I can't tell you how many women I've heard from today relieved, so relieved, to learn there's something they can do to help ensure their children will be gay. I've heard from at least one pregnant woman stocking up on soy products.
I'm currently organizing a support group for disappointed parents of straight kids, to be called PFOTS (Parents and Friends of the Tragically Straight). In the meantime, here's some help identifying all the possible soy products potentially available to you parents hoping to bring into the world a beautiful lesbian woman or a young man who'll help clean up after Thanskgiving dinner without being asked.
For example, here's a nice list of foods made from soybeans. Here's a helpful list of soy recipes. Even if your kid turns out to be tragically straight, soy products will confer to him or her the following health benefits (according to the link above): thyroid health, energy and workout benefits, menstrual health, cardiovascular health, bone health, hair/skin/nail health, memory benefits, antioxidant benefits, prostate health, digestive tract health, kidney health, thyroid health and fertility benefits (which undercuts the whole gay thing, I guess).
Then, according to this site, soy can be found in body care products, candles, cleaners, composite materials, crayons, diesel additives, fabric conditioner, flooring, hair conditioners, hair styling aids (kind of explains the whole hair dresser thing, eh?), hand cleaners (nurses and chefs?), paint removers, pens, polish, shampoos ('nuff said), solvents and tables/furniture waxes.
Yes, indeed, it's a soy world after all. So clever of the right wing to recognize it's not about fluoridation after all.
If all that doesn't work, I can only share my mother's recipe: vintage Broadway soundtracks from the period encompassing the early 1960's or so, and later on, make your son an altar boy. I found myself oddly at home in a basic black frock. If that doesn't work for your daughter, or if you're not Catholic, get her into playing field hockey. Seemed to work well enough in my high school.
Good luck! Break a leg (or as we used to say in the Gay Men's Chorus, "Break a nail!").
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Soy!!!!
Soy!
did I return from the wilderness just in time to get the coveted zero?
guess not. I thought that “no comments” thing was a hoax.
So, everybody in Japan is gay?
Hiya cleter and welcome back from the wilderness. Thank you Pach for the post.
cleter @ 4
Hmmm. . . my partner was born in Japan. . .
I like in the video how the soy milk dances with the Village People.
Soy latte! Be a
hyperUber queer!*g*I love Thai food. Bean curd of any variety is good, but particularly in a sweet and spicy sauce of Thai origin. I have noticed, too, that upon ingesting a prodigious amount o’ the curd, I can mentally redecorate every room in my house with completely complementary colors and matching (but NOT matchy-matchy) appointments. Then, after a couple of Buds and some beer nuts, the new powers are gone.
The fundies I know scream in anguish if a boy picks up a potato peeler in the kitchen or a girl wants to play with the tools in the basement workshop: “Noooooooooooo! Not that - you’ll turn gay!”
And God forbid (literally!) that a boy ever go out to pick some flowers for the dinner table or sew his own button back on his shirt . . .
johnswifty: Switch to cosmopolitans. You’ll get a new wardrobe and start trimming. . . bodily hair.
What a f*cking idiot. He’s just taken on the entire soybean farming industry.
And it’s patently untrue. Maybe he needs a little plant-based phyto-estrogens to help him see this.
Oilfieldguy @ 9
Doesn’t work. The het particles in the coffee counteract teh gay in the soy. The reason Japan is a nation of teh gay is because they drink tea with their soy, rather than vibrant heterosexual coffee. Also, they eat seaweed. And are attacked by giant radioactive monsters from time to time.
Umm, the first-year college chemistry in me says it’s fluoridation. :)
So, if you want to join the Giant Republican Anti-Gay Bandwagon, is one of the pre-requisites that you flunk chemistry? And maybe biology? ‘Cause that soy-gay-estrogen thing…it’s so wrong I don’t know where to begin.
It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.
Being gay is a feature.
It’s important to the survival of the entire species, or it wouldn’t appear at a fairly constant rate across all populations around the globe, in spite of soy exposure or no.
Homophobes like the idiot-whose-name-will-remain-untyped are features, too; they’re the ones that get killed in wars or eaten by predators.
Gah.
Well, I say edamame and miso rule!
I hope that Pastor Haggard consults a good dietitian as part of his “rehabilitation”…
I blame Archer Daniels Midland.
