Okay, everybody check the bottoms of your shoes.  I think somebody here stepped in some conservative comedy.

Yes, at long last, and after truly staggering amounts of hype, Pox News has finally unveiled its "answer" to "The Daily Show", "The 1/2 Hour News Hour".  Neither of the show's two hosts are who we were told they would be back in December, so this must be "The 1/2 Hour News Hour, Mach Two", or maybe even "Mach Two and Three Quarters".

And granted, it isn't quite as excruciatingly bad as the three ladies of "The America Show" , but stapling your tongue to a rotting corpse on a hot day in August isn't as excruciatingly bad as the three ladies of "The America Show".  Really.

Kerry Lauerman at Salon's Video Dog says of "The 1/2 Hour News Hour":

It's essentially a righty version of SNL's "Weekend Update." But there seem to be some obvious problems with that. First, "Weekend Update's" targets don't ever seem terribly agenda-driven: When they work (and admittedly, that's not that often ) it's because of the universality of the joke. "Weekend Update's" mildly amusing Barack Obama sketch worked because it snatched a controversy (one shaken by Salon's own Debra Dickerson) and poked at it in a hilarious way (much the way that Stephen Colbert had). Played out to its ludicrous extreme, all sides can get a yuk out of it, without any one side feeling assaulted. Success! But making fun of Obama for using drugs -- when he's admitted in a book and on "60 Minutes" to using coke as a kid -- is so cringingly ideological, you can practically hear Karl Rove slapping his knee in the background.

Speaking of which, are they actually going to use a live studio audience, or stick with these canned hams? Because there's nothing like a fraudience to make your whole knock-off show, which happens to spoof another show, really seem like ... well, you know. A fraud.

What, those weren't real people laughing in the clip?  But...but...Fox News never lies!  Next thing you're going to tell me that the tooth fairy isn't real and that Saddam Hussein didn't have WMD's or ties to 9/11!

Think Progress has posted a clip of the show's lackluster promo spot and some words of warning by the TV critic of the Orlando Sentinel:

Fox News Channel does not know how to do slashing comical commentary. The channel debuts "The 1/2 Hour News Hour" at 10 p.m. Sunday and repeats it at 10 p.m. Feb. 25. This show was meant to be a conservative version of "The Daily Show." It is a botch.

"The 1/2 Hour News Hour" does not comment on what is happening; it simply takes swipes at people. These people include Howard Dean, Hillary Clinton, Dennis Kucinich, Barack Obama and Ed Begley Jr. Other joke topics are the ACLU, Time magazine, children's books and global warming.

Laughter, of an awfully canned variety, greets all the gags. Nothing happening on screen justifies these outbursts.

Hey, I'm all for a good dig at the high and the mighty. But these satirists fall short of hitting their targets with wit, timeliness or punch.

Which raises the point: What is a comedy show doing on a news channel?

"The 1/2 Hour News Hour" was developed by Joel Surnow, who has given the world many minutes of entertainment through "24." On the basis of the premiere, Surnow should stick to political thrillers.

At the top, Rush Limbaugh puts in a cameo as the U.S. president (the year is 2009); Ann Coulter drops in as his vice president. Then they disappear, a smart move.

Oh, would that they would just disappear forever.  Seriously, though, if Limbaugh and Coulter become the President and Vice President, shit, I'll join Al Q'aeda. 

Fox News Channel will offer a second episode at 10 p.m. March 4. If we're lucky, we'll never hear of this dreadful show again.

Oh, come on.  Don't be such a spoilsport.  Surely we can think of something nice to say about the clip above, like, oh, I dunno, "It ends."  But while we're here, I really don't see what the big deal is about Barack Obama copping to some teenage drug use when our current preznint apparently spent much of the 70's and 80's trying to put the entire nation of Colombia up his nose and then going out and driving around Texas like a dumbass.  (Must be nice to have a powerful father who can scrub your arrest record, by the way.)

For the last time, conservatives, you people just aren't funny unless you're trying to be serious.  Julia Gorin at her best is about as funny as a plantar wart, but all 72 of Rick Santorum's passel of brats clutching their teddy bears, weeping copiously, and giving the camera death-looks during their dad's concession speech?  Hi-larious.

Let's go over this one more time.

Ann Coulter making jokes about immigrants?  Not funny.  Just ugly and kind of tragic.

Michelle Malkin declaring that a decimated mosque isn't "destroyed", per se, just really, really well ventilated?  That's comedy gold!

Gay conservative pundit Doug Giles at Townhall says the following in his column, "It's Time for Conservatives to Take Comedy Seriously" (h/t Sadly, No!):

I know I’m not supposed to say this as a conservative and as a Christian, but Steve Colbert, John Stewart, David Letterman, Carlos Mencia, Dave Chappelle and Bill Maher are funny hombres. Even though I radically and fundamentally disagree with most of their content, funny is as funny does. They’re like farts. Most folks don’t really like farts, but farts are funny. Period. Especially, when it’s yours and it’s silent.

Uh, do what, now?  Go on, Doug, I think you're about to make a point?

Look, as far as comedy goes, Mr. and Mrs. Conservative, you must bow and kiss the Left’s ring.

That's right, pucker up, bitchez!  I've got something you can kiss.  And it's not my ring. 

But good luck and all.  It's going to be really hard for everyone on "The 1/2 Hour News Hour" staff to hit the job market all at once come March, but you people on the Right always have your little think tanks and other Wingnut Welfare handouts to fall back on.  I'm sure you'll all do just fine.