cripple fight!

Slapfight in the right wing blogosphere(™StBK)!!!

Dean Esmay confuses pique with principle and lashes out at Michelle Malkin for being a bigot.  

Yeah, I know.  Let me know when you’re done…

Got it under control?

Good.  Let’s examine.  The entry begins with the headline Question for Michelle Malkin: Does the Conscience of a Conservative Still Exist? 

Interesting question, Professor.  You’re the bozo that thinks torture is a good idea.  You tell me.

::UPDATE:: Mea Culpa.  Dean is not a torture advocate .  It would be intellectually dishonest of me not to correct this, having been informed of this.  He’s still a jackass, just a NUANCED jackass.

First paragraph:

I’m publicly calling out Michelle Malkin, someone whom I often disagree with but usually respect. I hope she will think about it and respond thoughtfully and not angrily or flippantly.

Good luck with that Dean.  Seriously.  

As the President likes to say, "Now watch how I set up this strawman…" (or something like that) 

This very statement–that Islam is incompatible with democracy–is why I fight so hard with many of my friends on the Right: accepting that statement means we have to declare war on the entire Muslim world if we’re to hope for human freedom to survive. 

It’s so much more fun to talk about the WAR FOR HUMAN FREEDOM than to worry about things like the water bill, I am guessing.  I should try it more often…  HUUUUUMMMMMAAAAAANNN FREEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOMMMMMM!!! 

Ahem.  Sorry. What were we talking about?  Oh, right, Right Wing bloggers and their penchant for drowning their arguments in phrases that ring like the titles of Somerset Maugham books instead of what’s really on their minds.  I’ll translate:  "You racist crackers are really starting to embarrass me."  There.  Wasn’t that simple?

Then Dean says something that almost ALMOST makes sense:

There are some on the Right who believe this. But I think they’re badly hurting our efforts. I think such people on the Right are hurting the war effort and not helping it.

I suppose such anti-Islam statements must add some moral clarity: oh, Muslims are the enemy. So let’s just fight the Muslims. But that means you want to fight well over a billion people found in over 100 countries around the globe. Including people in America’s armed forces who are serving with honor and distinction right now.

Declaring war on a fifth of the world’s population?  A bad idea?  Why Dean!  You sound like some kind of hippie peacenik moonbat!  How nice for you!

Of course, the funny thing about Dean is that… even when he’s almost right, he’s so… so very wrong…

I will note again, as I often have, that during World War II there were Filipinos who were ethnically Japanese and who spoke Japanese, but who allied with us against the Japanese Empire. Fought and in some cases died alongside our boys in the South Pacific. Some of them were even United States citizens, and served invaluable roles as translators and in propaganda efforts (and "propaganda" is not a necessarily a dirty word by the way).

Furthemore the Chinese, as much as they "looked Japanese" to American eyes, were also welcome allies against Tojo’s Japan.

See?  This is what passes for a moment of clarity in Dean’s world- What he’s saying is Even Though They all Look Alike… THEY’RE NOT ALL ALIKE!!!

HOLY SHIT, DEAN!  CALL THE MSM!!!! 

I have a very funny mental picture of Dean at this moment of deep insight. I’ll keep it to myself, so as to spare the rest of you the horror… However, I do wonder… once you’ve dropped a Moon Pie into the carpet, can you rinse the fuzz off, or is it a goner?

(By the way, I love that "our boys" shit.  It’s so Patton-esque.  That’s Dean: the Moon Pie Patton.) 

I think that many of America’s rightists–including, sadly, Michelle Malkin–have done a piss-poor job of making such vital distinctions. Indeed, I would like to publicly challenge Michelle Malkin: you’ve said you’ve stopped using terms like "Islamo-fascist" and "Islamic radicals" because they don’t make sense. 

Well, now… see?  A moment of civility in discourse between me and that Malkin woman.  "Islamo-fascist" doesn’t make any sense?  I concur completely.  That’s because it’s some stupid shit some simpleton like Charles Johnson made up, however, not because, as Malkin apparently asserts, it creates a false distinction.

