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Ye gods. This gets my nomination for Headline of the Weak. "Rethink"? That would imply that he's ever thought about it before.
Take it away, Swopa!
The closest advisorBy Swopa
Dec 26 2006 - 7:59pmRemember what Bob Woodward said, talking about Dubya on "60 Minutes" last October?
"Late last year he had key Republicans up to the White House to talk about the war. And said, 'I will not withdraw even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me.' Barney is his dog,"
I guess he wasn't kidding. But does this mean Laura wasn't even willing to talk about it?
Here we go again: A new secretary of defense and yet another call for ending the war in Iraq by escalating it. What are they smoking in the Bush White House?
Even as government statistics now show marijuana is America's No. 1 cash crop, it is important to remember that militarism is the most dangerous drug threatening our sanity. Yet even formerly sober folks -- first Colin Powell and now new Secretary of Defense Robert Gates -- get a contact high from cozying up to the walking hallucinogen that is our president.
(snip)
The convenient lie behind all of this is that U.S. military occupation is the indispensable agent of Mideast enlightenment. No, we have become the enablers of Iraqi madness, be it in the form of torture or the ascendancy of religious tyranny in Iraq, where daily life has been reduced to an unmitigated horror.
Yet, like a junkie who needs one more hit to get his life in order, Bush is hooked on the drug of military might. If the Democrats continue to feed his dangerous habit they will only help Bush visit greater mayhem upon Iraq while undermining the core values of our own country.
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Fitzmas is coming?
So what do we think is going to happen when Saddam is executed right about the time the State of the Union happens?
Another “turning point?”
“Last throes?”
Joe-Bama!
And so in honor of a another fine TRex post, I bring you this:
A Hopin’, a Wishin’ and a Prayin’
or
How does Junya do his decideratin’?
There have been many who pondered just how Junya goes about doing his “decideratin’”. It has been the subject of endless speculation by the chattering class, the topic of innumerable inane PhD dissertations, and of course, fodder for every adoring wingnut whose own thinkin’ it coincidently resembles.
But I’m here to reveal the complete and unvarnished truth that that has baffled even the experts. No expense was spared in divining this…ahm…stunning…ahm…feat of mental acuity.
There is a method to Junya’s
madnessthinkin’ process when he reluctantly needs to do some decideratin’. You know, like what to do about Iraq.Junya, during his formative years as a cowpoke at his Connecticut dude ranch, always found things “easier” if something was “simplified”. You know, like his prep-school teachers would “simplify” his math by sayin’ “It’s OK Junya, 2 plus 2 equals 3 is close enough. You can put your socks back on now.” Or his prep-school teachers would “simplify” his readin’ by sayin’ “It’s OK Junya, as long as you’re colorin’ within the lines on the pictures, those word thingies will help keep the pictures apart.”
And after 3 years as a Senior and Junya had finally graduated, he had distilled his thought processes down to the very essense of “simplicity”, the very core of the man today.
This “simplicity” is today now universally known as “a Hopin’, a Wishin’ and a Prayin’.”
And the results of this distillation process are handily evident as Junya goes about his preznitin’ where sometimes he is forced by circumstances to attempt some decideratin’.
The easiest way for one to “appreciate” this thinkin’ process is to put yourself in the shoes of someone like…well…like…well, I suppose Junya will have to do. Just keep in mind that you don’t have to do this in public and it probably…well, most likely won’t…ahhhmmm…now that I think of it, you probably ought to get a signed release from your Doctor before you do this, but don’t let that stop ya’.
Where were we? Oh, yeah, wearing Junya’s shoes. Ok, now you’re standing in line at the Wal-Mart after stocking up on a Super-Size-Me 10 gallon jug of lime-green Kool-Aid, 4 Mega-munch bags of Cheetos, a 64-pack of Slim Jims, a carton of unfiltered low-tar Twinkies, and a gross of Extra-Short and Pencil-Thin Trojans (discounted because they’re unlubricated but hope springs eternal and Bertha Lil’ Junebug Schwanzpuller and her Siamese twin sister Loueesha Pete always carry WD-40).
