Login HereTo make up for my bloggy weeds post below, here's something a little more amusing for a Friday afternoon. This is one of my fave scenes from A Christmas Story. And it brings up the subject of horrible presents.
Who wants to share first?
‘Tis The Season…By: Christy Hardin Smith Friday December 22, 2006 10:17 am |
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Fitz!
Horrible presents? How ’bout a 1/2 pound wedge of cheese from my step-sons then and still significant other?
I can recall one year in my childhood when it was the “Christmas of Socks.” I must have gotten 20 pairs or more of socks. Not that socks aren’t useful in cold weather, I suppose, but it’s not exactly the thing that childhood dreams of presents are made of, now is it?
ROOTZ!
“It’s a major award!”
The year I got 5 dolls and cried until my wonderful aunt and uncle brought me a chemistry set.
What girl needed 5 more dolls in 1964? There were too many around already.
socks and underwear are never exciting when you are a kid
Badly fitting brown dress socks, every year from my grandmother from the age of 15 through the present more than a quarter century later.
Love her, she means well, and she could get me nothing and it would be okay. But c’mon.
Attaturk at 8 — oh man, you have to wonder how THAT got started as a tradition, don’t you? LOL
sex swing.
that’s all I will say about it.
Sweaters.
Every. Damn. Year.
I got sick of the sweaters, told my old man to get off his butt and go to Sears and get me a bench grinder. SOMETHING I COULD USE!
That was 15 years ago. I still have the grinder. I still get a freaking sweater every year.
( Mechanics revenge, I only wear them to change the oil in my rigs)
BWAAhaaaahaaaaa!
The only one I recall was back in high school (?) when I asked for a Pendleton shirt, in any color but red. Unfortunately my aunt misread my mom’s handwriting, so “not red” showed up as “hot” red.
Oh, and I don’t know how I could have forgotten this one. It wasn’t for Christmas, it was for Valentine’s Day — but I still tease Mr. ReddHedd about this. The first year we were married, and were still in law school — so we had no (and I mean NO) money — we decided to only get each other something small for Valentine’s Day. Mr. ReddHedd’s present for me? Breath mints. (In his defense, they were a tin of Altoids, which he thought were some hard to find imported delicacy that he had wondrously stumbled over at a nice grocery store in our area.) I still tease him about it. *g*
marjo at 10 — Oh man, you can’t just leave that hanging out there…
punaise @ 12
Factoid;
Washougal WA has one of the original Pendleton plants still operating.
Home sweet home.
My Grandfather let his wife do all of the shopping. Some of the gifts were soooooo bad I don’t have any idea to this day where she found that crap (bless her heart).
Imagine Imelda Marcos as the head designer for the Dollar Store version of Spencers Gifts. Oh and cotton sweaters are just an awful idea.
At the risk of sounding very sentimental. I never get bad presents.
It’s not what’s in the box that interests me. it’s the fact that someone thought of me and went to the trouble of picking something out for me and wrapping it up. It’s the handing out of the packages and the thrill of revealing the contents.
When my foster sons were little ( I mean really little like 3-4), after the presents were opened; they would rewrapp them in the torn paper (lots of scotch tape invovled) and go around giving them out again.
The fun is in opening the present, not the present itself.
This one was bad/funny. My libertarian father-in-law gave me a framed picture of Reagan. On it, he inscribed: “To my favorite Communist…”
Christy Hardin Smith @ 14
Yeah, once again I’ve got conjugal hopes for this evening so give it up marjo.
OT - Court Cuts Valdez Judgment Against Exxon
lhp at 17 — I don’t think that’s sentimental at all. It’s how I generally feel (except about the Christmas of Socks, which was very difficult for a 7 year old to endure, frankly…), but this scene — with it’s pink bunny goodness matched only by an earlier scene in which the father receives the “leg lamp” was just too funny to not share. *g*
cnn says next week gates will sign off on sending another aircraft carrier (or 2) to the Persian Gulf
looseheadprop @ 17
Yeah, my cheese was wrapped — in the same clear wrap that you find it in on the grocery shelves. The bar code sticker was still attached. And nothin’ fancy, plain ol’ American/synthetic. It was obvious she picked it up on the way out to our house.
