Login Here 
God bless my parents. Every year they load me down with gifts at Christmas and a lot of the time, they're right on the mark. This year I got a digital camera (!!) and some other very cool things, but sometimes when it comes to clothes, I have to wonder exactly who it is they think they're buying for. I know it's just awful to get gifts from people who love you and then complain about them. I should be happy that anyone loves me enough to put that big stack of presents under the tree and I am deeply grateful for my amazing family, however...
Let's put it this way. There are certain things that I will simply not wear. It's a pretty simple list, really.
1. Patterns. They just look bad on me. I look like a walking window treatment.
2. Short-sleeve dress shirts. My forelimbs are already pretty scrawny, but put me in a short sleeve dress-shirt and they appear to shrink down into little Thalidomide-baby flippers. It's like they're not even there.
3. Pants with pleats, which I haven't worn since probably 1991. The 80's were great. I enjoyed them immensely. But the best thing about them is that they're over. And that means NO MORE PANTS WITH PLEATS.
So, this Christmas morning, I got nine pairs of pants, seven of which have pleats. I got six dress shirts, all but one of which are short-sleeved and the long-sleeved one is some silky(-ish) synthetic material with, of course, a bold geometric pattern in bright, eye-scorching colors.
So you know what that means. Tomorrow, I will be bagging it all up and sneaking out to take it to the mall and see what kind of deals I can make with the department stores. I know they won't give me cash since I don't have the receipts and I don't want to ask for the receipts because I know my mom and step-dad went to soooooo much trouble buying, wrapping, tagging, etc. The last thing I want to do is hurt their feelings.
Yes, it's a ticklish business, doing returns. You know that you will never wear these things. There is always a chance that these stores will actually have some things I want to wear or I can swap for things that I can give as gifts for the people I haven't done the Christmas process with yet. It's perfectly normal and everyone does it, and yet I feel like such a cad.
In Britain, the day after Christmas is called Boxing Day. None of my British friends seem to know why. Were there traditionally big boxing matches the day after Christmas? No, apparently, that's not it. Does it have something to do with the Boxer Rebellion? No, it's not that, either.
I'm guessing that it's maybe because that's the day when we start boxing everything up that we got as gifts but don't want.
So, what are you going to be taking back this year? Don't be shy. Chances are the people who gave them to you don't read this blog, so tell us all about it.
Share This 
Spotlight
NED!
TRex…. Merry Christmas my dear
Not taking back a thing. Only gift i got was a 30GB video iPod from my beloved. She got diamond earrings.
I got MYSELF a dual 2.0GHZ G5 Mac Tower, and a re-fret on my Telecaster.
It’s called Boxing Day, I believe, because that’s when you box things up to give to the poor.
fitz
Did you guys hear, Urban Pirate proposed last night and she said yes?
And whats the deal with the Christmas Themed Sweater that my Grandma always gives me.
I look like Andy freakin’ Williams!
Merry Christmas, everybody.
It’s been a beautiful, relaxing day here. Lots of good food. Lots of happy family. If my eight year old step-niece gets any cuter, I am going to eat her.
Kucinich!
Little Big Man.
egregious @ 6
Oh, HOORAY!!
That’s awesome news!
Hey TRex, Merry Christmas.
I’m hanging in there, it’s been a rough week. Hoping this coming week will be a little better with more light. My liver can only take so much.
Boxing Day in the UK was for giving presents to the servants.
Here in Canada - Boxing Day (often extended into Boxing Week) is for store sales.
It’s a legal holiday here.
Delia @ 4
That sounds like a good idea.
TRex. I like pleats. Keep ‘em. They’ll come back.
I got a George Foreman Grill! Yay!
I’m in heaven and back in business (new appt - can’t cook outside anymore).
Wikipedia has some thoughts:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boxing_day
Happy Holidays.
Merrygregious, eg!
You know, I don’t think I’ve ever had a problem that the addition of alcohol didn’t make exponentially worse. But that’s why I am a teetotaler now. You can only get into so much trouble swilling coffee.
MerryEgregious, everyone.
Short-sleeve dress shirts.
