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CURSES!! You guuuuuuuuuys. I'm so bummed! Bill O'Reilly's on to us! He knows about The Big Plan to Cancel Christmas!
Via Raw:
Secular progressives, O'Reilly claims, want "No more Christmas, no pledge of allegiance to God. No more Christmas – 'this is pulling us down, because it's too judgmental.'"
Ick. Sounds like someone's gone off his meds again. Or maybe he's just trying to beat John Gibson to the punch. I swear, they start the War on Christmas season earlier and earlier every year. I was in the grocery store at the end of September and they already had bags of War on Christmas candy out, cheap fuzzy War on Christmas stockings from China, little AK-47-toting War on Christmas Santa Action Figures.
It's gotten so commercial now. Whatever happened to a good old fashioned War on Christmas without all the trappings of consumerism, without all the tacky crap? I remember the Wars on Christmas when I was a boy. It was all different then. We didn't even have Bill O'Reilly back then. We just celebrated the War on Christmas every year the best way we could. We made all our gifts by hand. One year I gave my mother her own War on Christmas claymore mine that I made myself out of papier-mache and brussels sprouts. It brought tears to her eyes when she opened it that War on Christmas morning. In fact, I'm kind of misting up right now. We weren't fancy big city liberals like you have nowadays. But we were proud.
Sigh.
Those were the days.
Billy's been on a bit of a tear lately. Oh, that's right! He's promoting his new POS book! Jeez, don't you think that fucker gets enough air time with his own TV show and radio show? Now he's trying to shift some product so he's super SUPER saturating Pox News and going on other people's shows, too.
Something that has been amusing me to no end is watching him try to sell his latest straw man, the new ultra-terrifying, all-consuming, dark-matter monster bogeyman of the talk radio set, SPEAKER PELOSI. (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!)
(Please hit that link. Just for me.)
Sez O'Reilly (via C&L):
O'Reilly: But here's something interesting. If the Dems win the House, Nancy Pelosi will become the Speaker. However, according to the Fox Poll, 43% of Americans have never heard of Congresswoman Pelosi and they know nothing about her.
Bill, I suspect that 43% of the caliber of people who get polled by Fox News have never heard of dental floss either, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing.
Bill then goes on to nearly pop a blood vessel trying to cram the entirety of Nancy Pelosi's career into a sound byte that's manageable to the average Pox News viewer. I would provide a transcript, but it basically boils down to, "BURN THE WITCH!! BURN HER!! SHE'LL TURN YOU INTO A NEWT AND YOU WON'T GET BETTER!!"
But this is a problem that the Giant Right Wing Stink Machine has brought upon itself. I realized it the other day when Rahm Emanuel was eviscerating Rep. Howdy Doody (R-Dumbfuckistan) on Stephanapoulos. Rep. Doody was trying in his own small way to cry havoc and unleash the dogs of war by saying that if the Democrats take control of the House, we'll "end up with a Speaker Pelosi, and, and..."
Even as he said it, I felt like a nation of millions were simultaneously scratching their heads. "What in the heck is he talking about, Mary?" they wondered aloud.
And I thought, is that the best they've got? Demon Speaker Pelosi? I mean, really? On one side we've got the War in Iraq, child molesters in Congress, no jobs, no healthcare, and proof that the War on Terror is making the world an even more dangerous place, and on the other side the biggest Super Scary Terrifying Thing they can conjure up is SPEAKER PELOSI?!
But see, Pox News, you created this problem. You have no one but yourselves to blame. Why don't any of your viewers know who Nancy Pelosi is? I'll tell you why. Because you people have been blotting out the sun for the past six years by staffing all your talking head squawk-fests with right wing shills and White House sock puppets. If you don't have any liberals on, NOBODY KNOWS WHO THEY ARE!
You can't make straw men without any straw, dude. It's, like, pretty much required and shit.
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Fitz!
Okay, now to read.
Thanks for showing up, TRex. I was getting nervous thinking of people showing up for their weekend-starting snark and seeing my gloomy Iraq post.
