Login HereUh. Mah. Gawd.
I...words simply fail me.
In the fine tradition of George W. Bush standing under the "Mission Accomplished" sign, or any one of the Katrina backdrops (where no expense was spared to bring power to an area for a photo op, and then just as quickly cut off), we now have the head of the NRCC, Tom Reynolds, using small prop children as set decoration in a press conference devoted to the topic of...yes, predatory online sexual solicitation of minors.
Even the reporters present could not contain themselves:
Reporter: Congressman, do you mind asking the children to leave the room so we can have a frank discussion of this, because it's an adult topic. It just doesn't seem appropriate to me.
Reynolds: I'll take your questions, but I'm not going to ask any of my supporters to leave.
[]
Reporter: Who are the children, Congressman? Who are these children?
Reynolds: Pardon me?
Reporter: Who are these children?
Reynolds: Well, a number of them are from the community. There are several of the "thirtysomething" set that are here and uh I've known them and I've known their children as they were born.
Reporter: Do you think it's appropriate for them to be listening to the subject matter though?
Reynolds: Sir, I'll be happy to answer your questions, I'm still, uh...
Nobody has yet answered the question as to why the matter was put at the feet of the NRCC anyway (a body whose sole function is the re-election of Republicans to Congress), but considering the problems that the situation is visiting upon the GOP for November I guess it's small wonder nobody was really anxious to do anything about it. Reynolds now says it's All Denny Hasert's Fault.
We thought there were new nadirs hit with Drudge's "blame those teenage beasts" defense of the GOP, and then came Rush's "the teenagers were setting him up" line of attack, but this was a damn good shot at the "how low can they go" gold medal.
Nice coda: fundies are pissed. Seems the GOP kingpins seriously misjudged the amount of kool-aid they were capable of chugging and confused them with die-hard authoritarian cultists who would have no trouble with a little institutional coverup of page diddling, considering it was All For The Cause, after all.
Looks like that was a bit of a miscalculation.
BuffaloGeek also reports that:
Marc Odien asked him if he or the NRCC had any plans to return the money or earmark it for programs or groups which fight against sexual predators.
Reynolds said it was essentially clean money. Foley did not raise the money using illegal or immoral means and it was given as per standard operating procedure to the NRCC. He has no intention of returning it.
Like a good Republican, Reynolds never takes his eye off the ball -- he wants that $2.7 million Foley raised for his re-election campaign for the NRCC. Any thought about using the money to help get therapy for any of the kids who might have been traumatized in the situation, especially because of the GOP leadership's inaction? Doesn't seem like that was ever a consideration. Reynolds cares about the kids who may have suffered in this case about as much as those he is using as his small human backdrops.
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This is like live blogging a football game that never ends!
You guys are driving me nuts..two new posts within 12 minutes..I am trying to get some work done.
Jane and Christy -
It’s been at least a half hour, perhaps longer, since I have looked at what was the prior thread then. I haven’t read what is now the penultimate thread. Would this extemporaneous headline be a good way to summarize what’s happened so far?
Hastert pulls boner, House cooks hot potato in Reynolds wrap, with condiments to follow soon…
Jane, speaking of Mission Accomplished.
Did you see in one of Woodward’s interviews he mentioned that Bush’s speech to be given on the carrier had originally contained the statement “Mission Accomplished” until Rumsfeld made them take it out at the last minute (but he was unable to get through in time to fix the banner).
This basically gives the lie to their claim that it was the folks in the military who came up with the idea for the banner and put it up.
“Republicans using children as human shields.” I love it!!! Drudge saying that the Pages were “seducing” Foley? Priceless. They got sh*t-nothin’. Burn, baby-BURN!!!
Roll Call reported that when Alexander told Boehner, possibly as early as Feb. 2006 (maybe just after Boehner was elected Majority Leader?), that Boehner then told Alexander to tell Reynolds about it.
GOP sources said Reynolds remembers being told of the Foley e-mails by Alexander “sometime in the spring.” One source said Boehner told Alexander to go to Reynolds with his concerns about Foley’s behavior.
*xyz @ 8
They’d long since admitted it was a lie, but it never got much coverage, since the press was still fully in “all good citizens support Dear Leader” mode at that point.
