bad sweater

God bless my parents.  Every year they load me down with gifts at Christmas and a lot of the time, they're right on the mark.  This year I got a digital camera (!!) and some other very cool things, but sometimes when it comes to clothes, I have to wonder exactly who it is they think they're buying for.  I know it's just awful to get gifts from people who love you and then complain about them.  I should be happy that anyone loves me enough to put that big stack of presents under the tree and I am deeply grateful for my amazing family, however...

Let's put it this way.  There are certain things that I will simply not wear.  It's a pretty simple list, really.

1. Patterns.  They just look bad on me.  I look like a walking window treatment.

2. Short-sleeve dress shirts.  My forelimbs are already pretty scrawny, but put me in a short sleeve dress-shirt and they appear to shrink down into little Thalidomide-baby flippers.  It's like they're not even there.

3. Pants with pleats, which I haven't worn since probably 1991.  The 80's were great.  I enjoyed them immensely.  But the best thing about them is that they're over.  And that means NO MORE PANTS WITH PLEATS.

So, this Christmas morning, I got nine pairs of pants, seven of which have pleats.  I got six dress shirts, all but one of which are short-sleeved and the long-sleeved one is some silky(-ish) synthetic material with, of course, a bold geometric pattern in bright, eye-scorching colors. 

So you know what that means.  Tomorrow, I will be bagging it all up and sneaking out to take it to the mall and see what kind of deals I can make with the department stores.  I know they won't give me cash since I don't have the receipts and I don't want to ask for the receipts because I know my mom and step-dad went to soooooo much trouble buying, wrapping, tagging, etc.  The last thing I want to do is hurt their feelings. 

Yes, it's a ticklish business, doing returns.  You know that you will never wear these things.  There is always a chance that these stores will actually have some things I want to wear or I can swap for things that I can give as gifts for the people I haven't done the Christmas process with yet.  It's perfectly normal and everyone does it, and yet I feel like such a cad.

In Britain, the day after Christmas is called Boxing Day.  None of my British friends seem to know why.  Were there traditionally big boxing matches the day after Christmas?  No, apparently, that's not it.  Does it have something to do with the Boxer Rebellion?  No, it's not that, either.

I'm guessing that it's maybe because that's the day when we start boxing everything up that we got as gifts but don't want.

So, what are you going to be taking back this year?  Don't be shy.  Chances are the people who gave them to you don't read this blog, so tell us all about it.