One word - oxymoron.
Scarecrow @ 13
You want em? They’re 34″waist, 30″length, which is actually an inch too big in the waist anyway.
TRex:
Merry Christmahanukwanzaa!
I’m takin’ back nuthin’!
Especially not the virtual daughter-in-law’s first baby, born 12.22.06.
jayt @ 18
That’s Rush Limbaugh.
TRex @ 16
Second that. Same here. Don’t miss it.
(((((new baby and SteveAudio!!)))))
TRex @ 19
Turn ‘em sideways and I’ll wear ‘em.
I was always told that it was called Boxing Day because that was the day you gave gifts, presumably in boxes. Christmas Day itself was reserved for religious observance. Here in Australia, Boxing Day is the day for the big cricket match between us and England. So far, we’re winning but there’s another 4 and a half days to go.
Yes, congrats to you and your family, Steve! Spoil that baby rotten. It’s what everyone who isn’t their mom or dad has a sacred obligation to do.
Goodness gracious, you must be tall and skinny.
Persiflage says
December 25th, 2006 at 8:50 pm*
Pardon my impertinence, but aren’t you missing your Piffle?
Hey Trex, I ended up getting a digital camera too (and thoughtfully a memory card to go with it), and a wireless mouse. Wheeeeee I can sit back to scroll now.
Egregious & TRex:
Thanks mucho!
Except that now, as a virtual grandfather, I can no longer listen to or work in the music world with any credibility. No new music for me, so I’ll have to return the Jay-Z CD I just got and replace it with Pat Benetar.
Holy Crap!
My mother in law very kindly does stockings for all her children and their spouses and the grandchildren. So thoughtful. But she doesn’t know what to give us so we end up with post it notes and thumb tacks and address labels. My kids make faces when she’s not looking and give me their office supplies.
We probably won’t need to take anything back, but we did re-gift a few things. ;-)
Most unexpected gift: The handmade kaleidoscope — with switchable “pattern generators” — that spouse’s father’s wife created. The different patterns are created by swapping out little clear sealed jars filled with stones and sparkly things ; the jars easily screw on and off of the end of the ’scope. We’re trying to talk them into making them for the local Sharper Image or some such.
TRex @ 19
Thanks, but not my size. Besides, they measure lengths differently, cause people wear boots/heels. You’d think they’d leave well enough alone. You can’t trust anything.
Shez @
29
Nice.
Yes, expect posts with photos in the near future from me. But it may take me a while to learn to use the damn thing. It seems verrrrry complicated reading over the manual.
TRex @ 27
Yep. And I way 30 pounds more than I did in college.
I go numb if I sit too long in one place.
SteveAudio @ 30
What, no Heino?
Could be worse. Could be the Shaggs.
TRex @ 34
If you’re a Mac guy, cameras are the easiest thing. Virtually all of them talk directly with iPhoto, and the new Canon camcorder we just got talks perfectly with iMovie.
Strangest.
Band.
Ever.
I don’t quite know what happened or why, but I got everything I wanted for the Holidays this year. “The Gift” was opened by 3020 people in 17 countries since Nov 18, I was able to be active in the election in spite of near death surgery, and I’ve podcasted over 1000 hours of audio to the hearts of several thousand of the most politicly astute hearts on the planet.
Remember the Twilight Zone episode when Art Carney played Santa? This year, that was me.
Not your basic street guitar,
Outside your basic subway car.
Not bought, not sold,
And not co-opted.
Not your basic Celestine Prophet.
Coming soon:
The Awakening.
jayt @ 28
Wrong personiflage! I’d started using persiflage before I noticed that I had a piffle-enhanced namesake. We’ve yet to meet though I’m curious to see if we have anything in common other than a preference for light banter.
Phoenix Woman @ 36
Indeed.
Or I could listen to some Boston, ‘cuz that just totally rawks!
Actually, I played “Peace of Mind” in the cover band i was in back in ‘77.
As my sweet ex-mother=in-law used to say happily: “I wanted to get you something that you wouldn’t splurge on for yourself.”
