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What's that burning smell? Do you smell something burning?
OH MY GOD, IT'S ATLAS PAM! SHE'S BURST INTO FLAMES!! HER HEAD!! SHE'S ON FIRE!! SOMEBODY GET...A CAMERA!!
The events of the last week have been pretty hard on certain people, some more than others. Nowhere on the web is this more in evidence than over at Pammy's place. We already knew the insulation on her wiring wasn't up to code, but it seems that the specter of a rising Democratic majority and the (sweet, sweet, unstoppable, long-overdue) death of John Bolton's hopes for staying on at the U.N. have sent her delicate circuitry into overload. And now we're starting to see the first wisps of smoke come curling out of her ears. BZZZZZZZZZZZT!! ZZZZZZAP!! POW!!
Mr. Wolcott, would you care to do the honors?
But no one's gyroscope has gone screwier than the already wobbly Pamela of Atlas Shrugs. For her, John Bolton, on whom she has a mad pash, is too good to be merely president, only the throne of Aztec Sun God would suffice, and the prospect of him being sent out to pasture, along with the other setbacks of the week, has spun her into a fugue state, capped by a post genocidally titled Death to Germany. So hoarse is Pamela's latest yowl (which she quickly, clumsily retitled Eurabia: Death [Will Come] to Germany) that even some loyal readers fear her transmission is overheating.
Uh-oh. You know it's bad when her reader(s) start to sound the alarms. What does this reader of hers have to say? Why, precisely what the rest of us have been saying about Pamela for ages! PLEASE CRAZY LADY TRY AND GET SOME REST, YOU'RE SCARING ME!
Pamela,
I write as one of your biggest fans, but I think you should take a little break in the post-election. You're obviously working very hard and it shows, but there have been some slips lately...
forgetting your laptop...
denouncing halloween as antisemitic...
that anti-arab racism in the chafee post...
and now, calling for the destruction of germany?!?!?!?!didn't alqueda call for that reecently too?
please, we care about you. you deserve some rest.
Oh, does she ever. But what? She lost her laptop?
Laptopless in Vegas
So I hit the ground running in Vegas for the Terror Conference and your feckless blogging correspondent left her laptop on the plane! With the Verizon phonecard! And it's not even paid off! The plane was delayed for hours ....got in at like 3am so I was not on my game.
"Not on her game" means "too much 'infidel juice' (Pammy's word for Beefeater's) on the plane plus 40mgs. of Valium to take the edge off", or, not to put too fine a point on it, "I was in a blackout when we landed and I woke up in my hotel with no laptop and no idea how I got there". Poor, poor Pammy. But what is she thinking calling herself "feckless"?
feckless FEK-lis, adjective:
1. Ineffective; having no real worth or purpose.
2. Worthless; irresponsible; generally incompetent and ineffectual.
Pammy, you keep saying that word, but I don't theenk it means what you theenk it means. I mean, I would use that word to describe you, but are you sure that you want to, necessarily?
I'm so glad that Wolcott has remained vigilant for the signs of total nervous collapse over at Atlas Shrugs. I don't have the stomach to watch anymore except on very special occasions like this. A man has to draw the line somewhere, although I know that any time I need to take a trip to that sleazy motel room of the soul, Wolcott will always meet me there and gamely fight me for the last shreds of Pammy's madness that fall off the coffee table and down into the weave of the carpet. Mmmmmm-HM!! This shit's too good to waste, man! I can't feel my teeth or lips or anything now! Whooooo!! Let's party!
But, gosh, what are we going to do if she really does retire? We've all known from the moment we watched her first "Atlas Vlogs" post back in the day that this was going to be a fleeting pleasure, as transient as Tokyo's annual cherry blossoms. No one could be that crazy and that shit-stupid for this long without starting to fry some crucial components in the old brain pan. I'm only sorry that she didn't get to flame out on national television where we could all TiVo it and watch it again and again and again.
