(Why is this woman smiling? Read on…)
Okay, so, here's the deal. Normally, I could give two shits about what Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are up to. I mean, train-wrecks are soooooooo 2003. Yawn. White trash rich girl from Louisiana makes it big, really big, then meets bad boy, goes hideously bad herself, and then things turn ugly, blah, blah, blah. Is anyone surprised? Really?
Just in the last few days, though, I have to admit, it's gotten interesting in a way that I didn't expect. And frankly, in a way that I think we all could learn from.
Let me see if I can get everyone up to speed here.
November 8th, this story appeared, which was basically a rehash of the divorce announcement, but confirmed the existence of an iron-clad pre-nup agreement:
Federline almost certainly cannot challenge the prenup. Sources say hotshot divorce lawyer Laura Wasser drafted an air-tight prenuptial agreement before the couple married. So Federline's only chance of cashing in is by mounting an ugly custody fight, trying to force a more lucrative settlement. But friends of Spears say Britney will fight a holy war to prevent Federline from getting custody and, given his track record — or lack of it — with the kids, it would appear Spears has the clear advantage.
Good on ya, Britney. You may not be able to sing your way out of a walk-in closet, but at least you didn't marry that shlub with your eyes completely closed.
And that seemed to be the way it was going to play out, but then K-Fed let fly with this bombshell revelation:
(CBS/AP) Britney Spears and Kevin Federline made a four-hour sex tape early in their marriage that he is now threatening to sell unless she gives in to his demands in their divorce case, according to a British tabloid, The News of the World.
It says Federline wants more than $30 million from Spears, along with custody of the couple's two young children, Sean Preston, 1, and Jayden James, 8 weeks. The newspaper also reports that Federline has been offered $50 million for the tape by one film company that wants to put the video online.
"Ohhhhh, Britney," I thought upon hearing this, "What were you thinking? Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Why do famous people think it's a good idea to video themselves having sex? When is this EVER a good idea? 'Hey, honey! Since we're going to be together forever and always love each other, let's shoot a tape of ourselves doing disgusting things together for, uh, for the grandkids. What could possibly go wrong?'"
Seriously, it's right up there with, "Hey! I've got an idea! Let's invade Iraq!"
And that, it appeared, was the end of that. Bad Boy landed a lucky punch and gets to spend the balance of his days rolling in ill-gotten cash. The End. Or, at least, until one of them OD's in a shitty hotel room on the Vegas strip, and then we'll just have to deal with the endless rehashings by Hollywood's scandal mavens before a hush falls and the fickle public gets a taste for some other batch of freshly slain Godflesh of the Anointed and moves on. Brad and Angelina breaking up or Nicole Richie gaining a whole pound or something.
But then yesterday came a move that would make Machiavelli himself shudder and say, "Aw, shit, that's COLD! Daaaaaaaamn!"
Federline has already been approached by a porn mogul in the U.S. to buy the tape, but chose to pass on the deal.
Now Britney Spears says she may just “give away’ a copy of the sex tape the couple made on their honeymoon two years ago.
Sources close to Spears report she is “seriously thinking about” giving away a digitally re-mastered copy of the four-hour long sex video.
During a visit to Burger Basket with her two sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James Spears said she may just post a clip of the video on MySpace.
POW!!
Oh, K-Fed, you thought you were so smart. See, if she posts the video on MySpace, it automatically becomes worthless as a publicity coup, hence, nobody will give Federline a penny for it now. Will it work?
It already has:
TMZ has learned that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline will come together one more time to tell the public that they never made a sex tape.
Reps from the divorcing couple tell us that both Britney and Kevin want to put an end to rumors that K-Fed is out peddling a sex tape for some quick cash. They have agreed to jointly issue a statement, hoping to put an end to the flurry of stories that such a tape exists.
Dude. Hey, K-Fed! You think Britney'll give you your nuts back as part of the divorce settlement? Cos it sounds like right now she's got 'em right there in her purse, at least when she doesn't have them in one of these:
And that, my friends, is one ice-cold, elegant bit of strategerizin'!
(Note to self: NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PLAY POKER WITH BRITNEY SPEARS'S LEGAL TEAM.)
"But, TRex!" you may be saying to yourselves, "What does this really have to do with anything we normally discuss here at the Lake?"
Only this:
Why can't we have minds like this handling our foreign policy? Why are we placing the fate of the free world in the hands of a bunch of ill-informed, pudding-headed company (wo)men like John Bolton, Michael Ledeen, and Condoleezza Rice? We need Laura Wasser in the United Nations. Can't you picture it?
Day One: Ambassador Wasser announces that North Korea are perfectly free to pursue a nuclear weapons program, but that the United States will be providing not only light-water reactors to South Korea, we will be supplying them (and Japan and Vietnam) with a fully operational nuclear weapons arsenal and a staff to operate and maintain it, all under close UN and US supervision.
Day Two: Ambassador Wasser decides to extend this offer to Iran as well, but announces that the entire nation of Israel will be relocated to the Utah desert by the end of 2007. The Israeli government is given six weeks to choose which relics of the Holy Land it wants to take with, and the rest will be divided among the remaining nations of the region, with visiting rights for Jewish and Christian pilgrims on holidays and weekends.
Day Three: Iraq is declared free and independent and our troops returned home, with monthly alimony and child-support payments to Iraq (equal to but not exceeding the amount of money it was producing on a monthly basis prior to the invasion) so that it may live in the style to which it is accustomed, including meals, hotels, travel expenses, flowers and gifts.
By god, I think it'll work. Someone get Wasser on the phone. It's time for decisions this crucial to be placed into the hands of actual smart people who know that if they fail they'll lose their job, not get a Presidential Medal of Freedom and a pat on the back from Preznint Clusterfuck.
Who's with me?
Related posts:
- Late Late Night FDL: The Bastard Fairies At Play
- Texas-Two Step: Same-Sex Divorce Before Marriage Equality?
- What We Learned from the Supplemental: If Obama Wants a Public Plan, the Blue Dogs Will Do It
- Lessons Learned in VA and NJ: Is Rahm Emanuel Orchestrating 2010 Democratic Massacre?
- Things I learned from a teabagger.
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FITZ!!!!!
Frist? ; )
howdy from London!