Ok? So now it’s time to squint those beady eyes real hard, poke yer tongue into the side of yer cheek and wait 30 seconds. Ya always need to wait 30 seconds ‘cuz that’s what Yogi and Booboo used to do on TV before the lightbulb came on over their heads. And who said Junya never pays attention to nothin’?
Anywho, here’s what’s staring ya in the face: Gotta deciderate somethin’ and the clock is ticking. “Geez Ma, do I have to?” Ohhhhh boy!
It’s like when approaching the checkout line, you think “I sure hope there’s some money in mah wallet.” This means that while the possibility exists that you have money in your wallet, the likelihood is that you probably don’t. This could be trouble.
Then there’s this approach to the checkout line where it’s like “I wish there’s some money in mah wallet.” This means that there is definitely no money in your wallet, but if you had wished hard enough, the tooth fairy might have slipped a dollar in when you were sleeping. You’re starting to sweat.
And finally, there’s the approach to the checkout line where it’s like “I pray there’s some money in mah wallet.” This means that there never was any money in your wallet ‘cuz you never owned a wallet and you’re going to hell unless a miracle occurs right quick. Closing your eyes probably ain’t gonna help much. But crossing your legs real tight sometimes works and if it don’t, the Depends are just an aisle away.
Simple, wasn’t it? I tol’ ya!
So now we reach the finale where the most momentous decideratin’ of his preznitcy awaits his undivided (huh?) attention, where the lives of loved ones are literally hanging in the balance, where mountains are separated from molehills, where mice are men…where…where was I?
Oh yeah, and since anybody can do it, why good ol’ Junya is right this very moment decideratin’ about Iraq and I betcha I know just what he’s thinking:
“Ah hope Poppy and his friends stop writing those reports and Deadeye or maybe even Ma can draw some pictures for me. I wish that jug of ol’ Grandpappy wasn’t empty, and Rummy or even Santa would return mah phonecalls. I pray the voice in mah head is the Lawd speakin’ and not Barney again.”
And the collective judgement of the American public? Uh ohhhhhh…!
TREX IS BACK!!!
neurophius @ 5
And better than ever. Although my family is starting to complain that I’m spending more of my vacation with you guys than with them.
Yet even formerly sober folks — first Colin Powell and now new Secretary of Defense Robert Gates — get a contact high from cozying up to the walking hallucinogen that is our president.
I’m not sure Robert Gates qualifies as formerly sober, unless you mean a practical war criminal, as opposed to batshit Kraphammer vintage.
P.S. I spent a couple days with the family.
Apparently, all were satisfied that was more than sufficREDACTEDUnless there’s something both seriously different and demonstrably more authentic about whatever translation of the Gospels Bush favors, I must conclude he disregarded God as well. The Beatitudes as I know them don’t seem to include “Blessed art thou when thou mowest over the defenseless nations on trumped-up justifications, for thou shalt kick arse and take names.”
So Bush is trying to find his mind again?
I’ve lost count as to how many times he’s lost it.
; )
Here’s how Bush screws the nation.
LOL!!!
_
It’s time for an intervention.
I can stop any time I want. It’s not an addiction.
First two steps of any 12 step program:
#1 We admitted we were powerless over (fill in the blank) — that our lives had become unmanageable.
#2 Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
fill in your own joke w/regard to GWB
I think the “intervention” should start in the House Judiciary Committee. With an inquiry as to whether there are sufficient grounds to support a resolution of impeachment.
Then Democrats are going to have to do the unpopular thing and vote NO on sending more money to Iraq.
Does anyone think this will happen?
BobbyG @ 10
Yep, nobody knows how to screw over this country like Bush does.
neurophius @ 12
Feingold!!
Since congress voted for the idiot-child’s war resolution maybe they have the authority to rescind it. Or perhaps they can force him to stop borrowing all this dough from the commie-chinese.
Reminds me of the Mike Luckovich cartoon, of Barney out back of the White House, painting a sign, “Owt Iraq Now.” :)
Rehab at Gitmo.
War is little Georgie’s little blue pill.
SusanD @ 19
It’s just too bad that WE THE PEOPLE must suffer all the nasty side effects.