Best gift: our three-month-old grandson Mateo with his smiles and chortles. We’re keeping him.
Merry Christmas everyone.
It’s a Fuji. I was wondering about that. It came with a software disc, but I haven’t even tried to load it into my computer yet. I don’t trust it.
So, with iPhoto I can dispense with Fuji’s software and just go run the USB cable straight in to my MacBook?
LOL Trex, luckily he got me the same kind we got my daughter last year so they had it programmed in seconds today. It is still to the manual for me though on the rest of it. ;)
Now, Steve Audio, if grandfatherly Pat Boone can do metal, you can do Jay-Z. Your virtual grand-daughter expects you to keep up with new music so that she may be properly educated. She’s counting on ya, dude.
TRex @ 42
Yes, absolutely!!
Just connect the camera to the USB cable with power off (but computer on), power up the camera, iPhoto should automatically launch, it will tell you that it’s connected to a Fuji camera, and off you go.
TRex, my spouse is still a touch too pudgy otherwise I’d ask you for them — he’s lost a ton of weight over the last year but he’s still around a 38-inch waist! (It hit home how much he’s lost when he realized that all of his dress pants — which he could barely fit into last year — now are so baggy on him he looks like a rapper. Well, a white fortyish rapper. OK, maybe not a rapper.)
Suzanne @ 44
I told her mom & dad I was gonna buy her her first guitar, get her her first piercing and tattoo.
They were cool with the guitar…
I’m guessing your mom doesn’t read Late Nite, and that your brother is not going to rat you out.
TRex @
38
Isn’t Atrios a Shaggs fan? Maybe I made that up.
TRex:
the only thing that is weird is the “get” command is File>Add to Library.
Then, you can move them to any special album you want to create, it’s just like Playlists in iTunes.
SteveAudio @ 47
Maybe a Hello Kitty tattoo?
I tot a taw a putty tat…
Patrick 4/4 @ 51
Her Uncle Jim was suggesting a Motorhead t-shirt last night, I thought that would be good.
No takebacks for me. I love all my goodies.
But I’ll have to be careful here in RepublicanLand (Coronado, CA) when carrying my new Worst. President. Ever. canvas tote bag.
As the sender wrote, “I saw this and knew it was you!” And it is.
SteveAudio @ 52
Yeah, Queensryche would probably be pushing it…
Jane Hamsher @ 48
LOL - I was thinking the same thing. I’ll bet they’re going to be charmed by the mention on FDL anyway, though.
Persiflage @ 39
That would be my sister. I’ll email her a heads-up that’s she’s been asked after - thanks, jayt - (she has to work early in the morning, so I’ll not risk a phone call). And, yes, she does have good bantering skills . . . (also
snarksarcasm). Ahem.Jane Hamsher @ 48
She only reads it if I point her to it, and I know my brother won’t narc on me. Watch, though, this will be the night she wanders in here on a whim.
After decades of buying clothes for me that were the wrong size or too dorky and needed to be exchanged, my Mother finally gave up, and now she calls me a few weeks prior to Christmas and asks what I might need. Usually I’m happy with something practical, like a doormat or some bedsheets. This year I needed bath towels, and conveyed that to her.
A couple days later she calls me back and says that she has been to the mall, and instead of buying just two towels she could get a deal on the “complete bathroom set” for the same price. I asked what that meant, and she replied that in the complete set you would also get the “contour mat, and the tank cover.”
Not immediately recognizing those terms, I did a little poking around on the Internet, and learned that meant I would be getting not only the towels, but the fuzzy thing that goes on top of the toilet, and the U-shaped mat that surrounds the base.
I said, “No thanks, Mom- just the towels, please.” I don’t think she understands….
TRex @ 38
Yup. In the words of Carla Bley, “They bring my mind to a complete halt.” It’s almost kind of Zenlike. One of our friends once described them as “an Ed Wood movie set to music”. Great for clearing out a room in no time.
One fun test of people is to see how many songs from Philosophy of the World they can take at one sitting. Most people can usually make it through the title track, but about halfway through “That Little Sports Car” they are reaching for the Eject button.
global yokel @ 58
Ha! Are you in the market for a toilet paper cozy?