What will we do without her? Who will stop the eeeeeeeevil Islamofascist evildoers at the Manhattan Levi's store who dared to spit on Israel and all of Western Civilization by KNOWINGLY draping a kaffiyeh on a mannequin? Those GODDAMN TERRORIST SYMPATHIZING RETAIL WORKERS MUST BE KEPT IN FUCKING LINE!! And only Pam understands the true, heart-pounding, life-or-death urgency of the situation facing us. I mean, look at these headlines:
Bolton Foils Evil, again and again
Rumsfeld: A Staggering Loss
Brace Yourself: ISLAMERICA
Pam is providing us with hours and hours of delightful schadenfreudelicious fun!, ur, uh, I mean, a valuable service. Only she recognizes the true nature of the the threat posed by the demonic Islamofascist hordes, but you my friend, you too will understand when they come to your house and CUT OFF YOUR HEAD.
Back to Wolcott from December of 2005:
And just this morning, the day after Christmas and the second day of Hannukah, blogdom's zestiest Zionist party girl elevated the discourse by dismissing the concerns of legal scholars perturbed about Bush's domestic spying thusly:
"Someone ought to tlell those legal scholars not to worry.......it's smooth sailing once those Radical Islmonazis saw through their jugulars."
(Her excitable italics.)
And what about posts like this?
This I gotta see
French Forces Almost Fired on Israeli Jets in Lebanon This should be sweet .......... embed me!
No, really, please! Embed her! Someone has to! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!
Ouch, okay, that was a cheap shot. But it's not like they don't all come in low and over the plate with Pam. She's a national treasure, an invaluable resource to sharp-tongued satirists like me who love nothing so much as lovingly documenting the moral and intellectual disintegration of the parade of train-wrecks on the Pajamas Media roster. So, let's all form a Feeling Circle and hold hands and send positive, healing energy Pamela's way. Liiiiiiive, Pam, liiiiiiive. Live to be batshit insane for another day. Live to see Islamonazis around every corner and lurking in every trendy Manhattan boutique. Live to declare war on Germany and the other nations of (*cough!*) "Eurabia" so that we may all laugh heartily at your expense forever!
Blessed be.
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Spotlight
TRex!
woo-hoo!
Go Blue!
happy dance!
OMG! Snarkolicious as always!
OK - parallel playtime is over for me - time to read the Therapost!
TRex !!
This is only the beginning. Now we will again see the rise of the McVeigh Wing of the Republican Party who will be railing about the big, bad government that is trampling on “our freedoms”.
I am sure they will be talking about a Democratic minumum wage increase and not Al Gonzales right to use a satellite to check our colons for Al Qaeda literature.
Also, you wanna kick out a window? Check out this clip about Newt Gingrich from 1994, he’s the “king of the hill” who vows to investigate Bill Clinton for the next two years, and who threatens Democrats with jail if they destroy any documents before Newt can get his fat, oily mitts on them. All because of his historic mandate landslide election. Words that seem to be in sparse use as of late.
Newt’s Mandate.
-GSD
Oh thank you FDL bloggers! You complete me! Kisses and hugs all around!
“Okay, that was a cheap shot.”
But TRex, is there ever any other kind of shot where Pam is concerned?
I guess she must kkknow now how I felt in 2000, 2004.
‘04 was really the worst. I think I am still unable to fully celebrate our victories on Tuesday, was down so long, but it never looked like up to me.
Am literally wiping tears of laughter away.
TR, you really are something else!
You keep writing like that I’m gonna have a coronary. Laughing, but a coronary.
Your biggest fan in Austria.
FITZ! FITZ! FITZ!
This is the week. We will see.
egregious @ 13
Poor poor pitiful Pam.
Helarious. That chick is bat-shit crazah! (as we sometimes say in Louisiana.) OMG I am LMAO. Oh how sweet!!
Trex…BIG HUG!
Ol Pammy is hurtin’ bad. To much Liebercain. Sembler may need to be called in for an intervention.