SusanD @ 19
Only one among a great many, I would guess….
SPAM ALERT @ 22!
I often wonder if Tolkien ever met Babs. She would have served so well as the model for Shelob. And just like Shelob she’s unleashed her unholy spawn on the world to feed on us.
Reza Aslan (Author “No God hut God) on Cnn right now saying we ignored the last president of Iran because it’s a meaningless position - BUT - we’re playin’ the hell out of the current president of Iran ’cause he’s saying stupid (but useful to US) things.
He has no power, unless the US decides to pretend that he has.
Arianna, Lewis Black also on panel - pretty good - except for nut-ball moderator.
The issue is no longer W.
Everyone, yes everyone, knows how out of control he is.
The issue is now, “Why can’t we get him out of the White House when he is destroying everything within his grasp?”.
What is wrong with us? Why does everyone who could stop him seem like they are codependents without a 12 step program?
The man is more dangerous than anyone else has ever been. There has to be the will to end this insanity.
SusanD @
23
Certainly is possible. Shelob spelled backwards would be pronounced “balless.” :)
NBC news - Gerald Ford died :(
Alison, when the new Congress gets going I think we need to persistently ask that very question. “Why aren’t you stopping him?”
I intend to send lots of faxes in the coming months. I want to know why they’re just standing around letting him destroy everything he touches.
twolf1 @ 27
that’s sad.
twolf1 @ 28
Oh, no!
Though he may have been a GOPer, and though he pardoned Tricky Dicky…
Compared to the current crop of Thugs, Ford was a liberal saint. This might not have been just Ford dying here, but the death of the sane wing of the Republican Party.
jayt @ 11
fill in your own joke w/regard to GWB
ok - I’ll start (with Step #2). “power greater than ourself”.
To GWB, there is obviously no such thing, despite his pretend-friend J.C.
“…could restore us to sanity.”
Wouldn’t know it if he saw it.
I like Betty…
Jimmy Carter will be sad. They became good friends after they were both out of office.
twolf1 @ 27
Junya is saved! Now he can put off that decideratin’ on what to do about Iraq. Whew!!! Was about out of crayons and the dang jug was empty again.
atdnext @ 30
True enough, Ford was a damned sight more decent than the current crop of rat bastards.
Too many people understand now our country is walking on a razorblade now.We slip either way and loose our collective [overies/balls]The rest of the world is watching us self-destuct and lickin their chops on our soon-to-be carcass
Jeff Greenfield CNN calling Ford “the last moderate Republican.”
OldCoastie @ 33
Hmmm, this makes me wonder…
If Gerald and Betty were a part of today’s political scene, would they be a part of today’s Republican Party?
proley not, atdnext…
atdnext @ 30
Umm, perhaps my memory of history is different. This is the man who made repeated attempts to have William O. Douglas impeached–precisely because he felt that Douglas was too liberal for the Supreme Court. Not just once, but over and over again.
This was the man who made Donald Rumsfeld first, his chief of staff, and second, his Secretary of Defense.
This was the man who made Dick Cheney his chief of staff, and then his campaign manager.
This was the man who voted against virtually every education bill presented to the House during his tenure.
This was the man who made George H.W. Bush the Director of the CIA….
Liberal? Sane? My, how times have changed….
montag @ 41
Ain’t that the truth!
Now I wasn’t actually calling Ford a liberal…
I was saying that compared to Bushit, he was much more tolerable…
And yes, he was sane.
I still like Betty and I am sorry for her loss.
snuffy @ 37
The rest of the world wants to love the US and is sorely vexed. The rest of the world knows what the US has lost in 6 years. The BBC, the CBC and the Guardian haven’t completely lost the ability to tell the truth.
The US needs to get the Middle East right, not wrong, for the rest of the world to survive.
The US needs to get global warming right, not wrong, for the rest of the world to survive.
The US needs to get nuclear proliferation right, not wrong, for the rest of the world to survive.
The US needs to get HIV/AIDS right, not wrong, for the rest of the world to survive.
The US needs to get their economy in order for the rest of the world to prosper.