What’s going on?
patrick rex @ 2
What’s going on is you’re in bloody LONDON, you bloody lucky bastard.
(Actually, I’d prefer York to London, but I’m still green with envy.)
I guess now we know who wears the pants in that family…even if we never know who wears them on the tape.
EvilDrPuma @ 4
London is cool, but you should have seen Benissa! That’s where I want to live.
There’s kind of a funny store about the French police on my weblog, by the way. Not trying to blog whore here, so much as…. well… it’s funny, anyway…
Speaking of strategery, I am liking Pelosi’s aggressive move forward:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/…..y_id=11168
The President is going to be peeved that he doesn’t have 100% control of the microphones anymore.
…and shares in Google/You Tube drop 20%.
Uh.
Mah.
Gawd.
It’s my brother!
Dude! When the f*&k are you coming home?!
The Dixie Chicks played a concert at the Oakland Colliseum last week, and they dedicated their song “White Trash Wedding” to K-Fed.
707!
Maybe we could find some new jobs for the Chicks, while we’re at it. I would hate to take them away from their music, but maybe for the good of the country and all they could give it a shot. Maybe let them head up the NEA, the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and the FCC.
I’m impressed, TRex. You have an eye for talent.
And I’m quite bowled over that you got through an entire post on FedEx and didn’t mention “manpris” once.
I must go. Katie is punching me with her probiscus. Her ladyship wants her ears scratched.
this reminds me of the scene from ‘the usual suspects,’ where verbal kint tells the story of kaiser sosze’s creation story. this is the one told in a flashback where he comes home to find that his family is being held hostage. kaiser proceeds to shoot his own family in front of the kidnappers. while they are stunned, he shoots all but one and tells him to take a message back to his boss about the type of man he is dealing with — one who will sacrifice his own family. kaiser then is reputed to have gone on and wiped out the crime boss and every one of the boss’s loved ones in a furious revenge.
britney spears — the new kaiser sosze.
TRex @ 9
my flight is scheduled for the 25th, but it’s going to rain here all day tomorrow and I don’t have anything else to do but bug British Airways to let me on an earlier flight without charging me an arm and a leg. (That, and wash my socks.)
So, hopefully in time for T’giving. Tour’s over, I am just hanging out for my ticket to turn from a piece of paper into something useful so I can fly home…
a four hour sex tape?
K-Fed should call his doctor.
“TRex is right! Psychotic, but absolutely right! We got to take these bastards. We could fight them with conventional weapons, but that could take years, and cost millions of lives. In this case–I think we have to go all out. I think this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.”
“And we’re just the guys to do it!”
The guy wants custody of the kids? Right.
When both people are equally qualified as parents- and both pretend to want the kids- then there should be an auction…
“Who will take these kids for zero child support?”
No one?
“OK- how bout $500 per month?- any takers”
Find out who REALLY wants the kids and who wants a monthly income.
patrick rex @ 6London is cool, but you should have seen Benissa! That’s where I want to live.
There’s kind of a funny store about the French police on my weblog, by the way. Not trying to blog whore here, so much as…. well… it’s funny, anyway…
Do you have a linky thing? Were you caught overturning cars?
sanitas @ 14
He did. That’s why it’s a four-hour tape.
Oh but I should do a manpris drive by
http://gofugyourself.typepad.c…..fug_k.html
http://gofugyourself.typepad.c…..fug_t.html
rwcole @ 16
I think the Solomonic approach is called for. Cut Britney and Kevin in half and let somebody sane adopt the kids.
Why couldn’t we have had a national prenup back in 2000?
“Okay George, we take you to be our president… but if it doesn’t work out, we get back the constitution. Whole thing. Yeah, 2nd ammendment too.
Okay,okay you get to keep Karl. And the flight uniform.”
I see it packaged more like Elvis’ 68 comeback special.
You’re too hard on the poor thing, T. She can sing. She hits the right notes. It’s all in the right key.
She’s not Aretha Franklin, sure. She’s not one of my favorites right now. I’m favoring Alecia Keyes and that Nelly Furtado — holy shit.
But Britney can sing. Nothing special, but it’s there.
EvilDrPuma @ 17
Do you have a linky thing? Were you caught overturning cars?
We were pulled over for suspicion of being suspicious, basically. It’s all here.
EvilDP – FITZFITZFITZFITZ. FITZ.
Hey TRex, how’s that book coming?
Another great snarky/true post pulled out of —wherever you pull them— and we’re ALL ready to buy that book.
Puma- that’s FUNNY!
Jane Hamsher @ 18
The money quote:
Her producers’ COMPUTER can sing on key and that’s about it, really.
Well tie me up and call me Loretta. Intelligent life at the NYT.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11…..ref=slogin
This one’s good. Somebody call Nick Confessore and tell him you’re allowed to take your head out of your ass and still draw a paycheck.
Big ups to Fresno! Yeah yeah!
Jane Hamsher @ 30
but last time you called the police…
rwcole @ 27
Thanks. For a spur-of-the-moment one-liner, I was kind of happy with that one.
Next up…EvilDrPuma challenges Michael Richards to Ultimate Heckler Coping. This one’s for all the marbles!
patrick rex @ 32
Only cuz Sting is into that Tantric thing.
i’m with you t. when i saw the bit about brit offering up the video for free thereby cutting the feds nuts cleanly off, i did gain back a tiny bit of respect for the girl.
TRex @ 29
She sure can chew some gum though!
Perhaps Britney and K Fed kin git some couples counseling from Mary and James Matalin.
angie @ 36
Gollum!
Loretta!
First the NYTimes, and not to be outdone the WaPo’s got a good one tomorrow too – Janet Reno joins the chorus against Gonzales, Addington, Yoo, & Associates:
Boy, the pool boy hits the road, and look what happens . . .
patrick rex @ 24
Sounds a lot like my nightmares of cops in some parts of the rural U.S. where they’ll cite you for not being from around here.
Chris Matthews asked tonight how long a “honeymoon” the Dems Should get before we should start expecting some results. One would think he could at least wait until the Dems are, you know, actually IN OFFICE. You think?
My brother deals with the French Police:
Yes, we are a funny family.
EvilDrPuma @ 39
Yah- same sort of thing, just a different language.