Here’s hoping that soy consumption=lesbian daughters. I live on tofu and my female child frequently says that she is a boy so I’m wondering how this will play out. All my pregnancy sex dreams were lesbian ones too! (They were great, except the one about Jennifer Anniston. Well, I enjoyed it at the time but was a bit chagrined upon waking.)
Were all the members of the Village People gay?
the new ambigous ones: metrosoyxuals
hackworth @ 22
We Are All Members of the Village People.
Pachacutec @ 11
They are a stunningly aesthetic drink. Now that you mention it, I sat down with a some friends and we had a few cosmos (stirred, not shaken) and before we knew it we had piled into a PT Cruiser for a road trip to Grand Rapids in order to visit the Francis Gumm museum. Who knew?
punaise @ 19
soy do I.
now, sweet dreams all.
Any text link, or any hope of a summary, for the dialup Luddites among us?
It is puzzling for one to seek external sources for internal orientation. Fundies believe we are all Gods creation and insist He is infallible.
Is this the explanation for their constant blaming of spongebob and teletubbies and soybeans and falafels?
Okay, I made that last one up.
So much BS! If people want to eat soy products rather than meat for ANY reason, this is a good thing.
I’ve tried for two summers to grow soybeans in Alaska. Doesn’t work. I love endame-style soybeans with beer and sushi.
You can survive on miso (soy bean paste), brown rice and rosehips through an entire winter without suffering vitamin deficiencies. I have friends who have done it.
cleter @ 16
Uh, I think a complete refutation of all science is fine… a medieval understanding of the sun rotating around earth, however, is fine. And, I’m sure, that the Republicans are happy as hell to have the support of all flat-earthers.
Rayne @ 13
I’m tempted to say that this is a classic example of the rhetorical fallacy of Cum hoc ergo propter hoc (correlation implies cause), but somehow, like you, I suspect that there’s a deeper issue here. Perhaps a traumatic experience at a Village People concert?
Funny how particular foods get crazy, magical properties applied to them, when it’s the stuff on your foodstuff that’ll actually accumulate in the body of, say, a woman who then goes on to have a child though her womb is quite the stew of endocrine disrupting contaminants (which block and/or mimic hormones.
And the infant comes out somewhat lesser other than it would have been without those contaminants which are in us all. And yes, we are all somewhat lesser in some physiologically measurable way because our development in the womb, and then shortly thereafter, was slurred by these contaminants. It might be a fractional loss of IQ, or smaller gonads, or loss of bone density, or things much more significant to the individual.
But it’s soybeans that some blowhard wants to talk about and demonize. We have real demons after us, and they aren’t after our souls. They nip away, incrementally, at our flesh, and they are brought to you by the chemical industry. But we won’t be talking about that. It’s all just junk science. Isn’t it?
Yo soy homosexual?
Ed*ard Teller @ 29
One of your winters or one of my winters? Frankly, you can survive the winters here in Florida with a cup of coffee and a doughnut. They only last about an hour.
angie @ 26
Ah, ADM… price fixers to the world….
montag @ 29
They did manage to lasso “Flat Head Friedman”, didn’t they?
punaise @ 22
The new handbook for the culture: The Joy of Soy
Oilfieldguy @ 28
Tinky Winky, Spongebob, Loofah, Falafel, Chick peas, Soybeans, Bill O’Reilly, War on Christmas, War on Enlightenment, GWOT.
Then, according to this site, soy can be found in body care products, candles, cleaners, composite materials…
don’t even get me started on jojoba (pronounced *ahem*: “ho-ho-bah).
Leahy is GREAT! I caught the tail end earlier, but the entire speech is very informative and funny as hell. C-SPAN.
Cujo359 — nah. He’s probably conflated his two big fears into one big Freudian tarball.
Fear of being gay plus fear of tofu-water =
Absolute babbling stupidity.
Miso horny.
Oh.
Miso horny.
Me love you long time.
Patrick 4/4 @ 42
707
cleter @ 34
ROFL. I’m talking our 4.5 month winter.
punaise @ 20
I blame Bill Clinton’s traitorous wee-wee, the source of all the earth’s evil.
Soy bomb them all.
-GSD
Okay, I think I’ve figured out enough of what’s going on here from the comments. Kinda gives a new meaning to that old commercial jingle: “La Choy makes Chinese food swing Americans!”
Rayne @ 41
Could it be that simple? Almost certainly …
let’s blame Monsanto while we’re at it.
