elissa

(Elissa Hadley, 1 April 1970-27 August 2006)

2:56pm, EDT

I couldn't sleep last night.  I read for a while, then ate some cracker sandwiches (Saltines plus strawberry jam plus cream cheese equals something worth getting out of bed for in the middle of the night, alright?), then a whole bowl of popcorn, then checked my email a couple dozen times and then around 3:30 in the morning, I got A Feeling. 

"Elissa's gone," I thought, and looked at the clock to make sure I remembered the time.  Then I looked around the room, not really expecting to see anything, but feeling something.  Something subtle, but something tangible.

"Elissa, are you here?" I said to the darkness, "I love you, honey."

The call woke me up this morning.  She passed at 1:30am.

And now, like any good Southerner, I am rolling up my sleeves and getting to work.  I will have the rest of my life to cry about this.  Today, I need to figure out what I can do to help.  I will probably be getting the ingredients for a chicken and broccoli casserole at the grocery store later, or baking a chocolate cake.  In the meantime, though, I want to remember her to you.

Elissa was so much herself that everyone who met her instantly felt more comfortable in their own skin.  She had a palpable force-field of charisma.  She was adorable, delightful, hilarious.  God made the sun just so he could kiss her face every day.  And finally, God couldn't stand for us to have her all to ourselves anymore, so he has lifted her up and hugged her to his breast, wrapped her in light and crowned her with stars.  She will sing to me from heaven in every full moon's luminosity, every fresh, sweet breath of freesia (her favorite flower), every soft morning fog, every midnight rumble of a cat's velvet purr.

Here is her song, "Indiana" from the 1999 album "For Now".

Good night, my wee sleekit, my darling friend, my little e.  The world will be a darker place without you.  I only pray that someday we meet again...