
"Ohmigod, did the President just . . . cut one?"
(I’m posting a little early today because I’ve got to catch a plane back to dreary NYC)
For the cuckoo bananas week ending 8/25/06:
Okay, I admit it – I have been living off the grid for the past six days, drinking in the bucolic splendor that is the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont, thanks to my very generous host and fellow blogger, NTodd. But I was in NYC early in the week and caught Bush’s unnerving "I’m a Grade-A Bitch When I’m Coming Off a Bender" presser, which, it seems, served as a kickoff for a week of forehead-slapping and muttering "What the fuck?" Pushing my food tray down the line at some of the blogoterias, I see I was not too far off the mark. All of the bigotry and microencephalitic thinking that is the watermark of the Association of Assclowns (formerly known as the Republican Party) was on display. Bush, we learned, hazes his aides with his penchant for passing gas, the wingnuts mourned the FDA’s thumbs up to Plan B while Forbes published anti-feminist screeds masquerading as "Dear Abbott" columns, the New York Times wasted valuable real estate (okay, maybe not so valuable anymore) on the petty, irrelevant ramblings of Ann Althouse, and Joe Scarborough surprised everyone by asking whether the Preznit’s an idiot. Jeezy Creezy, this clown car acts like it had its brake lines cut or something.
At least the loons up here keep to the local ponds and lakes.
On Bush’s press conference, during which it became quite evident that Bush will soon commence a war on seersucker suits, The Rude One sighs:
Really, though, in the end, when Bush said, for the umpteenth time about the Iraqi government, "We’re gonna give them the tools," all the Rude Pundit could think was, Oh, so like when are you and the rest of your administration gettin’ on Air Force One for that long flight to Baghdad?
Thers, who has plenty of experience hitting himself in the head . . . er, trying to make some sense of the simpering platitudes of "constitutional law professor" Ms. Althouse, saves himself some additional bruising.
And then there’s the indigestible Pam of Atlas Shrugs. She still thinks she’s doing AIPAC a favor by posting vlogs, so desperate for attention that she’s resorted to viddying herself in a bikini. Gavin M. at Sadly, No! graphically interprets what we were all thinking anyway.
Forbes Magazine should stick to writing about business. Susie at Suburban Guerrilla points out why. Amanda at Pandagon takes a very sharp eyebrow pencil to the Harridans of Self-Hate and their minions.
Because lying seems to be a congenital condition for most Republicans: Attaturk notes that Mean Jean Schmidt can’t run any race cleanly.
General J.C. Christian offers some "macacostic" advice to George Allen’s wounded senatorial campaign.
Over at alicublog, Roy discovers the source of wingnut logic.
Me, I’m thinking about staying up here. It seems a lot safer for my sanity.
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fitz!!!!
“0″ happy day!
watertiger!
Loons! unlike fuckwad’s farts, loons have a beyootiful sound, both soothing and mysterious……
Just. Freaking. Hilarious.
watertiger !
Hey Watertiger!
Glad to know you’ve been enjoying my home territory! Did you experience any cell phone withdrawal?
As soon as I saw your post watertiger, I had to go make a sandwich and freshen my soda and get ready to read it.
Oh boy, it is pouring rain here right now. Been raing for days. Cable is out.
Nice fedora on that guy.
Hi Lotus!
You are totally brilliant, watertiger! Thank you.
“Association of Assclowns” THIS will become my favorite phrase for the next three months.
ccmask @
10
For a second there, I thought she was back in the house. Hope things are gonna be OK for her and everyone in FL.
Iraq has pretty much proved that American conventional military power is toast in the region. Lebanon has proved the same thing for Israeli conventional military “invincibility”. There is really only two options. Go peace. Or go nuclear.
Good post.
Incidentally encephalic is the adjective that mean “of the brain” or “pertaining to the brain”.
Encephalitic is an adjective referring to a viral disease of the brain.
watertiGER!
Good morning Firepups-Currently sitting with a friend outside of our local eatery introducing him to FDL. Please say hello to Jay as he will be lurking as I did in the beginning. We also are now registering voters at the Church of Democratic Action for what it’s worth and greeting our neighbors as they come to shop at the grocery which is next door. This will be a regular Sunday meeting spot and we will be checking in regularly. Thankyou, and especially for the snark!