No one is licking their lips at the fall of the American Empire besides some elderly Chinese bureaucrats who don’t understand how much their banks depend on the US.
Jordanian Prime Minister Marouf al-Bakhit said Tuesday that a former Iraqi Cabinet minister who escaped from a Baghdad prison this month had arrived in Jordan on a U.S. plane.
Ayham al-Samaraie, a former minister of electricity with dual U.S. and Iraqi citizenship, was serving time for corruption when he escaped in mid-December.
Lou Fintor, spokesman for the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad, said the U.S. government was not involved in al-Samaraie’s escape “in any way.”
OK, the AP story on Ford’s death is now up.
: (
And yes, he was sane.
And, along with Arlen Specter, a member of the Warren Commission.
Ford appointed John Paul Stevens to the Supreme Court. I have heard Souter turned out to be more liberal than Ford expected. A mistake from his perspective, perhaps, but one that has worked to our benefit, helping to preserve some semblence of reason.
atdnext @
45
Michelle Malkin should be along any minute to attempt to debunk it.
I saw the clip of Bush walking off the plane. Laura and her mother are behind him, going slowly naturally. Did the president, the husband, the son-in-law, bother to walk slowly with them? Nooooo. He went on down the stairs with the dog, leaving the two women in his wake.
What. An. Ass.
neurophius @ 47
Do you mean Souter or Stevens? Ford appointed Stevens.
I have heard STEVENS turned out to be more liberal than Ford expected…
PREVIEW.
1996 episode of SNL featuring Dana Carvey as Tom Brokaw, announcing the various ways Gerald Ford could die.
Sorry. Duh.
The date of the funeral will be planned to suck up all the political oxygen out of the day we pass 3,000 dead troops in Iraq.
He pardoned Nixon, and he served on the ridiculous Warren Commission, which gave its blessing to the pristine bullet-which-defied-the-laws-of-physics.
A man of principle? By today’s standards, I suppose so.
Ford said he thought it was important for the country to have reconciliation, and to put Watergate behind us. I understand that.
But how do you have reconciliation without accountability? The Nixon administration was never truly held to account, so 26 years later, here comes Cheney and Rumsfeld, back like a bad rash to irritate the country all over again. Their ideas of unlimited Executive power will destroy our democracy.
jayt @ 46
“Warren Commission.” Now, there’s a phrase that’s lost a good deal of its distinction over the years….
TRex @ 49
“NO!!!! He’s alive, I tell you! He’s as alive as my burgeoning internet fame.”
Sorry, but when someone tells me Michelle Malkin, I can’t resist the snark. ; )
CNN is pretty much nominating Ford for sainthood.
egregious @ 54
January 4th when the new Democratic Congress and Senate swear in. It will suck all media coverage for the first woman speaker of the house, the 3000 deaths and the first Muslim being sworn in.
neurophius @ 61
Even more so than Reagan when he died?
I swear, in that week between his death and the funeral, Reagan was elevated to the status of political deity… On CNN!
I was too scared to look at whatever the hell the Fascist Nonsense Channel was doing at the time.
neurophius @ 60
So is MSNBC…. needed my KO fix too!
I hope the glorification of the deceased President Ford will serve to focus America’s attention more sharply on what a rotten lout we have in that office today. Despite all of Ford’s flaws that have been mentioned here, he doesn’t look so bad compared to Bushboy.
I can’t wait for the Krauthammer-tastic op-ed reminding us that South Vietnam could have been saved if only Congress hadn’t stopped Ford from sending in the B-52s. He will then instruct us that the Democrat Congress is poised to make the same mistake and prevent King Junior from saving Iraq. It will be Congress’ fault. Q.E.D.
If not Krauthammer, then Kristol, or the WSJ.
You may begin wagering.
BBC front page puts it thusly:
Here’s halcyon daze:
http://www.ford.utexas.edu/avproj/a4154-07.jpg
More Jerry et al:
http://www.ford.utexas.edu/avproj/work2.htm
Jerry admits ‘editing’ an important historical document:
http://www.whatreallyhappened....../ford.html
Here, Jerry’s on the ‘far left’:
http://www.history-matters.com.....ission.jpg
And another of history’s actors on that same august body. Although as lowly counsel.