If Dubya himself starts pimping the War on Christmas, you’ll know they’re scared of losing the fundie vote.
Okay, this is fun stuff. I take it O’Reilly wants to give Keith Olbermann as many chances as possible to make him Worst Person in the World between now and Christmas. Because, let’s face it, any attention is good attention when you’re a narcissistic bully-boy.
I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve already microwaved my first miniature Babe in a Manger. I started early this year!
Now if only I could find those damned Wise Men…
Yeah, I think we’ve heard it all. From “Nancy Pelosi as House Speaker??? Never!” to “Bush is the best friend Israel ever had.” There’s just no arguing with stupid people, ya know? They believe what they believe cause it ‘gets them thru the night.’
figures little Billy O’Reilly would be scared of a GIRL!
;-)
and why raise the threat to Christmas in October? oh, yes, the elections. I forgot.
Your SPEAKER PELOSI link scared the crap out of my dogs.
Kurt @ 3
WISE MAN #1: We are three wise men.
MANDY: Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o’clock in the morning? That doesn’t sound very wise to me.
WISE MAN #3: We are astrologers.
WISE MAN #1: We have come from the East.
MANDY: Is this some kind of joke?
WISE MAN #2: We wish to praise the infant.
WISE MAN #1: We must pay homage to him.
MANDY: Homage? You’re all drunk. It’s disgusting. Out! The lot, out!
della Rovere @ 6
We’re voting for Messiahs now? I think this is all getting a little out of hand.
Jane Hamsher @ 8
You’re lucky I didn’t include the one with the scream in it.
Swopa- not to worry about the lack of on-topic comments on your earlier post. Alas, we know all too much about what’s going on there- “all to much” meaning, all to much about Clusterfuck’s big adventure- kinda hard to get going on that topic when all the signs are for hope in Nov. Not that that’s gonna undo the shithole created by BushCo. overnight, but at least it’s a start.
Man, I can’t BELIEVE it’s almost War on Christmas Season already. Where does the year go?
I promised myself that THIS year I’d get all my War on Christmas shopping done early.
Jane - Poor Omar here woke from a deeeep sleep and got really upset too!
Trex - you need to include pup warning labels next time!
(but the cats just slept through the whole thing … and you are a cat person)
Christmas prevails!
;>)
What’s judgmental? Christmas? Dude, the only judging that goes on at xmas is between kids & the comparison they do about who got the good presents & who got hosed.
Am I nuts? Is anyone complaining about judgment at christmas?
darkblack @ 15
Now, that’s really disturbing. I’m glad I’m not covering Egypt this week, or I’d have to deal with the mental image of Bill O’Reilly crossing the sky in the solar barque by day.
SPEAKER PELOSI. (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!)
… or, as I’ve been calling my Congresswoman lately, Grandma Minority Leader.
Yay, TRex!
Valley Girl @ 12
Oh, I don’t care about off-topic comments (I probably posted a couple myself).
I was worried about people needing to refill their antidepressant prescriptions at an inconvenient hour.
TeddySanFran @ 18
I dunno, I’m a bit conflicted. A good thing if Grandma Minority Leader bakes cookies and gives great cuddles. Not so great if she spits on her handkerchief to clean your face.
Leave it to a sauropod to get it wrong. TRex, 63% of Fox viewers don’t know what dental floss is. And what percentage of your species flossed in their heyday, dinodog?
Persiflage @ 19
Don’t you hate it when the Minority Leader pinches your cheeks?
EvilDrPuma @ 21
And only gives you half a stick of gum in church.
EvilDrPuma @ 22
and tells you what a big country you’re getting to be.
We know Bush has no plans if Dems win, but do we? Are we prepared for the intense backlash that will come not only from Fox News, but from all the other corporate conservative news networks? If we win, Fox, CNN, MSNBC, CNBC, ABC, CBS, NBC and others will all be screeching about those “radical Democrats” and, of course, those angry bloggers. And David Broder will get the vapors.
Sorry to go OT so soon in the eve. But, found this via SpazeBoy.