That’s astonishing, Jane. Did any of the reporters get closer to explicitly asking Reynolds if he was hiding behind the kids? And/or if using them as props demonstrated Republican values?
Then again, maybe Reynolds was just looking to score a date afterward.
These guys have been smokin the political pipe for so long they no longer can see through the smoke to recognize a moral issue when it hits them square in the face. John Dean’s book becomes more and more and more important in understanding who these people are because that authoritarian personality won’t allow these leaders to recognize what they have become. And if Cheney leads the country to war based on a 2% chance of nukes, it’s amazing that that 2% chance wasn’t taken up when it came time to protect the children of this country. It’s like all the titles of these books have reached a nexis moment, then there’s Hubris…
I believe it’s called the Center for Missing and EXPLOITED Children. What definition of EXPLOITED do these guys not understand?
Like I said over at watertiger’s - Foleycoverupgate is the end of the Republican Party. We’ve seen nothing yet, in either the extent of their sleazoid actions, nor the extent of their even sleazoidier coverup actions. Mark my words. This is it. They are fucking finished.
Thanks for picking this up. This press conference could be the end of Reynolds politically if enough people see it
Sharkbabe - I’m marking down your quote. Hope you’re right. Will give you full credit if this plays out the way you predict.
Hmmmmm….
Isn’t this another one of those posts that is just made to be SPOTLIGHTED to the local media in Reynolds’ district????
In response to the question in the last post, I think they could have gotten out of this by sacrificing Hastert if he hadn’t been obviously lying to cover his ass from the moment this broke. It didn’t have to be immediately (it’s human to think for a few hours that you can talk your way out of it), but if he’d taken responsibility pretty soon and resigned as Speaker, it could have all been over. But conservative politicians are congenitally incapable of taking responsibility for anything.
So now the story is the coverup, and nobody falling on their sword is going to make it go away.
Couldn’t happen to a more deserving bunch of guys.
So, what is Reynold’s district? I want to do some spotlighting. Does it include Buffalo?
Bullseye.
Thanks Jane.
Please repukes, have lots more press conferences with people holding their babies.
Please I beg you.
All Repubs (including wingnut talk show hosts) who are using every conceivable tactic to move past Foleygate should be forced to read Foley’s IMs out loud to each other on camera.
I can think of a lot of terms to describe them, but Snow’s “naughty” is not one of them:
http://pageoneq.com/news/2006/foley_093006.html
*xyz -
Please repost your 10:11 comment from the prior thread; it is just as relevant here.
I’m brought to think back to 1990, with Sadaam holding the press conference with the young English boy on his lap, stroking his hair, and the profound discomfiture the child showed to the world in the presence of Sadaam.
Anyone up for a morphing video of these folks?
Perhaps CPS needs to intervene next time Reynolds and the GOP exploit children for personal gratification and political cover?
Stephen Parrish, I actually have to run - I give you full permission to bring it up to this post and elaborate as you see fit. Thanks.
Stephen Parrish, CPA @ 7
Is that Reyonlds wrap aluminum Foley?
Holy.
Cow.
Raw Story says naming of names to commence soon on ABC. Who knew what and when:
“ABC will soon report who had knowledge of the Mark Foley page scandal, and when they became aware of it, RAW STORY has learned.
In an interview with DemocracyNow, ABC’s Maddy Sauer has shared some startling facts about the story.
Pages have, according to Sauer, been able to produce instant message conversations going back as far as five years. Some of them are reportedly sexually explicit.
The FBI, Sauer claims, will be interviewing pages starting today.
Sauer also indicated that ABC’s next wave of reports on the Foley scandal will focus on who in Congress was aware of the situation, how much they knew, and when they were alerted.”
So, what is Reynold’s district? I want to do some spotlighting. Does it include Buffalo?
Yes, it’s NY-26 — bascially goes from Rochester’s western suburbs all the way to Buffalo.