CatelynK, your tote will match the GWB: Out Of Office Countdown 2007 calendar - “two years and counting” my daughter got me. I told her it should say: two years or less and counting.
oregondave @ 56
Sarcasm? Then we do have something in common. Please, yes, I’d love to meet her. She seems to post during the daytime. I do too but, as an Aussie, it’s your night time. Still, I’d make a special trip to meet my fellow persiflageur.
TRex @ 42
I prefer the Fuji software to iPhoto (which makes you import into iPhoto format). It’s very easy. Just install it, and it should take care of the rest, including letting you run your USB cable straight into your Mac, and drag-and-drop copying from camera to desktop. Email me if you have problems, and I’ll try to step you through it.
Muchas gracias!
so far, hadn’t received anything that I will have to return. But oy, in the past, my family kept trying to use Xmas gifts to turn me into the Ruby they wanted, not the Ruby the good gods created.
Back in the day, when I was working two lousy jobs just to keep my room in the commune, doing my little bit to stop the war and smash the state and stuff, my grandma just refused to see that her eldest granddaughter was not going to be the wife of a politician or diplomat as she had planned for me.
I would ask for new jeans, good boots, socks and sweaters. Just basic items I needed to get thru the winter, that I could really use. She would give me mohair sweaters, beaded purses and makeup kits. She once gave me a box with a razor, creme and blades because I had given up shaving my legs the year before. She believed this would prevent me from ever settling down and getting married, even though the hair on my legs is paler than the hair on my head, and you’d have to be, um, up close and personal to even notice that I didn’t shave my legs.
But the best year was 1970. I remember it well. Went to NYC to see the family, and under grandma’s tree was a big box with my name on it.
In the box was a silver brocade, floor length evening gown from Bergdorf’s. Really not something one could wear while getting tear-gassed on the streets of Washington DC.
I thanked her, noted to myself that the tags were still on it, and made excuses when she and Mom tried to get me to put it on and wear it that night to the big family dinner.
A few days later, on my way out of town, I went to Bergdorf’s and returned the dress for cash. When I got home, I bought jeans, boots, socks, a couple of sweaters, a Navy pea coat, and a 1962 VW beetle, the first car I ever owned.
Merry Merry ! and Many Happy (and sucessful) returns!
Y’know, my dad’s gay, and I can’t let him buy me clothes. “Dad, no v-necks. Dad, I can’t wash baby puke out of that.” More than that, though — “Dad, I need to look boring. Please.”
TRex @ 64
Respectfully, unless you’re a serious camera geek, iPhoto works just fine, prints beautifully, share well, etc.
Of course YMMV.
I am not familiar with The Shaggs, but I did find this….
The nearest thing I can compare it to is Wild Man Fischer…not sure that’s fair to him, though.
Wasn’t there also a dance called the Shagg, or the Shag? From South Carolina, maybe? Just a little free association…
Oh, here’s the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tC976ydqE3g
Evening everyone …
and Trex - I bet you look great in pleats!
My plan is to try and score some Levi’s 505’s for both me and my brother, some new sheets, and maybe a couple of throw rugs. The ones I have are in bad shape. I still have some money on the Macy’s gift card from last Christmas’s returns, actually.
I love how we all help each other out. I have a request of my own.
My father called me a couple of days ago to say they found a spot on his lung. He had a cancerous kidney removed last year at this time and now they want to try out a new drug called Sutent on him.
He’s worried about side effects and quality of life, and its terribly expensive per month. Any health care people here heard of this drug? He wants me to do some research on it for him.
Thers @ 66
Aw. He’s just trying to help.
I bet he and my mom would have a faaaaaaabulous time shopping together.
Patrick 4/4 @
24
Reminds of a guy I knew in Michigan who was always on the short side of a dollar, and he spent the winter in Miami once, went to St. Vinny’s or the Salvation Army and picked up a pair of khaki pants. They were a couple of inches too large, so he took them to a local Cuban seamstress and asked her to take them in. There was some talk of pleats to do that, but, the communication was, uh, less than accurate, since he didn’t speak any Spanish, and she, not much English.