Just like Beyonce: “To The Left, To The Left”
http://images.google.com/imgre.....l&sa=G
He’s lately the Chair of Senate Judiciary. Same committee Ted Kennedy sits on.
My contpt for this cabal knows no bounds, and will never subside or wane. (although it may be matched by other dark actors.)
Bush isn’t hooked on military might…or not as the primary drug. He’s hooked on pure Rightness. On this being God’s plan and he’s up against the devil himself. This is evangelical insanity taken out beyond imagination. He knows he’s right, he knows if he stays the course he’ll somehow be vindicated and saved, and even if he isn’t, he becomes a martyr. This thing is sailing off the cliff and I can’t find either my seat belt or my parachute. Jebus.
neurophius @ 64
It’s not too hard. Even a rabid dog with the mange doesn’t look so bad compared to Bushboy.
neurophius @ 65
Yes, Bushco had pushed the “center of gravity” so far to the right that Nixon and Ford starting looking moderate, even a tad bit “liberal” for Republicans…
Again, I ask, if Ford were a politician today, would he still be a GOPer?
I heard that Michelle Malkin hosted the O’Reilly Factor tonight. That must have been a hoot.
TRex @ 69
EEEEUUUWWWW now I need to wash my brain …. what a nasty thought that is…
neurophius @ 64
I think what needs to be figured into this equation is how long we had to put up with Ford. About twenty-nine months. Even Bush would have seemed better by comparison to himself three and a half years ago…. :)
katymine @ 70
Was there, uh, a loofah involved? :)
montag @ 73
Just as long as there was no FALAFEL involved. ; )
As the picture demonstrates, he’s taking that old Washington adage, “If you want a friend, get a dog,” to heart. And apparently holding on to old Barney for dear life.
If only he were only a joke. But he’s not. He’s a savage menace: New Pottery Barn Rules: You break it, break it some more. The neocons plan to double down their Iraq bet with a troop surge. Baghdad = Stalingrad? Iraq is the neocon wet dream turned nightmare, and it looks as if it just won’t end until Cheney and Bush leave office.
TRex @ 69
That has to be the most poetically just decision since Hitler guest-starred on the Pol Pot Family Variety Hour.
montag @ 73
brain bleach, brain bleach, brain bleach
marksb @ 67
Yeah, I think you’ve got it. Scary shit.
Chimpy Bush may have to downgrade his future ambitions and declare that history may look at him as kindly as Gerald Ford.
His Truman schtick aint getting traction.
-GSD
By the way, if you folks haven’t seen Downfall, my what a timely rental.
-GSD
GSD @ 78
That “23 percent” thing seems to be tripping him up, the poor dear. Maybe he should consider a James Polk analogy.
Something else we may want to resurrect from 1975-76: The Church Committee.
Bush is Nixon. Period. No, wait - he’s worse. But for this example he’s Nixon. Cheney is Agnew.
Ford is a player to be named later. Mr. X…perhaps Hastert?
—–
EDIT: Patrick 4/4 wrt Church…I’d forgotten…
THAT IS GOOD.
Blank Kludge @ 82
I can hear his first press conference now: “President FatAss?”
Patrick 4/4 @ 81
And, I believe it was Ford who got rid of Colby because he felt that Colby was “cooperating” with the Church and Pike committees, and was unhappy about that. And, it was hand-picked advisers, Rummy and Toad-In-The-Hole who lobbied for Bush to replace Colby….
Jeesh, Ford was like the Zelig of the Bush Crime Family.
-GSD
Blank Kludge @ 82
Ok you are on to something… the rumors that have floated around AZ since the Kerry might have picked McCain for VP slot…
That BushCo made Lord McCain a counter offer of the ReThug Veep slot if he stuck with Bush, kissed ass and did everything Bush wanted then sometime in 2007, Cheney will resign for health reasons, Lord McCain is nominated and easily confirmed ….. since he is such a nice guy… Then in 2008… Ole Jebbie would be McCain’s Veep pick. I have heard this story from multiple sources.