Peterr @ 38
Now the hard-core Libertarians are really gonna go into a headspin. No matter which way they turn, there’s going to be somebody they hate.
So it wasn’t a great week for Clusterfuck
His airplane got some flats- leavin him high an dry in the NAM
Then his motorcade crashed
Then one of his staff got mugged- robbed and beaten in Honolulu
Then his daughter got robbed- and a secret service agent got the shit kicked out of him.
An his poppa got heckled off the stage while makin a business speech in the middle east..
Clusterfuck is hopin it’s just a travel thing.
You’re not too bad yourself at strategerizing.
TRex, the new face of diplomacy for a New Century.
I’d want you on my country’s negotiating team.
Speakout @ 40
Here’s something nice for Tweety’s home.
Margot @ 44
Ohhhhhhh, what a world it would be if I had a say…
LOL EvilDrPuma!
Iraqi people want us out- dead or alive:
NEW YORK Past surveys have hinted at this result, but a new poll in Iraq makes it more stark than ever: the Iraqi people want the U.S. to exit their country. And most Iraqis now approve of attacks on U.S. forces, even though 94% express disapproval of al-Qaeda.
At one time, this was primarily a call by the Sunni minority, but now the Shiites have also come around to this view. The survey by much-respected World Public Opinion (WPO), taken in September, found that 74% of Shiites and 91% of Sunnis in Iraq want us to leave within a year. The number of Shiites making this call in Baghdad, where the U.S. may send more troops to bring order, is even higher (80%). In contrast, earlier this year, 57% of this same group backed an “open-ended” U.S. stay.
By a wide margin, both groups believe U.S. forces are provoking more violence than they’re preventing — and that day-to-day security would improve if we left.
Support for attacks on U.S. forces now commands majority support among both Shiites and Sunnis. The report states: “Support for attacks on U.S.-led forces has grown to a majority position—now six in ten. Support appears to be related to widespread perception, held by all ethnic groups, that the U.S. government plans to have permanent military bases in Iraq and would not withdraw its forces from Iraq even if the Iraqi government asked it to. If the U.S. were to commit to withdraw, more than half of those who approve of attacks on US troops say that their support for attacks would diminish.”
The backing for attacks on our forces has jumped to 61% from 47% in January.
Among Iraqis overall, 77% percent prefer that a strong government get rid of militias, including 100% of the Sunnis polled and 82% of Kurds.
But “the Shia population in Baghdad is more skeptical than elsewhere about the wisdom of disarming the militias,” a report by WPO states. In Baghdad, Shias say they want militias to continue to protect their security (59%).
The national survey reached 1,150 Iraqis. It was conducted by the Program on International Policy Attitudes (PIPA) at the University of Maryland.
Nearly every opinion poll in the U.S. has shown that roughly 6 in 10 Americans also back a withdrawal within a year.
Sunnis and shiites don’t agree about much- but they DO agree that american troops should be blown to hell..time ta leave? Or would that jest be givin in ta the terrorists–?
Wait- they’re ALL terrorists.
Hey, edjamacate a middle aged white guy from the midwest. Do you have to buy pants like that or can you make them out of tall, fat guy shorts from the Big ‘n Tall store?
Yo, Spit-in-da-ears, sing us da tune. Yo, like in da key of Eeeeeekkk.
EvilDrPuma @ 46
Very nice. Idon’t think he ever does STFU, though.
johnSwifty @ 50
Uhhhhhhh, I think you have to go to a special Ugly Store to get pants like that.
Jane Hamsher @ 30
Damn, he’s smooooth.
Speakout @ 53
Maybe he needs daily affirmations. How much do you think Tweety would pay me to give him a STFU wake-up call every morning?
TRex @ 54
Darnit, I thought I was going to be the cool guy at Lion’s club this week.
Them pants are what happens when ya turn a big snake inside out.
rwcole @ 16
Some people I know fought for them. They ended up each getting 50% custody and the poor kids had to be at alternate parents houses each night of the week and alternate weekends and holidays.
What a nightmare. It cost them $15,000 each for the judge to impose the worst possible scenario for both of them.
My advice is to work between yourselves it out unless there is child abuse or neglect involved.
Poor kids.
rwcole @ 57
Well, what about the sneakers, is it ok that they are completely unlaced or do the laces necessarily need to be filthy?
Why screw up Utah like that? How about the Sahara?
Ho ho ho. K-Fed is one dumbf*ck. If he really had the videotape, he should have just cut the deal with the porn-peddler and taken his pre-nup money from Britney. Why even negotiate with Britney?!?!!?
Instead he played poker with the Queen of Pop and got played like Matt Damon got played in Rounders (the first time he played John Malkovich)
HOOOOO!!!! love me that juicy hollywood gossip
PS: K-Fed (or Fed-Ex – whatever) if he does have that video, should still try to cut a deal – there is no way in hell that Britney is ever going to ever put that video in circulation for free (she cares about her babies too much and I cannot believe that she would sabotage her tarnished image even more than it is now that she is planning a pop comeback)
sell it!!!! seeeeell it!!!
Pointing out the Obvious @ 59
If we’re going to continually carry their water and defend them against the entire Muslim world, we might as well bring them here where we can keep an eye on them.
TRex @ 41
I’m picturing Inspector Clouseau as the one being handed all the documents and going through the luggage . . .
T-Rex:
This is brilliant. In case you didn’t know – the main reason the Bushies are pretty much silent on the fact that Clinton negotiated the N. Koreans ability to have “nucular” power in the first place is because Rummy was on the board of the Co. that provided them with the tech. Of course that doesn’t stop the Bush-cultists from going into apoplectic seizers everytime Clinton’s name is raised. but they conveniently neglect to mention Rummy’s hand in it all.
Check it out …
Rummy’s North Korea Connection What did Donald Rumsfeld know about ABB’s deal to build nuclear reactors there? And why won’t he talk about it?
By Richard Behar Research Associate Brenda Cherry May 12, 2003
With that I must bid adieu (sp?)
e.c. @ 35
I thought that is a Madonna move a la truth or dare. Milk it for her publicity instead of letting him get rich off of it. I didn’t think she had it in her. Gutsy move.
I always say if you are going to do something you better own it. By saying she would release it, she owns it. Yeah it was a foolish thing to do but she is still owning it. Not like Bushbots who lie about it and then lie about the lies…I’m just saying.