When he picked up the pants, the pleats were on the sides….
Shez, all I can offer is positive thoughts for your dad. I’m sure others will say it better but it can’t be any more heartfelt. I shall add him to my prayer list.
Hi TRex!
I am mighty ready to take bushco waaaaaaaaay back ! I never asked for them, my worst nightmares were made of them, and I wish they would just disappear!
montag @ 75
Hmm, might go nice with a horizontal pinstripe jacket.
Aw. He’s just trying to help.
I bet he and my mom would have a faaaaaaabulous time shopping together.
Hee hee. Bet they would. My kids worship their Uncles Phil & Chuck — who have their fingers on the pulse of what’s cool in the Dora the Explorer Nation, by some weird magic.
Well I managed to survive Christmas but didn’t get much in the way of loot. I did get the new Best of SNL Saturday TV Funhouse to add to the collection and a cool little mini massager that looks like the tripods from War of the Worlds that works wonderfully.
TRex -
I am also happy with iPhoto… ya know, you can try iPhoto before loading the Fuji software… the first time you use it, it’ll ask if you want to use it all the time - just tell it that you will decide later…
Shez, you probably already looked, but Wiki has a short write up. Looks like it’s in trials for lung cancer. There’s an intense competition for new tech chemo drugs by the biggies in Pharma. It’s hard to know what to think, some of the trials results are sometimes iffy.
I ran across a couple of potential new tech drugs for my throat cancer and after doing the research I just asked my oncologist. He watches this field very closely and had some pretty astute opinions on the new and the old drugs.
Whatever you end up going with, I wish you and him and your family well. As I’m sure you know, chemo is a tough nut and support from all of you is vital to getting through it.
Thanks Suzanne, much appreciated. He got pretty choked up on the phone. He knows I have broadband vs his dialup, and that I’m interested in the healing modalities.
We did get a one smile though, he didn’t know about or how to use Teh Google. I always thought he knew everything! ;)
Fini FiniTOOBZ! @ 79
And you use this mini-massager where exactly?
I didn’t receive any clothes this year, for the first time in memory. Not a problem, as my closet is pretty full.
What did happen this year is that due to two weddings of step-children, I went from being not a grandfather to being a grandfather of four. My wife and I were debating today how to identify ourselves on the gift tags for them, as there are several grandparents in the picture.
In light of my new status, TRex, I’ve been eyeing that sweater thing in your post. Not my style, really, but maybe I should start looking the part.
Mmm . . . I got a beautiful piece of costume jewelry, a 30 gig video ipod, and an ice cream/sorbet maker, so I don’t think anything’s going back.
The cutist massager I’ve seen lately looks like a little rubber duck, it even floats. I thought of that for my dear one’s stocking, but then the picture of it being played with in the tub by the eight year old kind of crashed the attraction…
Shezzy-
My prayers to you and your father. Good luck.
Shez– so good to “see” you and much hope and blessings your Dad’s, you and your’s way. I do not know the drug you speak of, but I echo what marksb says at 82.
good science. hope. love.
The last time I had one of those moments was a few years ago. I’ve never much cared about clothes since attaining adulthood. I’m basically a motorhead English major. Boots (until I ruined an Achilles tendon) and sneakers after that, jeans and t-shirts, and whatever second-hand jackets I’ve accumulated over the years.
And, then, out of the blue, my sister sends me a pair of cranberry and cream argyle socks, saying, essentially, “they’re you.”
One’s first reaction is to think, “uh, where did I go wrong?” And, second, “gee, that’s nice, sis. I didn’t realize I was the Ivy League type.”
:)
I’m going to head downstairs and raid the refrigerator. I’ll be back in a bit.
SteveAudio @ 84
Hehehe cheeky monkey! Nowhere fun, it works quite well on my neck and shoulder blades though. I was also having a strange saliva gland blockage issue that after I used this on the surrounding cheek/jaw area made it feel better.
