cracker jacks

It’s like Oliver Willis says.   Racist Republicans clearly can’t help themselves.  Today, Tramm Hudson, the redneck chucklefuck Republican running for the House seat being vacated by Katherine Harris said the following:

"I grew up in Alabama and I understand, uh…I know this from my own experience; blacks are not the greatest swimmers, or may not even know how to swim."

Okay, well how about you say that to US Olympic Swimmer Cullen Jones?

 cullen jones

Jones won this summer’s 50-meter freestyle event at the pre-Olympic trials in Los Angeles, beating out 2004 Gold Medalist Gary Hall, Jr., as well as former Olympians Jason Lezak and Michael Phelps.

But hey, good Republicans like Hudson never met a racial stereotype they didn’t like.  What’s next?  Watermelon jokes?  A GOP minstrel show?  A cross-burning on the steps of the House of Representatives?

So, what’s the deal?  Was there a secret meeting at RNC headquarters where Ken Mehlman announced that the only way to win the midterms is to bring back lynchings and Jim Crow laws?  What do you suppose Condi Rice thinks of all this?

Frankly, I’m glad this is happening.  It’s refreshing to see this stuff out on the table.  For whatever reasons, the Rightards have decided that it’s just too much work to hide their hatred and fear of blacks, Latinos, Asians, and Arabs, and, well, that saves me a lot of time and effort.  Who needs lengthy essays deconstructing Nixon’s notorious "Southern Strategy" or hours and hours of research about 40 years of Republican policies that have routinely undermined the rights and concerns of non-whites when these brain-donors are clearly hell-bent on outing themselves as frothing bigots?  Aw, shucks, Senator Allen, Weekly Standard, Tramm Hudson, and all the rest of you!  You shouldn’t have.  (You really, really shouldn’t have.)  But, thanks to you, I can take the afternoon off!  Get outside!  Maybe go swimming, or shop for some books and music! 

Of course, the Reich Wing will tell you that racism’s just not that big a deal anymore, right?  Tony Snow?

"Here’s the unmentionable secret: Racism isn’t that big a deal any more.  No sensible person supports it.  Nobody of importance preaches it.  It’s rapidly and thankfully becoming an ugly memory."  (from Pox News Sunday, 10/05/2003)

Hear that, you silly darkies?  There’s no more racism in America!  Any problems you have are your own fault!  You’re just being victims, you big crybabies!  Playing the "race card"!

Normally, we’d cut over to Michelle MalKKKin here for further evidence, but she’s on vacation this week as she moves house again, but thankfully, she’s called in some b-list Rightards to cover for her.  One of them wrote a column today on this very topic.  Ladies and Gentlemen, here is Mary Katherine Ham on racism:

This country has race-relations problems to solve and a candidate’s views on race are certainly pertinent. Allen’s views will continue to get plenty of scrutiny, as they already have, and he’ll have much to prove to many voters.

But the gotcha game will never solve race problems by going around looking for racism in places where it doesn’t exist.

Right.  See?  All you people who are freaking out that George F. Allen, a sitting senator, called a Virginia man "Monkey Boy" because his skin is brown?  You’re overreacting.  No racism here!  Move along!  He meant it as a compliment!  He was just trying to be nice!

Mary Katherine, be sure and take your Dramamine before you set sail on that big River of Denial, okay, hon?  Could be a bumpy ride. 

So, in conclusion, I just want to put out a big thank-you to the GOP. You guys keep on doing like you’re doing, keep on showing the world what a bunch of backwards, inbred, revisionist racist pigs you are SO WE DON’T HAVE TO!  Thanks so much.  You guys rule.  All three branches of government.  Until November, that is.