What we are seeing here is a cultural clash. Republicans like Reynolds and Hastert think responsibility if for saps so they will do everything to duck it or stick others with it. The religious Right whacky as it is sees this as a question of sin. To receive forgiveness you need to acknowledge the sin. Clinton knew this. Whenever one of his sins became too
pubicpublic, he would call in a bunch of ministers, get harangued, and ask for forgiveness which was grudgingly given. Worked like a charm everytime. The Republicans exploit the religious Right but few of them understand it, hence the tone deaf, tin ear that has afflicted their approach to the Foley affair.Stephen Parrish, CPA @
7
I think your summation is quite succinct, Stephen.
Do these guys truly believe they have any credibility left? How low can they go?
Diane @ 33
I guess we’re going to find out
*xyz @ 20
Tom Reynolds 26th New York
Erie County
Genesee County
Livingston County
Monroe County
Niagara County
Orleans County
Wyoming County
Republican party tanks and stock market hit all time high. WTF is going on with that?
Yearly Kos is in Chicago. OOOH RAAAH!
Anyone have a suggestion as to which wine goes best with roasted elephant? I think there is going to be a lot of it on the menu for the forseeable future. Additionally, after the main course, sandwiches, and soup from the carcass, any recipes to keep it interesting? Bon appetite!!!
Rushton @ 38
How about Dom Perignon?
WRT Hastert, IANAL, but I don’t think he will resign. It would be tantamount to admitting he was criminally negligent wrt the statutory rape that I am assuming Foley perpetrated on pages. I am aware of no evidence of this, but if one of the pages says it happened, Foley’s IM’s don’t leave him very credible if he says it didn’t happen. Tom Reynolds’ “I took it to my supervisor,” seems to lay responsibility squarely on Denny. Denny can run the dummy defense to his heart’s content, but as Speaker it’s his Federal responsibility to keep the pages safe from predators such as Foley. If he does not know what’s going on, as Foley’s supervisor, he could be guilty of criminal negligence as it pertains to statutory rape.
Steve @ 36
It’s a random fluctuation that is only a record because of how badly the stock market has done under Bush.
Sharkbabe @ 15
Yep, this is one of those stories that 85% of the entire U.S. poulation will have heard about within the next day or two (if not already). Unlike the “inside the beltway” scandals this one resonates among the entire population; and primarily because it *really* is all about sex.
All you gotta do is read one of those IMs and then you see Hastert blathering on teevee, and you think “Republicans, Jeezus, who could they?”
Nobody’s gonna forget this before November 7th. Nobody.
Good work. Putting the kids onstage is priceless.
I hope the Thugs keep on defending the indefensible and I’m
pretty sure I won’t be disappointed.
Drudge bascially saying the ‘best and brightest young repubs’ are
nothing but beasts is pretty much spot on when you really think
about it. These young perverts (political) are the ones the leadership are grooming for future political action. Of course they’re beasts,
but maybe not in the way Drudge was thinking.
Rush: The pages seduced Foley. Thank you Mr. Drug-addled
fool.
Snow: naughty emails…
When do we light the bonfires?
Enjoy.
The Republican party is using basically what are kids, to fight and die in Iraq. Anything and anybody is fair game for the Republicans, including children in the furtherance of their unquenchable and perverted and twisted pursuit of power. Power. It’s the Republican aphrodisiac. Absolutely disgusting.
Rushton @ 38
Some fava beans and a fine Chianti.
John Casper @ 35
It looks like upstate rural dyed in the wool Republican territory. Timothy McVeigh came from around there. Others could probably tell you more.
Hugh - Interesting re: Clinton. I’ve always believed that Clinton “sinned” on purpose so that he could then admit to them and be “forgiven,” and know that “we” still loved him. An iteration of a lack of self esteem in ways for someone who otherwise seems to have a great deal of it. Complicated man that Clinton - BUT GREAT PREZNIT.
Sharkbabe - I agreed with you yesterday, in general. This is big, there is no good way to spin it, and the more they talk the bigger (proverbial) grave they dig for themselves. Usually, I like the big odd prognostications like this will mean the end of the GOP, but even I wouldn’t go that far. I would agree that it may mean the end of the GOP as the veritable RICO enterprise of corruption, incompetence and hypocrisy that the wingnuts and neocons have turned it into - and that would be a good thing for the country.