But I’m not bitter.
Gee, I love Christmas.
Yesterday before we let out early for Christmas and after the Algebra test (it didn’t count) I went around the room and asked each one of my kids (students) what they were doing for Christmas. Some said nothing. I knew what they meant.
When I was seven or eight, I got the Christmas spirit more than I should have. My young 3-yo brother was real impressionable and had recently been moved into my room with the arrival of another baby in the family. He loved the Christmas tree in the living room. To impress him, I went out and cut down a perfect little Christmas tree for our bedroom. It was from nearby our house.
The only problem was that this tree was a very expensive, brand new cedar shrub our neighbors had planted the previous summer. When my dad found out what I’d done, I couldn’t sit down for a couple days. I mowed the neighbor’s lawn the following summer for free.
Ed*ard Teller @ 26
….by the cedar your pants
OT - ‘NYT’ Sunday Preview: Sen. Jim Webb Says Story on Rift With Bush ‘Emanated from the White House’
-via huffpo
twolf1 @
22
Is this is addition to the extra one they were talking about a couple of days ago?
My son’s holiday leave got cut short a week because he has to be back for a moved-up deployment, and he says they are going straight to the Gulf, which wasn’t the original plan. Haven’t talked to him for two days, but that was the destination rumor then. The deployment being moved up is solid, though, because the two week visit is now just a week.
They do NOT need to be rattling Iran’s cage at this point. The UN hasn’t imposed sanctions, and I don’t care how much Chimpy’s dick has shriveled, this isn’t going to help.
Today’s diary:
Countering Anti-Muslim bigotry
Now for the really last minute Christmas stuff. I didn’t really have time to blog today, but it was going to nag at me if I didn’t finally get this posted.
And, one more link to my Heifer fundraising page–my thinking globally exercise this holiday season–for anyone who might feel moved to kick in a few dollars.
retirin’ at 23 — oh my. I believe you may win this one. That’s cheesy… (yes, I know, bad one.)
I had just turned 16 (December baby) and my father surprised me with a girl’s 3-speed bike with no less than a horn, odometer, basket, tassels, and a Mickey Mouse license plate with my name on it. The only thing more embarrassing than the bike itself was my father riding it down the street on Christmas day.
One year, my hubby thought it would be funny to wrap up the usually toiletries as gifts for me. I got shaving cream, a razor and deordorant. And, yes, we are still married.
Christy Hardin Smith @ 31
That’s okay. The influence of pun(aise)meister, no doubt.
CNN breaking - A freight train carrying coal derailed in Denver.
Looks like my gift to the White House will be a little late this year.
I am at a loss to find a descriptive word for this unprincipled woman.
US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has again defended the war in Iraq, saying the investment in US lives and dollars will be “worth it”.
Ms Rice said a lot had been sacrificed for Iraq but success would change the entire Middle East.
She was speaking soon after eight US marines were charged over the deaths of 24 Iraq civilians in Haditha last year.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/6202469.stm
I have but one word to say:
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-DGE!
retirin’ in five @ 34
fo sheezy
leinie 29 - i think they were talking about the same carrier just that now it seems to be more of a reality rather than just ‘toying with the idea’
twolf1 @ 35
Great line.
5 U.S. troops die west of Baghdad
:(
Gift certificates with short expiration dates in tiny print. Yes I am talking about you, Barnes and Noble.
twolf1 @
20
A longtime friend who is a party to this suit explained his take on it to me a couple of months ago.
He fishes out of Cordova, the town most adversely effected by the Exxon Valdez spill. Before the spill, he’d start out his year herring seining on Prince William Sound, then gillnet for salmon off the Copper River, then he’d purse seine for salmon on Prince William Sound.
After the Exxon Valdez catastrophe, the PWS herring run all but disappeared. He hasn’t been able to fish for herring in 18 years. Nor has the rest of the fleet of about 200 boats. Before the spill, his average herring season netted around $100,000 (1988 dollars). He’s missed 1.8 million in earnings - in 1989 dollars.