So, Pach, should aspiring gay infants be nursed with soy milk?
cleter @ 45
I blame all those green John
QueerDeere tractors.angie @ 36
I don’t think they lassoed Friedman. Probably tied a string around a Cinnabon and left it for him to find, then led him everywhere they wanted him to go….
Cujo359 @ 48
soytainly could be…
Redshift @ 50
Similac, though breast feeding is permissible for baby girls. For obvious reasons.
montag @ 51
oooh, nice montag– his nose knows– a real bloodhound.
soy noyce.
cleter @ 45
Certainly a good counter-example. Bill Clinton’s fondness for McDonald’s was legendary. His p*nis should have been the width of a pencil if this guy is correct.
Speaking of Soylent Gays, Where is our Meatosaurus?
My daddy was meek and submissive.
My edamame was distant and controlling.
I’m beginning to understand…
Hackworth @ 38:
Tinky Winky, Spongebob, Loofah, Falafel, Chick peas, Soybeans, Bill O’Reilly, War on Christmas, War on Enlightenment, GWOT.
We didn’t start the fire…it was always burning since the worlds been turning…
-GSD
I think one of the most disturbing slanders in this whole thing is the canard about reduced penis size.
Not to get all TMI about it, but. . .
Soylent night…..
Miso in peace, GSD.
Soy funny, Pach.
Pachacutec @ 59
What really matters is the firmness of your tofu.
random acts of funny
Bad Reporter by Don Asmussen (comics)
Oilfieldguy @
56
He is green, isn’t he.
Left you a comment downstream, OFG. Glad you’re still with us, Amazing how fast you can react sometimes, eh?
Bit NOLA — That crossed my mind at first, living downstream from a big producer of endocrine-disruptors…but I don’t think so.
They probably result in major birth defects or reduced fertility, but not homosexuality. In spite of the increased environmental exposure to endocrine-disruptors, the percentage of population identifying as gay hasn’t changed.
Feature. It’s built in.
Idigenous cultures relied heavily on homosexuals to be the keepers of their culture; without the mahu, Hawaiian culture would have been nearly wiped out under the deliberate onslaught of pressure from occupying whites. I suspect this could be a critical issue for some cultures on the brink of extinction.
Pachacutec @ 60
Quack.
War on Christmas is being waged by ExxonMobile. The North pole will be in open sea in about thirty five years by some estimates.
I think that’s where Santa lives. They are trying to drown him out.
“EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!!”
That’s it. I killed the thread.
I guess the Sprout will end up being TS. Oy, soy farts from a baby are punishing. We just couldn’t cope. We used goats milk and assorted supplements, a special formula from the pediatrician.
OT — sorry, but George Lakoff didn’t get the love at DailyKos. Please rec this Lakoff diary if you have a userid at the BigOrange, thanks!
Pachacutec @ 68
Was it the talk about equipment size?
Is there no hope for Luke, Mommybrain?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo!!!!!!!
(Please firgive the cheesy Star Wars reference)
Umm, I’m sorry, Pach, you were saying something?
Heh.
OFG:
I’m on my good behavior now. Inside voice, even.
“Parents and Friends of the Tragically Straight”
Oh. Pach, please. I’m an old woman and even though I work for a bunch of ENT docs there’s only so much liquid I can squirt out my nose before it becomes a real problem…
Damn. You should trademark that. Lordy, how I howled…
Rayne @
73
done. now, I guess I should go back and read it…
So do they become homoSOYxual?
-GSD
What a sorry state of life/ science.
Way back when, the mothers were blamed if they had a gay child. Overindulgence and all that. And now the mothers are being blamed because they drink soy milk/ eat soy? Oh, what a great advance in our understanding! (not)
I had to look up the link to the article. Didn’t see it in the post. waddaloadocrap!
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/n.....E_ID=53327
I blame Lieberman! ;)
Pachacutec @ 74
Darn, and I know so many good and extremely tacky jokes about that subject matter.
Pachacutec @ 75
Well, he does change his clothes sometimes 5 times a day. Big on costumes. Drama queen? You betcha! He loves live theater and said, after the Nutcracker performance we saw last weekend, his third: Mom, that wasn’t the best performance of the Nutcracker we’ve seen, was it?
I’d say there’s hope for him yet. And I could sure use some help on Thanksgiving;~)
Oilfieldguy @ 79
You know how I make mine nine inches?
punaise @ 49
Ah, so much in that… they’re genetically modifying soybean plants to tolerate higher and higher doses of their own herbicide, Roundup. So, is soy the problem, or the elevated levels of their herbicide.