Hiya *ilbo and Jay– delurk quickly– we need you.
Welcome Jay, come on in, the water’s fine.
Hi Jay, welcome.
OT – or maybe not…Murphy’s answer might be a bit snarky.
From DKos: Media Searches Out Iraq Conflict In Fall Elections
http://www.dailykos.com/storyo…..92232/9038
Chris Murphy (the CT-5 Democratic challenger) had a wonderful quote when pressed to solve Iraq in a 30 second sound byte:
“It is like dropping a raw egg and asking me what my plans are for putting it back together”
~snip~
So here’s the deal, editors. Let’s make it simple for you.
1. Stay the course is a failure that has led to civil war. Democrats are united in wanting a course correction.
2. There’s no easy way for the egg to be put back, but never forget it was the fumble-prone President who dropped it.
3. Clean-up is messy, but necessary. Get the kids out of the kitchen who made the mess, and put the grownups back in charge, or the mess will never get cleaned up.
See the rest at the link above.
Jay!
Jay,
Enjoy the water—tiger.
-GSD
Hiya folks, Jay wants to say hello but his virginial(computer) qualities has created a blushing factor. This morning a director for The Bus Project came to church and it looks as though i’m “on the bus”. Especially looking foward to meeting with voters off the I5 corridor. Jane, are you ever returning to the cooling otter rocks?
… Bush said, for the umpteenth time about the Iraqi government, “We’re gonna give them the tools …
Yup. I’d say our government has been giving Iraq “the tool” for a few years now (without benefit of dinner or lubrication beforehand).
Welcome, Jay!
me too al-scooter.
Here’s what I posted at the generals:
Tossed in Space
…..After vigourous months of campaigning, George Allen dropped off the campaign trail at the request of President Bush. As part of the expanded Global War on Error, George Allen accepted the President’s offer to be the first Republican Civilian in Space, accompanied
by a highly skilled monkey.
Bush said Allen was to begin vigorous training immediately as the Shuttle Rediscovery was slated to leave by launchtime tomorrow.
When asked if the real purpose of selecting Allen was more of a face saving strategy, Bush said “How come you didn’t ask me about the pig?
Hey! Jay! Pull up a raft…Hi Jane!
excellent, ccmask! I am soooo glad to see Allen getting his just desserts for years of racism and good ole boy theatre.
I just feel sorry for the highly skilled monkey who has to travel with him…
OT – Jeb orders state of emergency for Florida
The Chattering Teefuses of Joe Biden:
Biden is looking to secure some the George Felix “Frenchie-Macaca” Allen Jr. votes in the South.
What a tool.
-GSD
Ooooh, a big Plameology fix followed by a refreshing snark chaser. What FDL is all about!
(P.S. I love the line, “Pushing my food tray down the line at some of the blogoterias…”)
Lou Costello @
21
I love that answer. It makes it clear that 1. this mess was created by the Idiots in Charge and 2. we will have to kick them aside and 3.do our very best to clean up their mess.
i think it was a great answer.
hi Jay,
welcome and I look forward to reading your commenys once you get the hang of swimming in the Lake
With his hawkish positions regarding the middle east, I am curious what west coasters think of Tom Lantos – he really seems like the L.A. version of Lieberman.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/200…..lebanon_dc
late hello to Jay!
cleaning the house, getting work done and soaking up that good Watertiger snark – what a day!
vermont – interesting place politically – might elect a socialist to the senate but tip the balance in the house by electing a repub.
OT to any NY lawyers out there. Training is about to start for anew pro bono federal prisoners rights project. If anyone is interested (and if the Ladies of the Lake don’t mind) I can put the sign up info in a comment
Hello to all those newly commenting!!
— I am heading out for an afternoon in Golden Gate park, laughing all the way thanks to watertiger’s links to the snarkalicious.
I especially enjoyed the comments Gavin (S,No!) got with regard to the big-mouthed thing accompanying the shark! Poor shark, it’s jumped the pam!
c u l8r
I just feel sorry for the highly skilled monkey who has to travel with him…
CC & Angie, I’m playing Mr. Fix-It again today, so I’m peeking into the thread as I can. I love your scenario, cc: the monkey’s smarter, more highly skilled and prolly better-looking than G. Felix, too.
