall be in these stockades for some time to come.  I miss you terribly. Do not forget to fire the farm hands for me. With much admiration, I remain, your Victoria."

"Dearest Mrs. Waxman,

Fire up the barbecue, baby.  We're just gettin' started and I'm hungry. Love, your Henry."

—

So I lost my bet that Abu Gonzales would step down while Valerie Plame testified before the House Oversight Committee.  Anybody have ten bucks I can borrow?

Clif at Outside the Tent finds the "Valerie Plame wasn't covert, thus no underlying crime was committed" argument a bit . . . dodgy, at best.

Karl Rove lies?  I find that incredibly hard to believe.  The Rude Pundit is equally astounded.

James Wolcott mulls over a Fred Thompson run for President. Balloon Juice's John Cole explains why Rudy Giuliani's chances at becoming President are as slim as Nicole Richie in profile. And Jesus' General got his mitts on Rudy's first campaign poster.

TBogg is slightly annoyed that his bet on Gonzales didn't pay out. And Wonkette's a bit annoyed that nobody in the media took notice of Pretty in Pink.

Darth Cheney beat the war drums for AIPAC this week.  Don't bother reading the transcript – Norbizness has already translated it for humans. 

Spindentist at All Spin Zone finds Jesus is nonstick. 2Millionth Weblog's Mike discovers that Charles Krauthammer's reasoning skills are also nonstick.

Brad Altrocket at Sadly, No! gives a shout out to the Right for such talented con artists. Carl at Simply Left Behind tries to have a rational conversation with conservatives.

Roy over at alicublog runs down this week in wingnuttery. Meanwhile, Roger Ailes notes that publication of Jonah Goldberg's book, Liberal Fascism, has been pushed back . . . again. Maybe publication is contingent upon the Pantload admitting that he's a fucking hypocrite.

Almostinfamous at Fuzzy Words says "feh" to George Bush's "humanitarianism." And I note that Bush was practicing his love with some unsuspecting Guatemalan workers.

Who can turn the world on with a smile?  Why, it's Khalid Sheik Mohammed!  Not only has he laid claim to the World Trade Center, but 30 other terrorist attacks, as well!  Attaturk at Rising Hegemon lists more of KSM's incredible achievements!

Mimus Pauly at Skippy the Bush Kangaroo pens a paean to Fred Barnes.  I wish I'd get love letters like that…