Hey, I’m way behind here, just waking up in NZ. Forgive me if I’m covering old ground.
But my husband and I were talking about the isolation, not only of Democrats on the page committee, but also Democrats on the 911 Commission. These seem to echo each other.
Did Tenant tell anyone on the Commission about the July 10 meeting? Did he tell everyone, or is there more info from the 911 Commission that is concealed from other members and therefore, missing from the Commission’s report?
Some of this is in plain view, or nearly so (why did Ashcroft quit flying commercial?), but we can’t seem to get the narrative stitched together, either through all the “sand thrown in our eyes” or because the implications are such that we aren’t prepared to accept them, just as my dear father-in-law has no place for the evidence of Bush’s malfeasance to land in his stalwart Republican psyche.
The press conference was surreal political theater. Reynolds rounded up every Republican politico in Western New York and asked them to bring their kids to stand with him at the podium.
He refused to answer any questions in a direct manner, he simply reiterated his original statement as he was pressed by the Buffalo News, WHLD, New York Times, Philly Inquirer, WaPo, and other outlets for more information.
Reynolds is in a statistical dead heat with his opponent Jack Davis. Thus far, Davis hasn’t capitalized on the situation instead letting the local media and national news organizations do the work for him.
The full video is available at my site as well as selected clips on YouTube.
Thanks for the help in spreading the word on the situation in Buffalo.
The latest humor about Mark Foley (R-Neverland):
Q: How is a Republican congressman like a cel phone set to vibrate? A: They both get a little buzz when a page comes!
Q: What did Mark Foley and his pages have in common?A: They both gave up their seats.
Q: What’s the difference between Republican congressmen and Michael Jackson? A: As John Ashcroft makes clear, Michael can sing.
Q: How can you tell Republican Congressmen are avid readers? A: They always head right to the bottom of the page!
Q: Who are the Republicans going to replace Foley on the ballot with? A: They don’t know yet, but they’ve narrowed it down to three: Pete O’file, Anne De’rage, and Sixteenyearold Boychaser.
“using children” is right.
OK…help me with something:
Everyone swears Rove is a political genius right?
OK. Then why in the hell is he letting these guys continue? I mean, ok, I’m a moron politically, but doesn’t it make the most sense for Bush to step in as the Great Leader and publicly demand resignations from everyone involved?
Allowing Hastert and Reynolds to keep making asses of themselves in public is taking a serious toll on the GOP as a whole, not just these two guys. Getting them out of the spotlight as quickly as possible seems to be the smart move.
What am I missing?
BuffaloGeek @ 48
Great honor to have you here. You did a great job.
LMAO!!!
I just saw a YouTube clip of Katherine Harris saying that it was the media and Democrats who “kept this from the public interest, because our children are at stake.”
WTF? hahahahahahahahahaha…!!!!!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....30844.html
Dream on, Reynolds. That’s already earmarked for Foley’s legal defense fund. Or it will be, I’m sure. ;)
Hugh @ 31
I actually think something a bit more venal is at work here — Hastert and all the other kleptocrats thought there was no end to the bullshit the fundies would swallow in their “Common Cause.” They kept loading them down with the most outrageous, stupid, unbelievable hogwash and the fundies kept yelling for more. I’m sure it shocked them no end when they couldn’t lay it off on gays (though lord knows, many journalists like Mike Viqueira tried to point them in that direction — if they could simply get the left fighting the wingnuts as to whether this was a “gay thing,” they thought they might be able to duck). They must be melting down that the fundies are in high dudgeon.
Chickens coming home to roost. A beautiful thing.
Hey, can anyone find that picture from right before the Gulf War? You know, that one of Saddam posing with his hostages, especially that little British boy that looked so terrified while Uncle Saddam was trying to act all avuncular to show what a nice guy he is?
I just think it would make a nice companion piece to this latest GOP stunt.
anybody who hasn’t watched what is going on today, and seen that Denny Hastert has been chosen as the lamb to be sent to slaughter, so they can get this over and out of the public view is naive.
I am thrilled to see the demise of Hastert, but let’s not take our eye off the NIE report, Woodward’s book and the fact that the Party of Family Values is in name only!