I’m making an open appeal to your conscience, Michelle Malkin, and to the conscience of conservatives everywhere: shouldn’t you start making a distinction between Muslims who hate us and want to kill us, and Muslims who believe in freedom, democracy, and religious tolerance? 

Well, that seems reasonable.  (Except for that whole Michelle Malkin having a conscience part.)  However, I wouldn’t bet the farm on it. 

We could stop there, but the next paragraph has a real howler in it.  You sitting down?  OK.

And yes, I call myself a liberal, although I voted for Bush twice and have been an avowed Hawk since 9/11. I hate terrorists and giggle like a schoolgirl when one of them dies. 

Well, I could call myself a duck, but if I didn’t quack and fly south for the winter then there’s going to be a little credibility gap when I start to run my mouth.

Also, I find the "giggl[ing] like a schoolgirl" bit a kind of curious admission.  Once again, I am going to spare you the horror of my vision, dear reader, but… I just hope he "feels pretty on the inside" when he does that.  Don’t worry, though, he rounds it out with some Big Toughguy Talk:

our enemies need to be hunted down and killed without remorse or pity. If we capture them alive, then we should extract the maximum possible information from them, so as to help round up and capture or kill their fellow terrorists. 

YAAAAAAARRRR!!!  I’m a big tough pirate, YARRR!!!  (I love this game.  Let’s all be BIG AND STRONG, now, by TALKING LIKE TOUGH GUYS.)  Hey, Dean.  Put up or shut up big guy.  Otherwise, resume the position underneath your bed.

As we race across the blogosphere(™StBK) to see the milk of human kindness flow from Michelle’s tear ducts as she admits the error of her many conflations and distortions, we, uh… wait… oops… Hm…. Another well-intentioned (but terribly ham-fisted) cry for Reason on the Right falls flat.  Because, y’know, Michelle?  She ain’t having no bitch-ass third tier blogger putting shame in her game .   No, sir.

This post by Dean Esmay, "calling out Michelle Malkin," is what is known in the business as traffic bait.

So go ahead and click it and give Esmay more of the traffic he wants. I highly recommend you read his post as the classic blogospheric example of how not to argue about Islam.

Or anything else, for that matter.

Well, "esmay" is Pig Latin for "mess," if you want to talk that foreigner talk. 

She then uses Dean’s own words to paint him as an unhinged, flailing and meanspirited asshole.  (Hey, I know that guy!  It’s the Dean Esmay we all know and love!  …or something!)  That part is kinda fun.  It’s all from his comments section, I believe.  He should be along here shortly in our comments to provide more of the same spittle-flecked entertainment.

Malkin continues:

There is a grown-up debate to be had about the incompatibility of fundamental tenets of Islam and liberal democracies, and about the prospects for reform in the Muslim world 

Translation: "Don’t worry, I am still a bigot."

Max Boot makes a histrionics-free go at it in the LA Times, 

Why do I doubt that ? 

I make no apologies for highlighting the horrors of sharia law, criticizing creeping dhimmitude, and citing the work of outspoken and brave critics of Islam–Muslim and non-Muslim alike. (Speaking of which, don’t miss Jihad Watch at Hot Air TV today.)

Because, honest to g-d, you KNOW HOW THOSE PEOPLE ARE.

This is like watching one of those bum fight videos, isn’t it?  I think that the most horrifying thing about Bum Fights, and they are truly a blight on American culture, is that the homeless people in the videos are motivated to attack each other over five or ten bucks… Their tragic and desperate situations in life have put them in a position where they really can’t refuse a couple of sorry dollars to try and maim the other homeless guy across the street.

Hey, wait a minute…

What was it Upton Sinclair said about making someone understand something that their paycheck depends upon them NOT understanding?

Michelle feeds her racist and crypto-fascist constituency the red meat of xenophobia, and poor, confused Dean Esmay sticks his addled head up to the bars of the cage and screams "Go VEGETARIAN!  No, really!"

Not likely, Esman.  Ain’t gonna happen. There’s too much bile, rage and money to be made by hating on "those dirty muslims," so you should probably just go back to parsing NPR transcripts for more ANTI-AMERICAN BIAS, and stop picking fights with your (nominal) allies over whether or not Gunga Din can be trusted.