TRex @ 61
Well in that case, let’s give ‘em North Dakota. We ain’t using it anyway, and Utah is kinda cute.
john in sacto
Well, after all the pictures of Rummy being chummy with Saddam, you can see why he’s a bit shy about N Korea.
it’s 5am here. I should be asleep, but we drove all day.
I was on a call-in radio show tonight here in the UK. I called in to say that I think that the English are cheerfully giving up civil rights willy nilly and that a day will probably come when they regret that. I was very politely received…
Okay, kids. Off to the grocery store and then home.
See you all in a bit.
Habby Thanksgivin’ errbody.
Jess a driveby.
P-Rex, if you can’t get that bumped up flight, take the black line on the toob to Camden Town and get yerself some new Docs at “Red or Dead”. It’s very liberating (look for the Made in England stamp on the sole, most now are made in SE Asia).
If I find myself a stray dog this time of year in the future, I’m looking you and TRex up.
I bet there’s a good holiday time to be had at the REX household.
e.c. @
35
Someonhas been reading Johnny Mnemonic?
TRex @ 61
Besides, if I remember my Third Nephi (son of Helaman) Christ hung out with the folks in America. Wouldn’t it be a beautiful thing if W could finally help the Jews find their messiah through the teachings of the Latter-Day Saints? (now I’ve gone and pissed off two religions–can I fit scientology in here at all?)
Isn’t it pretty obvious she had to buy him out? What’s so brilliant about that?
Peterr @ 62
Actually, non. More like Mark Furman with better hair.
Mommybrain @
25
I want Fitz to be Attorney General.
OT but in case you missed Josh’s late post about the impeachment proceedings against Hastings who is up for a committee head in the new congress.
It is a long post, but wow Conyers spoke really well back in the day with regard to impeachment and its true place in our government. I was really struck by some of his comments being true for what we may soon face with regard to the legions of illegal acts committed by the Bush Administration. It really makes me admire him even more for his level headed position on the subject. I think it is worth a read if you a have a few minutes.
This is the kind of honesty that has been sorely lacking from the powerbrokers in DC. The same ones from both sides of the isle that decided that the ethics committee should just be neutered and not do anything for years. That in and of itself should be illegal. Let the chips fall where they may. Throw the bums out.
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.c…..011240.php
Britney is actually the love child of Lord Havelock Vetinari.
Better yet, hire Wasser to be chief counsel to Speaker Pelosi, and let GW Bush play the Fed-Ex role as Congress figures out how to assert itself again.
I knew Britney had some Madonna moves up her sleeve. If a non-entity like Paris Hilton can build a rep from a couple of pole-huffing vids, this ought to be good for a 2-album cycle with an uptick in back catalog.
;>)
…And K-Fried moves one step away from the LASO finding a couple of keys worth of smack wrapped with baby clothes in the trunk of his leased Benzo as part of his ’severance package’… Back to the chorus, boy
;>)
Phoenix Woman @ 76
I wouldn’t have figured Britney was smart enough to be a Vetinarian.
EvilDrPuma @
43
Good. No one I’d rather have in a headspin (or a headlock) than the insufferable hard-core Libertarians. Republicans can certainly be very trying, but these guys just plain piss me off.
Jane Hamsher @
31
Mom always told me – if you can’t say anything nice about
someonesome place….darkblack @ 78
You really do have an evil genius for that, you really do!
In Brittney’s defense…
when Brittney was getting a bunch of bad press because the media wanted a soft target, my wife (and mother of two) came to her defense. she said, “Of all the Hollywood people, at least Brittney does things with her kids. Many in here L.A. just leave the kids with the nanny and do what ever they want.”
dead last @ 83
Yes, she’s already teaching them how to drive!
patrick rex @
6
you can at least take solace in knowing that the slang term for speedbump is gendarme couche: cop lying down.
(couche has an accent on the ‘e’)
Speakout @ 40
That’s what I saw this weekend on CNN. Over and over, how long do the Dems get before we say they’ve FAILED? These idiots were saying, with straight faces, that there hasn’t been any significant change in Iraq policy or results since the election, so how does the Democratic leadership reverse this failure? And it turns out there weren’t hired gun pundents, they were CNN senior reporters, editors, corespondents, whatever. Pissed me off. I get twenty lousy minutes with the TeeVee and I slam the off switch in anger.
punaise @ 85
Strangely enough, it’s a German accent.
Patrick 4/4 @ 87
I know nuffink!
EvilDrPuma @ 88
All sass, Lorraine. (that’s for you, Punaise)
johnSwifty @ 82
I prefer to think of it as professional grade damage control a la Winston Wolf.
Somebody has to keep the count straight
;>)
OK, Verdun
oh, that reminds me:
my contempt for Joe Lieberman will never subside.
This is way OT, but if anyone wants to do something charitable this holiday season:
http://forleola.blogspot.com/
I’ve known Annti for a couple of years and it’s real. Sorry to blogwhore….
punaise @ 92
You’re a regular Stuart Smalley.
This evening I stopped by Ship of Fools (the “magazine of Christian unrest”) for the first time in a while. If you haven’t seen it before, it’s a hoot. One particularly entertaining feature is their “Gadgets for God” section.
Anyway, here’s a new find..”biblical pajamas” for the kiddies.
EvilDrPuma @ 94
he had cursive, I just curse
I love it when Jane checks in.
More “Gadgets for God”…He’brew Beer
Renee in Ohio @ 95
And for your little born-again strongman, we offer the jawbone of an ass.
Jacqrat @ 97
not “checking in” in that Foley AZ sense, I trust…
In the mid-90’s my wife and I were driving late at night in some Austrian town outside of Vien where her cousins live, in a rental with French plates. The local cops pulled us over, gave me a bunch of broken-English shit about violating some obscure Austrian laws, and told us we needed to pay them right then or they would have to haul us in. I argued for a bit, then my wife touched my shoulder, leaned over, in her best Austrian-accented German calmly asked them their family names, if they were related to so-and-so, and if they knew her father’s family and the hundred cousins that live in the area. They got quite pink, backed off, told us to be more careful, and smoked their tires leaving the scene. It was quite funny.