Had the settlement’s punitive damages remained, his take would have been 2.2 million dollars. Now it will be about 1.1 million, so he’s $700,000 in the hole. And that’s just the money he lost from not being able to herring seine. The spill has had continuing impacts on his other fishing activities, and on his family and friends.
And it totally screwed up some of the most beautiful parts of the world. To this day.
Back in the disco era, my girlfriend at the time gave me this silky shirt that had stretchy cuffs and waistband and was expected to be buttoned about half way up the chest. I presume it was intended to show chest hair and necklaces or something. I didn’t have the type of body that would look anything but ridiculous wearing such an outfit. But if you remember that era and want to have a flashback, check out the band-ware at this site.
punaise @ 38:
“Fo sheezy my neezy”
“I concur with you, my
AfricanFrench Brother.”A carved wood elephant with a big fat candle on its back given to me by my Republican brother.
Underwear and socks. Every year - along with all the other presents - my former mother-in-law buys underwear and socks for everyone in the family. She ignores the lists of acceptable styles/colors, so the men and boys still get tighty-whities and tube socks, while all the women and girls still get those ugly white “gramma panties” and slouch socks.
On the bright side: despite having been divorced from her son for over 10 years now, she still sends me presents at Christmas and my birthday.
ET 43 - it makes me sick. Especially when they are making record profits and flappy chinned CEOs getting record breaking retirement packages.
I got y’all beat…
My sister one year gave me a RUSH LIMBAUGH TIE. And yes…it was just like him…fat, loud, and obnoxious.
It did fetch a pretty good price on EBay however.
new thread
Punaise - “cedar of your pants”
I envy AND pity all the family/friends/co-workers who hang out w/you in the “real” world……….envy b/c they get to actually hear the zingers in-coming & pity b/c they can’t get any work done for staying doubled over w/laughter. Thank you for your daily presents of word play :-) Do your eyes twinkle when you do it or is the delivery dead-pan?
a reminder that today is Global Orgasm Day
My mother may never forgive my father for the year early in their marriage when she asked for a couple of place settings of their silver to round out the set. She received a small heavy box, just the size and weight that her silver would be in. Imagine her surprise when she opened it to find a whole set of socket wrenches!
And don’t think that Dad learned a lesson from this experience. Years later, when Mom had asked for a CD player, she opened a CD-player sized box only to find a Black and Decker Workmate, this little amateur do-it-yourselfer table apparatus which I believe Mom refused to use until he got her a CD player.
twolf1 @ 52
Yeah Marjo! Give it up about the gift!
Fisrt, the setup: When I was three, my mother became a Jehovah’s Witness. She said part of the reason she did this was so she would never have to celebrate Christmas again. She did not consult me for my opinion on this or how I felt about giving up every other holiday including birthday parties, Easter, Halloween, Valentine’s day and every other childhood rite of passage. Every year, I went to sleep on Christmas Eve hoping and praying she would have an overnight conversion. never happened. I watched my cousins open presents at my Grandmother’s house and felt completely depressed about the whole thing. I promised myself that when I got older and had money, I would celebrate Christmas.
I had a couple of bum presents as an adult, like when my ex-husband gave me a garbage disposal one year but nothing comes close to what my ex mother-in-law did.
Her presents to me were never all that great. A burnt orange scarf, a bottle of perfume I didn’t like much. But I always smiled through it grateful that I got *something*. She knew my past Christmas experiences so I just chalked it up to her not really knowing my tastes.
Then, one year she handed me a beautifully wrapped box. I opened it to find a blue flowered skirt and matching top. It wasn’t really my style. it was a bit matronly and I was a slim 32 year old. So, I peaked at the inside collar thinking that maybe I could exchange it if it was bought a national chain store. To my surprise, it said ‘Size 14′. Hmmm, I wore a size 8. AND there was no tag attached. in fact, it looked like it had been worn. Then my memory flooded back to me. It was the outfit my mother-in-law had worn to my wedding! I covered my shock pretty well and thanked her. She probably thought I would be too stoopid to know what she’d done.
I cornered my husband later and asked him what was up with the present? Did she hate me? he didn’t believe me at first but then I brought out the wedding album. jeez, what do you say?