GSD @ 85
My understanding was that Ford’s first choice was not Bush, however. His first choice declined the job, and that’s when Cheney and the White House staff went to work on him about GHWB.
Bush doesn’t care how he got elected.
Doesn’t care how many die in Iraq.
Doesn’t care about anything expect maintaining
his huge, nefarious ego. He is a sadist of the
first order.
And he is much worse than Nixon. Nixon had a few
progressive ideas like universal healthcare. And
Nixon knew when to quit.
“Remember: I’m a Ford, not a Lincoln.”
Well, in that case…
What is Bush?
A wrecked Yugo?
Hi pups - happy Boxing day!
Trex, thaks for another dead-on post.
hee hee - mulled cider spew alert.
Oh - and a seriously OT cooking question. Here next to sunny Pasadena, we’re expecting our first real storm - so I went out and picked the last of the ripe tomatoes (two baskets) and - as we’re expecting 40 MPH winds - two baskets of green tomatoes.
Frying green tomatoes is not an option for the family diets, and we’re too ignorant to can.
Soo….late night pups - anyone care to share their vegetarian green tomatoes recipes?
[If there is snow outside your house tonight, please don’t hate us. You have winter, we have earthqualkes and smog and $500,000 2 bedroom “fixer-uppers” last used as crack houses.]
atdnext @ 89
A busted bicycle….
A pimped out Chevette.
katymine @
60
It is up to the MSM frame the airtime. With Fitz in Court, when, the 15th and the trial opening the next day, surely the Ford funeral will occur first and then its Fitz’ turn. Ya think Bush might pardon Libby under cover of Ford’s death and funeral. Watching him deplane in Crawford reminded me of the Sean Penn/Susan Sarandon film Dead Man Walking. I think he is toast and my major concern is the damage he can do on the way out.
Madison Guy @ 73
What I want to know is what did Gates say to those generals in Iraq, that now they’re saying they do want a troop build up?
kirk murphy @ 91
$500,000?! Is a 2 bed “fixer upper” really that cheap up there?
; )
A razor scooter with a line of coke.
-GSD
A hijacked FUCKING airliner…no, FOUR hijacked fucking airliners. Destruction in four dimensions.
got to go to bed before I either hurl or blood pressure kills me.
Ford died with secrets.
montag @ 84
Yeppers.
The constraints on CIA led inexorably to Itan-Contra and “off the shelf” deniable covert ops. The masterstroke of the Bush administration has been to combine the two. Illegal, deniable covert operations that the preznit actually doesn’t bother to deny and simply ignores the law.
Add an arrogant, incoherent and unaccountable preznit - magic time.
What I want to know is what did Gates say to those generals in Iraq, that now they’re saying they do want a troop build up?
“Ya want retirement with benefits? THEN you toe the line and say what I want ya to say, period.”
TRex @ 93
How kind of you, TRex.
Montag spoke of a busted bicycle…
And now, I’m starting to think of a unicycle that’s falling apart.
; )
TRex @ 92
“I’ve never seen a supernova explode, but if it’s anything like my old Chevy Nova, it should really light up the night sky!”
–Fry, “Futurama”
Here’s a handy link to some green tomato recipes.
The salsa verde recipe sounds particularly tasty:
Ingredients:
1 pound ripe red tomatoes
1/2 pound tomatillos or green tomatoes
3 large sweet banana peppers, seeded
2 medium Hungarian wax peppers, seeded
1/4 bunch cilantro
1/2 medium white or yellow onion
jalapeno or serrano pepper, seeded
adjust number for desired heat level
1 lime, juice of
1 teaspoon salt, (to taste)
Instructions:
By hand or in a food processor or salsa maker, chop everything into 1/4 to 1/8-inch pieces. Combine all ingredients in a large bowl and mix in lime juice and salt to taste.
Blank Kludge @ 97
I guess that would depend upon whether or not Bob Woody was there to hear his deathbed statement…. :)
Bless you, Trex!
Thanks :)
atdnext @ 100
I was gonna change it to unicycle, and then decided that with that, Toad-In-The-Hole couldn’t ride on the handlebars. :)
Bush is a 1964 corvair with no brakes.