Okay, last one…Ten Plague Finger Puppets
Renee in Ohio @ 95
It is easier for K-Fed to enter Britney Spears than it is for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.
I was with you, TRex, right up until Wasser’s second day. Is relocating Israel supposed to be a bad thing in Iran’s eyes, or would she really be putting the screws to Israel.
Thing about Britney Spears is, she drives with infants in her lap and married her manwhore backup dancer… everybody believes she might just be crazy enough to put that video on MySpace. That’s why it works.
If anyone working foreign policy in this administration were half as canny as Wasser, imagine the good they could accompish. If the threat of a crazed Dubya starting another war was there was the stick in a carrot and stick approach.
Too bad a crazed Dubya starting another war is actually a policy goal… *sigh*
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/200…..ni_trial_1
Berlusconi, who just tries to buy German Pro7-SAT1 from Saban, is accused of false accounting.
By the way, the current post at Howard-Empowered People includes excerpts from a recent New York Times interview with Presiding Bishop Katharine Jefferts Schori.
She is very cool.
Patrick 4/4 @ 103
It used to be.
EvilDrPuma @ 107
Repent. The end is nigh.
Don’t ya get it? K-fed got payed off to play the no tape game. THAT was the purpose of the “give it away free” gambit. K-fed gets a realatively small payout, the sex tape disapears, Brit keeps the kids and most of the money. K-fed won.
Patrick 4/4 @ 108
Repaint. The wood is dry.
Spoils of victory —
How’s about a Demo-Cam for the faithful — kind of a live feed from the battleground for the ‘pups. Not just C-Span, but blogger/telepresence too.
Hey, let’s get the comfy couch ready. Time to liveblog the revolution. Go Dems!
Reminds me of the story about a local painter who had a rep for thinning the paint to cut his costs. He did it for years, until one day, he got a job painting a church. He was taking down the ladders after doing his usual skimpy job when, out of a clear blue sky, a bolt of lightening flattens him on his back. As he is lying there in a daze, he hears a voice thunder, “Repaint! Repaint and thin no more!”
EvilDrPuma @ 110
and that’s the unvarnished truth
Lindy @ 112
LOL
punaise @ 113
M seeking F
2×4, unvarnished
This story will make you proud to be an American. [sarcasm off]
Six Muslim imams, headed home from a clerical conference, pulled off a US Airways flight at the airport in Minneapolis, apparently for nothing other than saying their evening prayers in the terminal.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..00336.html
Oh, yeah. REALLY proud to be an American.
Pointing out the Obvious @
60
Because it would cause Orrin Hatch no end of shrieking, howling, spastic fits, that’s why. :)
dead last @
83
Y’know, that’s right, she does. As I recall, she takes them to clubs and (very nearly) drops them on their heads….
starting with this EPU from last night:
well, I shared that with punaise jr., who was “intrigued” by this educational opportunity. he’s in the midst of college applications, so on a whim he checked the Pensacola Christian College website to check out the online application. the creepy thing is that the process starts with a full medical disclosure: who’s your family doctor, what medications do you take, name your surgeries, etc.
what’s up with that?
punaise @ 119
Don’ wan’ no pre-op transsexuals? ???
I am here to reclaim the name Brittany pour la Bretagne entiere.
she can have Wales instead.
montag @ 120
it’s virgin on the ridiculous
punaise @ 122
But, with all that medical info, maybe they’re plannin’ on doing an immaculate inspection of all the students….
The scariest part of that code, IMHO, was this line:
You may not go to a public library.
What? And… what?
montag @ 120
No, they quite literally want you to name your surgeries. Full immersion baptism.
caia @ 124
Defiled by secular knowledge, y’know. That, or, it’s a typo and it was meant to say, “pubic library.”
Patrick 4/4 @ 125
take me to the river, Hernietta
That was the crankiest, most annoying trip to the grocery store I’ve ever gone on.
Ugh.
punaise @ 127
I used to call it Joseph, but after the circumcision it’s just Joe.
OT
Nancy Grace gets served:
Relatives of a mother who committed suicide after CNN’s Nancy Grace aggressively questioned her about the disappearance of her son sued the network and the talk-show host Tuesday, accusing Grace of pushing the woman over the edge.
punaise @ 92
LOL – Yes. What you said.
Suzanne @ 130
Good.
dab from CT @ 131
Mine either.
Hey, Dab!
Patrick 4/4 @ 129
the name is Bris.
Hugh Bris.
(full disclosure: recycled)
punaise @ 134
Lucy, you got some spleenin’ to do…
Hey TRex!!!!!
zig nipped
I must make full disclosure that in my varied travels around the US in my quest to make a bare living, I lived in Pensacola for a couple of years. Never met anyone from that college, or going to it, but there was the occasional joke about them. It was, at that time, only a few years old, though.
It is probably a weirder place than most Christian colleges (this from Wiki):
The Wiki article adds this:
The college is still unaccredited after thirty-two years.
making eye babies? not if you’re wearing protection from the son.
’scuse me. gotta go look at the wife.
Patrick 4/4 @ 140
just Go ogle her.
punaise @ 139
Shade me, Jesus, shade me.
I swear this never happened to me before. No – it’s not you. I’m just a little near-sighted.
Patrick 4/4 @ 143
“Doc, I gotta know, is there any cure for premature oculation?”
I hope this is a tolerant bunch.
I wear bi-focals.
I’m still mildly disppointed that during a Beatles riff here the other night, my version of Helter Skelter garnered nary a guffaw:
Hole Terse Coulter
She’s coming down fast
Yes she is
Yes she is
coming down fast
*sigh*
montag @ 142
shade on you for those impure thoughts
punaise @ 146
Sorry. Creeped me out.
Patrick 4/4 @ 145
we’re a farce sighted bunch
punaise @ 149
Guess that means we wear farcicals.
Two words that will never sound the same again:
Wink Martindale.
montag @ 144
“just try this patch. take two and call me in the morning”
Great piece, TRex
Only your wonderful creative mind could link Brittany’s use of “realpolitik” to proposed improvements in US foreign policy.
Love it.
Have to admit to seeing Brittany way back in 2000 performing at Jones Beach, NY. Took my 14 year old daughter and three of her friends. The audience was a mix of preteen and early teen girls (most tragically dressed as little tramps – like Brittany) attending with their parents – and 30 year old men drooling over Ms. Spears.
