stars on ice

Oh for god’s sake.  Speaking of annoying little whining sounds.

Kerry: I’m prepared to kick Swift Boat’s ass

RAW STORY
Published: Thursday September 14, 2006

Print This  Email This  Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) doesn’t believe that Hillary Clinton has the inside track on the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination and says he would vigorously defend himself against new attacks by the Swift Boat team, according to an interview with The Examiner.

"I’m prepared to kick their ass from one end of America to the other," said Kerry, in a strong hint that he intends to run for president once again.

You’re shitting me, right?  Well, excuse me while I drop dead of relief.  It’s all going to be alright, now, y’all!  John Kerry has reached down into his shorts and discovered that he has a pair, and he’s come to save the day only TWO GODDAMN YEARS TOO LATE!!

Way to go, there, boy wonder!  What took you so long?

… in a strong hint that he intends to run for president once again.

Oh.  That.

Look, John.  Not so freakin’ fast, buddy.  I feel the same way about this declaration that I did a few weeks ago when you declared that there might have been some election malfeasance in Ohio in 2004.  I’m sorry, but why the fuck didn’t you say something about this in 2004?  You know, when it might have made a difference.  When the lives of some American soldiers and Iraqi civilians might have been saved.

When it came down to it in the summer of 2004, you let a bunch of seriously crooked (and easily debunked!) smear-merchants slime you and you rolled over.  You should have opened the flame-thrower on those people.  But you decided that you would take the high road and hope that it went away.  It didn’t go away.  It sank your whole campaign.  You let us down when we really needed you.

I’m not going into battle with you again.  When it got ugly, you took your rich white ass back to Boston even as reports were pouring in on election day 2004 that something was really wrong in Ohio.  You conceded before the damn polls were even closed!

Maybe you don’t realize how deeply disappointing it was for all of us who had worked so hard to try and push you over the line to watch you run from fight after fight.  The other side was perfectly willing to get ugly, but it was like you couldn’t be bothered to get your hands dirty.  You equivocated.  You withered under fire.  You hit all the wrong notes and yet we hung in there, trying to believe, hoping against hope, praying that the country would change directions before it went over the cliff.

At times, you seemed to be the only person who didn’t realize that thousands and thousands of human lives were at stake in that election.  It was, you know, just another day on the golf course for you.  We needed you to fight and you folded.  We needed you to shout and you mumbled.  I am NOT going to let you let me down again.

But, you’re a creature of the Senate, John.  You’re soft.  Like Lieberman.  I can’t remember who said it, but being a senator is probably a lot like being a 13th century nobleman.  People defer to you.  They refer to you by your title.  You never have to wait for a table in a restaurant.  Even though you’re perfectly able-bodied, you feel special enough that you should be able to park in the handicapped spot.  You deserve it.  

For more than two decades you’ve been swanning around on Capitol Hill, bathing in privilege, soaking up power and influence.  If you weren’t up to the nastiness of the fight in 2004, you’re sure as shit not going to be up for it in these even more bloodthirsty times.

I mean, oh yeah, you’re talking tough now, but where have you been for the last two years?  Frozen in carbonite?  The Bush administration has been sacking and pillaging the planet.  Joe Lieberman has planted a poison dagger in your party’s back in the name of his own ambition.  Shit is ON FIRE, Mr. Kerry.  Where have you been?  Why is John McCain standing up to BushCo on torture and not you?  Huh?

Sorry, John.  I can’t get with you on this ‘08 thing. Thanks anyway, though.  But if it ends up we really need someone to take a dive at the worst possible time on something?  You’ll be the first guy I call.

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