RenB @ 12
Careful, RenB. After Pam’s done with Germany, she may just head to Austria next.
My ONLY fan in Austria! Gutentaag! Wie gehts?
Overstimulated Fem-bot.
The Mighty Mythic All-Powerful Rahm-inator must have overwhelmed her circuits.
Not being Fem-bots, we do not suffer from similar overload.
TRex, do be sure to take your mail-order sh*tkickers off in the garage and clean them up before wearing them in the house after that mess. You might want to spray them with Lysol, too.
Isn’t there a FireDogLake LateNite “Found Laptop” episode in our near future, dear theropod?
Please?
OT — sorry, FirePups, need help, have to cut into the fun.
Anybody out there got a Lexis-Nexis account?
Need help on some research related to a possible recount.
TeddySanFran @ 20
Easily identified by its hardcore drive.
Oh Teddy, that’s wicked of you!!
But delish. I’ll bet TRex already has that “Forgotten Laptop” post teed up and waiting for the right backswing.
Personally, I picture it looking like an oversized makeup compact, with a mirror-like display. No great loss, you know?
Rayne,
I do.
TeddySanFran @ 20
Ooooh, Teddy. I love the way you think. Why didn’t I come up with this sooner?!
Eureka Springs, AR @
22
And the thumbscrew on the thumbdrive.
UptownNYChick — cool. Can you email me? I’ll send you a name I need some help with, along with some background.
A recount may depend on it.
rayne_today -at- yahoo.com
Thanks!!
Lordy, lordy, lordy.
Makes me wonder what it would have been like if we’d had the Web back in the Cold War.
Not all that different, maybe, substituting “Russki” for “Arab” everywhere.
Rayne,
Just emailed you
Vaguely OT: I think I heard Jeb Bush’s name called today, and want to know why.
Peterr
She’d be welcome to it at this point. We had national elections a month ago, and they still haven’t formed a government. How I wish we had functioning net roots here, for sure!
TRexx, no, not your only fan in Austria—some of my friends enjoy reading you. But I’m way up on the fan list, for sure…
Heading home.
See you in a bit.
Wow,
Two things: one) that rocked, hard! Two) I really didn’t know anyone other than Kenny M. used the term Islamofascist. I don’t think she knows what fascism means either; but, as you pointed out, she calls herself feckless. That must have been as strange lapse into lucidity. I wonder if, like Virginia Woolfe, she realizes she’s insane when those moments grip her?
I suppose there would faint razor blade slits on Pam’s laptop screen, with white residue lodged therein. Oh, and a cupholder.
Rudy throws his comb-over into the ring.
AP
An anxious nation yawns.
prostratedragon @ 30
I think Chang died of shame sometime early this year.
Patrick 4/4 @ 35
Guiliani is soooooooo 2002.
Betcha Pam thinks feckless means “intrepid,” like Brenda Starr, girl reporter.
When her laptop is open, for interviews with her UN Ambassador, there’s a “Mustache Rides 5 Cents” sticker covering the LG logo, facing Bolton.
TeddySanFran @ 38
EEEEW!
TeddySanFran @ 38
That was where you lost me.
TeddySanFran @ 38
So, I guess the Porcelana isn’t covering her mustache as well as it used to.
EvilDrPuma @
36
Yes, but I think it incumbent on us in the netroots to make sure that his memory does not fade while there is a breath of hope for further public office by Jeb Bush.
Patrick 4/4 @ 41
Double EEEEW!!
Patrick 4/4 @ 41
Heeeyyy Ohhhhhh! Yessir!
OK, spew alerts. We need some EEEW alerts. Because this is just a nightmare. And I need some sleep.
Word Salad Pam has gotta watch it. Silicone’s flammable, y’know.
Peace, out here.
To sum up, here are the national security credentials of the “declared” GOP field:
The experience the divorced John McCain brings to US national security is as a Navy flyer who bombed Vietnam from 30,000 feet and was then shot down, imprisoned to spend years in a tiger cage. Hellacious and heroic, but suitable neither for negotiation nor (perhaps) clear thinking at his advanced age.
