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This is rich. From Sydney Schanberg:
Robert Novak, whose “confidential” sources helped him light the match that set off the Plamegate wildfire, is now on the Internet blithely hawking “confidential” sessions with Washington’s power elite. He’s only asking $595 a person. The invitation says: “This meeting is 100% off the record.” The e-mail letter goes on to explain that the secrecy is necessary so that the speakers can speak candidly and tell the truth. The truth, in the nation’s capital—that’s certainly worth $595.
Five hundred ninety-five dollars to hear Robert Novak tell the truth? Ho, sign me the fuck up!
The request for my presence was very tempting. The letter from Winter began: “Dear friend, When was the last time you sat in a room just a few feet from the likes of Vice President Cheney or Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, asked a question and got a straightforward answer?” A straightforward answer. Just the thought of witnessing one in Washington sends a tingle up the spine.
Of course, that presumes that Novakula actually knows how to give a straight answer. And I suspect there is a better chance he and his fugitive hip will join the Flying Wallendas for a spontaneous high-wire trapeze act.
The four-page invite came from Tom Winter, president and editor in chief of Human Events. He referred to Novak as “my friend.” Winter wrote: “Given the limited number of attendees, the stature of the speakers, and the confidential nature of the meeting, this Forum is rarely publicized. In fact, in its 30-year history, the Forum has always been and will continue to be one of Washington’s best kept secrets.”(snip)
As I was reading over the invitation again, I got a jolt—a couple of lines I’d missed on the first go-around: “Each speaker speaks briefly about the issues of the day, then opens the floor to questions—any questions. The answers are frank and open, because there are no reporters.”
I know the Justice Department can be tricky about expenses, so I hereby pledge the $595 it would take to send Patrick Fitzgerald to the Novak soiree. Not that I think Novak has any actual plans to be honest. I just really like the idea of him sitting up there and looking out over the crowd of fellow kleptocrats to see Fitzgerald’s face like some Telltale Heart.
Of course, there are dangers involved. I always worry that events like this are going to be the place an angry deity would choose to begin the Apoloclypse.
Update: Okay, several commeners have made note of the fact that sending Patrick Fitzgerald would probably break laws I haven’t even heard of, and rightly suggest that Joe Wilson would be a much better choice. I have emailed Ambassador Wilson and let him know we are willing to help.
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Guinea pigs don’t have tails.
I meant tail as in “hind end.” “Ass” seemed too harsh for a guinea pig. I was going particularly for the shrieking, whistling sound guinea pigs make when they’re scared (in the south they call them whistle pigs).
I’d rather have a root canal than hang out with that dickhead.
It would be so much fun to see that coward Novak run from the room, shrieking like a guinea pig with it’s tail on fire…
Guinea pigs don’t have tails.
RE: “Couldn’t tell the truth if his life depended on it.”
This is a common failing of the Undead.
I think it’s a scam. Novak couldn’t tell the truth if his life depended on it.
We’ld send Pat Robertson for .02 cents. lol m
Personally, I’d like to see a cast-in-stone speaker list before I forked over even $5.95 for this. Cheney answering questions from a non-screened audience? I don’t think so. Especially not for only $595. Add two or three zeros to that and it’s a “maybe.”
For that price, you probably get Novakula hosting a forum featuring Ralph Reid of Bakersfield, renowned plumber and septic expert; Richard Cheney of Broken Dick, Iowa, a well-known soybean-program scammer; and Nancy Pelosi of Brooklyn, NY, a hair dresser known for her exotic nails and ability to snap chewing gum at 125dB.
I’m emailing Joe Wilson.
I’m in for $50 for Joe Wilson. And Joe wouldn’t have to ask a question, just sit in the front row staring at Novak.
Oh, and have I said that Novak is a prick yet today? Well, there it is.
Yeah, I second what Slim said. Joe Wilson would be much better choice. And hey, if he had a ticket, they couldn’t very well turn him away without making a stink, could they?
And what would they tell all the other $595 rubes if they didn’t have that ‘frank and open’ off-the-record discussion they advertised?
I don’t think Fitzgerald could attend if Novak’s lawyer isn’t there – but couldn’t we send Joe Wilson? Please? It would be so much fun to see that coward Novak run from the room, shrieking like a guinea pig with it’s tail on fire…
I will second Jo Fish’s offer 50 bucks just let me know where to send it. Make sure you get receipt though and a money back guarantee ’cause we know what kind of pond scum we is dealin’ wid now don we.
Jane,
Hey, I’ll kick in $50 for that. No reason you should have to foot the whole bill for Fitzgerald to go. OTOH, do we get a refund of the money if there’s a question they refuse to answer on grounds other than a legitimate National Security rationale?
Hey, and while I’m here, can I mention for a really good new blog, Pen and Sword, written by an fellow Naval Aviator I just found? It’s author, Jeff Huber is retired Naval Officer who writes so well, it’s a pleasure to read, and a shame to finish; reading it is like eating peanuts…hard to stop.
Let me know when to send the $50…
” I just really like the idea of him sitting up there and looking out over the crowd of fellow kleptocrats to see Fitzgerald’s face like some Telltale Heart. “
That makes two of us! Oh to be a fly on the wall, with my camera phone along for good measure.