The first link is a .pdf (but quick to load) that compares Lamont and Lieberman on the issues.
http://www.hksimon.ms11.net/Final_2.pdf
Second are introductory remarks. .pdf, but also quick to load.
http://www.hksimon.ms11.net/Final_Ned.pdf
Source:
http://www.spazeboy.net/nedandjoe
(just posted TODAY)
Rob Zuber @
25
Are we ready? We’ve got friggin Tyranosaurus Rexs with wifi laptops and they’re stuck with Rush and Ann and Bill. They are doomed, doomed, doomed.
ET- email me if you would be interested in doing phone banking for Lamont. No promises, just an idea I am trying to pursue.
Rob Zuber @ 24
Remember, each Dem win means a few less people who are listening to the screeching any more. The media will bend, or their big bosses won’t make money, and that’s all that ever really mattered to them.
TRex, This is so wonderful, i can’t wait to send you a very special War on Christmas greeting card–Twelve Days of War on Christmas: On the 1st day of WOC, George Bush cuts down all the Christmas trees in the National Forests. On the 2nd day of WOC, . . . well, you just have to wait for the unholydays to get the other 11.
Ed*ard Teller @ 21
Between the number of teeth and the puny arms, I think it’s safe to say there was a bit of projection going on in that “dental floss” remark.
Or perhaps envy.
My arms are not puny. I’ve been working out. Can’t you tell?
Please put “X” back into X-mas.
Speaking as a liberal secular humanist, I don’t give a rats ass what you celebrate, or how, or when.
But celebrate your religeous holidays with you own money, thanks.
Personally I think we need to have a war on New Year. 2007 is one year too close to the replacement of dear leader, after all.
SPEAKER PELOSI holds no terror for me. DREAD PIRATE PELOSI, on the other hand…..
TRex @
11
The cats were also dis-impressed. Me, I just had a small heart palpitation.
Rob Zuber @
25
Let’s not let them down. Immediately vote to defund the war. We can come up with all the “humanitarian withdrawal” plans we like, but those require goodwill and competence. I don’t believe this president has goodwill. And, if someone somehow managed to convince me that he had good will, they’d never convince me of his competence.
I think Nancy Pelosi would make a great speaker - and - if the impeachement of Bush and Cheney are succesful - a great President.
TRex @ 32
Not according to Monk’s picture yesterday. Teensy little arms. Nice rear end though.
TRex @
32
That’s only one arm…well, hand, really.
But seriously folks, we also have to consider the Global War on All Other Religious Holidays:
Easter
Yom Kippur
All Saints’ Day
Solstices and Equinoxes(i?)
St. Patrick’s Day
I guess we’re left with Colombus Day (Catholic, so no)
Fourth of July
…what else?
Wigwam @ 32
Fry: You know, Christmas. X-M-A-S, Christmas.
Leela: It must be an archaic pronunciation, like when you say “ask” instead of “ax.”
TRex, you da ‘pod!
You are absolutely *on fire* tonight!
Wonderful writing, so, so many diamonds in this piece. And it’s contagious, too, look at those comments. Late night is just the best party.
Persiflage @ 37
*Blush*
I’m told it’s one of my best, ah, assets.
Ground Hog Day. War on Ground Hog Day. or we’ll be doomed to wake up to relive it every day.
SteveAudio @ 38
Earth Day?
Ga @ 42
SteveAudio @ 38
My Native American friends are particularly fond of celebrating Columbus Day, the day white people were discovered.
Patrick 4/4 @ 45
That leaves Labor Day is the mostest importantest holiday ever!
Wigwam 33
Please put “X” back into X-mas.
And the AUMF back into AUMFOC. W is untidy.
HotFlash @ 40
Great to have you, HF! Can I fix you a drink?
At this time of year I always feel compelled to remind others to be cognizant of religious minorities.