The only thing the 30 somethings were missing were the stained raincoats. The song Aqualung kept wafting through my brain.
Anyway, it was quite the experience. Brittany may not sing well, but she sure used to put on a glitzy show. (The things you do for your kids…)
The fact that they felt the need to write up a rule about not smearing boogers on the wall is rather disconcerting. We’re talking about college kids, right?
punaise @ 152
“Sorry, no flirting. I’m on the patch.”
until school officials intervened: coo-eyed-us interrupt-us
montag @ 155
pirate floozy
dab from CT @ 154
Well, after all, Pensacola is the gateway to the Redneck Riviera. They gotta have some standards. :)
They’ve got to rebel somehow.
What else are you going to do lying in bed in the middle of the night if you can’t masturbate?
God, those poor kids.
“Monocle d’Amerique“
punaise @ 156
Guess this proves that Christians are in favor of some sort of mirth control.
punaise @
157
I heard that Iris is a star pupil.
Mommybrain @ 162
thought that was her sister Hazel
Mommybrain @ 162
As cornea thing as I ever saw….
punaise @ 164
Naw, it was Iris who was highbrow; Hazel was lowbrow.
dab from CT @ 153
The thing that has always bugged me about footage I’ve seen of B. Spears performing is that EVERY! SYLLABLE! IS! CHOREOGRAPHED! with 90 million dancers and back up singers and euuuuhhhhhh…
What if one night, she decides she wants to change it up a little? Do the songs in a different order? Sing a phrase more slowly than usual?
Oh, wait, I forget. I am ascribing the motivations and feelings of an actual musician to her.
montag @ 165
Forty lashes for montag.
LOL – sad but probably true…
“Naw, it was Iris who was highbrow; Hazel was lowbrow.”
And Stephie had the unibrow.
dab from CT @ 168
If Scarborough is a graduate, it probably explains a lot (more than I or anyone wants to know)….
I remember now – she ventured off campus without permission,ventured into the wrong neighborhood and got caught in the cross-fire of a drive-by shooting.
poor girl: now she’s in a Glock coma.
Mommybrain @ 167
Forty lashes for montag.
You’ll go blind if you keep doing that.
Mommybrain @ 167
Eyebrow to greatness.
zig alert!
TRex @
167
Spears is to musicianship as Bush is to statesmanship. Notice theyre career arcs are eerily similar too?
“ah mascara this secret to mah grave, Beauregard”
punaise @ 177
“You’ll put your eye out with that kid!”
ARGH!!
Go to your room!
yo, Fini in the Toobz!
Uhoh, we broke it again. My bad.
Blind ambition made me do it.
TRex @ 178
and do what? beats me.
Late to the party as usual, still unpacking the boxes of crap from my most recent move. Im not going anywhere from this place for a couple of years.
Fini FiniTOOBZ! @ 178
punaise @ 180
Looks more like the tube’s in Fini.
Yep – I’m sure if you saw 30 of her performances during a particular tour (as some sort of perverse Clockwork Orange-type punishment) – each performance would be just like the others.
Ahhhh, the bygone days of Brittany, Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync – every move choreographed – every word lip synched.
Bush 41: it’s the “vision thing”
Bush 43: it’s “division think”
I’m totally tubular Mommybrain, I got little trucks backing up to carry emails to the internets and dumping them in the toobz and everything!
Mommybrain @ 180
It’s not a terminal condition….
Buncha cock-eyed optimists.
Lord you guys are on a “bad pun” roll.
Reminds me of the pirate thread way back when.
I’m impressed, though. It takes quite a talent to come up with those snappy rejoinders.
Bush 43 suffers from Cad Iraqs
Yargh dont remind ye of the pirate thread! AVAST YE KNAVE!
dab from CT @ 189
you had me at “bad”
punaise @ 185
“Uh, lessee if I got it. Black in this pile. White in this pile. Now I got piles.”
if the son gets in your eyes, adjust your vizir
dab from CT @ 189
We have Bush to thank for it. He’s an inspiration. He’s a crappy redounder.
montag @ 193
Gomer Simp-some
You guys are too fast for me, tonight.
montag @ 196
Later it will be subject to peer review.
TRex @ 197
your work was done atop this thread…
punaise @ 190
Only cure for that is Brittanopathy….
Fini FiniTOOBZ! @ 187
I can see this as one part of a big mural about the toobz, non? Elsewhere, some clogged toobz; maybe a Tron scene, updated; a scene from when my son was three something and we bought some power rangers on ebay. After we paid, he peeked around back of the computer and asked me where the toys came out; blogs, of course – skippy, the Dogz, MoDo and HuffPo, Master Kos, Donita spinning, tigers in water; some bells.
punaise @ 194
Time for GHWB to consult with his soltan.
We have Bush to thank for it… He’s a crappy redounder.
can’t shoot free throws, either
TRex @ 197
We gotcha surrounded, Trex. Come out with your hands up.
That is so adorable.
He must have been so disappointed.
Mommybrain @ 202
I like the word picture youre drawing with this. You gotta have a three headed hydra with the face of Rush, Michelle Malkkkin and Ann Coulter being slayed by Jane and Christy with Pach and TRex shooting flaming arrows at the hydra’s back while the ladies lop their heads off with swords.
one laughs and laughs and laughs, and then one just has to go to bed…thanks, guys! goodnight…
Kate
punaise @ 191
His are so ugly, he keeps them in his garage with the shades drawn.
Mac,you are degenerate.
punaise @ 203
Credit where credit is due, though. He dribbles well.
TalkWilde @ 208
Good night, dear!
TRex @ 211
Yep. time for some shut eye…
Good night all.
montag @ 209
I’ll grant you that. and, harkening back to the boogers on the wall rule at the Christian college, he does execute the pick and roll pretty well
Gnight p4/4
OK, the eyes have it.
TRex @ 206
Yeah, a tactical error on my part, actually. It became quite a thing for a while. Once he understood we had to go get them at the post office, every trip without power rangers in the box became a devastating blow for him.
good night, signers-off
punaise @ 212
I’ve always said that he’s full of snot….
Patrick 4/4 @ 211
You realize in the eyes of the church, that’s contraception?