Needless to say, I deep sixed the outfit.
twolf1 @ 48
About the equivalent of fourteen (reduced to seven) CEO retirement packages is to much for thousands of miles of distroyed ecosystem and countless lost wages…
Waccamaw @ 51
(tee hee. thanks!) my long-suffering entourage thanks you for your empathy. I always try for dead-pan, with mixed results. teenage daughter has perfected the “there he goes again” eye roll…
Ed*ard Teller @
26
Oh my! Sounds like a stunt my oldest would have pulled! When he was eight, he saw the tree sitting by back door and decided to decorate it while his dad and I were at a company dinner. He managed to talk the (15yo) babysitter into dragging in the tree, setting it up, etc.
It was beautiful. Unfortunately, neither he nor the sitter realized there was a reason we always put the tree in the garage for a day or two before setting it up…. when we got home, he and the sitter were busy using every towel and blanket in the house to soak up the water from the melting snow. It took three days, and much shop-vac’ing to get the carpets semi-dry.
I think we may have a win… er, los… er, a prize awardee!
portia.vz - That, unfortunately, is the winning entry.
wow
jeffreyw @
59
did the outfit include a Freudian slip?
…a perfect return gift would’ve been a framed 8×10 of the wedding album photo showing her wearing the same outfit as you.
…or get her a sex swing.
rumi @ 62
Marjo! Where’d you go?
Worst Christmas present was every year when my mom opened the Famous-Barr box from her mom containing new dainty nightclothing. This happened year after year — I know my gramma meant well, but jeez! Two boys (plus my poor Dad!!) don’t really wanna see their mom’s new unmentionables on Christmas morning while we’re playing with trains!!
(I wonder if this is why….?) naaaah.
I don’t really remember any horrible presents. Perhaps I have repressed the memories, but all in all Christmas was generally a good time for me as a child. I know that for many people it was or is not (and I think of people who don’t receive any presents or, worse, who don’t even have the basic necessities, not just people who didn’t like what they got).
Not a Christmas present, but probably the worst gift I ever received: A friend of my wife knew that I detested rush limbaugh, and had heard me rant about him. She thought it was really cute to give me a coffee cup, which I think she found at a garage sale, that had his name and stupid catchword “dittoes” on it. Like that is what I want to look at every day when I’m drinking my morning coffee.
Ha ha.
TSF @ 64 dovetails with punaise @ 61.
My story: I was in between apartments and had temporarily moved in with my mom and brother for the holidays. My mom, after indulging in maybe tooo much eggnog, decided to do some last minute wrapping. Since it was kind of special that I was ‘home’, they asked if i would do the honors of handing out the presents. As I was distributing them, I made a pile on the side for mine, which was growing faster than everyone else’s. When I was done, I started opening mine only to find that mom had wrapped MY stereo and had given it back to me.
Eureka Springs, AR @
42
Time to move back to California, sweetie — where gift certs and cards cannot expire, by state law!
You guys are killin me here.
I can’t stop chuckling at your misfortune.
Sorry, but some of this is too much.
Hey gang — Donita has a fantastic line-up of songs above for The Spin I’m In. :)
When I was a teenager my younger siblings gave me a 750 piece jigsaw puzzle, with each piece individally wrapped in toilet paper.
It just brings tears to my eyes, and a smile, to imagine the hours it took them to do this.
We certainly got a lot of regifting out of that one present. What, you thot I was going to unwrap all the little pieces?
This is the kind of thread that truly is the gift that keeps on giving, isn’t it? hehehehe
Christy Hardin Smith @ 72
I hope people continue to post here despite the new thread. I want to come back later and read more horror stories.
Today’s momentous achievement: I almost—but not quite—put my cup of orange juice into the microwave.
Is it undercaffeination, or December?
I sure miss my brain.
egregious @ 74
The daze are getting longer starting TODAY, woot-hoot!
twolf1 @ 35:
Aagh…that train was my last hope for getting home for Christmas on time.
TSF, message from punaise here
Maybe I should just bring that old certificate along on my next visit…)
Bustednuckles @ 15
Can you help pun exchange that shirt?