Lots going on , folks. Don’t let it get buried under Foley.
ABC News:
Foley had internet sex while awaiting house vote!
http://blogs.abcnews.com/thebl.....insta.html
Zergle @ 52
That Rove is not as smart as he has been touted to be?
BuffaloGeek @ 48
Thanks much for shooting the video and speaking up. Go read Buffalogeek’s post and see the other YouTubes of the unbelievable Reynolds presser, it’s great.
This is quicksand. The harder they struggle to get out, the faster they sink.
Just a point to ponder…
This cover up must have begun when DeLay was still slinking around congress.
I’m curious to see what his role in this was.
The crying babies in the background is truly pathetic. I think it just makes Reynolds look more ridiculous than he would otherwise.
They need to send Foley to Gitmo post haste.
NZ Expat @ 49
Others will be able to respond better than I, there’s some good stuff in the comments on earlier threads today. What I recall, is that the latest is that Tenant did tell the 9/11 Commission about the meeting with Rice. What Ben-Veniste is saying is that Tenant diluted the intensity of that meeting in recounting it to the 9/11 Commission. Woodward got a very different take (and probably more accurate) on the intensity than the 9/11 Commission got.
Zergle @ 51
Not everyone. I’ve sweared he’s not a genuis since I first got to FDL, often, and at length.
yellow snapdragon @ 59
Wow - and it gets even worse. And I have the feeling we have barely scratched the surface.
yellow snapdragon @
59
Holy. Freaking. Shit.
Oh man…is it just me or did it just become rather apparent that he almost certainly has had direct sexual contact with these boys?
Oh man…if anyone knew ANYTHING before this IM exchange…oh man…
*xyz @ 67
I feel like I need to go back home and take another shower. Ick.
_
The press conference just looked like another form of child abuse. I will be delighted watching as these abusers get their comeuppance in the days to come.
I don’t think Rove had anything to do with this. When the NRCC found out about Foley last year, they didn’t tell either of the other 2 members of the Page Board, and only one of them is a Democrat.
Rove’s specialty is setting up situations, then having someone else tip over the domino to start the smear/event/whatever. There’s no way Rove would do this without the House leadership insulated from this fiasco. He’d never pull a stunt like this so close to an election.
No, this is an honest to God political scandal. I’m making popcorn!
That press conference is so weird and in such bad taste that I don’t think whoever planned it checked with Unka Karl in advance.
BobbyG @ 69
I’m still hoping for “Foley had cybersex with high schooler during impeachment hearings”.
Zergle @ 69
In this age of the internets, I would say this does qualify as “direct sexual contact”.
The ABC news new IMs talk about Foley and the kid going to drink at the Congressman’s place. It sounds like there was almost certainly physical contact with this page. It sounds like the kid was 17, so maybe over the age of consent in DC (Does anyone know?), but encouraging the drinking by a minor is at least one crime in that message.
Things just got even worse for the GOP. I hope the kid in this one doesn’t get outed. The whole thing is such a tragedy.
http://blogs.abcnews.com/thebl.....insta.html
Also completely reprehensible is the fact that those parents were in on the ruse. If I had been one of them, I would have left the room when the press brought up the topic. You just don’t take needless risks with exposing your children like that, do you?
Jane Hamsher @ 56
This could create an opening to Democrats. The whackier fundies are a lost cause but there may be quite a few who would be responsive to the message: Are you tired of being screwed over by righteous sounding hypocrites? And are you willing to give the Democrats a try? They may not hit all of your hot button issues but they are, unlike the Republicans, committed to a better life for you and your children.
Everything falls apart!
A map of the NY-26 Congressional District. It does not appear to include Buffalo.
As bad as this press conference was (and I think it’ll go down as one of the worst), he didn’t really have much choice. It’s the only way he could ensure that all of those IMs weren’t read to his face. They have almost no room to maneuver here.
Why Not Send Reynolds a Nice Fax, Asking Him to Resign?
I just did. Here’s a copy of what I sent, please feel free to use this text to create a FAX or email of your own:
Rep. Tom Reynolds FAX numbers:
DC: 202-225-5910
NY: 716-631-7610
585-663-5711
Can anyone say “Contributing to the Delinquence of a Minor?” That’s one guaranteed charge.
