(HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH OF JOE LIEBERMAN?  Hat tip to the incredible Howie Klein.)

Good evening, Firedogs, and welcome to tonight's semi-final round of our relief effort for the Lieberman campaign. For those of you who are coming in late, this is a continuation of a contest begun in this post , wherein we called your attention to Lieberman campaign manager du moment Sherry Brown's pitiful cry for help from deep within the bowels of the Liebermachine:

As you may have heard, because Joe is running as an independent petitioning candidate, his name will be listed at the bottom of the ballot. For many people, this will truly be a case of a good man being hard to find.

To make sure voters know where to look for Joe on the ballot, we will soon be launching a statewide public awareness campaign, and we will be asking for your help soon to spread the word.

But before we do, we could use your help right now in brainstorming the best message to deliver to voters.

We know there are a lot of smart, creative people among our supporters. So if you have ideas for a catchy slogan or clever ways to educate voters, please send them our way. 

Gawd, what's with some people that even when you can't see them, you can still feel their excessive exclamation points and emoticons?  You know in the first draft, that first paragraph read like this:

As you may have heard, because Joe is running as an independent petitioning candidate(!!), his name will be listed at the bottom of the ballot!!! For many people, this will truly be a case of a good man being hard to find!!!!WinkWinkTongue outTongue out!!!!  LOLOLOLOL!!!!

In the words of Kate O'Beirne's teeth, "Hrrrrrrrrmmm."

We had a whopping 644 comments on the original contest thread, so the judging was divided between myself and my lovely assistants, RBG and Valley Girl!!

Let's give 'em a hand, folks!! 

[WILD APPLAUSE] [WILD APPLAUSE] [WILD APPLAUSE] 

Before we get to the semi-finalists, though, I would like to inform you all of a very important decision that I have made.  Some of you may know that I have applied for the job of NPR Blogger.  Some friends have expressed deep skepticism that center-right-leaning NPR would deign to handle me with anything other than tongs, given my often, uh, "salty" tone.

But, no matter!  Thanks to the example of that great American Joe Lieberman, I have formulated a plan.  Even if they don't call me for an interview, I'm going to show up for one, anyway.  Clearly, if they haven't called me it's not because they don't want me, it's because they don't know yet how much they want me. 

And should they fail to hire me and hire, you know, some other less fabulous blogger, I will show up for work anyway.  Just arrive at NPR and show myself to a desk and sign on and start blogging.  I think it's a GREAT plan!!  Why accept rejection when you can just stalk the job you want?  Thank you, Joe Lieberman, for the inspiration.  I think it will be the new American Way.  Why even bother with voting?  Pesky elections!  They just say what the PEOPLE want, and what the hell do they know about what's good for them?

With that in mind, I am offering this found graphic to the Lieberman camp to use as part of their public awareness campaign about Joe's name appearing at the bottom of the ballot: 

I'm with Joe.

I will fax it to them in the morning.  I won't be surprised if they love it so much that DANGERSTEIN sends me flowers.  (Oh, and if you're in the mood for listening to a live recording of a slow-moving train-wreck in action [and who isn't?], the Young Turks did an interview with Li'l Pointy-Headed Man, Danny Gerstein.  It's a multi-media treat!  Watch Cenk Uygur's facial expressions!  Cringe with disgusted delight as DANGERSTEIN tries to lie and then lie and lie again, then catches himself in a lie, almost trips up, rights himself, and then falls headlong down a whole staircase of prevarications.  Quelle fabuliste fabuleuse!!  You almost expect Uygur to roll his eyes and start channelling Murrow, "Have you NO SENSE OF DECENCY, sir?!"

But now, without further ado, the semi-finalists.  There are fifteen.  Each judge took 200 submissions and picked the five funniest, compared notes, and here they are in three groups.  Tomorrow, we will convene a judging panel to choose a favorite, and we will announce the winner on Friday night.

We begin with Group A:

Litbrit: Joe Lieberman, Last but Not Leased!  (He's fully bought and paid for!)

Patrick Rex: Looking for Lieberman, just keep digging!  There must be a pony here somewhere!

Punaise: I'm Joe Lieberman and I approve this mess.

Arkilogy: Keep your head down!  If you vote for Joe, you'll have to.

And from Argonaut, a poem:

Ode to Joe
I think that I shall never see
A man end up as low as he.
A man whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the right-wing campaign chest;
A man who looks at facts all day
And never lets them in the way;
A man that may in summer share
A Democratic bill of fare,
But when the leaves begin to fall
He’s not a Democrat at all;
Turncoats are made of such as he
And only Ned can set us free.

And here are the contestants from Group B:

Ed*ard Teller: Joe, on the floor.  Next to the door.

Rayne: Looking for Joe?  You'll find him under a Republican.

Dragonsmaker: Joe Lieberman: I'm on there somewhere!

*ilson: Joe Lieberman Lies Here.

L. G. Fucktard: Best Argument for a Shorter Ballot!

And Group C:

Organic George: Not all shit floats.  Look for Joe at the bottom of the ballot.

Evil Dr. Puma: No candidate is lower than Joe Lieberman!

*onderdog: It's a short ride to the bottom of the ballot.

Patrick 4/4: In your heart, you know he's last. 

*xyz: Joe Lieberman: Beneath Contempt.

And those are our semi-finalists.  It was not an easy task, narrowing down such a torrent of great ideas to just fifteen.  Thank you everyone who entered.  We'll have a winner on Friday.

Tomorrow night?  TRex's Virtual USO Tour art!!  Whoooo-hoooooooo!!

See you then.