miss ellen's potieres

And so, in a last-ditch effort to save her beloved Commonwealth of Virginia and the US Congress from the filthy, common hands of a passel of Damn-liberals, Lynne Cheney ripped down her mama's curtains from the front windows, put them on, and rode the coach and four to the Turner House, where she submitted to the insulting and ungentlemanly attentions of one Mr. Wolf Blitzer.

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Lynne Cheney is deflecting talk of the sexual content in her novel "Sisters," a 25-year-old book that resurfaced in a campaign Friday and is stirring up controversy.

The novel, featuring a lesbian love affair, was brought up Friday amid a contentious Senate race in Virginia. Soon a Democratic committee and Cheney herself -- in an interview on CNN -- were weighing in.

But that book is 25 years old.  What on earth could have brought this up?

"Sisters," which has triggered controversies in the past, returned to the news after Sen. George Allen, a Republican from Virginia, pulled up sexual passages that his Democratic challenger, Jim Webb, had included in his novels.

In a statement and list sent to the Drudge Report Web site, Allen's campaign accused Webb, a former Navy secretary of "demeaning women" and "dehumanizing women, men and even children" through his fiction writings.

Webb responded that it was a "smear" tactic and "desperate," and that in his books he had described things he witnessed in horrible wartime situations. (Full story)

Oh, riiiiight.  Hey, look, for once we have a documented instance of a Democrat FIRING BACK!!  WHOO-HOOOOOO!! 

Democrats pointed to a quote from Vietnam War veteran Sen. John McCain, one of the highest profile senators and a Republican, praising the book "Lost Soldiers" -- the first book the Allen campaign had quoted.

Speaking to Washington Post radio, Webb said, "I mean we can go and read Lynne Cheney's lesbian love scenes if you want to, you know, get graphic on stuff."

Nice shot!  Why, mister Webb, you sound almost like a blogger!   

But sitting and silently fuming in the green room at CNN, Miz Lynne made a secret vow.

"With Gawd as mah witness, Ah won't evah let them take mah Dickie to jail, not him nor none of our people!  Ah don't care if Ah have to lie, cheat, or steal!"

Let's go to the transcript, shall we?

L. CHENEY: You know Jim Webb is full of baloney. I have never written anything sexually explicit. His novels are full of, um, sexual explicit reference to incest, sexually explicit references, well, you know I just don't want my grandchildren to turn on the television set. This morning Imus was reading from the novels. And it's triple X-rated.

BLITZER: Here's what the Democratic Party put out today, the Democratic Congressional Senatorial Campaign Committee. "Lynne Cheney's book featured brothels and attempted rape. In 1981 Vice President Dick Cheney's wife Lynne wrote a book called "Sisters" which featured a lesbian love affair, brothels and attempted rapes. In 1988 Lynne Cheney wrote about a Republican vice president who dies of a heart attack while having sex with his mistress." Is that true?

L. CHENEY: Nothing explicit. And actually that is full of lies. It's just absolutely not true.

BLITZER: But you did write a book entitled "Sisters."

L. CHENEY: I did write a book entitled, "Sisters."

BLITZER: But it did have lesbian characters.

L. CHENEY: No, not necessarily. This description is a lie. I'll stand on that.

BLITZER: There is nothing in there about rapes and brothels?

L. CHENEY: Wolf, could we talk about a children's book for a minute?

BLITZER: We can talk about the children's book, but I just want to ...

L. CHENEY: I think our segment is like 15 minutes long and we've now done 10 minutes of ...

BLITZER: I just wanted to clarify what's in the news today, give you a ...

L. CHENEY: Sex, lies and distortion. That's what it is.

BLITZER: This is an opportunity for you to explain on these sensitive issues. L. CHENEY: Wolf, I have nothing to explain. Jim Webb has a lot to explain.

BLITZER: Well he says he's only -- as a serious writer and novelist, a fiction writer he was doing basically what you were doing.

L. CHENEY: Jim Webb is full of baloney.

BLITZER: We'll leave it at that. Let's talk a little bit about your book, "Our 50 States." A family adventure across America.

That would be nice, but let's read a couple of little excerpts from Sisters , shall we? 

She went on up the stairs to her room and took off her dripping clothes.  Connie came in as she started undressing.  "Go away, Connie, leave me alone."  She took off her dress, her petticoat, her corset, her stockings.  Even her lacy undershift and drawers were wet, clinging to her body before she stripped them off.  Standing naked, she opened the volume on the bedside table and took out the letter she had put there earlier.

The note was short, "Helen, my joy, my beloved," it began, "Why do we stay?  I have no reason beyond a few pupils who would miss me briefly, and your life would be infinitely better away from him.  Let us go away together, away from the anger and imperatives of men... 

And:

The women who embraced in the wagon were Adam and Eve crossing a cathedral stage, no, Eve and Eve, loving one another as they would not be able to once they ate of the fruit and knew themselves as they truly were... 

There's more, if you can stomach it.  There's certainly nothing wrong with writing about lesbians, but there oughta be a law against writing about them this badly

"Shite and onions!"
(James Joyce, Ulysses

Ultimately, Darth Chenette is another lying liar trying to obscure the truth and fling mud at an ideological opponent whatever the cost.  She's just swinging at the ball Drudge-packer teed up for her, that Jim Webb is not just a pervy author of kiddie porn, but a liar, too. These people will balk at nothing, clearly.  (Lynne's scarf alone is proof of that.)  They will tell any lie, attack anyone who challenges their mythical narrative, distort any data, and deny any and all culpability for the mess that they have made.

Just remember, kids, the vampires always scream the loudest just before you drive the stake through their heart.

how do you like your stake?

Let's order them all.