One married in relative used to send second hand clothes. No, they were not poverty-stricken.
rufo_firenza @ 76
You were gonna hop a freight train?
egregious @ 79
Hope it was cashmere.
Teddy–I got the daze part.
Eureka Springs, AR @ 81
Mere cash would have been more welcome.
egregious @ 78
I will ask my ex wife, she works there.
Lol
egregious - A week or so back you mentioned how your appetite decreased during SAD except for sugar. My appetite is exactly the same as yours. I keep going to the grocery store, stocking up, come home and I can’t get into a baking or eating mode, rediculous. At least now I know why.
btw all — we finally got around to watching “The Station Agent” last night. (Having a Peanut slows down your adult movie-watching time considerably — if it isn’t a cartoon, we don’t have a lot of spare time to watch it.) It was wonderful and funny and a great character study sort of film. Loved it. It gets two thumbs up from the ReddHedd household. :) So if you are looking for a non-sappy movie for this time of year and you haven’t seen it, you might give it a try.
Worst Christmas present of all: It’s all duct tape and Elmer’s glue to the guy who broke it. Santa Bush and the Christmas Barn Rules: He’ll fix it, sort of. Oh oh oh. (Photo)
This is way, WAY EPU’d, but it was the hideous clown doll with the stuffed fabric body and plastic head,suitable maybe for a 7 year old (and that’s pushing it) that was sent by my father (whom I had never met) for the Christmas a month before I was 13.
I think I probably learned to read/write between the lines while composing the thank you letter for that. (I met the man one and a half years later, and we finally became close, over 10 years after that. He never knew how I hated him and that fricking hideous doll…)
Glad this was EPU’d. Not really funny… (But boy, oh boy, could that SOB write limericks! We used to have contests, giving each other the first line… He wasn’t all bad once he stopped drinking.)
Christy Hardin Smith @ 86
I concur. good film.
towards the other end of the spectrum, I don’t particularly recommend “The Lake House”, a chick-flick* seen on DVD at home last night. sappy wanna-be intrigue. not horrible, just not very good.
*(I’m not averse to a good chick-flick, btw)
egregious @
71
Oh, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!! What an absolutely fabulous idea! It’s the PERFECT gift for my sister-in-law who a) is not really all that fond of me anyway (she thinks I’m a terrible influence on her baby brother…turned him into a liberal, you know) and b) mercifully has a fabulous sense of humor. As a picky, detail-oriented Capricorn I’m just the girl to wrap up a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, one piece at a time. Oh frabjous day, calloo, callay! (I’d better go off to the store now if I’m going to be finished by next Christmas…)
Year before last my mother gave us the most horrendous lamp I have ever seen. It was a dirty gold vase shaped base of cheap ceramics. On the body of the lamp were two iconic images of Mary and Jesus. Surrounding these pics was something that looked like flung poo. I kid you not. Poo.
The shade was square and black. My husband said that it looked like it belonged in a funeral home. My only guess was that she thought it was arty. And my mom has always liked a clean, well-lighted place.
Oh, Mary, I don’t suppose you have a picture of that lamp??? I’m a real connoisseur of tacky “religious” “art.” This sounds like a VERY special piece!
Marion in Savannah @ 92
I cannibalized it for it’s parts. I may be able to find the base. I will look. Email me and I will send it when found. marymccurnin at mac dot com.
Mary McCurnin, Bless your heart, and I just sent you an e-mail.
Try having your birthday three days before Christmas. It’s the gift that keeps on taking.
(Here you are, this is for your birthday and Christmas! ):
But thanks to FDL, this day is no longer the most miserable day of the year…in fact it is the very best!
Those lefty bloggers whose birthday falls on Fitzmas will celebrate all the way to the Rapture….and beyond!
Marion in Savannah @ 90
y’all are both horrible! I love it!
One year I bought my mother a pair of little earrings and when I went to wrap them, I knew she would know immediately what I got her. So I wrapped the little box, found a bigger box and put the wrapped box in it and wrapped thatbox and so on until I ended with a box that used to hold a bulky bathrobe from the year before.
She thought the giving would never end.