I was able to do a micro-meetup with the Redshifts last night, and – being from the “fake” (i.e. northern) VA – they clued me into some backstory on G. Felix. His campaign people must be suffering almost as badly as Cruella’s and hopefully Joey’s. Other than the “Saltine” positioning (i.e., that he’s a fellow cracker), they have essentially nothing to work with. So GF has a perception problem: it’s catching up with his reality.
Watertiger:
how could you only list the snark of the week without mentioning Ann Coulter’s dressing down by Kristen Powers!!?!
al-Scooter – I couldn’t figure out from the email WHO Redshift was going to call last night! Only knew your screen-name . . . Did y’all have a fun time?
okay, here’s the rest of it for you Angie:
And, on the day of the launch, as the Rediscovery blasts off, Allen (soon counting his lucky stars) feels blessed sitting at the right hand side of the monkey.
Once in orbit, the phone rings and the monkey automatically picks up the phone and listens. The monkey hangs up the phone and adjusts a bunch of knobs and dials on the control panel. George Allen is impressed but wipes his brow anyhow. As trained, Allen awaits his instructions.
The phone rings and the monkey picks it up, listens and hangs up. He begins to ready the auxiliary camera by adjusting the lens for the
space shots and clearing a cache of packets to shoot thru the toobs. The monkey pays no attention to Allen, who awaits his instructions.
The phone rings. The monkeys answers and listens for a minute and slams the phone down, (but not before looking at Allen awaiting his instructions), shakes his head as he jumps over the seat to adjust the alternate coordinates, turns on an overhead monitor (making sure that Allen doesn’t see the password) and clicks start all programs, highlighting the accessories sleeve and pulls up his calculator. He punches in a bunch of numbers and then pulls up a mapquest. The pressure causes Allen to perspire like a man in a noose waiting for the switch.
The phone rings and the monkeys answers. The monkey hangs up and opens an underhead compartment and pulls out a bunch of pipes and
begins to assemble what appears to be rather large Confederate flagpoles, all this while floating through the cabin while knitting a couple of flags with his tail.
George gets frustrated and with his thumb he hits the mike and says, “Hey, what about me and all that training I had yesterday.” He is told to await further orders, Roger.
As he monkey lands the ship on the moon and readies the flag to claim the moon, George hears “You’ve got mail” and his sleeper cells
ignite. The monkey goes crazy as George’s training kicks in and he quickly reads the email up on the screen. He snaps off his seatbelt and fights off the monkey who’s messing with his hair. In one fell swoop, he cleverly gets a grip and reaches under his seat and pulls out a package. He carefully unwraps it while the monkey is now inside his shirt biting on his chest hairs. Allen opens the box exposing a ripe banana.
He looks out the window and counts a couple of more stars. That’s why they call him the decider! Dropping out of the campaign had won him an opportunity to become involved in a vital scientific experiment involving food in space. Allen comes off his sleeper mode onc`e again as the jealous monkey was really out of
control, screeching and scratching at Allen. He pushed the monkey off of him and rebuckled his belt as ordered and waited for further
instructions.
The phone rang and the monkey listens and reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a note and hands it to George. George opens it and reads “Please feed the monkey”.
Another good roundup of snark, Watertiger.
While checking out those links, I happened on this article at NTodd’s blog, called The Firewall Fairy Strikes Again, which is mostly a reprint of Frank Rich’s wonderful editorial in the NYTimes, Return to the Scene of the Crime, which is about Pres. Bush’s upcoming less-than-triumphant return to New Orleans.
Didja ever get the feeling that our great President Ne’er-do-well could rub one out during the State of the Union Address & nobody in the media would see fit to mention it ?
I guess that was those mushroom clouds he was talking about.
absolutely fantastic, ccmask– thank you and ROTFLMAO! al-Scooter @ 41– great news!
Here is a linky to the latest in the Richmond Times Dispatch and the article links to another article that shows that Felix is in trouble with conservatives too.
http://www.timesdispatch.com/s…..&path=!news&s=1045855934842
Joe Shit, the rag man @ 45
You mean he hasn’t?!?