Letting American kids die in Iraq…
Exploiting kids in Congress…
What’s not to like about this ‘traditional family values’ crowd?
Anybody care to bet the Religious Right still vote Republican this fall, though in lesser numbers?
But, there are many other Republicans who must be throwing up about now. I can’t imagine the Libertarian strain of Republican or the Rockefeller Republicans or even the Log Cabin Republicans voting for more of this.
Even the Wall Streeters realize things will be better (in many ways) with Dems back in charge, so as the Republicans fall on their faces the Street rises towards Clintonian highs.
Hugh @
78
This is where Senator Harry Reid comes in: he’s basically a socially conservative Democrat because of his Mormon background.
This is a perfect spot for Senator Reid to step forward and provide real leadership and wisdom.
Hugh @ 78
Completely agree.
Also in this story the Traditional Media has a confluence of events that both the right and the left want them to cover.
John Casper @
40
John -
I can see why you think that Hastert won’t resign, but think that one very important consideration that has already been mentioned in previous threads should be repeated here: Dennis Hastert, as Speaker of the House, is next in line to become President after Dick Cheney. Under present circumstances, with a burgeoning cloud suspended over him, would it be better to leave Dennis Hastert two heartbeats away from the presidency (as I have expressed the thought in at least one previous thread) or precipitate a potential constitutional crisis if he were to resign, while Congress is adjourned, as Speaker of the House when we take into consideration Dick Cheney’s health problems?
Zergle @ 52
I asked the same question in a previous thread. Seems weird. Couldn’t Bush score some points by asking for the resignations instead of standing by these perverts. Something seems to be missing… besides the moral compas.
got cha Jane - have a kool aid swillin’, Limbaugh lovin’ brother-in-law - who happens to have a 15 yr old son - and he is beyond outraged with this story . . .
this is one of those guys who takes up the Santorum meme about actually finding WMD . . .and he wants the Leadership’s heads on platters - yesterday !
guess I’ll give him a call and see if he’s seen the, um, presser*g*
Thanks Stephen CPA, yeah, you raise good points.
Chickens coming home to roost? This is the schoolyard scene from Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds.
What next? A nuclear explosion from North Korea?
-GSD
CSPAN I - Washington Times Editor - Hassert resignation! Now!
Stephen Parrish, CPA @ 86
I’m with John on this one. Denny is in substantial LEGAL jeopardy here. We don’t know how deep this goes, but based on the speed on Foley’s resignation, I’m guessing that there are more predators involved. Denny doesn’t know what else is going to come up (or worse, maybe he DOES know). He could be in danger of multiple civil and criminal suits here. A resignation, no matter how he words the speech, will be seen as an admission of guilt. He just can’t do it.
It’s not physically possible for Bush to admit a mistake, even someone else’s. That would look like he’s taking responsibility for a problem. Bush only takes credit, even when he doesn’t deserve to.
One of my young family members, Chuck, who’s been in the army for thirteen years, came state-side for his six year old daughter’s birthday this past weekend. Chuck has done two tours in Iraq and after returning to Germany next week, is facing a redeployment to Iraq. He may never see his three children again. And just as bad, we may never see Chuck again. We don’t discuss Iraq much in this family, as we have several of our close knit loved ones serving in the military. But Chuck said something rather interesting at the b’day party. He told us that before leaving Germany, and arriving at Fort Sill, here in Oklahoma, his sergeant remarked to him, “I’m so tired of lying”. This is a true story. I want our babies home from Iraq! Now!
TheOtherWA @
72
Oh, I have no doubt Rove found out about this pretty damn close to the same time the rest of us did. IMO Rove is chewing out these bastards up one side and down the other: “You’ve ruined everything! You and those damn kids!”
However, I would think that Rove would recognize the need for significant damage control at this point which would involve cleaning the House. Then again, as others mention, the latest about Condi, the 9/11 comish, etc…
hehehe…he’s a busy little Turd Blossom ain’t he?
Tom Reynolds: “I did what most of us would have done in the workplace. I heard something, I took it to my supervisor.”