The experience the twice-divorced Rudolph Giuliani brings to national security is that of a lame-duck bluenose Mayor who blandified the greatest city in the world, then led it through the worst attack on American soil. Gritty and emotion-evoking, but still the man who said to Bernie Kerik, “Thank God George W. Bush is our President” on that horrific day.
=======
Who’s Next?
=======
TeddySanFran @ 48
Under Rudy, we can subdue islamofascists with nightsticks and broom handles - doh! Too late.
UpTownNY — incoming.
So…let’s recap on the make of the missing laptop, for the benefit of darkblack, who may be lurking (oh please, please, be lurking):
– Looks like a big pink makeup compact with mirror when open
– dual purpose mirror, for use in snorting makeup of choice (Bare Escentuals or coke)
– “Mustache Rides 5 Cents” sticker on it
– Screensaver of John Bolton in a coy Jeff Gannon-boxer-shorted pose
– Cup holder on the side for the Beefeaters-rocks-highball-glass
– Loaded with ‘winger spellcheck software that distorts anything remotely sane
Did I miss something? darkblack??
Jeepers, I can’t imagine anybody wanting to steal this thing.
Zut alors!! Have we not had a divorced president yet? And I don’t mean divorced from reality.
bg @ 51
Reagan.
Rayne @ 50
Road sign:
Silicone Valley
Next Right
Reagan. Mais oui. Divorced AND divorced from reality!
TeddySanFran @ 48
I made my saving throw, so I don’t have to believe that ever really happened.
AtlasBuggs is just almost beyond comment. I often feel, when reading snippets of her writing, that I should apply the dictum we often used back in the day with regard to Jaguar owners: “it’s not fair to pick on the afflicted.”
And, then, she just goes on and on, and I think, “nah, pick on her.” :)
Jeepers, I can’t imagine anybody wanting to steal this thing.
Or sit near it on a commuter train.
bg @ 54
Standing alone on a dark windswept night contemplating the Republican hopefuls: “Where do we find such men…”
I almost got arrested at the counter-inaugural in DC for drawing a swastika in the dust on the fender of Kerik’s car. I think I was saved only because I was not a teenager. They were shocked that a person older than 25 would dare to do such a horrific thing.
‘Found Laptop’?
Somebody else can handle that. I personally would not want to get near anything that had been sitting in Pammy’s lap…
OT, and much less funny: it looks like Bushco wants the Dems to play hardball.
I don’t think it’s possible to say “Fuck you, Alberto Gonzales” too often or with too much feeling.
Daddy’s gonna hafta be on the bench with his whole team this inning. Dumbya. Worse and worse.
I am going with the Repugs are gonna be begging W to leave before ‘08 because there is no way they can tolerate the hearings coming up. More I think about it, I think that could happen.
Patrick 4/4 @ 52
Still time yet for Pickles to make it 2!
bg @ 62
Surely you are not suggesting that the president would Cut And Run?
TeddySanFran @ 63
She’ll stay for the free Xanax.
Patrick 4/4 @
52
who was both.
Gotta go. But I’m betting Pam’s LT will be more fun than Paris Hilton’s cell phone. Let’s hope it falls into the hands of someone who knows what to do with it. Lotta fun, wash hands often.
From EDP’s 61:
Silly how one phrase can lose so much power to frighten in one short week, isn’t it? I used to get chills reading those words, now I chortle. The end is nigh.
I went over to Pammy’s vlog, and was reminded that she uses young girls as her human puppets, mouthing the foul slogans she has taught them.
Child abuse.
It will be important, going forward, to refer to “America’s Mayor” by his full name, which I just learned is:
Rudolph William Louis Giuliani III
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudy_Giuliani
That ain’t gonna go over well in many parts of America, for reasons unique to each part of his name.