One more thing about chemo…I was getting my old-tech dose last Tuesday and my oncologist came by with a tiny little bottle. He nodded to the bottle and told me, quietly, “ten thousand dollars”. I looked at him in disbelief and he repeated, “this little dose of chemo is ten grand”. We had a great chat about liberal/progressive health care proposals later.
Shez- I am sorry for the errors in my last message to you; the edit function does not work on this computer.
Many blessings and hope to you, your Dad and your family.
;)
I love argyle on anyone but me. :)
Shez, your father is on my prayer list, as are you and your family. I just celebrated the first Christmas without my mother after losing her to lung and brain cancer so I truly hope your father pulls through this. If it takes a new medicine to do so, please encourage him to try it, for his sake.
Christmas day 2006 was the day when Iraq war deaths surpassed those killed on 9/11.
9/11: 2,973
Bush War: 2,975 as of 12/25/06
Symbolism and all.
-GSD
marksb @ 92
And, guess what? The hospital gets that drug at wholesale and marks it up. Even cancer is supposed to be profitable….
Thanks Scarecrow, Egregious, and others who merried back my way. And Jayt? That was a great McClachlan vid on the last thread; thanks.
I can’t think of much I plan to take back. The kids gave me great pics of themselves. My nephew/roommate gave me The 40-Year-Old-Virgin DVD. A sister sent me a box of cigars. With friends, we treated each other to dinners out, mostly, though one gave me a nice houseplant and a Beethoven night at the local (Eugene,OR) symphony.
At work, via Secret Santa, I was gifted with some sort of book written by a sportswriter, which was provided by a realtor who I happen to know was upset with November’s election results. I may try and return that for some more subversive reading material that would make her head explode if she knew.
The greatest gift, of course, arrived in November. (Along with my amazingly still good health, despite all the high risks I’ve made for myself by eating well and smoking well for so long.)
I’ve never been very talented at receiving; I prefer the giving part, so Christmas Day is rather anticlimactic, unless there’s a big dinner planned (and this year, it was a small simple affair with three bachelors and Pruf, who I’m catsitting for my daughter.)
Speaking of gifts, I always enjoy visiting I Care and it’s parent org CIVIC which was part of Marla Ruzicka’s works in Afghanistan and Iraq.
I can’t be held personally responsible for Bush, yet I feel better giving what I can to the victims of his belligerent fratboy imperialism. It’s my way of apologizing to the millions who suffer because of the war crimes my taxes inevitably support against my wishes.
However, if there is a return department for moral defectives, I’d gladly return the Bush and the Dick for a cask of Silly Putty, which is more intelligible and I’m sure could do a better job.
Baby Girl got me a pair of flannel pj’s with black and white scotties dogs (wearing red or green bows) on a gray background set into a red and hot pink/fushia argyle. Sounds atrocious but they are really cute. Warm too!
CatelynK @
54
You may be in for a pleasant surprise! One of my kids sent me the long sleeved version of Worst President Ever late last summer. Am surrounded by Republicans here on the Monterey Peninsula. I was momentarily disappointed that no one glared at me but it did and still does generate grins, thumbs up and occasionally: “where can I get one?” The kid posted photographs of me sporting the tee on bartcop.com where I believe it originated.
Symbolism indeed, GSD.
Time to for the govmint and sheeple to examine more than their navels and their coffers.
Lord knows they have not examined the thousands of coffins!
Thanks so much marksb! No, with the monitor problem I mentioned in the last thread it’s been difficult to even get online to research it for him, I haven’t read anything on it yet. I’ll gratefully read it and copy the link.
And for your throat cancer, which is located by your 5th chakra of communication (color of blue), everytime you ‘think’ about it please immediately breathe in a beautiful blue light to fill every cell of your throat, followed by a bright healing white light, visualize both. It will aide the western medicines and hasten your healing.
I got a box full of origami ducks from my eight-year-old.
They are clearly paper, resemble origami, and I’m taking her word for the duck part.
Persiflage @ 63
No wonder my ears were burning. Hi guys! [Waving enthusiastically].
No gift returns from Chez P&P; as a matter of fact, the Maternal Unit and I just finished itemizing the clothes I’m going