I always thought he was hunched over that podium for a reason.
astral #42:
We had a fantastic discussion, and they’re still looking to do meetup(s) Monday and/or Tuesday night up by you. If you can, please take the opportunity to meet them!
posting is pretty slow today, and I ask indulgence for an majorly OT question. Has anybody ever had a problem with their building manager in their apartment (noise, dog running loose)? Any thoughts on how to approach the building owner?
OT – Ernesto downgraded to tropical storm. Florida keys now under hurricane watch – meaning hurricane conditions possible within the next 36 hours.
I always thought he was hunched over that podium for a reason.
I’m so proud of myself! This is twice today: earlier I saw “watertiger” and just now I saw “Swopa”, and each time I swallowed my gulp of non-designer water and gently placed the bottle on the desk, took a deep breath and saved my keyboard and monitor by waiting to read the post. Not failsafe yet, but every little bit helps.
o @ 37
Vermont is veddy interesting, politically. Bernie Sanders (independent, endorsed by the Democratic party, and the former socialist mayor of Burlington) will undoubtedly be elected to the Senate. Bernie’s great, his heart is in the right place, and he has plenty of fire. His opponent is quite wealthy, throwing scads of money at the race, getting off to a very slow start running the campaign into the ground. Despite the superhuge political lawn signs his supporters have around, he has almost no chance, having apparently nothing to offer except money, attitude and posturing.
However, Bernie’s House seat is in contention. Peter Welch is a great progressive candidate, being challenged by republican Martha Rainville, who has gained respect here by being the first female adjudant general of the National Guard. He’s well thought of, but she has pull too. I’m worried about this one.
And watertiger, you weren’t too far up the road from me – I’m in the mountains just north of Montpelier. Nice up here, isn’t it?
twolf1 @ 51
We’ll be thinking of you Floridians over the next few days … but truth be told, we’ll also be thinking “better you than us again” (’though not without a twinge of guilt … we don’t wish misfortune on anyone). On the other hand, if Ernesto were to come just a bit further west, maybe the Decider-in-Chief would decide to cancel his Tuesday appearances and just leave us with trying to put this place back together.
astralplame @ 51
ask him if she/he is aware of what is going on and that you would appreciate an intervention. I think you should just be direct with him/her. I would think he/she would be grateful for the information– I would if it was my property. The property manager is supposed to set an example and make sure things run smoothly and according to the rules(lease)/ordinances.
jmo :>)
astralplame @ 50
Closest I came to that was in college, we had a serious noise issue in our “residence hall” (a k a dorm). A large number of us who were on scholarships and really had to have quiet to study and sleep banded together and got the problem solved. Lesson: enlist the support of your neighbors who are as unhappy with the situation as you are. Strength in numbers.
Does that mean I don’t have to get out of my pajamas and go get water and crackers?
Lou Costello @ 21
I have been thinking about the “grown-ups” angle for a while now….
I was having a conversation with a right leaning independent the other day and we both agreed that with the world as it is now, mainly because of the action or inaction of the administration, we need serious men (and women) to solve the problems of this most serious time.
Sound byte: Serious times require serious minded individuals to offer serious solutions.
Seriously! ; )
Ah, the rain has stopped, time to go back out and continue battle with the lawn.
Swopa @ 48
Now we know what that bulge under his suit was in the 2004 presidential debate! He let a biscuit slip! Oooooops!
If I was there, ccmask, I would go get’cher water and crackers for you so you could continue to compose more literary masterpieces.
Glad you liked the Kingdom, Watertiger. Did you get over to Gover to see the puppet museum? The troupe is a real blast from the radical past. They do community part-singing once a week.
We’re on Lake Memphremagog (just over the border on the Canadian side). Seems like every Sunday for the past month has been like Aberdeen, Washington, though. What happened to summer?
My real question is: Who do you think “leaked” the Farter in Chief story to the press?
Probably Karl Rove, so Numb Nuts looks more like a “regular guy”
twolf1 @ 51
Yep, just saw the south Florida networks break into the normal broadcasts with the 5 p.m. updates. Time to get the generator out of storage, I’m afraid.
too bad for his aides that he is not hermetically sealed in his bubble…
it’s just gross. How are we ever to get that stink out of the people’s house?