TeddySanFran @ 67
Looks like they want it the hard way, though. Okay, we can do that.
“Here lies a toppled god,
His fall was not a small one;
We did but build his pedestal,
A narrow and a tall one.”
–Tleilaxu Epigram; from Dune Messiah
TeddySanFran @
48
Teddy, a small point, and not be a McCain apologist, but you misstate McCain’s role as an attack pilot (what the Navy calls bomber guys). The missions he flew were not at 30,000 feet, rather they were usually very, very close to the deck. So close in fact that many times they needed to check a munitions manual to make sure that they would not be “shot down” by their own shrapnel. I think that some of his “never give up, never surrender” talk is because after he was shot down, and during his ejection he was badly injured, he was offered “parole” by the North Vietnamese as a gesture to the US because his father was Commander in Chief of the Pacific Forces (CinCPAC). He refused, and was right to do so under the code that governs POWs. I wonder how much of that personal denial of surrender then, colors his judgement today.
His geopolitcal viewpoint used to be a bit more “internationalist” before the previously winning strategery of “terra terra terra fear!” used by RoveCo. Unfortunately, he seems to have now adopted a forward strategery of escalation in Mess O’Potamia, and that has me absolutely baffled. I don’t know how he thinks that’s a winning strategy, especially in light of the recent repudiation of the 1600 Crew’s “Freedom Agenda” for Iraq.
Maybe he’s privy to Conrad Burns “secret plan” and will announce it on a Pumpkinhead Sunday talkfest. Who knows
I know that does not make you feel any better about St. John and probably does not substantively change your point, but just wanted to pass the infor about his role as a Navy Pilot for the sake of accuracy.
EvilDrPuma @
61
Well, Halliburton is losing some foreign contracts, so they need to get those “detention centers” built so they can then get the follow-on contracts to run them. In order to do that, they have to have people to put in them…. There are stock prices to protect, y’know….
TeddySanFran @ 69
Please remember to always pronounce his second middle name “Leweese.”
neurophius @ 73
Also, it is customary when using Giuliani’s full first name to append the epithet “…the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”
So, Pam’s laptop is missing. Hmmm. Someone found it, according to Pam, was using the Verizon broadband link.
Wonder if they’ve figured out who she is?
Wonder if there’s hot Atlas-Juggs style emails with the Mustache on there.
And what else?
St McCain needs to run on his record since his return from Vietnam. He lost all credability with his lack of stand on the torture bill and military torture and imprison for life bill.
As an Arizonian, I have no respect for McCain. None for his D grade from the IAVA group & 66% from the Disabled Vets and as the mother of two adopted Korean young adults, McCain does not have any family values. A father who would not stand up and defend his own child and then consort with the very people who defamed his own child, deserves NO respect.
Yes, McCain served, I thank him for that service but now I need to judge him on his record as my Senator. When he runs again, I will work day and night to make sure that he is soundly defeated.
Punkinhead startled McCain when he said only 17% of Tuesday’s voters shared his view that we needed more troops. Happily though, CNN’s Bay Buchanan reminded me that “that won’t matter in 2008.”
hmmmmm
Thanks, Jo, for the correction regarding McCain’s Navy job. I had read the 30,000 feet elsewhere and liked it, but (obviously) didn’t check it out. I don’t hold against him that his Dad was important; clearly that works both ways, and I respect him for seeing action, when some Fortunate Sons *cough* did not.
My overall opinion is that he’s too old to be President. McCain will be 72 when his party next nominates a Presidential ticket; St. Ronnie was 69 when nominated.
McCain will not only be older than Reagan was, he already looks it. At least Ronnie had the sense to dye his hair.
The true wingnut believers will not sit still for either McCain or Giuliani. They’re going to cough up someone really reprehensible.
I’m guessing somebody Sam Brownbackish or Rick Santorumic will get the fundie juices flowing.
Sam can also claim, as a recent Opus Dei covert, that “stress positions” aren’t torture, but a way to bring Islamofascinazicrats to Jeebus through mortification of the flesh.