I’m surprised that more attention hasn’t been drawn to the import of this comment from Reynolds.
It’s apparent that Reynolds has forgotten that his supervisor is the voting population in his district, and that the Republican leadership are his *peers*, not his bosses.
Obviously, there are a lot of levels on which this comment, and Reynold’s behavior in general, has been appalling and disgusting, but just in a general way I would think the voters in Buffalo should be concerned that their own representative characterizes himself as a follower rather than a leader.
Way to build support, Tom.
Should work with elephant also:
Hot Gingered Pygmy Mammoth & Jumbo Shrimp Salad
Feeds your whole tribe.
1 pygmy mammoth, boned and cubed (about 1/2 ton)
1/2 ton jumbo shrimp, peeled and deveined (many many ordinary shrimps, or one Ebirah claw)
10 buckets sesame seeds
60 pounds bean thread noodles if you are an Eastern tribe, whatever your tribe uses for noodles otherwise. If you have not yet invented the noodle, this might be a good time to do so.
1 bucket vegetable oil
1 bucket sesame oil
Salt
10 buckets minced fresh ginger
6 buckets minced garlic
15 buckets dry Sherry
15 buckets rice wine vinegar
60 pounds sugar
60 buckets diced fresh mangoes
15 buckets chopped green onions
Big Snorgul’s helmet full of red pepper flakes
10 buckets chopped fresh cilantro, plus 5 Big Snorgul’s helmets fresh cilantro, garnish
1000 large heads lettuce, cored and leaves separated (a raid on the People Who Grow Stuff may be necessary)
30 buckets thinly sliced, peeled, seeded, drained cucumbers, or just chop up the damn cucumbers and say “Fie to thee!” a lot
All the chives you got
Preheat a giant turtle shell over a fumarole. A big giant turtle. Put some oil in there. Make sure no other giant turtles are around to see you do this.
On a flat rock, stirring with your Stick of the Dining God, dry cook the sesame seeds over medium heat until they are brown and smell good. Remove from the heat. Add the noodles to the turtle shell and fry fast until puffy and the color of sunrise. Remove from the oil and drain on non-itchy leaves. Throw salt. Set aside.
Sear the mammoth meat on the flat rock. Salt but don’t overdo it, you remember what happened to the Chest-Clutching Tribe of the Plains. Drain.
Get a less giant turtle shell. Okay, think of this as a celebration dish for a good turtle hunt and shrimp catch. Make the vegetable oil and most of the sesame oil dance. Add the shrimp, mammoth, ginger, and garlic, and cook fast, stirring, until the shrimp are just pink and firm. Doom of Ten Thousand Wretched Canaps awaits those who overcook shrimp. Remove from the shell with pole weapons. Add the sherry and vinegar, and sing the Song of Deglazing over medium heat. Add the sugar and stir until it is one with the sauce. Cook until half the fluid is gone. Feed anybody who thinks this is waste to the giant turtles. Add the rest of the sesame oil, mangoes, green onions, and pepper flakes, and stir to warm through and wilt. No, this wilt is good. Tell the people it is the wilt of the Wilt God. You need all the mojo you can get. Remove from the heat and add the shrimp and ginger, and the cilantro. Stir to warm through and do the Highly Dramatic Ritual of Adjusting the Seasoning to Taste.
Now your tribal status is on the thin edge of the cleaver. Have everybody bring what they eat off of. You know your tribe. Put lettuce on whatever they hold out and spread the hot stuff on it. Those who have no eating platters should be used to the drill by now. Arrange cucumber slices on top in whatever symbolic pattern seems propitious to you and sprinkle with the toasted sesame seeds. If you have a really tough tribe, yell “Bam!” until they get a groove going. Add fried noodles, cilantro sprigs, and chives, and watch for any signs of people keeling over that can’t be blamed on strong drink.
John M Ford, Making Light: D & S: A Story from Capclave
These GOP types for the most part do not understand that the Christian Right is SERIOUS about their issues. They are often easily fooled w/ some pandering(Terri Shivo case for example) but this time it isn’t going to work. This is Harriet Meir’s territo