Who will be the GOP's "Woman in Red"?
Cumpanas deserted her husband on February 4, 1932. A year later, she opened a brothel on Halsted Street. By 1934, however, Cumpanas was facing deportation. On July 4, 1934, John Dillinger moved into an apartment Cumpanas owned. After John Dillinger was rumored to have killed two Chicago police officers on May 24 of that year, a large reward had been offered for his capture. On July 22, believing that FBI agent Melvin Purvis would stop her deportation, Cumpanas fingered Dillinger to the FBI, resulting in his shooting outside the Biograph Theater in Chicago. Despite the nickname, Cumpanas was wearing orange.
Some people believe that the Republican operative most likely to cave in to investigators and sell out the whole operation will be Sue Ralston. She's Karl Rove's aide de camp who recently resigned her position in the White House to spend more time with her subpoenas.
But I have high hopes for Scott Palmer.
Who is Scott Palmer? Lawrence O'Donnell has been wondering the same thing.
He is Speaker Hastert's chief of staff, which makes him the key player in the what-did-Hastert-know-and-when-did-he-know-it drama. Scott Palmer has issued a statement flatly denying that Kirk Fordham, Mark Foley's former chief of staff, warned him that Foley was crossing the line with pages long before Foley's inappropriate email surfaced. Palmer's denial of Fordham's headline-grabbing claim is the thread Hastert's Speakership is now hanging by.
Right! That Scott Palmer! Tell us more, Lawrence…
If Fordham did warn Palmer about Foley a long time ago, what are the odds that Palmer did not tell Hastert? As close to zero as you can get. Many chiefs of staff are close, very close, to their bosses on Capitol Hill. But none are closer than Scott Palmer is to Denny Hastert. They don't just work together all day, they live together.
There are plenty of odd couple Congressmen who have roomed together on Capitol Hill, but I have never heard of a chief of staff who rooms with his boss. It is beyond unusual. But it must have its advantages. Anything they forget to tell each other at the office, they have until bedtime to catch up on. And then there's breakfast for anything they forgot to tell each other before falling asleep. And then there's all day at the office. Hastert and Palmer are together more than any other co-workers in the Congress.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink! SAY NO MORE!! That's a good one! Hastert gay?! That would be really almost too much. I mean, just because he was once a high school wrestling coach (and apparently left that job under a cloud), and he cohabitates with an unmarried man and has for years, and his office was instrumental in covering up for Mark Foley, and, and…
Oh, god. I think I'm going to be sick. Is Dennis Hastert gay, too?!
EWWWWWWWW!! EW! EW! EW! EWWWWWWWW!!!!
Duuuuuuuuuuuude! If Denny Hastert is gay, then I'm going to have to start sleeping with women!! ARRRRRRRGH!! My mind! Ohhhhhh, my thinking may never be the same! Brrrrrrrrrrr!!
Say it ain't so!! Denny Hastert, the man who looks like nothing so much as a giant, ambulatory intestinal polyp? A friend of Dorothy? I kind of hope that we're completely off target in this speculation. Even though, were it true, it could well mean that the Republicans are incontrovertably, irreversibly toast, I just don't know if I could accept victory on those terms. Even if it would make James Dobson's head explode, I think I may find myself hoping that all of this is just baseless speculation, and that Denny Hastert never had an unchaste thought about all those eager high school boys in their tight little wrestling singlets. I'm sure his interest in them was purely as an educator.
Earlier I was scanning the headlines and saw the sentence, "DEMOCRATS POISED TO TAKE BOTH HOUSES OF CONGRESS", but for some reason my brain saw, "DEMOCRATS POISED TO MAKE BATH-HOUSES OF CONGRESS". If Denny Hastert is gay, I think the GOP may have already beat them to it.
P.S. We are closing last night's comments thread to begin the judging to see who wins their very own copy of Brainless: The Lies and Lunacy of Ann Coulter. Also, if you would like to submit art to the TRex 2006 USO Virtual Tour, tonight is the deadline. We've gotten some awesome submissions that I can't wait to share with you!