See, this is where I would make a great uncle and a lousy parent, because I would start ordering more stuff so that he would he happy and excited every time we go to the P.O., i.e., “What do you suppose will be in the box for you today?”
TRex @ 219
Umm, Jane, it’s taser time. :)
montag @ 219
to make it worse: when he’s in REM phase he’ll be practicing the rhythm method
punaise @ 221
It’s what alpha males do….
montag @ 221
good catch, montag. he almost walked that one right past us. eternal vigilence.
punaise @ 223
notice how quiet the therapod became
it’s tough for a dinosaur to go un-noticed in the catbird seat
TRex, before I tiptoe off to see the sandman myself, this is another great one.
I have a smidgen of grudging admiration for her simply for leaving. Oh-so-public wild-years are a bitch, don’it? And as a bonus, whenever I see her with a purse from now on, I will snigger.
punaise @ 225
Probably dealing with a new specie here: Tyrannosaurus FedrExus.
montag @ 227
betcha he shops on cRex List
Somebody better check his monitor – I’m smelling Gap.
betcha he shops on cRex List
Ooooo, good one.
Suzanne @ 228
We’ll just tiptoe away from puns on that one. :)
ok toob dwellerz I am Audi 5000, gnight!
well, I was supposed to get some work done tonight. off to shuffle some papers and faire semblant. keep an eye on our shoppersaurus.
Audi 5000?
punaise @ 233
Running on five cylinders?
testing
Shit, that was weird.
For several minutes, I couldn’t enter any text into any fields on Firefox.
uh huh… yeah, sure, right….
(laughing)
That was incredibly frustrating. I was here, but nobody could hear me.
I wonder if Jane has my macbook remotely programmed to stop allowing all data entry when online shopping comes up.
TRex @ 238
It’s that remote form field entry blocker. It’s for your own good. :)
Safer than a taser too, TRex.
Gosh, taser jokes are a whole lot less funny to me after the UCLA incident.
G’night, all. Sweet dreams.
It took me hours to stop hearing Mostafa Tabatabainejad screaming inside my head.
(head hanging in shame)
Boy, that killed conversation.
It’s not a big deal. It’s not like nobody can ever say Taser around me again. It just…Tasering was a much more abstract concept when I made that joke the first time.
Suzanne @ 246
Hey, I made the joke the first time!
Aw, c’mere, sweetie. I know you didn’t mean nothin’ by it.
*smooch*
Now smile for me.
TRex @
247
you’re right. no more taser jokes.
That was a dayam fine *smooch* dear. Was it good for you (lighting up smoke) and smiling…
See, if she posts the video on MySpace, it automatically becomes worthless as a publicity coup, hence, nobody will give Federline a penny for it now.
she called his buff.
Suzanne @ 250
C’etais fabuleux.
OK, I can tell when I’m the third wheel :~)
C’estait?
Help me out here, punaise.
I’m having a bit of post-conjugational depression.
TRex @ 252
(sigh) where have I heard that before?
TRex @ 243
Yeah, it’s not nice. I used to work with very high voltage equipment and got hit a couple of times working with plus-50Kv power supplies (thanks to the idiot I worked with not telling me they were on). They were set to trip at current draws of maybe 9-13mA. With those, ground is made through one’s feet, so the effects were dependent on clothing (shoes) and one’s internal resistance.
The first time, it froze me for about 90 seconds. I couldn’t even move my eyes. People were walking around me laughing and I couldn’t do or say anything. You can feel the route the current takes internally, because the current travels through the most conductive route–blood vessels–because blood is very salty. Down my right arm, through my heart, down the main artery, through the femoral artery and then out the big toe on my right foot.
Taser is actually worse, because there are twin electrodes, one of which makes a very good ground, so the current diffuses through the body and exits from that ground electrode back to the taser.
I swear I don’t usually have this problem. I’m fluent with all the other girls!
C’etait fabuleux.
accent aigue on the ‘e’ of etait
TRex @ 255
I hear it happens to all the guys at some point.
punaise @ 258
Mille de mercis.
Look:
Sigh.
Dayamit, TRex, am I gonna have to lend Jane my cuffs until after the holidays?
Think of the drycleaning bills, TRex.
Actually, I have found a site that lets you make a wish list for multiple websites.
Gifttagging.com.
So far my list only has three lousy books on it, all by the same author, but when I get the urge to on-line shop, I’m just going to start putting things on there.
Slothrop @
23
hitting the notes is not singing.
“there is no there there.”
As a young’un, I couldn’t hardly wait for the new “wish books” to come in the mail. My maternal grandparents had both the Montgomery Wards and the Sears Roebuck on a handy shelf out in the outhouse.
fahrender @ 263
Yeah, when I run my guitar tablature program in midi format, it hits the right notes, too. :)
Alright, kids. It’s time for me to scoop up Juan Carlos the Wonder Kitty and slouch off toward Bedlehem.
Good night!
sleep well, TRex
TRex @ 261
r u shopping online? jane will know.
All information about Britney Spears in http://www.britjeanspears.org, the most interesting blogs in en.bitacle.org or one of the best Britney Spears blogs in http://www.britjeanspearsnews.blogspot.com
ohmygosh! is that britney spam?
old boy is just milking it…and milking it. you know he’s got some mad dough. the longer he is on the covers…there ain’t no thing as bad publicity. with her money, 20 mil to go away is a bump in the road.
Suzanne @ 270
Hate to think of what the label on that can looks like… not to mention the ingredients….
That label is to be a hit with the spam eating trailer trash type.
punaise @
115
interesting coinkidink: today is a holiday in Dresden: Buss und Bettag.
Prayer and Repentance Day …….
burnspbesq @
117
another foundation pillar smashed: freedom from religious persecution ……..
TRex @
133
programs with N.G. should a warning preceeding them:
“Watching this program may lead to suicidal, or homicidal impulses.”
fahrender @ 276
Make that law, and every right winger on radio and TV would be gone in a fortnight…. :)
We liberals should really drop all use of the insult “white trash”. You all know as well as I do that this insult is aimed at poor white people. These are people we should try to ally ourselves with, just as we do other underprivileged groups in society. But instead, because of their political position, we heap all the scorn we have on them.