Trex, your singular focus on the War on Christmas reminds me of all those Decembers when my celebrations went no further than lighting our War on Hannukah candles, and reciting, in mangled Hebrew, a few War on Hannukah prayers. We sang “War on Hannukah, War on Hannukah, come nuke the menorah” and other favorites, but those traditions did little to alleviate the sense of deprivation I felt at having no War on Christmas tree, covered with glittering War on Christmas lights, surrounded by mounds of brightly colored War on Christmas presents.
Please try to be more inclusive, to remember that the Wars on Holidays can and should include people from ALL Wars on Religion.
Patrick 4/4 @ 46
I always pray for World Peace.
“We Wish You An End To Christmas, And A So-So New Year”
“War on Hannukah, War on Hannukah, come nuke the menorah” and other favorites
*spit-take*
percy … wonderful!
This is what I expect good ole Bill’s reaction will be on election day:
http://vids.myspace.com/index......1184675961
“Adeste Forget It”
Percy, But can i count on you to learn the War on Kwanza songs?
I’m totally looking forward to yanking their chains this year. I’ve already made a “Solstice is the reason for the season” button. ;)
I remember when I found out all my War on Christmas presents were really from my parents.
I was very disillusioned.
Persiflage @ 37
and the tail needs no pants
SteveAudio @ 57
I get the sense that line would be hilarious if I only understood it.
Freakin gay people. Always telling jokes nobody understands but themselves.
“War on Christmas” is just code for “War on Christians”- trying to stir up those who still hate every other religion.
TRex @ 61
You know the tune: “Oh come let us ignore him…”
Tell it like it is Dude! Finally the truth and speaking of truth please open your new, fresh Vanity Fair magazine to page 224 to read the sad but true story that will effectively END Conrad “horse killer” Burns senate career. Galloping Scared by Kurt Brungardt. At last, my dream will come true!
Marcus Owens responds to the “war on religion” canard
http://realreligiousleft.blogspot.com
My sister Kristin, who died 4 years ago, always made me sing:
“Hark The Hare-Lipped Angels Sing,
Gthlory Tho Thhe thnewborn Khing”
You had to be there…
TRex, have you heard that in the latest onslaught of the War on Christmas, the ACLU and Speaker Pelosi are suing to have Nativity scenes banned from churches?
Uh, no, I guess you haven’t heard that.
I hope BillO wasn’t listening…
SteveAudio @ 39
Halloween? That’s always been my favourite, kids show up, you give them candy, they go away, you don’t have to cook anything special or drive over snowy roads to visit relatives. But I guess I could declare War on Halloween for The Cause.
y’all are just the funniest people and I’m laughing so hard, it’s making the dogs look at me suspiciously while I wipe the tears from my face…
“Silent Night, Silent Night,
No One Cares, Nothing Is Bright”"
HotFlash @ 69
You actually gave them candy?
Weird. I just usually yelled at them.
SteveAudio @ 67
(snicker)
TRex @ 50
Just shuffling off to bed, but you can pt a splash of virtual rye in my cocoa, if you have any. There, I got the marshmallow out to make room.
TRex @ 73
Thanks. Made me smile.
“Unholy Night”
SteveAudio- maybe you can do a rewording of this one:
http://www.carols.org.uk/god_r.....tlemen.htm
God Rest Ye Scary Gentlemen.
Cthulhu Hear What I Hear?
Getting late. Must to bed.
Merry War on Christmas (and Kwanza, Diwali, Hannukah etc.) to all, and to all a good night.
The War on Christmas:
Bush claims Saddam has Presents of Mass Consumption
We “stay over for the holidays.”
There are no presents.
There is no plan for Boxing Day. Or New Year’s.
No more blood for egg nog.
From my early childhood, before the War on Christmas started, I vaguely remember singing,
“We Three Kings Of Orient Are
Trying to Smoke a Giant Cigar
It was loaded, it exploded…
Now we are on a star”
Undoubtedly taught to me by a secular humanist Sunday School teacher trying to subvert young minds in preparation for the impending War on Christmas…
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen brings back memories…
Of my little brother, being deemed big enough to go into the men’s (sometimes labeled “Gentlemen”) restroom by himself. And, while we waited for him outside, we heard his little voice ring out with “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”.
