no christmas

CURSES!!  You guuuuuuuuuys.  I'm so bummed!  Bill O'Reilly's on to us!  He knows about The Big Plan to Cancel Christmas!    

Via Raw:

Secular progressives, O'Reilly claims, want "No more Christmas, no pledge of allegiance to God. No more Christmas – 'this is pulling us down, because it's too judgmental.'"

Ick.  Sounds like someone's gone off his meds again.   Or maybe he's just trying to beat John Gibson to the punch.  I swear, they start the War on Christmas season earlier and earlier every year.  I was in the grocery store at the end of September and they already had bags of War on Christmas candy out, cheap fuzzy War on Christmas stockings from China, little AK-47-toting War on Christmas Santa Action Figures. 

It's gotten so commercial now.  Whatever happened to a good old fashioned War on Christmas without all the trappings of consumerism, without all the tacky crap?  I remember the Wars on Christmas when I was a boy.  It was all different then.  We didn't even have Bill O'Reilly back then.  We just celebrated the War on Christmas every year the best way we could.  We made all our gifts by hand.  One year I gave my mother her own War on Christmas claymore mine that I made myself out of papier-mache and brussels sprouts.  It brought tears to her eyes when she opened it that War on Christmas morning.  In fact, I'm kind of misting up right now.  We weren't fancy big city liberals like you have nowadays.  But we were proud.

Sigh.

Those were the days.

Billy's been on a bit of a tear lately.  Oh, that's right!  He's promoting his new POS book!  Jeez, don't you think that fucker gets enough air time with his own TV show and radio show?  Now he's trying to shift some product so he's super SUPER saturating Pox News and going on other people's shows, too.

Something that has been amusing me to no end is watching him try to sell his latest straw man, the new ultra-terrifying, all-consuming, dark-matter monster bogeyman of the talk radio set, SPEAKER PELOSI.   (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!)

(Please hit that link.  Just for me.)

Sez O'Reilly (via C&L):

O'Reilly: But here's something interesting.  If the Dems win the House, Nancy Pelosi will become the Speaker.  However, according to the Fox Poll, 43% of Americans have never heard of Congresswoman Pelosi and they know nothing about her. 

Bill, I suspect that 43% of the caliber of people who get polled by Fox News have never heard of dental floss either, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

Bill then goes on to nearly pop a blood vessel trying to cram the entirety of Nancy Pelosi's career into a sound byte that's manageable to the average Pox News viewer.  I would provide a transcript, but it basically boils down to, "BURN THE WITCH!!  BURN HER!!  SHE'LL TURN YOU INTO A NEWT AND YOU WON'T GET BETTER!!"

But this is a problem that the Giant Right Wing Stink Machine has brought upon itself.  I realized it the other day when Rahm Emanuel was eviscerating Rep. Howdy Doody (R-Dumbfuckistan) on Stephanapoulos.  Rep. Doody was trying in his own small way to cry havoc and unleash the dogs of war by saying that if the Democrats take control of the House, we'll "end up with a Speaker Pelosi, and, and..."

Even as he said it, I felt like a nation of millions were simultaneously scratching their heads.  "What in the heck is he talking about, Mary?" they wondered aloud. 

And I thought, is that the best they've got?  Demon Speaker Pelosi?  I mean, really?  On one side we've got the War in Iraq, child molesters in Congress, no jobs, no healthcare, and proof that the War on Terror is making the world an even more dangerous place, and on the other side the biggest Super Scary Terrifying Thing they can conjure up is SPEAKER PELOSI?!

But see, Pox News, you created this problem.  You have no one but yourselves to blame.  Why don't any of your viewers know who Nancy Pelosi is?  I'll tell you why.  Because you people have been blotting out the sun for the past six years by staffing all your talking head squawk-fests with right wing shills and White House sock puppets.  If you don't have any liberals on, NOBODY KNOWS WHO THEY ARE! 

You can't make straw men without any straw, dude.  It's, like, pretty much required and shit.