In my view, these are people who have been certainly been conned by right-wing republicans – tricked into thinking that their enemies are the liberals, the queers, the immigrants, whatever. Just because they are ignorant doesn’t mean we should look down on them. It means that we should try to talk to them, reason with them.
Filthy disgusting Republicans love nothing more than dividing huge groups and setting them at each other’s throats, to keep those groups from uniting and kicking them all of power. Let’s not play into their game. We aren’t at war with poor white people. We’re at war with fat rich deceitful republicans.
Mornin’.
Appears that K-Fed has been paid off to his satisfaction and surrendered the sex tape. Case closed and only the children left to suffer.
i was with you up until sex became disgusting. seriously, is that what you teach your kids?
On the fly –
Today’s NYT columnists, from behind the firewall:
http://select.nytimes.com/2006…..amp;emc=th
Thomas Friedman, “A Partner For Mr. Hu.”
http://select.nytimes.com/2006…..amp;emc=th
Maureen Dowd, “Lost in the Desert.”
Mornin’ all!
TRex @
29
Heh. The software is called “Autotune”. It’s an astounding process to witness. If only it was available in the 50s. Fabian would have been able to save years of studio time…
Mornin’ All
T-Rex
That was brilliant. Now off to pull some Filings off Pacer from the libby case. According to the docket sheet there has been a filing or some other activity almost evry single workday in Novemeber.
I don’t know how we will catch up on it all
Speaking of computers, famous Apple ‘engineer’ Steve Wozniak did a WaPo chat yesterday:
I know this is running EPU territory. But I was remiss in allowing distractions from getting this in in a more timely way.
oh, link:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..00392.html
Cheers!
U.N.: Iraqi civilian deaths at new high
U.S. to implement passport requirement
Until now, U.S. citizens, travelers from Canada and Bermuda, and some travelers from Mexico who have special border-crossing cards for frequent visitors were allowed to show other proofs of identification, such as drivers’ licenses or birth certificates.
‘morning all – coffee’s ready
Heh, folks are on Washington Journal describing themselves as “Lou Dobbs Populists”.
Also noting that “Terri Shiavo was a watershed moment” in their decision to vote Democrat this time.
Please oh Please can we keep these folks for ‘08?
Morning all.
here’s something bizarre:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15849599/
new thread
Jacqrat,
The plates are shifting.
There is a growing populist movement that is taking the “Lou Dobbs Republicans” into the left trajectory and the libertarians are more likely to find kindred spirits on the left these days as opposed to the authoritarian religious right.
-GSD
“Who’s with me?”
Sorry, TRex. Not me on this one. :o)
It’s double-standard on the face of it.
Federline IS a no-talent POS. And given his track record as a “dad”, he’s almost certainly using the custody cudgel to try to beat some money out of Britney.
Given that, this happens all the time, in the other direction, where some cute, mindless, fluff, hooks up with a celeb, signs THEIR pre-nup, and then, when the marriage goes south, does everything she can to break the pre-nup and milk him dry.
When that happens, we generally get: “You go, girl…he’s got plenty; sock it to him.”
As you have noted; Britney’s pole-dancing is a cut above her vocal…talents.
And you left out where, at the American Music Awards, they did a little skit with a Federline lookalike, nailed up into a crate, and dropped into the ocean. How’s that for fatcat celebs sticking together to trash an “ex”?
In this day, with Britney doing some of the “presenting” at the awards, you gotta wonder what that little piece of theater might have cost her. :o)
At this point, regarding the alledged sex tape of their honeymoon…activities…we don’t know if one actually exists, or not, but with this pair, there’s a pretty good chance of it. And if there is, it’s just one more piece of evidence that this was a match made IN tinseltown, BY a couple of low-talent tinseltowners, FOR a couple of low-talent tinseltowners.
The whole thing looks to be about as wide as it is long, to me.
twolf1@290
Ihre Papieren, Bitte!
.
.
.
Oh man, this post reminds me of trying to watch AMA last night. I was pretty surprised by the *snore* quality of it all. I mean the state of this country is even more appalling when we have these tepid acts to entertain the masses. Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, are all just “safe” postergirls for the Heimatland. Even the “sex” lacks any quality of “sexiness” IMHO. Give me some Mission of Burma or something! Man, I want a return to humanity.
frenchified at 283 — I think TRex meant that the thought of Britney and KFed having sex is disgusting. Normally, sex can be a glorious thing but watching those two doing it on video? *shudder* Um…no, thank you.
There’s a fresh new thread, gang.
Speakout @
40
hasn’t the DOW jumped up over 350 points since the Dems won the House and Senate? what more does Tweety need?
Joe @ 281
And I’m with you, Joe.
Suzanne @ 276
My old boss grew up in a trailer on the side of a mountain in West Virginia. She actually told of eating spam, and butter beans on toast, and welsh rarebit. She’s one of the best people I ever met. Her birthday is this week, and I need to send her a card. I’m sure she’d love your assessment of her.
TRex’s idea of using Britney’s lawyer, or her methods, to solve the problem this could work! I’m with TRex for that!
See, I had a totally different take than you Rexie… My timeline looks like this…
(1) FexEx gets divorce text. Calls his lawyer. Said lawyer assures him that the pre-nup is airtight.
(2) FedEx, wearing his manpris, hatches an evil plan: Screw that bitch, I can make the same amount of money that B.S. has from selling this four hour sex tape in three segments (I heard offers as much as $50 million)
(3) B.S. decides she would rather kill her image than see FedEx and his manpris make any more money off her. Tells the world the tape exists (doh, oops, shouldn’t have said that part) and that she will give it away for free (mixed metaphors for the win).
(4) B.S.’s mom, who runs her life, can’t bear the thought of her life’s work running down Brittney’s leg, tells B.S. to fork over the hush money to FedEx.
Who does the tape release damage? Certainly not FedEx, publicity doesn’t know the bounds of decency. It definitely damages B.S. and her future career(s) as well as being hyper embarassing. Who in their right mind would want to be seen fucking FedEx?
And that is why I don’t want our forigen policy looking like the B.S. / FedEx breakup. Oh wait, just kidding, it already does.
Not only do they have a sex tape, but apparently at some point made his and her copies of it (If he has one to sell and she has one to give away, there must be two). Very interesting. Someone may have been planning ahead.