Well, it’s official. Katherine Harris is the Florida GOP’s candidate for Senate. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. As I’m sure it does all of you.
Unfortunately, though, the WaPo seems to be on to us:
The strongest enthusiasm for Harris seems to be among the bloggers and comedians who delight in ridiculing her tight clothing and flirtatious manner.
Who, me?! Gosh, have we been that obvious about it? We can’t just pretend we like her for her spunky attitude and dogged determination in the face of, well, every force on God’s earth uniting to urge her not to run for the Senate? Go, Little Katie, go! You better run for Senate or Mitchell Wade may be asking for those implants back!
She trails Nelson by more than 30 points in voter opinion polls, lags far behind him in fund-raising and came under scrutiny after receiving illegal campaign contributions from a defense contractor who admitted bribing another congressional representative.
Harris, 49, has seen a steady exodus of disgruntled campaign staffers, who described her as obsessed with unimportant details and prone to screaming tantrums.
None of that fazed Harris.
Well, duh! She’s a freaking Republican! They are the party who never lets reality ruin a good campaign strategy. Because, in the immortal words of Stephen Colbert, "Reality has a well-known liberal bias."
So, Katherine, I’m so excited for you! We have another two months to savage you in print before your fifteen minutes of fame are up and you end up in event planning for the West Palm Beach Country Club! What shall we do with this time? Whole new vistas of snark are open wide before us.
Let’s start by watching your rejected campaign video. (You guys go ahead. I’ve seen it, so I’ll wait here.)
There. Wasn’t that fun? Who wants to finish Candy’s water?
Some people may think that portrayal of you, Katherine, is a little extreme. I did, until I read this:
She chastised speechwriters, press secretaries, fund-raisers, even travel aides who drove her from one event to another.
For those travel aides, a top priority was to get her Starbucks coffee, no matter where she was campaigning, "and God help him if it wasn’t hot," an aide said
Several aides said Harris was so obsessed with Starbucks coffee she insisted that Starbucks locations be mapped out when she was traveling from one campaign stop to another.
One aide recalled going to Harris’ house for a day of fund-raising calls without bringing her a cup of Starbucks. The aide said Harris made it clear that it was expected he bring her a coffee when coming to her house.
Another time, the aide said, he went to dinner with other staffers after a full day of campaigning while Harris was attending a church conference in Fort Lauderdale. By the time he returned, Harris had called the campaign manager to find out where the aide was so he could bring her something to drink. The aide said he was incredulous because there was a water fountain nearby.
A graduate of Agnes Scott College with a master’s degree from Harvard University, Harris sometimes would call staffers "stupid" and complain she didn’t have enough Ivy League graduates working for her, a former aide said.
"She always had a way of making (staff) people feel that they were beneath her," the aide said.
"There was a great deal of fear and loathing," among the staff, Dornan said. "I dreaded having to talk to her on a daily basis. Nine times out of 10, she was berating me for the most minute things."
It was Jan. 21 and Harris had just held her grass-roots kickoff rally at Walt Disney World’s Swan Hotel. About 200 supporters, including two dozen state legislators and Lt. Gov. Toni Jennings, participated. Miller called it the "high-water mark" of the campaign. But he said it was spoiled by two low notes.
The first occurred as Rollins — Harris’ then-senior consultant and a former political adviser to President Reagan — left the stage after predicting Harris would win despite polls showing her far behind.
"Why, why, why?" Harris demanded, had Rollins said she was trailing in the polls? Rollins called Miller that evening, bewildered and angry at her attack.
The second low note occurred that night when Miller took about 15 staffers to a local restaurant to celebrate the rally. During the dinner, Harris called him. When he told her about the dinner, she angrily informed him that her campaign would not pay for the dinner, estimated at about $400.
Miller said he told Harris he would pay for the meal out of his own money because he thought it was important to show appreciation to the mostly young staffers for their long hours and hard work on the event. At that point, Harris insisted on being put on a speaker and told the staffers she was paying for the dinner.
"It was inconceivable that after such a successful event she wouldn’t want her staff rewarded so there would be positive reinforcement," Miller said, noting that when Harris spoke to the staff, "she went from berating me to glowing on the staff."
But he said the staff could tell he was upset by his conversation with Harris.
"It was those type of blows that were really the body blows," Miller said. "They took a toll out of you."
Dude. What part of "Katherine Harris is a psychotic beeyatch" did you not understand?
In spite of everything, Katherine seems to be bound and determined to humiliate herself on a national scale. And I can’t think of any fate more befitting the woman who rigged the 2000 recounts to put Chimpy McFlightsuit in office. So, let’s have a big round of applause for her and her deep and appalling lack of shame and self-awareness! Yay, Katherine! You are the epitome of the modern Republican party, from your lobbying ties to bribery investigations to scary totalitarian theocratic maunderings. It’s going to be FABULOUS watching all that naked narcissism hit the Big Bug-Zapper of Public Opinion when the election results come back.
In the words of Patsy Stone, "I paid for those plastic bumps on her chest. I want them when she dies."
Good luck, Katie! We’ll see you around.