God, you guys should see the WHINING that Mary Katherine Ham and Ann Althouse are doing because I said mean things about them on Election Night rather than being some kind of trained monkey to make nice for their amusement.
They really don’t get it.
I think I’ll be posting my Blogstock Diaries tomorrow night to mark the anniversary of the event.
Embed Pam in a fresh sidewalk.
neurophius @
79
Something weird happened to McCain. His head, like, doubled in size between 2000 and now.
TRex @ 83
That’s just hydrocephaly.
I think McCain’s brain is going soft..His thesis is the future of Irag will be determined in the next several months: 20k more troops to stabilize the situation (200K probably couldn’t do it) and the Army and Marine Corps will have to expand by 100k troops to provide the 20k shooters for Iraq.
WTF is this guy smoking? Of course, in two years, when we are still in the shit in Iraq, he can say “IF you had only done it my way…”
EvilDrPuma @ 83
Hydrocephalus?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrocephaly
Steve @ 85
There’s been one wingnut or another saying that virtually daily for three and a half years. That ship has not just sailed…it hit the iceberg leaving the harbor and has been taking on water steadily ever since.
TRex @ 83
He had melanoma and had a growth removed.
dharmarific @ 88
Really?
Or is the punch-line here blowing right by me?
neurophius @ 86
Bocephus
neurophius @ 86
Whoops!
Or maybe it’s space mumps.
TRex @ 82
Probably just gas… certainly didn’t have anything to do with brainpower….
Patrick 4/4 @ 90
Why does “Bocephus” always wear sunglasses and a beard and a cowboy hat? Is “Hank Williams Jr.” just a character that he plays?
Speaking of McCain and melanoma, was his final pathology report ever released? With the extent of his last surgery, it couldn’t have been very good.
You know, it really is weird. I remember back in 1998 or so, McCain really seemed like a decent guy. Remember, he took the guys from the Daily Show on his campaign bus! He was sharp, smart, funny. I thought, “Now, there’s a conservative who I could believe in.”
But then something changed. He inflated and blanched. The sharpness went out of him and he started dry-humping Dubya’s leg and hanging out with Jerry Falwell and now I have nothing but contempt for him.
Have we checked his basement for pods?
TRex @ 89
Really. I don’t know the punch line you’re thinking of. Not that there isn’t a lot to laugh at, him pretending to be a centrist, all the while he’s a fruit loop wing nut.
neurophius @ 93 Why does “Bocephus” always wear sunglasses and a beard and a cowboy hat? Is “Hank Williams Jr.” just a character that he plays?
He wears that stuff to conceal his true identity…Boy George.
“The Left is SWARMING IN FOR THE KILL! They want to tear out the Bush Admnistration’s ‘nads. We counterjihadists are in a kind of civil war against them. We have to crush them in civil society (lawsuits, elections, public relations, etc.) so we can maintain our liberty to exercise any military option we see fit to preserve and extend democratic capitalist societies.”
This charming sentiment brought to you by Jeremiah, denizen of Pammy’s comments section.
It’s total war, baby.
TRex @ 95
I think in 2000 he decided he would never let being a real human get in the way being president again.
I believe “Bocephus” aka Hank Williams Jr., fell down a mountain during an Elk hunting trip and suffered massive face trauma.
Obscure factoid: If I recall correctly, Hank Williams, Jr. was in some kind of accident and suffered bad damage to his face. They were able to do a certain amount of reconstruction, but I don’t think they were able to fix everything.
Let me Wiki that before someone tells me that happened to Gertrude Stein in Oakland.
Here we go:
Steve @ 100
He should have gone after Oddfellows or Rotarians. They’re easier to shoot and they’re mighty fine eatin’.
Mommybrain @ 98
“Bring ‘em on”
Mommybrain @ 98
I bet if you stare at his forehead long enough, a little bird on a spring will come out and tell you what time it is.
*spit-take*