M’self, I think this is just a variation on the “red meat makes real men” routine. I wouldn’t be surprised if this were a secretly-funded plot of the National Cattlemens’ Association. :)
OFG: Me too. Me too. But let’s defer to the ladies and all those not otherwise entertained by classic dick jokes.
More evidence of the media gay conspiracy. Just what orientation was this wee lad and who was he appealing to?
Ho, ho, ho.
-GSD
Pachacutec @ 83
I generally behave around these parts.
Ah, I see there’s new
snipepony hunting initiative.Oilfieldguy @ 88
Which parts would those be?
OFG: Submissive, eh?
Pachacutec @ 89
Any mention of shovels in that piece?
Patrick 4/4 @ 87
That was an intentional double entendre. Thanks for noticing, and I don’t do rim shots!
Patrick 4/4 @ 90
Shh… they’re private. :)
Oilfieldguy @
88
Does the sun shine on those parts?
OK, gang. Bedtime for daddy. Have fun, but please don’t encourage OFG. I won’t be held responsible for what goes on in my absence.
anon — you know, after having two kids, I’m pretty sure that women are too often blamed for something that is often not a conscious choice on their part.
Kid #1: I had horrible cravings for apples, green grapes and rare steak, the kind of cravings that would drive me crazy. Baby was a jumper, highly active all the time, too. The kid’s favorite foods to this day are those three things.
Kid #2: Completely the opposite, slow-moving baby in utero, had a pace entirely different from the first one. And totally different cravings — Cheetohs and brownie-nut fudge ice cream. You guessed it, the kid will chow on either of those ’til the cows come home while the first one can’t be bothered with them.
So which came first?
My cravings > kids’ tastes
Kids’ tastes > my cravings
What if I’d craved soy?
Pachacutec @ 88
Uh oh, I’ve been Dr,
feeledPhil’ed.Pachacutec @ 89
You know it’s serious when Dubya focuses on something for more than an hour and it features neither Tom nor Jerry.
Oilfieldguy @ 93
That was an intentional double entendre. Thanks for noticing, and I don’t do rim shots!
OK - was that one intentional?
So the right wing is worried about feeding children soy, but doesn’t care about mercury runoff in water?
Pay no attention to a proven cause of birth defects, LOOK OVER THERE! The LIBERALS want you to eat SOY, which will turn your children GAY! GAY, I tell you, with teeny-weeny PENISES!
Weapons of mass distraction, indeed.
TRex has everyone focusing on erogenous zones, and he ain’t even here!
Mine happen to extend five feet in all directions.
alton @ 101
Or, mass destruction of weapons.
alton — well, with that mercury run-off in the water, a lot of Americans are too stupid from neuro-toxicity to realize they’re being manipulated.
Gotta’ give them that much.
Oilfieldguy @ 102
An aura-genous zone?
A double double. Or in Farticus lingo:
“Double-bi.”
The toothless wonder has spoken.
[yawn] I’ve got to hit the hay, too much work and not enough sleep this week. Will have to leave you boys to play with your, uh, homophobic topic.
GSD @ 61
. . . oil is calm, oil is bright . . .
So brite my mama calls me sun.
Oilfieldguy @ 107
Just so she don’t call you late for dinner.
(and I saw your comments on the last thread . . . glad your afternoon wasn’t any more exciting!)
Who‘ll save the children?
EvilDrPuma @ 99
They didn’t say how much longer than an hour. Two minutes? Both Dubya and Poppy have that same ADD one-hour time limit working against them.
And, of course, if there were any decisions that came at the end of that time, would it be safe to say that we’re, therefore, fucked?
I just don’t even want know where this whole soy turns you gay meme got started. I missed it and glad that I did - otherwise my head might explode at the ridiculousness of it.
I wonder if Dubya got a permission slip again from Condi for a bathroom break?
montag @ 112
As far as Bush’s war is concerned, we’re boned no matter what.
Peterr @ 108
`Round yon danger, executive smiles
montag @ 115
Whole wheat bagels and lox sure are nice
uh-oh. from the Lakoff diary at DKos that Rayne pointed out:
swing voters are biconceptuals
The difference between an orange is a telephone pole because a motorcycle doesn’t have any doors.
Very deep.
OT: I like this guy.