Okay, maybe I was easy to amuse back then. But I still smile when I think of it.
I just heard the first ripe pecan of fall bounce off my roof.
“Good grief ye hairy gentlemen
Let’s nuke on you this May
Re: member, cursed the sailor
Was bored on grease, ma’s day”
i have no idea, it’s really quite sad…
Wreck the walls, lets lob and volley;
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…
SteveAudio thanks for “Hark The Hare-Lipped Angels Sing”; its a keeper!
It’s a tie between which line made me laugh louder - the floss or the strawless strawman.
Great post
TRex @ 83
If a pecan falls in the forest…”
http://americablog.blogspot.co.....being.html
~~~ABC News on religious right being ticked at the GOP over gays
by John in DC - 10/13/2006 10:57:00 PM
Boo hoo. The religious right just figured out that the Republicans don’t like them, or their ideas, very much. Here is the transcript of tonight’s ABC broadcast about all of this.~~~
TRex @ 83
Better yet:
“Heavenly nuts of night are falling,
It’s twilight time”
the other kids always sang to little bill o’lielly (and he’s still trying to get even):
Better watch out,
better not cry,
better not pout,
i’m tellin’ you why,
Santa Claus is . . . . .. … .. … dead.
TRex- pecans are my favorite nuts. Hope you can get to them before the squirrels do.
SteveAudio @ 89
That song was in the William Gibson X-Files.
Best.
Episode.
Ever.
Ga @ 89
Falafel -lafalafel- fala-la-la!
Deck the malls with lots of money
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
It’s got nothing to do with God’s Sonny
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Don we now our gay apparel*
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Praise the Trex drawing done by Carol
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
* That’d be Trex’s new online purchases.
TRex, does your mom by any chance have a fantastic recipe for pecan pie?
Didn’t someone else hear that pecan the other day–on one of Christy’s mornings?
if we are going to war on christmas, do we get uniforms and medals?
The War on Christmas:
Is that another one of those “you are either with us or against us” deals?
Is Chimpy going to start using it in his speeches?
neurophius @ 95
Hooboy, yes, she does.
But she also does this caramel cake that’s studded with roasted, salted pecans. Oh, my sweet gentle Jesus, it’s tasty.
http://plantanswers.tamu.edu/r.....tnuts.html
THE SWEETEST ROASTED PECANS ON EARTH
Pecan pie? Who cares about the extra stuff!
Ooops- Trex, didn’t mean to step on your mom’s pecan recipes. But, for a late nite snack, virgin pecans are near the top of my list.
Absolutely and utterly completely OT - when does daylight savings end in the US?
Valley Girl @ 100
Virgin pecans? How can you tell?
Persiflage @ 101
Oct. 29.
It’s Not Speaker Pelosi that scares them.
Shortly after the Democrats retake the House and Senate, Bush and Cheney will be forced to resign in disgrace, which would make Nancy Pelosi the President.
Then by popular demand, she would have to nominate as her Vice President, the man most responsible for the Democratic Congressional Landslide.
That would be Howard Dean
Pelosi/Dean 07
“Scares the shit out of all of ‘em!”
Persiflage @ 101
I meant the ones that don’t have pie or cake about them. Or…
TRex @ 98
Well, I certainly hope you (and she) share them both with us. You are such a gracious host, after all…
Persiflage @ 102
Mark Foley tries to IM them.
And Shrill O’Lielly doesn’t think Denny the Hutt is scary?
You gotta be a stone-cold stalwart not to run and hide when you see him come waddling toward you….
TRex @ 106
omigod TRex!!!! Best laff of the eve. Now I gotta wipe the spittle off my monitor.
Persiflage @ 102
From the little screams coming from them as you remove their shells….
TRex @ 107
I hope The War on Christmas doesn’t try to get rid of them. Aren’t virgins one of those “Christmas” things?
SteveAudio @
72
You actually gave them candy?
Weird. I just usually yelled at them.
Yeah, candy, or Freezies or Perrier or office supplies.