AirportCat and Angie – having a tenant meeting tonight – hopefully that will move things forward.
sorry for the misplaced apostrophe.
good luck, astralplame.
Fresh coffee upstairs.
astralplame: had a Swedish friend who got frequetly got on the wrong side of the bldg magr but her approach was very different from what others in the bldg thought she should do…she baked a pile of swedish butter cookies and made up a tissue lined box of her famously delicious peanut brittle and put it at his door with a lovey note, apologizing and promising to be a good little tenant in future…and it really worked, he was eating out of her hand after that and she could do no wrong…jus sayin
We have been through so much in the last Bush years. Its hard to remember it all. It began with the hidden mass demonstrations in the streets on Inauguration Day and the missing W’s from the White House keyboards. No, actually it began with the crooked election fiasco. We lost 40,000 sq ft of vertical construction in NYC along with Americans just going to work for the day. Of course, the MSM knows Osama did it by the next day. Followed by a plane falling out of the sky in Queens, 4 or 5 major storms in Florida, the whole state of New Orleans, Anthrax, Alito Afghanistan, Axis of Evil and Anne Coulter. Baghdad, car bombs, color codes, covering nude statues and Saddam in a hidey hole. SOTUS, Freedom Fries and Chalabi lies. OSP, DHS, NSA, Enron, FEMA, Martha Stewart, Explosion of the Space Shuttle Columbia AND 7 fine astronauts and $350 Billion tax cuts for the fine gentlemen on the hill, Mission Accomplished and Halliburton. 135,000 American sons & daughters shipped overseas. Cipro, Bird Flu, Asian Flu, Dubai Port flu and a catastrophic Tsunami. Valerie Plame and Halls of Shame and Series of Tubes. Did I leave anything out?
You are so sweet Angie! You aren’t in Florida, I guess. I still have 6 boxes of Saltines from last year. They are stale.
I remember a couple of years ago in NYC they found an old bomb shelter under the ground somewhere. They said that some of the boxes of crackers still goood. How is that possible?
…ccmask: they were in tins!
UptownNYChick @
33
i too love this answer.
another fav of mine — i forgot who used it — is:
clearly the bus ( iraq occupation ) is off the road, in the ditch. the first thing i would do is shitcan the incompetent driver that ran us off the road — then and only then can we put the rubber back on the blacktop with a degree of satety and confidence.
rumsfield has to go.
ccmask @ 57
not a commando blogger yet, huh ???
get out of those PJs, blog in the nude
give those NSA guys something to look at
Maybe bill frist can diagnosis that mole for you …
ccmask @ 71
you forgot Poland
shooogarp @ 63
I’m sure Der Shrubbenfuhrer will be naming an independent counsel to investigate that.
hazes his aides with his penchant for passing gas
heh – hazes
T’anks for the link, aguatigre…
I like the picture of you & NTodd up at the top, in that car! NTodd looks a lot less dorky in that hat, it’s a good look for him.
Freepatriott: I’ll bet you can add 10 items to my #71. No cheating and I’ll give you Poland.
The MSM’s sick obsession with JonBennet Ramsey and the utter lack of compassion regarding the people of New Orleans, still floors me.
Complete silence/news blackoput, that continues to this day, of American Homeowners in New Orleans.
How do these media people sleep at night? They pretend to discuss issues that are important to the citizens of this country. These “journalists” sit in studios, arranged around a Mahogany desk, swapping tales about Jon Bennet, nice and comfy. Do they just pretend to themselves that we don’t notice or do you think they really don’t even think about it? In the words of Lewis Black, how is that possible? On a National News program, I cannot remember the last time I have seen a reporter with a clipboard alongside a CNN or MSNBC news truck with cameras and film and microphones and styrofoam coffee cups sliding off the dashboard, bringing us stories on the streets of New Orleans. These are the same people who never left Ground Zero until the day the bagpipers followed the last body off the WTC site. According to Spike Lee, there are still bodies of American Homeowners being found up in attics. As global warming accelerates, more and more homeowners around the country are taking notice. A lot of these female news anchors are mothers of little girls and if I had to guess, I’d say that 85% of them are homeowners with attics. What is it about that little girl and her family that holds them on the story?
All I can come up with is that there must be a very large amount of oil under those people’s homes.