how low can you go?

Kids, every now and then life provides you with an opportunity to do something truly selfless, to commit a random act of kindness, to mend your fences, to build your character and become a better person.

This is not one of those times.

Okay, maybe it is.  See, yesterday a little birdie forwarded me an email from the Friends of Joe Lieberman and, well, the campaign's in a bit of a jam.  Because he cut and ran from his own party, Holy Joe's name is going to appear on the bottom of the ballot this November, and that's got the Friends of Joe Lieberman in something of a tizzy.  I'll let Sherry Brown take it from here.  (She's the latest in Joe's parade of disposable campaign managers.)

Sherry sez:

As you may have heard, because Joe is running as an independent petitioning candidate, his name will be listed at the bottom of the ballot. For many people, this will truly be a case of a good man being hard to find.

To make sure voters know where to look for Joe on the ballot, we will soon be launching a statewide public awareness campaign, and we will be asking for your help soon to spread the word.

But before we do, we could use your help right now in brainstorming the best message to deliver to voters.

We know there are a lot of smart, creative people among our supporters. So if you have ideas for a catchy slogan or clever ways to educate voters, please send them our way. You can either email them to us at findjoe@joe2006.com, or call us at 860-244-2006.

Now, in no way do we encourage you to harass or otherwise antagonize the Lieberman campaign.  Those folks are known to be very highly strung and not particularly good at dealing with feelings like stress and anger.  So, in an effort to be helpful, we'll do the sorting.

Oh, yes, my little firedoggies, we're going to have a CONTEST(!!!).  You can help us help Joe and Friends by coming up with a catchy slogan to direct voters' attention to Senator Lieberman's name at the bottom of the ballot this Election Day, because clearly:

we could use your help right now in brainstorming the best message to deliver to voters. 

Well, that is what we call a Piss Poor Plan.  I mean, good luck with that.  A brainstorm among Lieberman supporters, well, it'll probably amount to more of a brain drizzle.  A brain cloudburst followed by weeks and weeks of drought and brush-fires.

So, let's help those kids out.  Here, I'll start:

Just when you think you've gone as low as you can go, look down, by golly!

There's Joe.

Or maybe:

Bottom of the barrel,

Bottom of the ballot.

There's no power-bottom in the world

Quite like Joe.

See how easy it is?  Now you try it!

Please leave your entries in this comment thread, which will be closed at 2300 hours tomorrow, Tuesday, October 10th.  

Also, remember that the deadline for art submissions for the TRex USO tour is tomorrow night as well, so GET BUSY, CHILD!  Those pharmaceutical lobbyists, credit card companies, and defense contractors are counting on Joe to win the election this fall!  We can't let them down!  It would be a lethal blow to Senator Lieberman's way of life.  No more special tables in restaurants, no more parking his BMW in the handicapped spot, and worst of all, no more kisses from Big Daddy Bush.  Joe Lieberman will have to wait in line at the bank just like the rest of us.  AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT!!  We might end up in line ahead of him and then we'd have to…(shudder) talk to him. 

Ew.  I know.  I'm sorry about that.  I hope none of you were eating.  I know, I go too far sometimes.  It'll be okay.  Just relax and think about goooooood stuff.  And sharpen your pencils!  Put on your thinking cap!  The voters of Connecticut are counting on us to find a way to help them find Joe's name on the ballot.  Remember, the Lieberman campaign are the brain-donors who came up with first that godawful Bear ad and then that freaking laxative commercial.  Anything they do to try and help Joe's cause will clearly only end up hurting him in the end.

Therefore, it falls to us to do the right thing, set aside our animosity, and lend a helping hand.  So, comment away, amigos and amigas!  We'll sort through your responses and the winner will receive their very own copy of Brainless: The Lies and Lunacy of Ann Coulter by Joe Maguire.  Deadline's in 24 hours and the judging starts as soon as the comments close.

Good night and good luck! 

UPDATE: Comments are now closed.  Thank you everyone who entered!  We will begin judging tonight.

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